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Why Am I Afraid to Feel?

9/25/2017

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All survivors of child abuse and trauma are afraid to feel, accept, trust, and appreciate their uncomfortable or negative emotions.

Why are we like that?  

We fear and avoid these emotions, because we never had a positive role model to teach us how to express sadness, grief, overwhelm, anger, pain, and anxiety in a healthy way.  Instead, we got hurt when the adults in our life felt these challenging emotions.

However, developing the ability to feel, accept, trust, and appreciate all your emotions (the good, the bad, and the ugly) is a vital step on the healing journey.  It’s impossible to heal if you skip it.

So where do you start?

Feeling begins with awareness.  Sounds easy, doesn’t it?  Not for us.  The human brain is programmed to avoid pain at all costs.  Child abuse taught us to equate pain with emotion, especially uncomfortable emotions.  Because of that, we usually need support to help us identify those risky emotions.  We simply can’t “see” them in ourselves.

Willingness unlocks the door to awareness.  If you’re willing, answer these questions the next time you feel uncomfortable.  They’ll help you identify the emotion you’re feeling.

  • Where in my body am I feeling discomfort?
  • What is this feeling trying to tell me?
  • Can I name it?
  • Am I willing to take responsibility for it?
  • Was it triggered by something in the present?
  • Was it triggered by a memory from the past?
  • Is it true or false?
  • If it’s true, what can I learn from it?
  • If it’s false, what can I learn from it?
  • How can I express and release this emotion in a positive, healthy way?

The process of feeling, accepting, trusting, and appreciating your emotions helps you connect to your own wants and needs in a way you’ve never experienced before.  Best of all, it creates a sense of inner peace.

And inner peace is the primary goal of the healing journey.  We want to feel at peace in our bodies.  We want peace of mind.  Inner peace is something we’ve always craved.  

Well, this is how you achieve it!
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Are you afraid to feel?  When you feel uncomfortable, does your brain suddenly go numb?   If so, I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Living Out of Your Truth

9/18/2017

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The trauma from child abuse disconnects us from the truth we feel in our hearts.  The healing journey is about finding your way back to your truth.  Being able to feel again is how you do that.  It's one of the incredible blessings of the healing journey.   


We spend a lot of time learning how to safely feel and release our negative emotions like fear, shame, pain, and loneliness.  But there comes a time when we need to learn how to feel positive emotions, too.  Why?  Because these emotions are our truth.

What is your truth?  It’s the same as mine:
  • Love
  • Kindness
  • Peace
  • Joy
  • Compassion
  • Goodness
  • Patience
  • Gratitude

Slowly work your way down this list and practice “feeling” each of these truths.  Allow them to saturate your heart, soul, body, and spirit until they become a part of you.  

Actually, these truths have always been a part of you.  The trauma of child abuse simply disconnected you from them.  When I began to feel these truths, I could finally feel grounded.  I knew for the first time I am loved, I am kind, I am safe, and I can live in peace.

Eventually, these statements of my truth became my new core beliefs.  When that happened, I was ready to practice living out of my truth.  I did that by allowing these core beliefs to guide all of my thoughts, words, and actions.

You can do this, too!  Think about it.  In what way do you plan to live out of your truth today?

                                                        ********
Is it difficult for you to feel positive emotions?  If so, I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Give Your Kids What You Never Had

9/11/2017

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As child abuse survivors, we work really hard to do the best we can with our children.  We want them to have what we didn’t.  So we try to create a healthy, nourishing environment to help our kids grow and thrive in the best way possible.  

But after working all day, sometimes there isn’t much left of us for our children.  That used to bother me a lot.  I felt like I wasn’t giving my kids 100% of what they needed from me.  

Finally, I realized I was trying to give them what “I” felt they needed, not what “they” feel they needed.  They didn’t need a mother who ran herself ragged every day, trying to be a supermom.  All they wanted was what I needed when I was a child: to be seen, heard, understood, and validated.  

How do you make this happen for your children?  

You simply do less and listen more.  In fact, the less you say the better.  Instead, listen intently to whatever your kids want to tell you.  Ask questions when appropriate and make encouraging, supportive comments like:

  • I hear you.
  • That sounds interesting.
  • What a great idea!
  • I would love to see you do that.
  • How can I support you?

When I was certified in Positive Discipline Parenting, I learned two more important parenting skills.

  1. The Iceberg.  
A child’s behavior is just the tip of the iceberg.  The rest of the iceberg is underwater and represents an unmet need that child’s behavior is trying to meet.  A parent’s job is to create a supportive environment in which all your children’s needs can be met in empowering, healthy ways.  

  1. Connect Before You Correct.  
Your first response to any troubling situation shouldn’t be to correct, advise, or suggest.  Instead, create a calm atmosphere in which your child feels safe to communicate his or her needs to you.  Then you can solve the problem together.

When you say less and listen more, your children open up and connect with you in amazing ways.  Best of all, when you honor them as unique and valuable individuals, you’re truly giving them what you never had.  

Mission accomplished!  
                                                        ********
Are you having trouble communicating with your children?  If so, I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Will I Ever be Happy Again?

9/4/2017

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My heart sings with happiness every day.  Why?  Because I focus on the things that make me happy and give me joy.  I do this on purpose.  It’s an intentional action.  Not something that just happens.

To be honest, feeling joyful isn’t easy for me.  I’m not one of those naturally happy people, who leaps out of bed every morning with a smile on her face.  For too many years, I was bound by shame and couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be happy or joyful.  I didn’t feel worthy of happiness.

Back then, I wanted everyone else to make me happy.  However, that’s not how happiness works, so I was always disappointed.  I expected things to go wrong, to be betrayed, abandoned, and ignored.  It took a long time to get to the happy, joyous place I’m at right now.

How did I do it?  Through the simple practice of self-care and self-love.  

The secret to happiness is to do at least one simple thing every day that makes you happy and gives you joy.  It can be anything, like playing with your cat or dog, reading an inspirational book or your Bible, working in your garden or at your favorite hobby, etc.  You choose.

Just doing this every day for as little as 30 minutes will shift your energy from sadness to joy.  That’s important, because survivors of child abuse tend to major on satisfying the needs of everyone else.  We work ourselves to exhaustion, making sure others are happy by placing their needs ahead of our own.

It’s no wonder we’re miserable and depressed.  Not only were we emotionally abandoned as abused children, but now we’ve abandoned ourselves as adults.

Stop doing that!  You’re just as worthy of happiness as any human being on this planet.  Start acting that way.  Put yourself at the top of your daily priority list.  Do all the simple things that give YOU joy.  Making yourself happy is your responsibility.  That’s the true path to happiness.

Your joyous transformation won’t happen overnight, but don’t give up.  Consistency is the key.  Keep working at it.  Eventually, your heart will sing with happiness every day, too.  You’ll see!
                                                          ********
Is happiness an elusive dream for you?  Is it impossible for you to feel joy?  If so, I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
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