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Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

10/30/2016

4 Comments

 
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Survivors of child abuse grow up talking to themselves in the same harsh, critical manner in which they were spoken to as children.  When I grew up, I realized what was going on, and I felt really stupid for thinking this way.  How could I do such a terrible thing to myself, right?  Yikes!    

But, like most abuse survivors, I couldn’t stop doing it.  Over time, it developed into a painful source of shame and self-hatred.  

Years later, I learned how to meditate.  I began to use meditation to quiet my mind, so I could observe the horrible way I talked to myself.  At first, I was shocked at the endless stream of abusive thoughts flowing through my mind.  Harsh judgements, relentless criticism, vile self-loathing, blatant hate, you name it.

In order to silence this inner critic, I not only had to become aware of these thoughts but I also had to feel each one.  This helped me make contact with the sad, helpless little girl inside me.  She had been traumatized by the abuse from the past, and now she was being viciously attacked by me.  Ouch!

The next step was to realize all these sabotaging thoughts were lies.  Our abusers were lying when they said these horrid things to us in the past.  Now we’re lying to ourselves every time we repeat them.

Slowly, I replaced each lie with the truth: I’m a good person, I’m caring, I’m kind, I’m loving and lovable, I’m compassionate, I’m smart, I’m courageous, I’m sane!

You can do this, too.  Turn these truths into affirmations and say them all day long.  Gradually, you’ll begin to believe them.  When that happens, everything in your life will start to change in a positive way.

Remember, if you can’t seem to love yourself, you’re still being manipulated by those old, sabotaging thoughts.  Use mindfulness to silence your inner critic.  It worked for me, and it’ll work for you.  

As a child, you were powerless.  But you’re not a child anymore.  Now you hold all the power.  Use it.  Make today the day you grab your freedom and NEVER let go!!

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Are you tired of being terrorized by your inner critic? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366
 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Heal Your Emotional Pain

10/22/2016

5 Comments

 
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Are you hurting today?  If so, I know how you feel.  I used to carry an unbearably heavy load of emotional pain.  

It’s important for survivors of child abuse and trauma to find a productive way to validate and express emotional pain.  All of it.  You can’t heal completely until you acknowledge how devastating it is to be abandoned, neglected, and ignored as a child.

When I began this validation process, I decided to become an advocate and speaker.  I gave lots of talks about child sexual abuse, my past, and how to keep kids safe from predators.

This was the platform I had chosen to tell my story, and it was an important step in my healing process.  However, I wasn’t aware I was still looking for someone to appear out of nowhere and fix the chaos I felt inside.  Because of that, I had a tendency to overwhelm people with my message.

Even so, that was a very healing time for me, and I learned a lot from the experience.  I felt vindicated by all the people listening to my story.  Especially those who expressed sadness in response to what had happened to me.  I also learned how to take responsibility for the impact of my words.  

I’m incredibly grateful for all the people who heard me speak back then.  They helped me heal.  They listened and validated my pain.  They kept open hearts and showered me with empathy and compassion.    

Your pain will help you heal, too.  Every time you tell your story to a safe friend you’ll learn how to connect with others and yourself.  

Today, when I’m invited to speak I mention the pain from my past, but I focus most of my message on hope, healing, and the love I carry in my heart for myself and others.  

There’s no room for pain in my life anymore.  One day there won’t be room for pain in your life, too.  Keep telling your story, and that day will arrive sooner than you think!
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Are you tired of being battered by a heavy load of emotional pain from the past?  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
5 Comments

What To Do If You Feel Unlovable

10/16/2016

3 Comments

 
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It's impossible to love others if you can't love yourself fully and completely.  That's just how love works.  I mean, you can't give away what you don't have, right?

If you struggle with being loving to yourself, that simply means you don't know what real love looks like, or how it's supposed to feel.  Many of us grew up this way because we were abused as children.  All we saw was a highly toxic, distorted form of "love," which wasn't real love at all. 

If that sounds like your childhood, I know how you feel.  Expressing love was so hard for me, it was infuriating!  But if I can learn how to do it, so can you.  Learning how to truly love is the most important gift you can give to yourself and the world. 

Begin by applying self-compassion.  What do I mean by that?  Basically, self-compassion is the courage to connect completely with the parts of yourself you don’t like, or you’ve never wanted to acknowledge.  Those parts you’re so ashamed of that you’ve always kept them hidden.

One by one, I had to face these parts of myself I’d rejected.  Those were the parts I’d held responsible for all the bad things that had happened to me.  They were the parts I thought deserved the abuse.  

I made friends with them, saw them through the eyes of God, and finally brought them back into my core self.  Applying self-compassion and learning how to love these hidden parts taught me what real, unconditional love felt like.  It showed me the difference between healthy love and toxic love.

When I could finally love and accept every part of myself, an amazing thing happened.  I fell in love with who I am, and the person I’ve become.  I no longer need to hide any part of myself.  No part of me is bad.  No part of me is shameful.  No part of me deserves to be abused.

Through this process I discovered I’m a kind, compassionate, caring, loving, supportive, silly (yes, I am!!) human being.  I’m a wonderful work-in-progress.  Still learning, still growing, but loving every step and the unique individual I’m becoming.

Who are you?  Apply self-compassion to those parts of yourself you’ve always kept hidden, and let’s find out!
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Do you feel unlovable today?  Are you struggling to love the parts of yourself you’ve always kept hidden from the world?  Don’t worry.  I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

3 Comments

How to Heal After You’ve Been Triggered

10/10/2016

4 Comments

 
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I was triggered last week.  Ugh!!

The healing journey is challenging and not for the faint of heart.  Even if you’ve been on your healing journey for years or decades, you can still be triggered in extreme situations.  Ouch!  

This time I was triggered by betrayal.  Not a new betrayal, but it felt like a fresh wound.  And it reminded me how the greatest hurt always comes from those we love.  

Child abuse is betrayal trauma.  When we’re abused by the people we love and trust, it makes us question our core truth.  Am I lovable?  Am I good enough to be alive, to breath, to find happiness, to be seen and heard?

I’ve come a long way.  I’ve learned how to heal, hold, and love the wounded, betrayed little girl inside.  I know I’m not broken.  I am lovable.  And I deserve to be alive, seen, and heard.

Because of this, when I was triggered last week, I knew what to do to heal.  I acknowledged the depth of my grief, I felt it fully, and then I set it free so it wouldn’t remain trapped in my body.

That’s what you should do, too, the next time you’re triggered.  Face your pain, acknowledge it, and listen for the lesson it teaches you about how to defuse that trigger once and for all.  Just ask.  The pain will tell you everything you need to know.

Then turn your vision for the happy, healthy life you’re building into an affirmation.  Say it all day long.  This is a wonderful way to ground your mind and emotions in the present moment by reminding yourself how far you’ve come and how much you’ve achieved on your healing journey.

Even though at this point in my life I’m thriving, blessed, and loved, I’ve learned a lot from this painful grief.  I can see I’m still too hard on myself.  I’m too quick to judge and condemn.  I need to be more loving, forgiving, and compassionate with myself.  I need to find a way to bring more love into my life.  

So that’s my task this week.  What can I say?  Love is always the Lesson! 
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Are you struggling with pesky triggers?  Are you too quick to condemn yourself when you’re triggered?  Don’t worry.  I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
4 Comments

What Do You Need to Hear the Most?

10/2/2016

15 Comments

 
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I don’t know about you, but after struggling for years with the devastating effects of abuse and trauma, this is what I needed to hear the most.  And I needed to hear it over and over again until I believed it:

  1. You can heal.
  2. You can restore.

How about you?  What do you need to hear the most?

It’s sad how desperately we struggle with the emotional pain caused by abuse.  In fact, the emotional and psychological abuse from these people, whom I loved and trusted, did more damage to me than the physical abuse.  

But I found a way to heal and restore, and so can you.  It begins with surrounding yourself with people you trust.  People who value you and your truth.  

In the beginning, I didn’t know how to do this.  I didn’t know who to trust, or what trust looked like.  I kept thinking if I changed the abusive people around me they would eventually see my worth and apologize for what they had done to me.  Then they would hold me, support me, and encourage me.  

Of course, this never happened.  Abusive people don’t suddenly wake up one day and see your value.  It doesn’t work that way.    

Instead, I had to do something that’s really hard for abuse survivors.  I had to cut all the toxic people out of my life.  Yikes!  But it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your healing.

Toxic people may never change.  It’s not your responsibility to heal them.  And you can’t heal yourself when surrounded by toxic people.  They’re incapable of supporting you or telling you the things you need to hear.  

Your only responsibility is to do what’s healthy for YOU.  That means surrounding yourself with good people who validate your worth, understand you, and support your healing journey.  They’re the only ones who can cheer you on and say the things you need to hear the most, over and over again.  Best of all, they mean those things.  They truly care.  

That’s how I healed myself.  I didn’t need fixing, and neither do you.  You just need validation and acceptance.  Cut all the toxic people out of your life.  Surround yourself with good, caring, supportive people.  Then you can heal yourself.  

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Are you struggling with how to cut toxic people out of your life?  Don’t allow them to cause more emotional pain!  I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

15 Comments

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
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