Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Living Out of Your Truth

9/18/2017

The trauma from child abuse disconnects us from the truth we feel in our hearts. The healing journey is about finding your way back to your truth. Being able to feel again is how you do that. It's one of the incredible blessings of the healing journey.

We spend a lot of time learning how to safely feel and release our negative emotions like fear, shame, pain, and loneliness. But there comes a time when we need to learn how to feel positive emotions, too. Why? Because these emotions are our truth.

What is your truth? It’s the same as mine:

Love
Kindness
Peace
Joy
Compassion
Goodness
Patience
Gratitude

Slowly work your way down this list and practice “feeling” each of these truths. Allow them to saturate your heart, soul, body, and spirit until they become a part of you.

Actually, these truths have always been a part of you. The trauma of child abuse simply disconnected you from them. When I began to feel these truths, I could finally feel grounded. I knew for the first time I am loved, I am kind, I am safe, and I can live in peace.

Eventually, these statements of my truth became my new core beliefs. When that happened, I was ready to practice living out of my truth. I did that by allowing these core beliefs to guide all of my thoughts, words, and actions.

You can do this, too! Think about it. In what way do you plan to live out of your truth today?

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Is it difficult for you to feel positive emotions? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Do You Believe, and Does It Serve You?

7/31/2017

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Have you noticed my recent blog posts have been building on a certain theme? Each one is written to take you deeper and deeper into your healing. My intent is to help you tackle your core issues and accelerate your healing. Sounds good, doesn’t it? I think so!

Today, let’s talk about what we believe. It’s more important than you might think.

Unfortunately, abused children are told many lies. Children are sponges, and they’re born into this world, trusting their parents and caretakers. It’s only natural for them to absorb and believe everything they’re taught. Even if what they’re taught isn’t true.

Every single thing we do is a direct response to what we believe. Everything we say and think is also based on these core beliefs. So my question to you is what do you believe?

Unless you’re consciously choosing healthy beliefs, creating new habits based on those beliefs, and changing your behavior to match those beliefs, you’re living your life on “autopilot.” Autopilot for a survivor of child abuse means you’ll continue to live according to the toxic lies and beliefs you were taught by your abuser. Ouch!

To change this toxic lifestyle pattern, I encourage you to question all your beliefs. Ask yourself: where did this belief come from? Is it authentic to who I am? Does it serve me? Does it serve others?

If you’re not sure what you believe, start here. I’ve taken six toxic core beliefs, and I’ve changed them into healthy core beliefs. You can do the same.

Change I am unworthy (the lie) into I am worthy (the truth).
Change I have no value (the lie) into I am valuable (the truth).
Change I’m not enough (the lie) into I am enough (the truth).
Change I am a burden (the lie) into I am a gift (the truth).
Change I am weak (the lie) into I am strong (the truth).
Change I am not lovable (the lie) into I am loved by God (the truth).

Cultivate the habit of questioning every old and new belief you hold. If a belief doesn’t serve your authentic self, it’s toxic. Dump it or change it into a healthy belief.

That’s how you live day by day as your authentic self!
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Is your brain too foggy from trauma to discover your core toxic beliefs? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do We Develop Courage?

7/23/2017

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If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you may remember I wrote a blog post a few weeks ago about the 7 steps most child abuse survivors must take in order to heal.

I received a wonderful response to it from several of you. Thanks! If you haven’t had a chance to read it yet, here’s the link:
link

In this blog post, I’d like to discuss the second of these 7 steps: Develop Courage. As you know, we don’t start out on our healing journey feeling courageous. In the beginning, courage is the last thing we feel. We’re uncertain of the path, the process, and the outcome.
That’s a completely normal response. Fortunately, your willingness to heal will eventually develop into courage with each healthy risk you take on your journey.

The reason we don’t feel courageous is because change is hard for survivors of child abuse. Thankfully, we’re not defenseless kids anymore. We’re adults. Now we’re the ones with all the power. We can make the choice to heal. We can be willing to change. We can take small steps forward every day on our healing journey. We can use purposeful intent to work each of these 7 steps.

Yes, we’ll probably have to remind ourselves every day of our commitment to heal. I know I did! But that daily reminder is what keeps us going.

Today, I want you to realize you’re already a courageous person. You may not feel that way, I know. But it takes tremendous courage to begin your healing journey. And you did that.

Now you need to wake up every morning, willing to do what it takes that day to heal. Do this every morning, and one day you’ll blossom into a capable, courageous, loving human being.

When it happens, that will be a very special day. It’ll be the day you rediscover your authentic self. How exciting!
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Are you having trouble with this second step? Is feeling courageous a stumbling block for you? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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WHY Do We Do What We Do?

7/17/2017

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This is such an important question. In fact, it’s an integral part of your healing journey. As survivors of child abuse and trauma, we must always ask “Why?”

Why did I do that?
Why did I say that?
Why did I think that?
Why am I feeling this particular emotion right now?
Why is feeling this way important to me?

I help my clients answer these questions by teaching them how to feel their emotions and how to fall in love with themselves. Nothing gives me more joy or satisfaction than showing them how to achieve this goal as quickly as possible. The tools I give them are the same ones I use when faced with a challenge. These are invaluable, timeless tools that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.

I often cry tears of happiness when my clients reach this point. For example, most are awestruck at their ability to “feel” again. After being numb for so long, they can finally feel good emotions. They never thought they’d be able to do that again. They thought they were too broken. They weren’t.

And neither are you.

I can totally relate to this. When I began to feel again, it was a shocking moment for me. I had no idea I could feel so much joy. I never imagined I could feel so happy. It was an overwhelming, awe-inspiring experience. I thought I was incapable of feeling good emotions. I wasn’t.

So keep asking yourself “Why?” My relentless pursuit of the answer to this question in every area of my life is what led to my healing. It took me to places deep inside me, dark places that needed to be healed.

It’ll be the same for you. Pray about it. Get God involved. Question everything you think, feel, say, and do. The path from Survivor to Thriver begins with one simple word: “Why?”
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Would you like to know how to feel your good emotions again? Would you like to learn how to fall in love with yourself? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Can’t I Heal?

7/10/2017

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This is a question I asked myself for a long time. So many people could diagnose me. So many people could tell me what was wrong with me. But few could actually help me heal.

Why? Because my healing wasn’t the task of these other people. It was my job. I had to take all the information I had gathered about recovering from child abuse and trauma and move that knowledge from my head to my heart. In other words, I had to do the tough, messy work of applying it to my own life.

Today, I’m going to make this task easier for you. Here are the seven steps child abuse and trauma survivors need to take in order to heal. Apply them every day.

Establish Safety. Figure out what makes you feel safe. This is your first priority.
Develop Courage. Eventually, your willingness to heal will develop into courage, as you take more and more healthy risks.
Create a Mindfulness Practice. Connecting with your body is essential for healing. As abused children, we learned the toxic skill of disconnection. Mindfulness will help you reconnect.
Express Your Emotions. Learn how to identify, listen to, feel, and express your emotions in a healthy way. All of them: the good, the bad, and the ugly!
Change Your Negative Beliefs. You created these toxic beliefs as a way to survive an abusive childhood. But you’re an adult now. Change your story (beliefs) to what benefits your adult life.
Practice Self-Care, Self-Love, and Self-Compassion. Put yourself first on your To-Do list. Every day find a way to lovingly care for and celebrate yourself.
Build a Support System. You can’t do this alone. Healing doesn’t work that way. Surround yourself with nourishing friends who support your healing goals.

Just the act of implementing these seven steps is a major move forward on your healing journey. Stick with it, and you’ll experience a positive shift sooner than you think. Why? Because these steps are more than a decision. They’re a lifestyle change.

And that’s how you heal. Finally!

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If you’re having trouble with any of these steps, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Does Mindfulness Really Mean?

7/3/2017

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Mindfulness is about living in the moment and being present for the NOW. We all know that. But what you might not realize is “being present” doesn’t mean being present in your head. Mindfulness really means being present in your body.

A big part of the healing journey is learning how to connect with your body again. Self-compassion is a good example. It’s the practice of becoming aware of what’s going on in your body, so you can experience what it feels like to be loving and kind to yourself.

Mindfulness is not a head thing. You feel what’s happening in the present moment in your body and in your heart. Not in your head.

Here’s what I mean. You feel worries about the future and bad memories from the past in your body first. Being connected to your body through mindfulness instantly alerts you that this is happening. That gives you the opportunity to remind yourself the past is over, and no one has any control over the future. Through mindfulness you can let go of these negative emotions and worries rather than repress them.

Your body’s awareness is actually faster than your mind. For example, you feel the energy shift in a room, situation, or conversation in your body first. Then your mind becomes aware of it. This is also true of good and bad thoughts, memories, and every emotion.

When you reconnect with your body through mindfulness, you’re no longer at the mercy of every stray thought, memory, or emotion. You’ll know the instant your body senses something, which gives you the opportunity to choose what you want to think and feel at that moment.

Reconnecting to your body through mindfulness expands every area of your awareness. Suddenly, you can see how your life experiences made you the awesome, compassionate person that you are today. You can see how all of this, the good and the bad, brought you to this present moment in time.

When you see the “big picture” through the peace and calm of mindfulness, you can’t help feeling grateful for the gift you’ve become. And that’s exactly what you are. A precious gift!

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Are you having trouble reconnecting to your body through mindfulness? Is the practice of mindfulness difficult for you? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Reach Any Goal You Set!

6/26/2017

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In January, I told you about my healing goals for 2017. Well, it’s June, and we’re six months into the year. Time to assess my progress!

This has been a very busy year for my Abuse Survivor Coaching business, as well as my TRE sessions. Lots of new clients for both. However, even though I’ve made progress with my 2017 goals, life has a way of interrupting. Tweaks are definitely necessary.

One of my goals was to meditate every day. I’ve been meditating for years, but not on a daily basis. I wanted to change that in order to reap the full benefits of meditation: a calm mind, a peaceful body, and a joyous presence.

To help me achieve this goal, I joined a 21-day meditation challenge with a friend. It worked! Since January, I’ve meditated every day of the week, and I love the benefits.

Another goal included a more intense workout plan. This one has been harder to achieve. To help me reach this goal, I joined my girls in January for a 12-week workout challenge. It went really well at first. We made measurable progress and had lots of fun.

But then I was sidelined with unexpected obstacles and setbacks. For example, I pulled a muscle. Then I was sick a few times. I also travelled more than usual. Now it’s June, and I obviously need to reassess my 2017 workout plan.

So that’s what I did. This time I’m being kinder to myself and my body. I’ve set smaller, more realistic monthly goals, which are divided into manageable weekly steps. I’m still committed to my 2017 workout goal. But I realize I’m not 20 years old anymore (lol), and I run a busy business. These tweaks will help me reach my goal one day, one week, and one month at a time.

How about you? How are your 2017 goals coming along? Have you done a 6-month assessment yet?

If you’ve also encountered setbacks this year, reach out for support. Don’t give up on your goals. Change is really hard sometimes. But with consistent, small steps you’ll reach your goals.

Hey, if I can do it, so can you, right? Go for it!
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Are you and your spouse struggling with your relationship? Does peace in your family seem like an impossible goal? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Creating a Healthy Sense of Peace in Your Relationships

6/19/2017

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If you follow me on Facebook, you’ve probably seen the photo I posted of my husband and I in 1993. I was pregnant with my first child, and we were looking forward to starting our family.

Even though we’ve been through some really rough times in the last 24 years, our love for each other has carried us through. My husband, David, is still my best friend. He helped me heal my wounded heart. I’ve cried rivers of tears in his arms, as he listened to the pain from my past. Over and over again, he has lovingly reminded me I’m more than my abusive childhood.

Here are several truths I’ve learned for child abuse survivors about marriage. These are all things I wish someone had told me back in 1993.

Heal for yourself, not for anyone else. My initial decision to heal was for my kids. I didn’t want to pass the pain from my abusive childhood to them. I wanted that toxic legacy to end with me. Eventually, I realized healing only happens when you do it for yourself.
Our parents taught us how to build toxic relationships, not healthy ones. Do what you need to do to learn how to create the healthy, happy relationships you’ve always wanted.
Your kids watch you like a hawk. Children are sponges. They not only absorb everything you say but also everything you do. Make sure what they see in you is a model for how to build the loving, healthy, nourishing relationships they deserve.
Your responsibility is to make YOU happy. This isn’t the responsibility of your spouse or kids. You’re the only one who can truly make you happy. To do this, find out what you want in life and give it to yourself.
Perfect marriages don’t exist. My husband and I were two people from dysfunctional families, who fell in love. That’s what we brought to the table. As we’ve both healed from childhood trauma, our goal has been to create a place of peace for ourselves and our kids.

Life continues to send challenges our way. Even so, our primary goal has remained the same. We’re committed to creating a safe, healthy, family environment where the truth can be voiced and our emotions can be expressed. We don’t require everyone in our family to be happy 100% of the time. We just want our home to be a peaceful one in which it’s safe to nurture your authentic self.

After all, creating peace in this world starts at home, right?

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Are you and your spouse struggling with your relationship? Does peace in your family seem like an impossible goal? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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The Toxic Power of Shame

6/11/2017

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Shame always appears on the healing journey when you begin to:

Reconnect with your body to feel safe
Reconnect with your emotions to express them in a healthy way
Isolate and correct distorted core beliefs
Practice being kinder to yourself
Believe you’re worthy
Believe you’re lovable
Believe you can change

That’s quite a list, isn’t it? But shame is often the primary cause of the mental and emotional blocks that arise when you tackle these areas of healing from abuse. Shame tries to keep you feeling powerless, disconnected, and unworthy of love.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget how thoroughly shame terrorized my life. I remember the feeling well. Shame is what I thought every time I considered telling my husband about my abusive past. Shame had convinced me, if he knew the truth about me and what I’d survived, he would leave me. None of this was true. Shame is a liar.

Understanding the way shame operates and its toxic power is an important part of healing. Fortunately, shame is like fear. Once you recognize it, shame loses its power to hold you hostage. Yay!

When shame comes up with my clients, we begin with the thing that gives them the most intense feelings of shame. Then we take baby steps to dissect that feeling, so they can take back their power in this area.

If you’re looking for more information about dealing with shame, I recommend the books by Brené Brown, especially Daring Greatly.

Don’t let shame sabotage your healing journey. Don’t allow it to hold you hostage. Shame is nothing more than a bully. Every toxic thing it tells you is a lie. Take back your power and end its reign of terror TODAY!!

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Are you struggling with shame? Do you often feel overwhelmed by its power and the effect it has on you? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Believe You Can Heal?

6/6/2017

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Recently, I heard there are 42 million child sexual abuse survivors in the U.S. That number is probably much higher, because some survivors never tell anyone about their abusive past.

Most survivors spend years (maybe decades) thinking about the past before we find the courage to tell someone about it. When the brain continually focuses on the trauma from an abusive past, it just makes the pain worse. It’s the major cause of our suffering.

That’s why to heal from the past you have to believe you can heal.

Yes, feeling the pain, sitting with it, acknowledging it, allowing it to express itself in a healthy way, and releasing it from your body is one of the first steps on the healing journey. Until you do that, you’ll never completely heal.

However, you can’t remain in this step forever. At some point, your heart will let you know it’s time to move forward to the next step on your healing journey. If you don’t, fear will take over and try to convince you that you’ll never heal. To conquer this fear, you must believe healing is possible.

And that’s my question for you today. Do you really, honestly believe you can heal?

We can never go back and undo the trauma from our abusive past. The damage is done. But you can move forward to the next step on your healing journey. You do that by choosing to heal.

Everyone’s healing journey is unique. We all move forward at a different pace. Some steps on your healing journey will come easily for you, and you’ll accomplish them quickly. Others will take weeks or months to work through. Everyone is different.

The best way to defeat your fears and continue moving forward is to use your own life as proof. Look back to where you were a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago. You’ve come a long way, haven’t you?

Yes, you can heal! Just look at your life. That’s all the proof you’ll need.
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Are you stuck on your healing journey? Do you feel like you’ve plateaued out, and you’re not moving forward anymore? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Living Out of Your Truth

What Do You Believe, and Does It Serve You?

How Do We Develop Courage?

WHY Do We Do What We Do?

Why Can’t I Heal?

What Does Mindfulness Really Mean?

How to Reach Any Goal You Set!

Creating a Healthy Sense of Peace in Your Relationships

The Toxic Power of Shame

Do You Believe You Can Heal?

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