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How To Be Seen AND Heard

8/29/2016

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Remember how it used to be?  When you were an abused child, you learned the advantages of silence.  In fact, you were so quiet, you hoped you would disappear.  

The goal was to stay off the radar of the people who were hurting you.  You learned how to creep down the stairs, quiet as a mouse.  You could slip silently out of a room.  You would stand in the shadows in a dark corner.  You even hunched your shoulders to appear smaller.  

If your abusers couldn’t see you, they couldn’t blast you with hurtful words or do painful things to you, right?  It was a great survival strategy, and it worked really well.  However, it’s a terrible behavior pattern for an adult, because silence makes a mess out of personal relationships.    

The most important thing survivors of emotional abandonment, abuse, and trauma want is to be seen and heard.  We all crave it.  Nothing means more to us than someone who truly listens to us and gets us.  It validates us as human beings.  

That’s why one terribly damaging form of emotional abuse is constantly interrupting, changing the subject, or negating everything someone says.  This kind of abuse invalidates that person’s existence and encourages the toxic strategy of silence.

Even so, it’s hard for child abuse survivors to learn how to be visible as adults.  Believe me, I resisted for a long time.  It felt like rocking the boat.  We’re so used to abusers twisting everything we say to use it against us.  It’s terrifying for us to ask for what we need or to enforce personal boundaries when we weren’t allowed to practice these vital human skills as children.  

What can you do to change that?  You can begin slowly by speaking up, one conversation, one thought, one opinion at a time.  Do this with people you know are safe, like your peer support group.  

Eventually, you’ll stop waiting for the other shoe to drop every time you say something.  Speak a little more of your truth each time until you’re comfortable with it.  In the process, you’ll learn how to listen to others and allow them to be who they are in a relationship.  

You’re a valuable spirit of the Divine.  You deserve to be seen AND heard.  This is your chance.  Go for it!!
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Are you having a hard time becoming visible again?  Does it make you nervous to be seen and heard?  If so, I can help you overcome this.  Just email me at svava@educate4change.com to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
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It’s Time to Walk Away From Your Past

8/22/2016

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Healing from trauma isn’t a quick fix.  It won’t happen overnight or in just a few days, weeks, or months.  That’s not how it works.

Believe me, when I was ready to heal years ago I wasn’t happy about this either.  In fact, I shed many tears over it.  But I also knew I couldn’t continue to suffer from the awful emotional, physical, and mental effects of trauma.  No, I certainly didn’t want that.  I’d had enough!

If you’re ready to heal from trauma, here’s how to begin.  Create a vision for yourself.  We’ll call this your “Happy Vision List.”  On paper, write the answers to these questions:

What would your life look like without the burden of your past that you’ve been hauling around on your back like a heavy bag of rocks?  How amazing would your life be?  What would your health be like?  Where would you live?  What kind of career success would you have?  How happy would you be?

Feel the emotion of your answers deep in your soul.  Invest lots of energy into it.  Feel the joy of it all the way down to your toes.

Now create another list.  We’ll call this the “Struggles List.”  On it, list everything you’re tired of struggling with: the pain, the grief, the sadness, the hopelessness, the fear (all your fears), the anger, the frustration, the anxiety, etc.  Also include everything you want to release.  

When you’re finished, place these two lists side-by-side.  The Happy Vision List is the vision of your healing.  The Struggles List is everything that stands in the way of your healing.  It’s the burden of your past.  

When you look at these two lists, it’s easy to see you’ve been investing the majority of your time, energy, and emotion in the Struggles List and little or none in the Happy Vision list.  Change that today.  Make the decision to center your life on the Happy Vision List and wave goodbye to the Struggles List (the past).

Yes, it takes courage to walk away from your past.  But you’ve carried that heavy bag of rocks on your back long enough, don’t you think?  

Survivors of abuse and trauma are some of the most courageous people I know.  Choose freedom today.  Choose healing.  If I can do it, so can you!

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Are you struggling with the burden of your past?  Is it hard for you to let go?  If so, I can help.  Just email svava@educate4change.com to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Your Brain Sabotaging You?

8/14/2016

1 Comment

 
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The brain is an incredible organ.  But sometimes it can block your healing.  That’s because what helps us survive chronic abuse and trauma is not what heals us.

Here’s what I mean.  Your brain is hardwired to protect you.  The part of the brain that takes over when you’re scared is the part that wants to keep you safe.  At the same time, the parts of the brain you use the most are the ones you tend to rely on.     

In the case of chronic abuse and trauma, the safety response is the part of the brain we use the most.  It becomes our “default” setting.  Unfortunately, the part of the brain that keeps you safe from abuse (survival mode) is not the part of the brain that helps you overcome the effects of trauma and abuse (healing mode).

You can see where I’m going with this, right?  

You want to change.  You want to heal.  You’re more than ready.  But your brain isn’t.  It’s been in survival mode for years, and now it’s stuck.

What can you do?  First, gather as much information as you can about healing and the healing journey.  Next, put a strong support system in place.  

Now every time you move out of your comfort zone on your healing journey, you’ll be well-prepared for the resistance you’re sure to encounter from your brain.  It’ll freak every time.  Count on it.  Your brain will sound the alarm and try to convince you things aren’t that bad (yes, they are!), you don’t need to heal (yes, you do!), and you’re doing fine (no, you’re not!).  

Information is vital during this phase.  So is a strong support network.  You need human validation.  You need someone to tell you what to expect and how to break free when your brain panics and holds you hostage with old, toxic coping patterns.

Don’t give up on yourself, okay?  Don’t allow your brain to talk you into backtracking or sabotaging your progress.  Keep moving forward.  Keep gathering information.  Keep reaching out for support.  It’s the only way to heal.

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Do you feel stuck because your brain is sabotaging your healing?  Don’t worry.  I can help you move forward again.  Just email svava@educate4change.com to reserve a 1 hr. coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What’s Your Passion in Life?

8/7/2016

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Our passion is our fuel.  It’s what keeps us going no matter how many challenges come our way.  Our passion also protects us.  As long as we’re pursuing it, we don’t care what other people think about it, or if we’re doing it perfectly.

Why?  Because what we’re passionate about gives us joy.

I’ve been thinking about this lately.  Regardless of how my passion evolves from year to year, “hope” has always been the common thread.  That’s because I’m a survivor of child sexual abuse.

Surprised?  You shouldn’t be.  Think about it.  When a child is abused by someone that child loves and depends on, the child will create a story in which the abuse is really the child’s fault, not the fault of the parent or guardian.

We know all about that, don’t we?  It’s the only way we could survive the horrors of abuse.  That story gave us hope.  It promised us if we could just be better and do better the abuse would stop.  Of course, that never worked.  It’s not reality.

Still, that story trained me to hope.  It drove me to do whatever I could to improve myself and my situation.  As an adult, I applied that same strategy to my healing journey.  It became my passion.  I kept pushing forward, confident the next book, support group, speaker, video, or webinar would be the key to a big breakthrough.  And it was.  Every single breakthrough on my healing journey happened exactly that way.

As I changed, my passion changed.  I became passionate about helping others as an Advocate, Speaker, and Coach.  I want to teach everyone how to heal and how to keep kids safe from child sexual abuse.

Now “love” is my passion.  We can never stop the violence in our society until we learn how to truly love ourselves.  Only then can we love others in a healthy way.    

What’s your passion?  If you’re on a mission to seek your truth, you’re on the right path.  You’ll never go wrong if you follow your heart.  Every step of the way will be a joy.  You’ll see!!

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Are you struggling to find your passion?  If so, I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
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