Educate4Change
Link to Svava
  • Home
  • For Parents & Caregivers
  • Adult Survivors Support Groups
  • Testimonies
  • Services
    • TRE® Iceland
    • TRE®
    • Products
    • Journey to the Heart Summit
    • Summit
  • Blog

Pay Attention to Your Red Flags!

5/30/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
Last week, I not only talked about how to love yourself but also how to love others.  Love and trust go hand in hand, especially for survivors of child sexual abuse.   

Trust is all about recognizing and paying attention to your inner warning system: red flags.  In order to survive your abusive past you had to disconnect from the truth.  You didn’t feel safe.  You didn’t trust the adults around you.  This was your truth.  But, even though you were up to your eyeballs in red flags, you had to ignore them to survive that abusive situation.  Eventually, this became one of your toxic coping skills.

However, now that you’re an adult, it’s time to “reactivate” your internal warning system.  Red flags are there for your protection.  Yes, it’s important to learn how to truly love yourself and others.  But that doesn’t mean everyone you meet is safe and worthy of your trust.

How do you learn to pay attention again?  What can you do if you’ve ignored your red flags for so long you don’t notice them?  

Don’t worry.  You may not notice all your red flags, but you do notice some.  Unfortunately, you’re in the toxic habit of reasoning them away.  When a red flag pops up you say, “Oh, I just imagined that” or “Oh, he/she isn’t THAT scary” or “I’m not happy about how he just hurt me, but he probably won’t do it again.”

No, you didn’t just imagine that.  Yes, he/she is that scary.  Yes, he probably will hurt you again.  Stop ignoring those warnings.  The minute a red flag appears over someone’s behavior, pay careful attention to it.  Your internal warning system is built on discernment (noticing red flags) and setting firm, healthy boundaries with the people in your life.  

Boundaries define the difference between your responsibilities as an adult and other people’s responsibilities as adults.  Everyone is supposed to do their part.  If someone crosses one of your boundaries or pressures you to cross a boundary, that’s a red flag.  

You can learn this.  It just takes time.  A good place to start is in an abuse survivor group, where you can practice reactivating your internal warning system.  Or if you have questions about red flags or setting healthy boundaries, let me know.  I’m here for you.  Always!
                                                          ********
Are you struggling with setting boundaries or noticing “red flags”?  I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

2 Comments

How Do You Learn to Love Yourself?

5/23/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know my favorite subject is “love.”  Most of you are here because of the abuse and trauma you suffered as a child.  

Maybe you were hurt by someone you loved and trusted.  Maybe you were hurt by someone who claimed to love you.  Since you were only a child at the time you became very confused about love and how normal loving behavior is supposed to look and feel.

I totally understand.  The issue of love was a struggle for me, too.  I felt terribly broken when I realized I didn’t know how to love myself.  Even so, loving myself was the thing I resisted the most, and this is true in the beginning for all my clients.

Why are we like that?  It’s because love is a two-fold problem for us.  First, we don’t know how to love ourselves, so we believe we are unlovable.  Our entire past acts as proof to support this toxic belief.  Second, because we don’t know how to love ourselves, we make others responsible for loving us.  But that never works, because we don’t know how to accept their love.  

Ugh!  How frustrating, right?

For many of my clients, I model how to be loving.  To love themselves more, I help them learn how to be kind to all the different parts of themselves, especially those they reject or abandon.  

To be more loving to others, I help them develop an inner awareness of their energy when they interact with people.  Are you automatically defensive, because you’re afraid you’ll be hurt?  Or do you remain calm, open, and trusting?  To figure this out, don’t retreat to your mind.  Slow down and focus on your body.  It will let you know if you’re defensive or calm.

For survivors like us, this is hard in the beginning.  As abused children, we learned to stay safe by disconnecting from the truth about ourselves and others.  But it’s never too late to learn how to love yourself.  You can’t heal completely until you do.  Best of all, the more you love yourself, the more love you will feel toward others, and the more love you’ll receive.  

Wow.  It doesn’t get any better than that!

********
If you’re ready to learn how to truly love yourself, I can help.  I’ll walk you through it, model it for you, and show you the steps.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

0 Comments

The Healing Journey: How to Help Your Partner Support You

5/15/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture
This month my husband and I celebrated our 22-year wedding anniversary.  WOW!  Where did the time go, right?

As you can imagine, it hasn’t always been a bed of roses for us.  Those early years were rough.  REALLY rough!  

The turning point came when we finally learned how to be friends.  We had no idea how to be kind, understanding, or gently reassuring.  Instead, we were so hard on each other it felt like we were pouring salt in each other’s wounds.   Ouch!

Fortunately, we got the help we needed.  We learned how to be accountable for all the ways we respond to each other.  Now we no longer expect the worst.  

We both came from abusive homes, so trust was a big issue for us.  As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I couldn’t trust David when he tried to be there for me.  I didn’t believe he had good intentions.  No one ever had in my past.

When you’re healing from child sexual abuse, you don’t know what to expect on your healing journey from day to day.  Learning how to express your feelings is a new experience, and it’s tough.  All those bottled up emotions come pouring out: the good, the bad, and the ugly.  It’s intense for you and your partner.

Some days I wanted him to stay.  Some days I wanted to be alone.  But with counseling and support, we made it.  I learned how to ask for what I needed, even during those times when all I could say was, “Honey, I’m having a meltdown right now…I just need to cry…don’t worry…you didn’t do anything wrong…it’s not your fault…just hold me if you can… tell me everything is going to be okay.

Today, our relationship is amazing.  We don't argue.  We don't bicker.  We’re the best of friends.  We practice being compassionate, gentle, and kind to each other.  

We’re at peace. 

If you’re married and struggling with how to communicate to your partner about your healing journey, I’m happy to help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to book a FREE, 30-minute coaching session with me.  I have very limited availability right now, but if you’re ready to invest in your healing and your marriage, I look forward to chatting with you! You can take a look at my availability now.

********
Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
1 Comment

Empower Your Children: Connect Before You Correct!

5/6/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
When I began my healing journey, I realized I didn’t know much about parenting.  I could keep my two little girls fed, clean, and safe.  But I didn’t know how to interact with them, listen to them, play with them, direct them, or empower them.

Like most survivors of child sexual abuse, I had no role models when I was growing up.  My home was dangerous, and the adults around me couldn’t be trusted.  That’s not what I wanted for my kids.

In my quest to become a better parent, I began to read books on the subject of parenting.  One that affected me deeply was Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson.  They said our greatest challenges with our kids are in the areas where we weren’t supported as children.  Those areas are important stages of development that child abuse survivors missed.  Wow, right?

From other books I learned how to discipline in an empathetic, positive way.  How?  Rather than shame struggling children, you “connect” with them in their struggle, focusing on the real reason they felt disconnected enough to act out in a negative way.  When you do, it encourages and empowers them to ask for support in situations like this.  

Try it.  The next time your kids need to be disciplined, stop and connect before you correct.  In the process, you’ll be validating their worth by inviting them to concentrate on their strengths, not their weaknesses.  You’ll be raising empowered children, who trust you to have their best interests at heart.  

Sounds like a wonderful way to parent, doesn’t it?  It is, and it makes a big difference!  
********
Are you struggling with your healing journey?  I can help you take that next step.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
2 Comments

Successfully Tackle Any Change!

5/1/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I continue to thrive on my healing journey, because I’m incredibly curious about how humans heal and restore.  I’m always reading from a list of books I keep on my Amazon Wishlist about change, empowerment, and trauma.

I often hear we should feed our minds 10-30 minutes of good information every day.  How do I do this?  I work it into my day.  I listen to an inspiring audiobook when I go for my run.  At night, I read a few pages before I fall asleep.  

You can successfully tackle any change if the action is repetitive.  It has to become a habit before it can feel like a normal part of your life.  Consistent effort during the first four weeks is the key.

For example, this year I’ve developed the habit of running.  This was a significant change for me, and I really struggled with it at first.  I thought it was too late in life for me to become a runner.  I thought I was too old for this kind of rigorous exercise.  But then I began to notice all the women I admire are in great shape.  Physical exercise is a top priority for them.  

Hey, if they can do it, so can I, right?

I began slowly by walking.  Soon I was walking longer and longer distances.  Then I increased the speed of my walks.  One day I knew I could run.  So I did.  Now I run every week with my husband, who has been running for years.

Looking back, I can see old toxic beliefs were what stopped me for so long.  But no more.  My next goal is to participate in a half marathon!  

Don’t give up on yourself.  You can tackle any change, big or small, one slow step at a time.  It just takes a plan, self-compassion, consistent effort, and support.

What change would you like to make in your life today?  Tell me about it.  If you need support, I’m here for you.  Always!

********
Are you struggling with your healing journey?  I can help you take that next step.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

0 Comments

    Archives

    June 2019
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014

    Categories

    All
    365 Day Guide To Thriving
    365-Day Guide To Thriving
    60 Minutes
    Abuse Survivor
    Abuse Survivor Coach
    ACE Study
    Anxiety
    Attachment
    Believe
    Betrayal Trauma
    Body Healing
    Boundaries
    Change
    Child Abuse
    Child Abuse Prevention Month
    Child Sexual Abuse
    Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
    Child Sexual Abuse Survivor
    Coaching
    Compassion
    Coping
    Courage
    Creativity
    Darkness To Light
    Depression
    Domestic Violence
    Doubt
    Eduction
    Emotional Abuse
    Emotional Healing
    Emotional Wellness
    Emotions
    Empowerment
    Evidence Based Prevention Programs
    Fear
    Feelings
    Goals
    God
    Gratitude
    Happy
    Healing
    Healing Guide
    Healthy Habits
    Healthy Lifestyle
    Hope
    Inner Child
    Inner Critic
    JourneytotheHeart
    Journey To The Heart
    Keynote Speaker
    Kindness
    Love
    Marriage Support
    Meditation
    #MeToo
    Mindfulness
    Narcissists
    Online Group
    Online Summit
    Oprah
    Overwhelm
    Parenting
    Peace
    Peer Support
    Perfectionism
    Personal Power
    Prevention Programs
    Programs For Adults
    PTSD
    Relationships
    Releasing Your Authentic Self
    Sabotage
    Safety
    Self Acceptance
    Self-acceptance
    Self Care
    Self Compassion
    Self-Compassion
    Self Help
    Self Love
    Self-love
    Self Regulation
    Self-regulation
    Sexual Assault
    Shame
    Social Activism
    Spirituality
    Stages Of Change
    Stress
    Superpower
    Support
    Support Group
    Survivor
    Tension Patterns
    Thriving
    Trauma
    Trauma Informed
    Trauma Informed Care
    Trauma Survivors
    TRE® (Trauma Release Exercises)
    Triggers
    Trust

    RSS Feed

Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
email: svava@educate4change.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/educate4change
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/svavas
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/svavabrooks