Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Which Story Are You Telling?

5/22/2017

Child abuse survivors don’t have just one story. We have three.

The first story is the one that takes the most courage to tell. It’s the one about what happened to us. It’s a story of trauma, abuse, and victimization. We all have to start there. This is your “Trauma Story.” It’s important to realize this is actually a story about the abuser, the person who hurt you and betrayed your innocence, heart, and trust.

You can’t move forward with your healing until you acknowledge the impact of this traumatic experience. And that includes allowing yourself to feel the emotional pain. Telling this story is part of that.

The second story we tell is our “Healing Story.” It charts our path of survival. This is a story about how we chose to rise above the abuse, trauma, shame, and betrayal of our dark past. How we chose to claim our truth and lovingly care for ourselves. How we chose to be safe in our bodies and set healthy personal boundaries with other people. And how we chose to rescue, soothe, and validate ourselves.

If you’re not sure which story you’re telling, ask yourself these questions:

Do I fear being alone?
Do I need others to make me feel safe?
Do I often feel sad, depressed, or guilty?
Do I get angry with myself and others?

A survivor of child abuse is a work-in-progress. The learning never stops. If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you’re telling your “Healing Story.” You’re in the process of solving your major issues. You’re taking responsibility for the things you can change, and you’re learning how to let go of the things you can’t change.

Next, how would you answer these questions?

Do I trust my feelings?
Do I feel loveable and worthy of support?
Do I feel safe?

When you can answer “No” to the first set of questions and “Yes” to the second set, you’ve begun to tell your “Survivor to Thriver Story.” You’re living your authentic self every day. You’re writing your hero’s journey. You’re intentionally creating the happy, healthy, joyous life of your dreams. Wow, right?!

So think about it. Which story are you telling today?
********
Are you having a difficult time figuring out which story you’re telling and what step you should take next on your healing journey? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

5 Comments

It’s Time to Reclaim Your Power!

5/1/2017

0 Comments

You’re not powerless. You might think you are, but you’re not. In fact, you’re actually quite powerful.

Yes, the person who abused you was probably someone you knew and trusted. But that doesn’t make the abuse your fault. You’re not what happened to you. You’re the same wonderful, awesome, powerful person you were before the abuse. And you always have been.

But if that’s the truth (and it is), then why have you always felt powerless?

Because child sexual abuse is one of those topics our society prefers not to talk about. And not talking about it is the problem. It makes CSA much worse for everyone. The victims feel powerless, because they don’t know what to do about the horrible thing that happened to them. The safe adults around them could have helped. But they didn’t, because they never received CSA prevention education. When no one talks about CSA, everyone loses.

During my keynote speech this month at ABC House, a children’s advocacy center in Oregon, I said I only began to live a powerful life when I discovered how powerful it felt to tell my story. This is the kind of information children, parents, and CSA survivors in our communities are missing. When no one talks about CSA, no one learns how to prevent or heal from it.

Change has to start with us. Survivors are the ones who must begin the dialogue about CSA and how to prevent it. No one else is going to do it.

A few weeks ago, I was interviewed by Matt at “Surviving My Past” (Link). In this interview, we discussed Darkness to Light, the five steps to protecting kids, and the importance of talking about CSA.

It’s time to reclaim your power, my friends. And you do that by telling your story.

When you do, the kids, parents, and CSA survivors in your community will thank you for it. They need what you have to offer. They need to see your power. They need to know they have the power to prevent CSA or to heal from it.

They need you and your story. Are you ready to reclaim your power?

********

Are you struggling to recover from child abuse or trauma in your past? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

0 Comments

What is “Soft Trauma”?

1/15/2017

8 Comments

There are two kinds of trauma. Both are devastating to your mind, body, and soul.

The trauma everyone is familiar with is “hard trauma.” That would be a natural disaster, war, or personal injury, like a car accident. This type of trauma is almost always physical.

“Soft trauma” is prolonged physiological or emotional abuse. All forms of abuse fall into this category (child abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, narcissistic relationships, domestic abuse, etc.).

The physical evidence of soft trauma is usually delayed. It can take weeks, months, or years to manifest in physical form. However, the effect of soft trauma on the body is just as devastating as hard trauma. It simply appears in a different form, like chronic pain, mental illness, allergies, cancer, and a host of serious or life-threatening illnesses.

Soft trauma is what you and I struggle with every day. To recover from soft trauma, you must restore peace to your mind, body, soul, and spirit. That’s why I talk so much about self-care, self-love, and self-compassion. Trauma and abuse devastate every part of you. Learning how to love and care for yourself through a daily self-care regime is how you begin the healing process.

We all know firsthand the power of soft trauma. It overwhelms you with its constant slam-dunk impact. You feel hopeless. You feel stuck. You think you have no options. Because you feel totally and completely powerless, you disconnect from your body and heart to survive it.

Healing from trauma forces you to connect again and feel all these emotions on a level that’s excruciatingly painful at times. Yes, healing can get very dark and messy.

But it was in this painful darkness where I found myself again. And you will, too. In the darkness you find your power, your strengths, and your authentic self. As you move through the darkness you’ll eventually find your heart, and that’s when you begin to fall in love with yourself.

Trauma may have knocked you down. But it can’t keep you down once you start your healing journey. Continue moving forward. The darkness won’t last forever. And the Light is more glorious than you could have ever imagined. You’re closer to it than you think!

********
Are you struggling with soft trauma, and you can’t seem to move forward anymore? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

8 Comments

What’s the Big Surprise on the Healing Journey?

1/2/2017

2 Comments

Last week’s blog post about “oneness” touched many of you, so I wanted to continue this week by exploring another aspect of that theme.

As you practice oneness, you begin to realize we’re connected not only to each other but also to God (Divine Love). Suddenly, it makes perfect sense that we’re here to learn about love and to experience love. However, you can only experience love when you’re connected. Why? Because love is an active process: you’re either giving love or receiving love or both.

Child abuse disconnects you from love. You were hurt by those who claimed to love you. You were hurt by those you loved. Because love hurt, we distanced ourselves from love to survive the abuse.

The healing journey is all about learning how to reconnect with love. We do that by reconnecting with ourselves, others, and God.

But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Disconnecting from love makes you feel unlovable, and this toxic thought cripples your adult relationships. For example, I was married for 12 years before I could trust my husband enough to believe he wasn’t going to leave me. Sad, but true.

Before I could learn how to trust and connect with him in a loving way, I had to trust and connect with myself. The only way to do that was to connect with my inner child.

Yikes! Not an easy task for me. I didn’t like her. I didn’t know what to do with her. How was I supposed to love this needy, angry, hurt child? I was clueless.

But I kept working on it, practicing self-love and self-compassion. Slowly, I began to accept the parts of myself I felt were unlovable. This helped me connect with other people. I could see we’re all struggling in one way or another. I’d never realized that before. I thought I was the only one. Now I know I’m not.

Safe relationships in support groups or with loved ones help us practice these new oneness skills. They teach us to take responsibility for ourselves in our relationships.

And that’s one of the big surprises on the healing journey. Think about it. When we were children, abusive relationships hurt us. As adults, safe relationships heal us. Wow. Who knew, right? Surprise!

********
Are your relationships driving you crazy? Are you having a difficult time applying the concept of oneness to your personal relationships? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Don’t have time for a coaching session? No problem! My book, JOURNEY TO THE HEART, was created to be a coaching session in book form. How cool is that?! You’ll find this Amazon #1 bestseller in paperback at: http://amzn.to/2gm7DSx or in Kindle at: http://tinyurl.com/jzuq5u7

2 Comments

What Does “Oneness” Really Mean?

12/27/2016

2 Comments

I’d been on my healing journey for several years before I realized something was missing from my life. Something big. It took me a while to figure it out, but when I did I discovered it was a sense of “oneness.”

Even so, it was hard for me to understand such a foreign concept. It’s not like I could actually see this oneness connection with my eyes. Plus, I had no experience with connection or how it felt. As an abused child, I‘d never felt accepted, seen, heard, loved, cherished, or adored by others. I wasn’t even connected to my own heart, mind, and body. Yikes!

But I kept working at it. There was something about the concept of oneness that just felt right, you know?

Eventually, I began to understand. Oneness means we are all one, because we’re all spiritual beings connected to God and his love.

When you look at it that way, it’s easy to open your heart and love everyone you meet. You can even love toxic people. Oneness doesn’t mean you agree with or accept their negative behavior. It just means you love the spiritual essence beneath their toxic words and actions. You can do this because you understand they’re spiritual beings, too. They’re connected to God and his love just like you.

See how that works?

Oneness makes it possible for you to listen to others without being crushed by the weight of their horrific life stories. Instead, you can see the love of God inside them struggling to establish a connection. In the same way, you can be in the presence of abusive, manipulative, toxic people. They’re just lost souls, who haven’t realized they’re spiritual beings connected to God and his love.

Consider adding oneness to your list of 2017 New Year’s resolutions. See yourself connected to everyone on a spiritual level, and all of us connected to God and his love. Focus on the spiritual essence of a person, rather than the offensive behavior.

When you do, God will begin showing up in your life in a powerful way. This is what’s happening to me. It’ll happen to you, too!

********
Is it difficult for you to understand and apply the concept of oneness to your life and relationships? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

2 Comments

How to Heal After You’ve Been Triggered

10/10/2016

4 Comments

I was triggered last week. Ugh!!

The healing journey is challenging and not for the faint of heart. Even if you’ve been on your healing journey for years or decades, you can still be triggered in extreme situations. Ouch!

This time I was triggered by betrayal. Not a new betrayal, but it felt like a fresh wound. And it reminded me how the greatest hurt always comes from those we love.

Child abuse is betrayal trauma. When we’re abused by the people we love and trust, it makes us question our core truth. Am I lovable? Am I good enough to be alive, to breath, to find happiness, to be seen and heard?

I’ve come a long way. I’ve learned how to heal, hold, and love the wounded, betrayed little girl inside. I know I’m not broken. I am lovable. And I deserve to be alive, seen, and heard.

Because of this, when I was triggered last week, I knew what to do to heal. I acknowledged the depth of my grief, I felt it fully, and then I set it free so it wouldn’t remain trapped in my body.

That’s what you should do, too, the next time you’re triggered. Face your pain, acknowledge it, and listen for the lesson it teaches you about how to defuse that trigger once and for all. Just ask. The pain will tell you everything you need to know.

Then turn your vision for the happy, healthy life you’re building into an affirmation. Say it all day long. This is a wonderful way to ground your mind and emotions in the present moment by reminding yourself how far you’ve come and how much you’ve achieved on your healing journey.

Even though at this point in my life I’m thriving, blessed, and loved, I’ve learned a lot from this painful grief. I can see I’m still too hard on myself. I’m too quick to judge and condemn. I need to be more loving, forgiving, and compassionate with myself. I need to find a way to bring more love into my life.

So that’s my task this week. What can I say? Love is always the Lesson!
********
Are you struggling with pesky triggers? Are you too quick to condemn yourself when you’re triggered? Don’t worry. I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

4 Comments

Which Story Are You Telling?

It’s Time to Reclaim Your Power!

What is “Soft Trauma”?

What’s the Big Surprise on the Healing Journey?

What Does “Oneness” Really Mean?

How to Heal After You’ve Been Triggered

Archives

Categories