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What The Case of Larry Nassar Should Teach Us About Preventing CSA

1/31/2018

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Photo Credit: Anthony Lanzilote/Getty Images

Let's talk about what happened last week, with the case of Larry Nassar. What can we take away from this experience? What did you learn? What can you do to ensure something like this does not happen in your community?

The sad part about Larry Nassar is that this is not an isolated event. The circumstance and the people that played a role in the abuse over such a long period of time shows that where there are children, where there is prestige, and where someone is placed in authority over children and their success, there is abuse. There are people in power all over our country and even your community that are abusing children at the rate that he did. How do we know? The statistics tell us this. https://www.d2l.org/the-issue/statistics/

Let's sum up the events. 

After one week of deliberation and hearing survivor testimonies, Larry Nassar, the former USA sports physician treating America's top female Olympic gymnasts, was sentenced to 175 years in prison for over two decades of sexually abusing over 150 women and girls.

The highlight of the week was the powerful support the judge Rosemarie Aquilina showed to each of the victims that chose to step forward and share their story in a public way. The judge has received criticism from the legal community for stepping in the role of an advocate when her role is a judge, but as a survivor I can only imagine the powerful impact her voice and actions had on the victims. After each of them spoke, she thanked them for their courage and strength and invited them to see that this was just the beginning of them living a strong empowered life, that their past does not have to define them, and that their story is just beginning. They are not victims but survivors. The person that hurt them is going to remain locked behind bars for the rest of his life but that their life was just starting and full of possibility and hope. 

I have heard outrage and confusion in the media and from my community. How could this possibly have happened? Someone must have known! Why did these girls not tell anyone?

This case is not an isolated event. If you have looked at the statistics then you can see that 90% of children are abused by someone they know and trust, and most victims never tell anyone. This puts the responsibility of keeping kids safe on adults. On all of us. As responsible caring parents and adults, we need to understand and actively practice the steps we can to minimize the risk and educate other adults in our community to join us to create a safer and more aware community for all children and the loving adults that care and work with our kids. 

Most parents don't want to consider the possibility that something like this could happen to their child. But only by talking to our children age appropriately about private parts, safe touch, secrets, and boundaries, do we give our kids the knowledge and the practice to communicate in a direct way to safe people if someone does something to them that is outside of what you have taught and modeled to them.

Open conversation does not scare your child. It actually gives you child comfort, safety and they feel closer to you. When you show them how to talk openly about anything or anyone that makes them feel uncomfortable, you are helping them to learn to trust themselves, better navigate boundaries, and speak up and ask for help if they need it. 

Children struggle because they are getting bombarded with very confusing messages from the media and sometimes their peers. You, as their caregiver, need to be their go-to person. But they might think you are uncomfortable talking about it if you don't start the conversation first. 

So how can this happen? How can we step up and do our part to ensure the safety of our children and our communities? I would like to offer the 5 steps that I have been teaching on behalf of Darkness to Light for almost 15 years now.  https://www.d2l.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/5-Steps-to-Protecting-Our-Kids-2017.pdf

Steps to Protecting Our Kids - 
Step 1: Learn the Facts
Step 2: Minimize Opportunity
Step 3:Talk About It
Step 4: Recognize the Signs
Step 5: React Responsibly

If, after reading through the steps, you are still uncomfortable or uncertain about how you would start to talk about this with others, you can take the Darkness to Light Steward of Children Child Sexual Abuse Prevention training. It is a 2 hour class, either online or in person. https://www.d2l.org/education/stewards-of-children/  What this class will do is teach you the steps and give you the language and questions that you can use as you start to talk to others in your community about children's safety. It also gives you suggestions that you can take to your school or youth serving organization to better protect the kids there. 

The last piece of advice I want to offer and suggest to you is to remember that how we respond to these cases in the media is important. Chances are that there are adults or children around you that have not disclosed abuse. Your disbelief and doubt that this could happen can further silence people around you, even children, that perhaps are waiting for the right time to ask for help. 

I want to encourage all of us to use this opportunity to educate ourselves and others. We do that by becoming informed and learn what steps we can take and at the same time, we are opening the door for victims to feel safe to come forward to ask for help if they have doubt of not being believed.

Surviving abuse is not the hardest part. Not being able to talk about it and get the help we need to start our healing journey after the abuse is the hardest part. That is the deepest source of pain for most survivors. To not to be believed, not feel heard, and not have a safe place to tell the truth. 

So as hard as these news have been on all of us, and I know many survivors that are feeling very overwhelmed by all of it, we can and I hope that we each choose to do something that creates movement and change in our lives. Something that gives us power.  Education, knowledge, and support is what brings us together and we are then more likely to take courageous action. 

Child sexual abuse thrives in silence and secrecy. It also thrives in fear. We don't have to live in fear anymore. We can learn. We can change. We can choose what gives us the courage to change. 

Please use your power to create change. For you. For the survivors. For all of us. Together we can stop the cycle of abuse in our communities.

If you want to read more about the Larry Nassar story, use the links below: 

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-heffernan-larry-nassar-20180126-story.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/24/sports/rachael-denhollander-nassar-gymnastics.html
http://time.com/5020885/aly-raisman-sexual-abuse-usa-gymnastics-doctor-larry-nassar/
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/jan/24/victim-impact-statements-against-larry-nassar-i-thought-i-was-going-to-die
https://www.npr.org/2018/01/28/581397061/how-larry-nassars-abuse-went-on-for-so-long
https://www.usnews.com/opinion/thomas-jefferson-street/articles/2018-01-25/how-did-larry-nassar-get-away-with-molesting-girls-in-gymnastics-for-years
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/25/sports/larry-nassar-gymnastics-abuse.html


Want to make sure your kids are safe? Want to educate your community about child sexual abuse prevention? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to increase safety for your family & make a difference in your community now.  Reserve your spot NOW!
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Why Having Your Feelings is Necessary for Healing

1/22/2018

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There is always a theme in my work with my clients. Lately, we have been talking a bit about feeling our feelings. 

How do you feel about having your feelings? Does the thought of it make you feel uneasy, even scared? You are not alone. 

For most survivors of child abuse, the thought of expressing or allowing ourselves to feel what we have been hiding for so long is terrifying. Victims of abuse saw all kinds of violence and abuse take place around them and they knew instinctively that it was not safe to feel any of it, so victims shut it down and push it away.


It was not safe to talk about or to feel. Period. When children don't have the safety they need to talk about what happened, they turn it onto themselves. The repressed anger and fear turns into shame that feeds the part of you that feels responsible for what happened and that you caused it to happen.  

And though the repression might have kept you safe at the time, it is now the thing that is preventing your healing. In order to heal from our childhood, we have to learn to feel our feelings. There is just no way around it. Shame can hold survivors hostage for a long time. It is also the part of you that will come up to stop you when you feel ready to make some changes in your life, talk about what happened, and perhaps learn how to feel your feelings.

So where do we start? We start with learning where we have stored the feelings and the energy that we felt along with them. It is in our bodies. With a safe person, you learn to scan your body for where you are holding this feeling. Once you find it, you can gently let it know you are here to acknowledge the feeling, helping it to be seen and heard. It may be scared but it does want to be seen by you. Take as long as you need to sit with this feeling. Let the feeling and your body know that you are not going to rush it and no matter what the feeling is, it is not wrong or bad for feeling that.  

I invite my clients to put a hand on their hearts to support their body and their heart and feel the support for themselves. If that feels like too much, just talk gently in a soft voice to your feeling, let it feel your presence and kindness. Then as you feel it, intentionally let it go in a way that feels meaningful to you. Imagine driving it out through your feet into the earth. Or perhaps sending it away with the wind, giving it to God, writing it on piece of paper, and burning it in the fire.  


There are so many ways we can explore feeling and honoring our feelings. It is important. It is your truth. And the more you say your truth, the more it sets you free. 


                                                                           ********

Ready to tackle the impact of your trauma? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 


Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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Giving Your Inner Child the Love & Protection He/She Was Missing

1/16/2018

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Abuse took away your identity. It took away your birthright coming into this world  needing to feel loved, adored, and nurtured. This sets survivors up for confusion later in life. 

I did a small group presentation last year with a group of survivors and when I mentioned this birthright, a young woman in the group started to cry and asked, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

I could feel her pain. My words had stirred her heart. Her sadness, her aching heart and loneliness. With my hand on my heart, and as present and in my heart as I know how to be, I told her, "unfortunately, they don't know it either."

Humans learn the good and the bad from their caregivers. Kids watch their parents interactions, relationships, and how they are treated by others, especially from childhood. We watch how people take care of themselves. Then we take all this information and translate it into how we fit into this word and the family we grow up in. And for most children growing up, there was something missing. We know it, and because we don't know how to ask for it and no one is talking about it, we assume there is something wrong with us.

The sad part is that children that grow up with basic needs going unmet grow up with this constant nagging feeling that there is something missing but they don't know how to fix it, make it better, or make the hurt go away. We can't because we need to connect and it does not go away until we learn to connect with ourselves and the unmet needs that live inside of us. As we learn to meet those needs we are becoming the parent and the protectors that we needed when we were children. 

Here is the thing to remember. Childhood is meant to be a safe place for children to navigate the truth of who they are and what important skills they need to master given the age and development to begin to build self-esteem and a sense of belonging. Most adults today did not get this from their parents. Their parents just did the best they could. Most of them did, I do believe that, but just did not know how to meet the deep needs of their children. This is not something people talked about or even understood.

The good news is that it is not too late. If you are reading this and feeling the nudge to learn how to nurture, accept, and validate your inner child, you can. I am re-playing a webinar on inner child work if you would like to learn more. Here is the (link) I also love to teach inner child work to my clients and am happy to show you if you need some guidance. 

It is wonderful to see people slowly put together the pieces and learn the truth of who they are. You are not your hurt.  To finally realize their true identity and who they are meant to be. That is when we find fulfillment in our relationships and in our work as we dare to go after our dreams, explore our passions and share our gifts with the world. 

Are you ready to learn who you are? I would love to help. If you would like to learn how inner child work can help you, I am offering a free 30 min session to anyone that has not talked to me before and wants to explore how I work. Here is the link to my 
calendar. Don't wait, book it now!! Can't wait to hear from you. 

                                                                          ********

Ready to tackle the impact of your trauma? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.


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Why Getting Educated about Trauma Was the Turning Point in My Healing Journey

1/8/2018

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Something that helped me immensely on the healing journey was to get educated about the manifestation of trauma and the impact that abuse has on survivors and their well being. It was especially helpful in the beginning of my journey, when I was still in denial about the abuse I suffered and how it impacted me. I thought because I was out of the house and away from the person that was abusive that I was fine. I did not understand that I had spent my life in fight/flight/freeze mode and that because of it, I had developed behaviors and habits that had served well to protect me from the fear and pain, but that those habits were no longer helpful but toxic to my body and soul. 

It was in support groups that I slowly identified what my coping behaviors were. That I was not my coping behaviors and that many of my core beliefs were false. When I realized this hard truth, I was devastated. If I am not who I think I am, who I have been for the last 20 years of my life? Who am I??

After letting the sadness and grief come up and working through it over a few years, I realized that no matter what I had been through, I was still here. And deep in my heart of hearts, I was committed to uncovering the truth and to learning what I had found to be a truth that I was starting to believe in: that every single one of us is here to learn about love. That we are all unique and important and have gifts to share with the world. It just took a few more years until I discovered what mine were. 

As I read countless books on trauma and attended many conference on trauma, I heard all about the impact the trauma had on my mental, emotional, physical, and social well being. It was hard at times and I would feel triggered and have flashbacks. But I kept going. 

It was when I heard about the ACE study (link to the ace study) that it all came together for me. I heard the scientific proof that the toxic stress of my childhood had set me up for a long list of physical, emotional, and mental health issues that would manifest in my life sooner than later. It was brutal. I can still remember holding onto the chair I was sitting in, to not run out of the room, but I am grateful today for the truth I heard then. 

It pushed me to really focus on my health and wellness and now, 10 years later, I know that I have reversed some of the impacts by relentless self-care, mindfulness, and a balanced life style. Though I am always a work in progress, I became determined to life fully. To claim my birthright to thrive and live wholeheartedly. It became my new lifestyle and each year, I set a goal for myself that helps me grow, learn, and thrive as a human being in a healthy body. 

So what I want to encourage you, my reader, to take away from this blog post is to start to focus more on your balanced and healthy life style. It truly is the path for healing your body/mind/spirit and creating more meaningful and connected relationships with yourself and others. It is the path to what we all want, to feel connected and feel that we belong and are loved. You can have that and feel that. Just start today and start small. Slowly create new healthy habits that phase out the old habits/behaviors that you learned when you did not have a choice. Now you can choose you!

You will wake up one day and recognize that you have the power to change how you feel, that you can choose peace and joy, no matter the circumstance and start to feel grateful for the body you have been given to experience love, gratitude, and connection to those you love and care about. 

So make this year count with a small beginning or a new step towards your fulfilled and healthy life. It is worth, it. You are worth it! 

I believe in you...always.   
                                                                        ********
Ready to tackle the impact of your trauma? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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Manifesting Your Healing Goals for 2018

1/2/2018

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Happy New Year!   

Now that January is here, you’ve probably had a chance to review your progress in 2017. I want to celebrate you for your commitment to your healing. I know it can feel like two steps forward and one step back sometimes. So don’t just focus on what you didn't accomplish. That's not important. The only thing that matters is what you did accomplish. I know you had several victories in 2017 and I hope you celebrated them. If not, do that now. You deserve it!

Did you set a healing goal for 2018? 

It’s easy for abuse survivors to forget change is a growth process and part of healing is to learn to trust the process. 

Survivors often ask me if there’s a way to speed up the healing process. The fact that the healing journey takes so long can be frustrating, I know. Especially when you’re exhausted from struggling with the aftereffects of child sexual abuse, it can feel hard to believe sometimes that you too can reach those goals. You’re ready to change. You’re ready to heal. And you want it NOW! But ups and downs are a part of it. Learn to appreciate the yearly goals you reach, as well as the bumps in the road along the way. Each one appeared to teach you an important lesson that will lead you to future success.

If you haven't had a chance to write down your goals for 2018, I encourage you to do that today. Asking and intending for good things to happen is the quickest way for them to manifest.  

If there are too many and you feel overwhelmed, focus on just one thing. What is the most important goal you want to accomplish in 2018?  

It can be anything. What I have learned over the years is that the good stuff, like incorporating a healthy habit or learning a new skill, develops slowly over time. That’s because good changes occur in stages.
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Here’s what I mean. Change is initially a mental exercise, so the first stage is governed by willpower and excitement. In the second stage, you create a routine to support this new change, which helps you deal with emotional resistance. By the time you progress to the third stage, this new change has become a lifestyle or a new area of skill or strength. But that only happens after you confront and resolve each area of resistance you encounter in the second stage. You must look those fears in the eye, assure your inner child he/she is safe, and convince this child the new change is good, that he/she is is worthy of reaching that goal. Each one of us faces doubt and uncertainty on the way.  Only then can you make peace with the resistance and work through it each time you set a new goal or are making changes.

There’s no way around it. This entire process takes time. I suggest to my clients to create a long term plan and focus on one thing for the year. It may not take you a whole year to reach the goal, but if you’ve decided to do something kind for yourself every day for self-care, it helps to create a plan to manifest it. Then it’s just a matter of working on your plan until it becomes a new habit. 

You deserve everything GOOD in life. But it all starts with a goal, then a step by step plan, and then finding someone to support you along the way. Let 2018 be the year you manifest your most important goal. You can do this. Go for it! I hope you share it with us in the comments below. I believe in you.

                                                                             ********
Confused about setting a healing goal for 2018? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
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