I think of perfectionism and shame as the “terrible twins.” You won’t find one without the other. All perfectionists are hiding something. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be so hard on themselves and everyone else. They could chill and realize no one is perfect. Being perfectly imperfect is a good thing. It’s normal. It’s real life.
But perfectionists can’t see this. They’re trapped on the hamster wheel of perfectionism. It’s an endless cycle as exhausting for everyone in their lives as it is for them.
The victims of child sexual abuse work really hard to be perfect. When you’re abused as a child, you blame yourself for what happened and sell your soul to keep that shameful secret.
Eventually, it becomes a deep, core belief. It pushes you to do better, to be better, to be perfect. It tells you this is the only way you’ll ever be loved and protected. It’s the only way to stop the abuse.
But it’s not. Instead, you forget who you are. You forget who you used to be before the abuse. You forget what you used to like and what you used to want for yourself.
Still, that doesn’t stop you. It just makes you try harder to be perfect enough to gain the approval and acceptance you crave. You become the perfect student, the perfect athlete, the perfect kid. You do all of this just to hide the shame of what your abuser is doing to you every week.
But that’s not how the healing journey works. There’s so much more to you than how well you can perform to please others. There’s a valuable, creative, loving person inside you who longs to be genuine.
Let that person out. It’s the real you. Risk being vulnerable, sharing your struggles, and asking for support when you need it. When you make the decision to create a life of your own choosing, you have to accept the fact you’re perfectly imperfect. We all are. And that’s okay.
Drop the heavy burden of perfectionism, spread your wings, and fly free. Do it today. It’s time.
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Were you sexually abused as a child? Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward? Svava Brooks is a child sexual abuse survivor, as well as a certified CSA instructor and an Abuse Survivor Coach. She offers private coaching sessions by phone or skype for child sexual abuse survivors just like you. For more information, email svava@educate4change.com or call 619-889-6366. Let Svava help you move forward again on your healing journey!
Are you on Svava’s email list? If you’d like to receive her empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to her weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
But perfectionists can’t see this. They’re trapped on the hamster wheel of perfectionism. It’s an endless cycle as exhausting for everyone in their lives as it is for them.
The victims of child sexual abuse work really hard to be perfect. When you’re abused as a child, you blame yourself for what happened and sell your soul to keep that shameful secret.
Eventually, it becomes a deep, core belief. It pushes you to do better, to be better, to be perfect. It tells you this is the only way you’ll ever be loved and protected. It’s the only way to stop the abuse.
But it’s not. Instead, you forget who you are. You forget who you used to be before the abuse. You forget what you used to like and what you used to want for yourself.
Still, that doesn’t stop you. It just makes you try harder to be perfect enough to gain the approval and acceptance you crave. You become the perfect student, the perfect athlete, the perfect kid. You do all of this just to hide the shame of what your abuser is doing to you every week.
But that’s not how the healing journey works. There’s so much more to you than how well you can perform to please others. There’s a valuable, creative, loving person inside you who longs to be genuine.
Let that person out. It’s the real you. Risk being vulnerable, sharing your struggles, and asking for support when you need it. When you make the decision to create a life of your own choosing, you have to accept the fact you’re perfectly imperfect. We all are. And that’s okay.
Drop the heavy burden of perfectionism, spread your wings, and fly free. Do it today. It’s time.
********
Were you sexually abused as a child? Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward? Svava Brooks is a child sexual abuse survivor, as well as a certified CSA instructor and an Abuse Survivor Coach. She offers private coaching sessions by phone or skype for child sexual abuse survivors just like you. For more information, email svava@educate4change.com or call 619-889-6366. Let Svava help you move forward again on your healing journey!
Are you on Svava’s email list? If you’d like to receive her empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to her weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
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