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The Toxic Legacy of Self-Denial

4/13/2015

4 Comments

 
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For this third week of National Child Abuse Prevention month, I’d like to talk about self-denial.  Part of surviving child sexual abuse is learning to deny the reality of what’s happening to us. 

To do that, we made up stories about our families and ourselves.  It’s how we survive.  We push away the reality that someone we love and trust would hurt us again and again in this horrible, painful way. 

One of the stories we create is that the abuse is our fault.  We must be bad kids, or we must have done something wrong to merit this kind of horrendous “punishment.”  So we try harder to do better.  Perfectionism becomes our goal.  But that doesn’t work either.  The abuse continues no matter what.   

When you deny reality, you deny yourself.  Unfortunately, this is a toxic legacy we carry from our traumatized childhood into adulthood.  It warps our core beliefs about life, the world, and everyone around us.  When we deny ourselves, we disconnect from our hearts and our needs.  We deny who we truly are.

Yet it feels like such a risk to face reality.  And it is.  When we allow the truth about our past to unfold it changes everything.  It changes what we’ve always believed about ourselves, our personal relationships, and the future. 

But this is a risk we must take.  No matter how much you’d like to resist, you must step outside your comfort zone.  I know how that feels.  It’s like someone pulled the rug out from under you.  Yet you have to do it.  It’s the only way to end the pain, fear, anxiety, and frustration that poison your life.

So keep moving forward.  Trust the process.  You are an amazing human being, and you have been gifted with the tools and talent to do this.  You have!

One day you’ll look in the mirror, and you’ll realize you truly love who you’ve become.  But to do that, you need to stop denying yourself.  You need to ask yourself this question: “Who am I?”  The answer is the place where your healing journey begins.

********

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com today.  Take the time to invest in yourself.  You’re worth it!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

4 Comments
Lesley link
4/18/2015 01:15:49 am

Your posts are very couragious and I am sure helpful to so many. Step outside your comfort zone, move forward and trust the process, I love it.

Reply
Svava
4/19/2015 01:45:23 pm

Thank you Lesley for your note. That is my hope to help more people know that they are not alone and there is a process to move forward and restore. Thank you again!

Reply
Susan Friesen link
4/18/2015 01:44:18 am

It's so sad that articles like this have to be written and in the same breath I'm glad there are people like you who are encouraging those that had abusive childhoods to not despair, they are not alone and it's certainly not their fault. Thank you for sharing this article, I hope it reaches all of the people who truly need to read it...

Reply
Svava
4/19/2015 01:46:48 pm

Thank you Susan. I agree. It is sad how common this kind of abuse is. My mission is to reach those that need it, and remind them that no matter what was done to them in the past, there is hope. Thank you again for your comment.

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
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