Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

How Do You Talk To Yourself?

6/25/2016

I’ll never forget the day I became aware of this. It was a major revelation for me. Definitely, one of those “aha” moments!

That was the day I realized I talked to myself in the same abusive manner in which I had been treated as a child. Yikes! I was unkind, harsh, and super critical of myself in every way.

It’s true. I never talked to myself like I talk to the people I love. With those people, my words were kind, compassionate, gentle, empathetic, and loving. But that’s not the way I talked to myself. Not even close. I was incredibly hard on myself. I was an abusive perfectionist, constantly beating myself up for the lack of perfection in my life.

Discovering this was like opening the door to a cage I’d been imprisoned in my entire life. It was exhilarating to realize I could finally break free from this horrible inner critic.

Yet it was also frightening. I’d never been taught how to be good to myself. How do you do that? Where should I start?

After years of trial and error, I learned to become my own cheerleader. If you’re like me and your own worst inner critic, begin today to change that. Start by choosing a kind word for yourself. It should be something you've been longing to hear whispered in your ear while you're being gently hugged. Then choose another kind word. Then another.

When you’re comfortable with this, make a list of all your good qualities. Maybe you have a big, compassionate heart. Maybe you’re a giving, helpful person. All those qualities should be on your list. Review this list every day until the revelation of your wonderfulness sinks deeply into your soul. Then you, too, will become your own cheerleader!

Soon it’ll be impossible for you to say anything abusive to yourself. You’ll simply love yourself too much. And that’s the way it should be!
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Are you your own worst critic? Does your mind go blank when you try to think of a kind word to say to yourself? If so, don’t worry. I can help you with that. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Break the Power of Fear!

6/18/2016

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Lately, we’ve all been exposed to some terrifying events in the news. I know the impact this has had on me. And I know it has shaken a few of my clients. So I think it’s time we talk about fear.

First, there was the outrage over the verdict in the Stanford rape case. This has been an emotionally difficult experience for all sexual abuse survivors. I applaud those who spoke up, stepped forward in support of the victim, and demanded more accountability from our judicial system. And I applaud the courage and strength of the victim for her decision to go public with her testimony.

Next, there was the horrendous shooting in Orlando. The pain, grief, and senselessness of a mass murder is hard to fathom. The sadness of this tragedy almost overwhelmed me. And I wasn’t alone. A few of my clients were also triggered by the shooting. In some way, every trauma survivor has been shaken by it.

After years of living in fear, I know its power all too well. Fortunately, fear no longer rules my life. I’ve worked hard to conquer it. However, that doesn’t mean fear no longer rears its ugly head. It does. It just means I’ve learned how to manage it.

Fear is fueled by fear. The more fearful you become, the more power you give it. I no longer allow this to happen. I can feel fear in my body. I can see it coming. Because of my abusive past, fear will always be a part of who I am. But I don’t give it control. Instead, I break its power the minute it appears.

How? By talking to it like an old friend. I say: “Fear, I see you. I hear you. But I don’t need you right now. I’m not that scared little girl anymore. I’m a grown woman. I can handle this situation. You’re free to go. Thank you for checking in with me, but I’m doing just fine without you. Goodbye!”

The next time fear comes calling in your life, talk to it like that. You can’t completely eliminate fear from your life. But you can break its power. Start today. It’s a wonderful feeling!
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Are you struggling with fear? Does fear control your life? If so, I can help you break its power. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Did You Know There’s Nothing Wrong With You?

6/12/2016

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It’s true! How do I know? Because I’m just like you, and there’s nothing wrong with me.

In fact, I’m exactly like you. We’re both survivors of child abuse and trauma. Because we were hurt by people who were supposed to teach us about love and trust, we grew up trusting no one. Yes, in the past we tried to change. Many times. But no one believed in us, so why bother?

Survivors like us are trapped by trauma. It’s fueled by shame and fear. Trauma isolates, disconnects, and distorts.

Because of that, I’m writing this blog today just for YOU! My intent is to plant a seed of hope and healing in you. If you nurture and care for it, this seed will help you grow and blossom into the grounded, compassionate, trusting human being you were born to be.

Begin by connecting with your truth and allowing it to sink deep into your heart. This is your truth: there’s nothing wrong with you now, and there never has been.

When I reconnect with my truth, I’m able to love and accept every person on this planet. When I respect myself, I’m able to respect and honor you for who you are and what you’ve been through. When I learn to love myself, I’m able to fall in love with all of you.

Maybe you think there’s something wrong with you. Maybe that’s where you’re stuck, and you don’t know what to do next.

If you have kids, this is a good place to start. That’s what I did. I decided to heal for my kids, because I didn’t see the value in healing for myself.

Start where you are now in the place that makes the most sense to you. If you get stuck, don’t worry. Give me a call, and I’ll help you work through it.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you. There never was, and there never will be. You’re just like me. All you need is support, hope, and encouragement to find your way back home to yourself. And that’s the truth!

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Are you stuck on your healing journey? I can help you take that next step. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Is It Taking So Long To Heal? Ugh!!

6/5/2016

11 Comments

Survivors often ask me if there’s a way to speed up the healing process. The fact that the healing journey takes so long can be frustrating, I know. Especially when you’re exhausted from struggling with the aftereffects of child sexual abuse. You’re ready to change. You’re ready to heal. And you want it NOW!!

I’ve been there. Trust me. I used to feel the same way, and I still get impatient from time to time. However, it’s important to understand the need for “speed” is part of your trauma pattern. It’s a coping skill you know all too well as a result of the abuse.

A sense of urgency is part of the “fight or flight” survival response. It’s how your brain responds to change or a threat. This is a normal, healthy response. But, in your case, it became chronic and toxic due to the abuse you endured as a child. Because of that, when something is uncomfortable (even a good change), you want to push through it quickly.

What I have learned over the years is the good stuff, like incorporating a healthy habit, develops slowly over time. That’s because good changes occur in stages.

Here’s what I mean. Change is initially a mental exercise, so the first stage is governed by willpower and excitement. In the second stage, you create a routine to support this new change, which helps you deal with emotional resistance.

By the time you progress to the third stage, this new change has become a lifestyle. But that only happens after you confront and resolve each area of resistance you encounter in the second stage. You must look those fears in the eye, assure your inner child he/she is safe, and convince this child the new change is good. Only then can you make peace with the resistance and work through it.

See? There’s no way around it. This entire process takes time. You can’t fast-forward through the second stage by leaping from the first stage to the third. That’s not how it works. Yes, big changes take months or years. But that’s the beauty of living in the moment. Practice mindfulness during this process. Celebrate each healing stage. It’s worth it, and so are you!!
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Are you struggling with a sense of urgency and impatience on your healing journey? I can help you resolve these issues and take the next step. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

11 Comments

How Do You Talk To Yourself?

Break the Power of Fear!

Did You Know There’s Nothing Wrong With You?

Why Is It Taking So Long To Heal? Ugh!!

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