Educate4Change
Link to Svava
  • Home
  • For Parents & Caregivers
  • Adult Survivors Support Groups
  • Testimonies
  • Services
    • TRE® Iceland
    • TRE®
    • Products
    • Journey to the Heart Summit
    • Summit
  • Blog

How to Fill Your Life with Good People

6/29/2015

7 Comments

 
Picture
A good person is a “safe” person.  If you’re an abuse survivor, everything in life hinges on the issue of safety.  Who is safe?  Who isn’t? 

Answering these questions isn’t an easy task for a survivor of child sexual abuse.  When you were young, you probably kept your distance from people.  It was safer that way, because you weren’t taught how to recognize safe people.

But that’s only part of the problem.  The subconscious can be your friend or your enemy.  You were horribly abused as a child, which taught you about the kind of people you DON’T want in your life.  Yet these were the people you were exposed to year after year against your will.  Because of that, they’re the only ones who make your subconscious feel comfortable.  And the subconscious is all about comfort.

This explains why, as an adult, you continue to attract toxic people into your life.  It’s also the reason why most of your relationships are unhealthy and end in disaster.  Your subconscious is simply doing whatever it can to remain in its toxic comfort zone.

Because of this, your relationships follow the same unhealthy pattern year after year.  You meet new people.  You have a lot in common.   They look trustworthy.  You think these people are your friends.  And they are for a while. 

Then something bad happens.  A boundary is crossed, and they hurt you or betray you.  But they don’t seem to think there’s anything wrong with what they’ve done to you or how they’ve turned against you.  It’s a vicious, confusing cycle.  Worst of all, this sudden turn of events takes you by surprise.  You never see it coming. 

Let’s change that today.  Here’s how to recognize safe people.   They earn your trust by:

·      Showing up and walking their talk

·      Not giving up on you if you aren’t perfect

·      Supporting and validating you

·      Adding positive energy to your life

·      Blessing you with their spiritual outlook 

·      Giving as much to you as you give to them

There are lots of good, safe people in the world.  They’re as committed to your health and wellbeing as they are to their own.  Learn how to recognize them.  Surround yourself with these kinds of friends.  When you do, all your relationships will blossom in delightful ways!

********
Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  Svava Brooks is a child sexual abuse survivor, as well as a certified CSA instructor and an Abuse Survivor Coach.  She offers private coaching sessions by phone or skype for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  For more information, email svava@educate4change.com or call 619-889-6366.  Let Svava help you move forward again on your healing journey!

Are you on Svava’s email list?  If you’d like to receive her empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to her weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

7 Comments
Ian
6/30/2015 05:34:47 pm

So how do we recognise safe people especially in a society where people will not speak to each other. Is it a question of making contact with other abuse victims?

Reply
P
7/1/2015 10:23:59 am

I'm doing this by building a support network in recovery, and opening up more gradually. As I'm learning what it feels like to have 'safe' people around me (not perfect people, but honest ones who are 'working their own program'), it's helping me 'see' the difference between safe people, and those who are pushing their own agenda. Unfortunately, like all major changes, this takes time.

Reply
Svava
7/2/2015 03:47:26 am

That is key - honesty because no one is perfect. Building relationships takes time. Awesome that you are doing this, you need support in recovery and in life! Thank you for sharing.

Svava
7/2/2015 03:45:31 am

It is a good question. Talking to other survivors is very helpful in the beginning. We also have to be willing to reach out to meet people, that can feel risky in the beginning but with practice, we gain confidence in ourselves, trust ourselves more and then we are more comfortable with communicating with others and building safe relationships.

Reply
Michelle
7/1/2015 12:25:52 pm

Hi
Thank you so much for helping me on my journey xx
I'm at a point in my life that I don't have any safe people around me and I can't move forward.

Reply
Svava
7/2/2015 03:49:25 am

Hi Michelle, I am glad this is helping you. Sorry you don't have safe people around you. Be gentle with yourself - safety is key for you. Would you be comfortable connecting with survivors online? Let me know and I can plug you into a secret group on Facebook. Sending you love and light.

Reply
caroline
7/4/2015 12:07:19 am

beginning my healing journey I find I am struggling a great deal. I have no friends as I realized all around me were unsafe for me. I am feeling reluctant to venture out as I am very fearful of repeating my past. Therefore I procrastinate and get no where. I'm very grateful I have come across your Blog it's a real bonus. Maybe I can learn new technics that will be helpful. Thanks & keep up your great work. Caroline

Reply



Leave a Reply.


    Archives

    June 2019
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014

    Categories

    All
    365 Day Guide To Thriving
    365-Day Guide To Thriving
    60 Minutes
    Abuse Survivor
    Abuse Survivor Coach
    ACE Study
    Anxiety
    Attachment
    Believe
    Betrayal Trauma
    Body Healing
    Boundaries
    Change
    Child Abuse
    Child Abuse Prevention Month
    Child Sexual Abuse
    Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
    Child Sexual Abuse Survivor
    Coaching
    Compassion
    Coping
    Courage
    Creativity
    Darkness To Light
    Depression
    Domestic Violence
    Doubt
    Eduction
    Emotional Abuse
    Emotional Healing
    Emotional Wellness
    Emotions
    Empowerment
    Evidence Based Prevention Programs
    Fear
    Feelings
    Goals
    God
    Gratitude
    Happy
    Healing
    Healing Guide
    Healthy Habits
    Healthy Lifestyle
    Hope
    Inner Child
    Inner Critic
    JourneytotheHeart
    Journey To The Heart
    Keynote Speaker
    Kindness
    Love
    Marriage Support
    Meditation
    #MeToo
    Mindfulness
    Narcissists
    Online Group
    Online Summit
    Oprah
    Overwhelm
    Parenting
    Peace
    Peer Support
    Perfectionism
    Personal Power
    Prevention Programs
    Programs For Adults
    PTSD
    Relationships
    Releasing Your Authentic Self
    Sabotage
    Safety
    Self Acceptance
    Self-acceptance
    Self Care
    Self Compassion
    Self-Compassion
    Self Help
    Self Love
    Self-love
    Self Regulation
    Self-regulation
    Sexual Assault
    Shame
    Social Activism
    Spirituality
    Stages Of Change
    Stress
    Superpower
    Support
    Support Group
    Survivor
    Tension Patterns
    Thriving
    Trauma
    Trauma Informed
    Trauma Informed Care
    Trauma Survivors
    TRE® (Trauma Release Exercises)
    Triggers
    Trust

    RSS Feed

Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
email: svava@educate4change.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/educate4change
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/svavas
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/svavabrooks