Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect!

2/20/2017

I’d like to thank all the readers of my new book, “Journey to the Heart,” who have sent messages and emails. I’m thrilled you’re enjoying it so much, and it has helped you move forward on your healing journey. That was my intent!

After reading it, several have asked wonderful questions. Some I have responded to privately. Others I have posted as discussions in my closed Facebook group. But I felt this question should be the subject of a blog post. It’s an important issue for us.

What do I mean when I say we’re all “perfectly imperfect”?

To survive childhood abuse or trauma, we bend ourselves into pretzels, becoming someone we’re not. It’s how we stay safe. Children are incredibly resilient. They’ll instinctively do whatever is necessary to get their needs met.

The “new identity” we create is the story we tell ourselves that keeps us safe and helps us survive. This toxic coping strategy is a trap, but it’s all we’ve got.

Abused children become adults with no idea who we are or what we need. All we know is how to make other people happy, while we pretend to be perfect. Abuse turns us into codependent caretakers. We secretly resent this people-pleasing behavior pattern, but we don’t know how to escape it.

Guess what? You don’t need to pretend to be perfect anymore to stay safe. No one is perfect. You don’t need to spend all your time people-pleasing, caretaking, and bending over backwards to make sure everyone in your life is happy. That’s not your responsibility.

Instead, learn how to be “imperfect.” Embrace your wonderful, beautiful imperfections. This is how you discover your authentic self.

Everyone on earth is perfectly imperfect. We’re all uniquely beautiful individuals. To heal, you must find the courage to show your perfectly imperfect self to the world. Not everyone will accept your perfectly imperfect authentic self. And that’s okay. Life is a journey. People move in and out of our lives, depending on where we are on our path.

Your responsibility is to be authentic, to be the person you were born to be. That’s the only way to find lasting peace, happiness, and joy.

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Are you a people-pleaser? Do you spend all day every day taking care of the needs of others, while ignoring your own needs? I can help you escape this toxic behavior pattern. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in Paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email to my weekly blog post, go to http://www.educate4change.com and register on the homepage or in the popup box.

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You’re Not a Selfish Person

2/12/2017

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Child abuse survivors are not selfish people. In fact, we have a toxic habit of putting our needs last and the needs of everyone else first.

We do this for two reasons. First, not only were we taught to put the needs of others ahead of our own but we quickly discovered making sure our abusers were happy and cared for was a way for these people to leave us alone.

Second, if you had a narcissistic parent, you were constantly punished for being “selfish.” Anytime a child puts his or her basic emotional needs first, a narcissistic parent will accuse that child of being selfish. Why? Because the narcissist’s needs should always come first. No exceptions. This is a toxic form of narcissistic abuse. It teaches the child that he or she has no value or worth.

Over time, like many of you, I lost touch with my individuality. I had no idea what I needed or wanted. I didn’t even know how to ask for it. My self-sacrificing behavior was fueled by the toxic belief that people who put their needs first were selfish. To prove I wasn’t that kind of person, I’d spent my entire life ignoring my needs.

This is what the pain of trauma is all about. Abuse took our identity from us. We no longer remember who we are, and we have no idea what we need. Because of what happened to us, we’re terrified that we aren’t worthy of love or care.

None of this is true. We’re just as worthy of self-care and self-compassion as everyone else. You’re not a selfish person. And you never were.

Let today be the day you put yourself first in a healthy way. Here’s how to start: do what brings you joy. I’m not kidding. It’s that simple.

Go to a coffee shop and enjoy the peace
Window shop
Drive to the park
Go to a movie
Attend a Sunday church service or daily Mass
Join a gym
Take a walk around the block
Call a friend to chat
Meet a friend for coffee or lunch
Read a book
Practice yoga
Meditate
Learn a new language
Buy yourself a small gift
Plant a garden
Play with your pet
Take a relaxing bubble bath
Work a crossword puzzle
Start a new craft project

You don’t need anyone’s permission to do these things. Yes, taking time for yourself will feel uncomfortable at first. I used to worry about what others would think. I felt so guilty when I took care of myself! But then I realized no one was watching. That’s because self-care is normal, healthy behavior. Who knew, right? Not us!

Your sole purpose in life isn’t to exhaust yourself by serving others. The more you practice self-care the less power this toxic belief will hold over you. Every day do something that makes you happy. You’re worth it!

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Is it hard for you to take time for yourself? Do you struggle with the concept of loving self-care? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in Paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email to my weekly blog post, go here: http://www.educate4change.com and register on the homepage or in the popup box.

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What’s the Big Surprise on the Healing Journey?

1/2/2017

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Last week’s blog post about “oneness” touched many of you, so I wanted to continue this week by exploring another aspect of that theme.

As you practice oneness, you begin to realize we’re connected not only to each other but also to God (Divine Love). Suddenly, it makes perfect sense that we’re here to learn about love and to experience love. However, you can only experience love when you’re connected. Why? Because love is an active process: you’re either giving love or receiving love or both.

Child abuse disconnects you from love. You were hurt by those who claimed to love you. You were hurt by those you loved. Because love hurt, we distanced ourselves from love to survive the abuse.

The healing journey is all about learning how to reconnect with love. We do that by reconnecting with ourselves, others, and God.

But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Disconnecting from love makes you feel unlovable, and this toxic thought cripples your adult relationships. For example, I was married for 12 years before I could trust my husband enough to believe he wasn’t going to leave me. Sad, but true.

Before I could learn how to trust and connect with him in a loving way, I had to trust and connect with myself. The only way to do that was to connect with my inner child.

Yikes! Not an easy task for me. I didn’t like her. I didn’t know what to do with her. How was I supposed to love this needy, angry, hurt child? I was clueless.

But I kept working on it, practicing self-love and self-compassion. Slowly, I began to accept the parts of myself I felt were unlovable. This helped me connect with other people. I could see we’re all struggling in one way or another. I’d never realized that before. I thought I was the only one. Now I know I’m not.

Safe relationships in support groups or with loved ones help us practice these new oneness skills. They teach us to take responsibility for ourselves in our relationships.

And that’s one of the big surprises on the healing journey. Think about it. When we were children, abusive relationships hurt us. As adults, safe relationships heal us. Wow. Who knew, right? Surprise!

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Are your relationships driving you crazy? Are you having a difficult time applying the concept of oneness to your personal relationships? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Don’t have time for a coaching session? No problem! My book, JOURNEY TO THE HEART, was created to be a coaching session in book form. How cool is that?! You’ll find this Amazon #1 bestseller in paperback at: http://amzn.to/2gm7DSx or in Kindle at: http://tinyurl.com/jzuq5u7

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I Just Made Your Healing Journey Easier!

12/19/2016

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Now that my first book, Journey to the Heart, is published and on sale, I’ve been asked to talk a little about why I wrote it. Actually, I had three reasons for writing this book, and YOU were the inspiration for each one!

First, many of my coaching clients have asked me what I would do or have done when I faced the really hard parts of my healing journey. Healing from trauma and abuse is always messy. We often wish we had someone to hold our hand, tell us what to do, and guide us through the tough stuff. Now you do. That’s what Journey to the Heart is about.

Second, thriving is an important part of healing. But when I got to that point, I didn’t know what to do. Thrive? What’s that? Thriving is a lifestyle. Like all abused children, I’d never been taught this valuable skill. Journey to the Heart shows you all the steps I took to teach myself how to thrive. Now you have the roadmap that I never had.

Finally, healing from trauma and abuse isn’t a straight line. It’s a circular, organic process. It’s made up of hundreds of little truths we must absorb to continue to move forward on our healing journey. This doesn’t happen overnight. You have to keep coming back to those truths and absorbing their message, until they sink deeply into your heart and soul. This is how you transform your life. Journey to the Heart gathers all those truths together for you in one, handy, convenient place.

And that’s why I wrote this book: I wrote it for YOU! When I found a way to heal from trauma and abuse, I vowed I would show other survivors how to heal, too. There’s no need for you to spend years searching for answers like I did. Now the answers are in one place, and it’s called Journey to the Heart.

If you don’t have a copy yet, here’s where you’ll find it!

Kindle ebook: (link)
Paperback: (link)

By the way, I’ve been hearing from people around the world, who have bought the book (US, UK, Iceland, Denmark, New Zealand, Australia, etc.). I’m charting its worldwide path on a map. What fun, right? If you buy the book, send me an email or a Facebook message and tell me which state and/or country you live in, and I’ll add you to the map!

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Are you a survivor of abuse or trauma? Are you tired of struggling alone on your healing journey? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Forward>>

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect!

You’re Not a Selfish Person

What’s the Big Surprise on the Healing Journey?

I Just Made Your Healing Journey Easier!

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