Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Little Miss Perfect Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

11/30/2015

Perfectionism is exhausting, isn’t it? When you were a kid, you thought the sexual abuse was your fault. You thought it was because there was something wrong with you. You thought you weren’t perfect enough, so you tried to be perfect. But it didn’t work. The abuse continued.

When you grew up, the shame of what happened to you as a kid was overwhelming. You couldn’t accept yourself because of it. So you continued trying to be perfect. Maybe if you were perfect and pleased others, they might accept you anyway, right? But that didn’t work either.

Here’s the truth about acceptance. No one can accept you but YOU. Perfectionism has nothing to do with acceptance. That’s why it never worked for you.

Most of your pain comes from not accepting yourself. Self-acceptance is a vital skill I help all my clients learn. It’s important for you to realize there’s nothing wrong with you. And there never was.

Think about this. What would you be doing if you felt completely accepted, loved, and adored right now?

See that vision in your mind. Live that life and be that person. Do it today. Begin by taking small steps. But keep moving forward. That's how self-acceptance sinks deep into your soul and stays there.

Remember, you're already the person in that vision. Start living it today. It’s the real YOU!
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Would you like to learn the skill of self-acceptance and move forward with your healing? If so, follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Trauma Isolating You?

11/23/2015

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Did you know humans have at least 60,000 thoughts each day, and 90% of those thoughts are about separation? Wow!

Trauma from child sexual abuse isolates you. 90% of your thoughts add to that separation. However, you can't heal in isolation. These thoughts will continue to make you feel disconnected until you’re mindful of them and seek human connections.

But how do you do that? You take a chance and reach out. Peer support groups, coaching, or therapy help you reconnect with others.

As you know, I’m a huge fan of peer support groups. I’ve seen how much good they can do for members. In fact, I just started a new peer support group for survivors of trauma and child sexual abuse called Stronger Together!

Groups can be a powerful healing tool. You learn how others are struggling and healing, and how to apply that to your own life. You’ll also learn:

You're not alone
There’s nothing wrong with you
The abuse wasn’t your fault
How others are healing
What works and what doesn't
How to ask for support
How to feel believed, validated, and heard

My colleague and friend, Missy Morcom, who used to moderate meetings for me at OneHealth, Inc., will be joining me for this new peer support group. If you’d like to attend Stronger Together!, here’s what you’ll need to know:

DATES AND TIMES:
December 5 (5:00-6:00pm, PST)
December 17 (5:00-6:00pm, PST)
FEE: $25 per meeting

REGISTRATION:
Follow this link to register for the support group meeting on December 5:
http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=EC52DA83894830

After registration and payment, you will receive a confirmation email with the log in link and/or a phone number for you to use when you join us in the meeting.

If you’d like more information, email svava@educate4change.com. Our goal for each meeting is to come together in healing, learning, and support. We’ll focus on a specific topic during the first part of each meeting. Then spend the rest of the time sharing and answering any questions you might have about the trauma you experienced.

Come join us. We’re stronger together. We truly are!!
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Would you like to learn how to stop isolating yourself and reach out for support? Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Aren’t You Asking for the Support You Need?

11/15/2015

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Many of you feel alone, disconnected, and misunderstood. You think no one cares or wants to support you. How do I know? Because this is what I hear from almost every new coaching client who comes to me.

True, there may not be any compassionate, supportive people in your life. But you and I both know you probably aren’t asking for support either.

How is that possible? How can you desperately need support and not ask for it?

Easy. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, you don’t know what you “need.” Before you can ask for support, you have to know what you need, right? In order to do that, you must not only be aware of your feelings but also comfortable expressing them. Not an easy task for a trauma survivor like you. The brain tends to disconnect from the body during trauma.

Here’s some good news. You can manually override this brain response. You do that by admitting this is a new skill for you. It’s going to take practice, so you give yourself permission to go slowly. You take baby steps. You’re compassionate with yourself during this learning process.

For those of you who are ready to ask for support, you’re going to love my new, online, biweekly support group!

The members of my group are survivors just like you. Compassionate, supportive, good people. We meet every two weeks and address a specific topic in each meeting. Then the floor is opened to the members. Pre-registration is required, and there’s a $25 fee for each meeting.

When you’re ready, come join us online. Survivors are stronger together. They truly are. You’ll see!

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Would you like to learn how to ask for support? Are you having trouble identifying your needs? Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Could I Ever Love Myself?

11/9/2015

10 Comments

Many adult survivors of child abuse continue to neglect themselves in the same way they were neglected. Why do they do this?

No matter the abuse, all were emotionally neglected, and this type of abuse is the most damaging. Abused children are “emotionally abandoned” at the most vulnerable time in their lives. Because they weren’t loved as they should have been, they grow up feeling unworthy of love as adults.

Well, today is the day to stop neglecting yourself! The first step is to learn how to love yourself. To do that, place your hand over your heart, look in a mirror, and say, “I love you.”

Know what this is? It’s self-care.

Keep saying this to the image of yourself in the mirror until you believe it. Next, create a daily self-care regime. Begin by doing something nurturing and kind for yourself. Eat lunch in the park, take a relaxing bath, call a good friend, read a new novel, work on a favorite craft, or go window shopping. Do what feels good to YOU.

When I made daily self-care a top priority in my life, I became a better mom, partner, and friend. Self-care makes you a kinder human being.

When you truly value who you are, you’ll have no problem setting boundaries with the narcissists in your life. If taking care of yourself first and valuing who you are upsets these people, that just means they’re all about you taking care of them first. Self-care makes it easier for you to say, “NO.” Be loving, but firm with them.

Self-care begins the healing journey to the heart. It starts with you, a mirror, and your hand over your heart. If you struggle with this, give me a call. I’d be happy to guide you through it!

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Would you like to learn how to stop neglecting yourself? Do you need to create a self-care regime, but you don’t know where to start? Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Will I Ever Heal?!

11/2/2015

14 Comments

My clients often ask me this question: “Do you believe I can heal from child sexual abuse?”

Yes! But I understand your doubts and frustration. There are lots of books out there about abuse and trauma, yet few outline the entire path to recovery. It’s like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces missing. Sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever have a happy, normal life. Ugh!

Believe it or not, the healing process isn’t complicated. In fact, it’s relatively simple. However, healing can be blocked by one HUGE, very toxic belief.

When you were a child, you embraced the only explanation for the abuse that made sense. Because the adults you trusted were abusive, you believed there was something wrong with you. You thought it was your fault. So you tried as hard as you could to change, to become different, better, perfect.

But it didn’t work. Know why? Because there was never anything wrong with you! The abusive adults who seemed to have it all together were the ones who needed to change. Not you.

Wow. That’s a mind-blowing revelation, isn’t it?

I’ll say it again: there was never anything wrong with you. Yes, you can heal. You can create a normal, healthy life. Drop that toxic belief, begin to cherish that great kid you used to be, and then give me a call. We can take the next step together. I’m here for you. Always!
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I’d be happy to teach you how to drop that toxic belief and jumpstart your healing process. Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/