Does that sound weird? Let me explain. David and I are very independent people. Yet I wasted many years, trying to change him, and it made me miserable.
Finally, I figured out my only job is to make “me” happy. And my happiness has nothing to do with what he is or isn’t doing.
For example, I now have firm boundaries in place when it comes to how we communicate with each other. I’m NOT an emotional dumping ground for him. If he has something to say to me, he needs to express it with love and respect. If he can't, then that’s his issue, not mine.
I’ve actually earned his respect by standing firm on this. It’s one of the many ways we’ve grown to value each other. In the process, we’ve also become good friends and a sounding board for each other on everything, including business issues.
As you can imagine, we were terribly codependent for many years. We both came from broken homes and had no idea how to be good to ourselves or a spouse. Creating a healthy marriage has definitely been a learning experience.
Like I said, David and I are very independent. We do a lot of things on our own, and give each other plenty of space to do this.
Consequently, we’ve become teachers for each other. I’ve taught him to pay closer attention to what’s going on inside him. He’s given me the courage to get out in the world and pursue my dreams. As we have grown as individuals, our personalities seem to complement each other more and more. Interesting how it works that way, isn’t it? I think so.
We no longer push each other’s buttons. We are much kinder to each other. And we laugh a LOT.
David and I are grateful for the progress we’ve made so far. It’s important to us for our children to have parents who value each other. That’s something he and I never had. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give a precious gift like this to our kids, right?
So far so good!
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