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Healing From Child Abuse is Like Peeling an Onion

3/27/2017

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Healing from child abuse or chronic trauma doesn’t happen step-by-step, as if you were climbing a staircase.  The healing process is more like peeling an onion.

Child abuse is sustained trauma that happens day after day.  It forces you to disconnect from your mind, body, and heart.  This helps you survive the abuse, but it also hides your authentic self.

Every day for years you disconnected from reality and from your true identity, while enduring the abuse.  Every year added a new layer of repression, inner tension, and toxic beliefs.  

Your brain helped you do this when you were a child in order to protect you.  But now you’re an adult, and this repressed trauma is manifesting as toxic relationships, addiction, codependency, destructive behavior patterns, illness, or chronic pain.  You’d love to fix this, and you’ve tried.  But nothing seems to work.  Instead, you’re stuck, reliving the same problems over and over again.  Ugh!

To move forward in a meaningful way, change your focus.  Begin to see yourself as an onion.  Then ask yourself these deep questions:  

  • What negative themes are repeated in your life?  
  • What are your challenges?  
  • What do your relationships look like?  
  • Do your friends treat you with respect and kindness?   
  • Do you schedule daily self-care?  
  • What are your healing goals?  
  • What gives you joy?  
  • What makes you feel fulfilled?

Each question you answer brings awareness with it.  And this awareness peels away another layer of repressed trauma, just like you were peeling an onion.

However, peeling an onion always makes you cry, right?  Awareness does the same thing.  When awareness appears, it immediately peels away a layer of repressed trauma.  That releases a flood of emotion, like sadness, grief, anger, or rage.    

You have to grab a tissue to blot your eyes when peeling an onion, right?  Do the same with awareness.  Use kindness and compassion, like a soothing tissue, until those emotions flow through you and out.  

Keep answering these deep questions, gaining awareness, and peeling away each layer of repressed trauma.  Now you’re no longer stuck, and your life has become brighter, more joyous, and filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come.  This is the healing journey!
                                                      ********
Are you stuck on your healing journey and can’t seem to move forward again?  Do you need help asking and answering those deep questions? If so, I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Become a Connection Magnet!

3/20/2017

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I often mention in my blog posts how we had to disconnect from our body when we were children in order to survive the abuse we endured.  This is how our nervous system protected us.  It knew the abuse was too much for our tender young mind, spirit, and soul to handle.  

However, when you grow up, this coping skill turns toxic and works against you.  To fix that, you must learn how to reconnect with your body.  Why?  Because you can’t connect with others in a meaningful way until you connect with your body.  You might think when you become an adult your body will reconnect automatically.  But it can’t.  It still doesn’t feel safe.

So we sabotage our relationships.  We crave connection with other people and pull them to us.  But when they get too close, we freak and push them away.  We use lots of excuses to justify our toxic behavior.  We say we can’t meet the right people.  Or no one cares about us.  Or no one has anything in common with us.  Sound familiar?  

Unfortunately, we don’t push the abusive people away.  Instead, we let them get too close.  We end up doing all the giving in those toxic relationships.  The abuser just takes and takes and takes and then abandons us in a heartless manner.  Is it any wonder your body never feels safe?

To build healthy, positive relationships, you must learn how to reconnect with your body.  It’s the only way your body will ever feel safe.  You can start by not giving so much to others.  Develop the habit of giving the same amount of time, love, care, and compassion to yourself.  Be as good to yourself as you are to others.  

When you do, an incredible thing happens.  Only emotionally healthy relationships will flow into your life.  In fact, I’m still in awe of this.  I no longer attract abusers.  Now I only attract joyous, nurturing people, who value me as much as I value myself.  Wow, right?

As you connect with your body in a loving way, it will finally feel safe, and you’ll become a “connection magnet.”  Then watch how God brings the most incredible people and relationships into your life.  I guarantee you’ll be as awestruck as I am!

                                                         ********
Are you trapped in that frustrating pull/push pattern?  Is it hard for you to reconnect with your body?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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This is How You Create a Happy Life

3/13/2017

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Life is about fulfillment.  When I eliminated the drama in my life, it simplified things.  As my life becomes more simplified, I’m happier and more content.

How does this minimalist strategy work?

Begin by answering a question: What is the most important thing in your life, the thing that makes you the happiest?  This shouldn’t be the thing you do that makes your family or friends or everyone else happy.  This isn’t about them.  It’s about YOU.  

It could be anything.  It could be expressing a talent you were born with.  It could be your favorite hobby.  It could be a philosophy of life.  Or it could be practicing your religion.  You decide.

Next, take a look at the amount of time you devote each day to this thing that is most important to you.  If you can’t find time for it, why is that?  What’s preventing you from spending even a few minutes each day doing the thing that is most important to you?

Yes, we all have daily responsibilities.  That’s a given.  But this isn’t what I’m talking about.  Instead, look at everything else that eats up your time each day.  For example, how many needy people drain your energy and time?  How many manipulators, whiners, narcissists, and egomaniacs take advantage of your helpful nature each day?

This is the “drama” I eliminated from my life.  You can do the same.  Let these people go.  Eliminate them or limit the amount of time they selfishly steal from you every day.

Next, eliminate all the unnecessary tasks in your schedule.  Especially the things you do for the drama people in your life.  You’ll end up with lots of extra time each day.  Devote some of that time to the thing which is most important to YOU.  Then sit back and watch your life become happier and more peaceful.  I love how that happens!

This is the way life is supposed to be.  We’re always going to have a few hectic, exhausting days each month.  That’s life.  But the majority of your days should be filled with peace, joy, and contentment.

Happiness is found in simplicity.  And it begins by eliminating the drama from your life.  Try it.  You’ll see!

********

Do you have lots of drama in your life, but you don’t know how to eliminate these aggravating people or limit their access to your time?  I can help you do this.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Heal From PTSD

3/6/2017

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Child abuse causes PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).  In its simplest terms, healing from PTSD is all about finding a healthy way to manage “overwhelm.”


Trauma is anything that impairs your ability to cope.  Trauma manifests as an instant feeling of overwhelm.  What happened to you or what was done to you or what was said to you when you were an abused child overwhelmed you, destroyed your sense of safety, and shifted your natural fight/flight/freeze response into high gear. 


The problem for child abuse survivors is that the abuse happened regularly.  It occurred every day or week or month for years, maybe even a decade or more.  Because that was your normal state of being as a child, survivors of this kind of trauma grow up stuck mentally and emotionally in overwhelm.  But there’s nothing normal about chronic overwhelm.  It’s toxic. 


In order to heal from PTSD, you need to find your mental “place of safety.”  You do this by learning healthy ways to manage overwhelm.  Begin by doing what makes you feel safe and empowered again.  For example, what are the positive activities in your life that make you feel safe?  What uplifting books, magazines, blogs, or newsletters make you feel safe?  What inspiring thoughts, affirmations, meditations, or prayers make you feel safe?


Create a list of these empowering things and add some of them to your daily self-care regime.  Eventually, all of this positive input will come together in your mind to rewire your brain.  That’s when you’ll find that mental place of safety where you know everything is okay.


When you’re comfortable in this safe place, expand your list.  Try new things.  Meet new people.  Take some of those risks you’ve always wanted to take but found too overwhelming.


The time you spend in your mental safe place every day will give you the confidence to do this.  You’ll discover you’re no longer overwhelmed by your feelings.  You find you’re more likely to trust the wisdom of your heart and intuition.


Life is all about making the choices and taking the risks that help us grow in healthy, happy ways.  But child abuse survivors can’t do this until we learn how to manage overwhelm.  So make that list today and find your mental safe place.  It’s the only way to enjoy this wonderful dance of life!

                                                       ********

Are you struggling with PTSD?  Do you need support to help you find your mental “safe place”?  If so, I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY! 


Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
1 Comment

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
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