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Talking To Your Kids About Child Sexual Abuse

4/24/2016

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As I’ve said before, I began my healing journey years ago for my kids, not for myself.  They didn’t need to be burdened with the emotional pain from my abusive past.  They deserved to have a happy childhood and grow up to be confident, empowered adults.  

My girls were little then, so I began by reading picture books to them about the body, what it looks like inside and out, and how it functions.  I would add to that information by telling them no one is allowed to touch them beneath their bathing suits.  It was only okay if I were with them, and if we were at the doctor’s office.

When they were old enough for sleepovers with friends, they knew they didn’t have my permission until I was given the chance to get to know the parents first.  I needed important information from those parents like:

  • Where are the girls going to sleep?
  • Are older kids in the house?
  • Are the parents planning to leave at any point?
  • What time is bedtime?
  • What movies are they watching?
  • What foods are they eating?
  • What games are they going to play?
  • If there are guns in the house, are they locked up?
  • What drugs are in their medicine cabinets? 
  • Can my child use the house phone if she wants to come home?
    Actually, I told the adults that they could not say no to my child if she wanted to use their phone to call home, and that they did not need to explain why! I would say this in front of my child and the adult, so everyone was on the same page. 



When my girls were teens, they knew they didn’t have my permission to hang out with their friends until they could tell me who they would be with, when they would be home, and if any adults would be present.  If they couldn’t answer some of those questions, it made them wonder whether or not this would be a safe situation.  In that case, they usually decided to pass on that particular activity.  

Today, my girls are out of high school, and my son is an adolescent.  There isn’t anything we can't talk about.  In fact, my daughter wrote an article a few years ago that shows you exactly what she thinks about the way I educated them on the subject of child sexual abuse and the effect it has had on her.  Here’s the link:

http://www.educate4change.com/blog1/child-sexual-abuse-right-under-our-noses

I am so proud of her and grateful that I took the time to educate them.  You can educate your kids like this, as well.  It’s never too soon to start!

If you missed the FREE 90 min webinar on How to Keep your Kids Safe, here is the link: 
Recording URL: http://www.anymeeting.com/SvavaBrooks/E952D680894D3E

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Are you struggling with your healing journey?  I can help you take that next step.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Dealing With Out-of-Control Emotions

4/17/2016

3 Comments

 
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One of the hardest things for me to do on my healing journey was to comfortably acknowledge my feelings.  I had no idea why I felt the way I did or how to express my emotions.

Like all survivors of child sexual abuse, I bounced back and forth between anxiety (fear of the future) and depression (sadness about my past).  The abuse had taught me to shut down my emotions when faced with an uncomfortable situation.  

But that toxic coping skill also kept me from enjoying the good feelings I experienced.  I was imprisoned in a constant state of numbness.  It’s no wonder my husband used to call me the “Ice Queen.”  Yikes!

As a child, I was terrified of expressing my feelings.  I knew it would just get me into trouble with the adults in my house.  When I grew up, I was terrified of these trapped emotions.  They were so intense I was afraid if I ever expressed them I’d lose control, start crying, and never stop.

On Thursday May 5th, my next FREE 90-minute webinar will go live.  This one is about dealing with your emotions.  In this webinar, you’ll receive information about:

  • How to recognize and express your feelings
  • How to correctly identify an emotion (real, learned, or perceived)
  • How to tell the difference between these three kinds of emotions
  • How to safely release pent-up emotional energy from sadness, anger, fear, etc.
  • The emotional benefits of mindfulness, journaling, inner child work
  • How to control your out-of-control feelings
  • How to explore, manage, and express emotions in a healthy way
  • Personal stories from my own life to show you how to do this
  • And much, much more!

Today, I can safely express a wide range of emotions.  In fact, my husband has a new name for me.  He calls me the “Queen of Hearts.”  I’ve come a long way!

You can, too.  If you’d like to learn how to deal with all your emotions (the good ones and the scary ones), join me on Thursday, May 5th, at 12:00noon (PST).  

Save the date and I will send the link and access soon!  Look forward to seeing you there!


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Are you struggling with your healing journey?  I can help you take that next step.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

3 Comments

When I’m Distracted, I’m Disconnected

4/10/2016

5 Comments

 
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When I was young, all I wanted was to feel connected, to feel like I belonged.  I wanted to be understood, seen, and heard.  This is important to every child, but especially to those of us who grew up in abusive homes.  

To fill that void, I overcompensated at school.  I became an athlete, very competitive and good at sports.  It was the perfect outlet for the chaos swirling around inside me from the abuse.  Sports gave me a way to turn those explosive emotions into running faster or jumping higher.

Emotional abandonment is very painful.  Abused children have to find a way to disconnect from the pain in order to survive it.  What worked best for me was to stay distracted.  I made sure I was so busy there wasn’t time to think or feel.  

For example, I didn’t excel at just one sport.  I participated in as many sports as I could.  In college, I didn’t have just one part-time job.  I had three.  

My healing journey made me realize distraction is a toxic coping skill.  It’s how I learned to deal with any kind of discomfort.  My subconscious immediately wants to dull that pain by distracting itself.          

But I don’t allow it to do that anymore.  Now when I feel the need to do too much, I make myself slow down.  I remain intentional about each day, week, task, and conversation.  

That’s how I stay connected to myself and everything in life.  It forces me to focus on what I’m doing in the present moment and prevents subconscious distractions, like worrying about all the other tasks I need to tackle.  

I’ve even written this on a sticky note and attached it to a wall I see often: When I’m Distracted, I’m Disconnected.  If distraction is one of your toxic coping skills, try it.  It’s a visual reminder that works!

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Are you struggling with your healing journey?  I can help you take that next step.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

5 Comments

Another Way to Help Others

4/3/2016

0 Comments

 
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Last week I said one way you can tell you’re healing is by the sudden desire to reach out and help others in need.  Then I mentioned several ways in which you can help survivors like yourself.

But what if you don’t feel led to help other survivors of trauma or child abuse?  What if the desire of your heart is to help in another way?

Not a problem!  You’re an incredibly special person.  Survivors of trauma and child abuse are much needed by their local communities.

Why?  Because the healing journey awakens within you a deep sense of love, compassion, and empathy.  You’re no longer afraid to feel those emotions for yourself or others.  The world needs more people like you with big, loving hearts and the courage to extend deep compassion to those who need a helping hand.

Here are some additional ways to contribute your time and talents in your local community:

  • Volunteer at animal rescue agencies
  • Foster rescued dogs, puppies, cats, or kittens
  • Help with activities at your church
  • Create or join an intercessory prayer group
  • Teach a Bible study at a senior center
  • Volunteer at the local food bank
  • Distribute hot meals to the elderly or shut-ins
  • Serve at your local homeless shelter
  • Deliver hygiene or food packets to the homeless
  • Teach others to read at the community center
  • Volunteer at the hospital or elementary school
  • Help out at the Red Cross or Salvation Army
  • Do yardwork or housework for the elderly or shut-ins

There is so much you can do to help.  Pick something from this list or follow the desire of your heart.  If you need help determining the best match for your unique talents, contact me.  I’m always happy to help you help others!

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Are you struggling with your healing journey?  I can help you take that next step.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
email: svava@educate4change.com
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