Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

The Messy Middle Part of Your Healing Journey

3/5/2018

Going through the hard part of healing, the messy middle, is demonstrated in what we see in nature as the winter turning to spring. At first, it looks muddy, gray, or lifeless. The frost, the layers of snow, the piles of dead leafs, the smell of decay and dirt is not always pleasant. You may even find yourself wading through the puddles of muddy water, muddy paths on your favorite hike, and slippery river banks as the water is running into the rivers and the river water is all cloudy and gray.

How can you take solace in watching nature this season while you perhaps are going through your deep healing or the messy middle?

We have learned to trust the process and the season of change in nature, haven't we? We know what happens and we know why.

The same is happening on your healing journey. You have been courageously digging deep, gaining awareness that gave you clarity of what issues you are addressing or healing. You have planted a seed of new possibility for yourself. Whether it is your thinking or feeling that you are working to shift and change, if it is a deep core belief, a personal truth, or a boundary that you are establishing with yourself or others, the process is always the same and it takes time.

After a dark, cold winder, we go into a soggy, messy spring that eventually leads to longer days, greener pastures, and blooming trees and flowers. The cycle is the same, every time.

To support yourself through this process of healing, in times when you have forgotten that you are going through a cycle of change and that things do get better, make sure you have good support.Stay close and connected to others that are going through the same process, that can encourage you when things get hard. Don't go through healing alone. It is harder and more painful to do it alone.

It takes courage to choose healing. Most of that courage is going to be needed to trust yourself, trust the process, to stay out of the way of what your body, mind, and spirit can and will do to heal itself. Because, just like in nature, a season of change is always right around the corner for you. The night is always darkest just before the dawn!

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Going through the messy middle? Feel stuck or alone? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Do You Know How to Love Yourself?

10/15/2017

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That’s a good question, isn’t it? Many of my clients struggle with this concept. They honestly don’t know how to love themselves, or what it feels like.

I understand completely. I had the same problem for decades. I didn’t know how to love myself either. But now I do, and teaching my clients this important skill is one of the things I love most about my work.

Why is self-love so confusing for child abuse survivors? Loving yourself is a skill every child is born with. So it should be easy, right?

Not for us. Our survival as children depended upon our parents or caregivers. Because we weren’t adults, we couldn’t walk away from this abusive relationship. Instead, in order to maintain it, someone had to be the bad guy. It couldn’t be our caregivers, so it had to be us.

Don’t worry if this is the story you created to survive the abuse. It’s a normal coping mechanism. Almost all children in abusive homes create this story.

However, this toxic story is what shaped your view of yourself and the world. If we think we’re bad, then all we see is bad, and all we feel is bad. This is our basic core belief.

How do you change that? The solution is simpler than you think. You just focus on the good every day.

Here are some statements of truth to help you change your focus. I’ve listed several suggestions in parenthesis.

I am grateful for ______ (my health, my willingness to heal, my children, my pets, etc.).
I am good at ______ (surviving, helping others, listening, folding laundry, my job, etc.).
What makes me feel good is ______ (a hot bath, reading, playing with my pet, etc.).
I know I am loved by ______ (my children, my pets, my partner, my adult self, etc.)

Practice these statements of truth every day. Eventually, if you’re persistent with them, you’ll slowly begin to feel more positive about yourself and your life. Why? Because YOU are the creator of your life. YOU are responsible for your happiness.

Can you feel the freedom, peace, and power in that? Wow, what a blessing!

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Is it so difficult for you to love yourself that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t do it? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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WHY Do We Do What We Do?

7/17/2017

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This is such an important question. In fact, it’s an integral part of your healing journey. As survivors of child abuse and trauma, we must always ask “Why?”

Why did I do that?
Why did I say that?
Why did I think that?
Why am I feeling this particular emotion right now?
Why is feeling this way important to me?

I help my clients answer these questions by teaching them how to feel their emotions and how to fall in love with themselves. Nothing gives me more joy or satisfaction than showing them how to achieve this goal as quickly as possible. The tools I give them are the same ones I use when faced with a challenge. These are invaluable, timeless tools that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.

I often cry tears of happiness when my clients reach this point. For example, most are awestruck at their ability to “feel” again. After being numb for so long, they can finally feel good emotions. They never thought they’d be able to do that again. They thought they were too broken. They weren’t.

And neither are you.

I can totally relate to this. When I began to feel again, it was a shocking moment for me. I had no idea I could feel so much joy. I never imagined I could feel so happy. It was an overwhelming, awe-inspiring experience. I thought I was incapable of feeling good emotions. I wasn’t.

So keep asking yourself “Why?” My relentless pursuit of the answer to this question in every area of my life is what led to my healing. It took me to places deep inside me, dark places that needed to be healed.

It’ll be the same for you. Pray about it. Get God involved. Question everything you think, feel, say, and do. The path from Survivor to Thriver begins with one simple word: “Why?”
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Would you like to know how to feel your good emotions again? Would you like to learn how to fall in love with yourself? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Overcome Toxic Resistance

2/27/2017

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Here’s a good question. Why do we resist the things that are good for us? This happens to everyone, but it’s especially challenging for abuse and trauma survivors.

For example, you know how much I love and believe in the healing benefits of TRE. Yet in the beginning, there was a part of me that resisted it. I’m always amazed when this happens. Why would I resist something so healthy, something that makes my body and heart sing? It makes no sense!

Actually, resistance is just the body’s normal response to change. Any kind of change activates the part of you responsible for keeping you safe. It knows how to create safety for you, and it sees no reason to rock the boat.

Most of the time that’s a good thing. It certainly kept us alive as abused children. But sometimes resistance can be toxic.

Last fall, I was the keynote speaker at an empowerment conference in Oregon. I chose self-compassion as my topic. It’s a major key to healthy change. As I was talking, I suddenly realized everyone in the room had stopped breathing. My body noticed this energy shift first. Then my brain acknowledged it.

“How many of you are holding your breath?” I asked. Most smiled and nodded in agreement. Some even laughed.

This is toxic resistance. Most of us have no problem treating others with compassion. Yet we resist being kind to ourselves.

How do you overcome toxic resistance to healthy change? You’ll notice it first in your body. Something won’t feel “right.” When you acknowledge it, toxic resistance loses its power over your life.

As you can imagine, what happened that day fascinated me. Think about it. My body knew the energy in that room had shifted, and I felt it in my body before my brain processed it. That’s how committed our bodies are to keeping us safe. Wow, right?

Tap into this the next time you feel uncomfortable about making a healthy change in your life. Train that protective part of you to work with you rather than against you on your healing journey. Learning how to overcome toxic resistance is a great place to start!

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Are you struggling with toxic resistance to healthy change in your life? Is it preventing you from moving forward on your healing journey? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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We Are All Perfectly Imperfect!

2/20/2017

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I’d like to thank all the readers of my new book, “Journey to the Heart,” who have sent messages and emails. I’m thrilled you’re enjoying it so much, and it has helped you move forward on your healing journey. That was my intent!

After reading it, several have asked wonderful questions. Some I have responded to privately. Others I have posted as discussions in my closed Facebook group. But I felt this question should be the subject of a blog post. It’s an important issue for us.

What do I mean when I say we’re all “perfectly imperfect”?

To survive childhood abuse or trauma, we bend ourselves into pretzels, becoming someone we’re not. It’s how we stay safe. Children are incredibly resilient. They’ll instinctively do whatever is necessary to get their needs met.

The “new identity” we create is the story we tell ourselves that keeps us safe and helps us survive. This toxic coping strategy is a trap, but it’s all we’ve got.

Abused children become adults with no idea who we are or what we need. All we know is how to make other people happy, while we pretend to be perfect. Abuse turns us into codependent caretakers. We secretly resent this people-pleasing behavior pattern, but we don’t know how to escape it.

Guess what? You don’t need to pretend to be perfect anymore to stay safe. No one is perfect. You don’t need to spend all your time people-pleasing, caretaking, and bending over backwards to make sure everyone in your life is happy. That’s not your responsibility.

Instead, learn how to be “imperfect.” Embrace your wonderful, beautiful imperfections. This is how you discover your authentic self.

Everyone on earth is perfectly imperfect. We’re all uniquely beautiful individuals. To heal, you must find the courage to show your perfectly imperfect self to the world. Not everyone will accept your perfectly imperfect authentic self. And that’s okay. Life is a journey. People move in and out of our lives, depending on where we are on our path.

Your responsibility is to be authentic, to be the person you were born to be. That’s the only way to find lasting peace, happiness, and joy.

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Are you a people-pleaser? Do you spend all day every day taking care of the needs of others, while ignoring your own needs? I can help you escape this toxic behavior pattern. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in Paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email to my weekly blog post, go to http://www.educate4change.com and register on the homepage or in the popup box.

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Why You Will Love TRE®!

1/31/2017

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I had a tremendous amount of response from many of you to my blog post last week about TRE® (Tension, Stress & Trauma Release Exercise). So I’ve decided to continue with that theme this week!

There are lots of benefits to TRE®, but the main reason I love it is because it helped me realize the complex relationship between my muscles, brain, and nervous system. These three kept me safe as a child, and they have continued to protect me during the dark, messy parts of my healing journey.

TRE® is the practice of self-regulation. It guides me deeper and deeper into my body that has held tension, trapped toxic beliefs and emotions for decades. It also protects me from overwhelm, which is when I’m most likely to experience the symptoms of PTSD.

TRE® has given me the strength to welcome these feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, frustration, sadness, grief, and depression. I no longer see them as a threat. They appear to let me know something inside me needs to be addressed. When that happens, TRE® provides a pathway for me to manage and process these overwhelming emotions.

TRE® has taught me to trust my body and trust the healing process. I can even listen to music and distract my mind, while TRE® helps my body release tension and stress naturally. No need to supervise the process. No need to control it. Wow, right?

As a Certified TRE® Provider, I teach my clients this incredible trauma-releasing tool. If you’d like to communicate your feelings more effectively, to understand why certain situations are upsetting, and to release deep tension patterns in your muscles that are sabotaging your healing, consider TRE®.

Chronic tension and toxic beliefs trapped in the body are the cause of our emotional and physical pain. TRE® gives us a way to easily find and release them. It’s no wonder I love it so much. And you will, too!

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Is TRE® a healing tool you’d like to explore? Do you have questions about TRE® or the TRE® sessions I offer? If so, send me an email at svava@educate4change.com. I’m always happy to talk about TRE®!

Are you an abuse or trauma survivor? Are you struggling with depression or anxiety, and you can’t seem to move forward? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What is “Soft Trauma”?

1/15/2017

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There are two kinds of trauma. Both are devastating to your mind, body, and soul.

The trauma everyone is familiar with is “hard trauma.” That would be a natural disaster, war, or personal injury, like a car accident. This type of trauma is almost always physical.

“Soft trauma” is prolonged physiological or emotional abuse. All forms of abuse fall into this category (child abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, narcissistic relationships, domestic abuse, etc.).

The physical evidence of soft trauma is usually delayed. It can take weeks, months, or years to manifest in physical form. However, the effect of soft trauma on the body is just as devastating as hard trauma. It simply appears in a different form, like chronic pain, mental illness, allergies, cancer, and a host of serious or life-threatening illnesses.

Soft trauma is what you and I struggle with every day. To recover from soft trauma, you must restore peace to your mind, body, soul, and spirit. That’s why I talk so much about self-care, self-love, and self-compassion. Trauma and abuse devastate every part of you. Learning how to love and care for yourself through a daily self-care regime is how you begin the healing process.

We all know firsthand the power of soft trauma. It overwhelms you with its constant slam-dunk impact. You feel hopeless. You feel stuck. You think you have no options. Because you feel totally and completely powerless, you disconnect from your body and heart to survive it.

Healing from trauma forces you to connect again and feel all these emotions on a level that’s excruciatingly painful at times. Yes, healing can get very dark and messy.

But it was in this painful darkness where I found myself again. And you will, too. In the darkness you find your power, your strengths, and your authentic self. As you move through the darkness you’ll eventually find your heart, and that’s when you begin to fall in love with yourself.

Trauma may have knocked you down. But it can’t keep you down once you start your healing journey. Continue moving forward. The darkness won’t last forever. And the Light is more glorious than you could have ever imagined. You’re closer to it than you think!

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Are you struggling with soft trauma, and you can’t seem to move forward anymore? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Feel Safe in an Unsafe World

12/4/2016

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Safety is a major issue for us. Most survivors of child abuse or trauma don't know how to feel safe.

One of the first things I do with new clients is help them establish an understanding of safety. But how do you do that? How can you feel safe in an unsafe world?

You tackle this goal in two phases. First, you create a safe inner world for yourself. Then you establish a safe outer world.

When we don't feel safe as adults, it’s because our inner world isn’t safe. In order to heal your inner world, you must give yourself permission to not only feel your emotions but also face those emotions you weren’t allowed to express as an abused child.

This is important, because every year those repressed emotions eat up more space inside you. You need to acknowledge them, feel them, express them, and then release them in a healthy way.

After spending years struggling with my feelings, I’ve learned to appreciate them. I no longer fear them. Your emotions are the language your body uses to communicate with you. This is how your nervous system warns you about something or lets you know it’s time to make a change in a certain area of your life.

Once you’ve made peace with your emotions and created a safe inner world, your outer world will begin to shift and change.

The most important step I took in creating a safe outer world was to cut out family members who were unsupportive of my healing. As I healed my inner world, I realized most of my family was never going to be a part of my healing, and I’m okay with that. We each have our own path to follow. We may have been born into the same family, but that doesn’t mean our paths are the same.

If you’re having trouble with safety issues and need help, I’m here for you. My clients often tell me how safe they feel with me. That’s because I simplify the process to make it easier for them to create a safe inner and outer world for themselves.

Contact me if you need help. I had to create safety for myself years ago, so I’m happy to show you how to do it, too!
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Is safety a major issue for you? Are you struggling to feel safe in an unsafe world? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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The Messy Middle Part of Your Healing Journey

Do You Know How to Love Yourself?

WHY Do We Do What We Do?

How to Overcome Toxic Resistance

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect!

Why You Will Love TRE®!

What is “Soft Trauma”?

How to Feel Safe in an Unsafe World

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