Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

From the Child of a Survivor: How CSA Awareness Will Save My Life

4/24/2018

A blog post by a very special guest, in honor of National Child Abuse Prevention Month!

One of the worst misconceptions of child sexual abuse stems from a line that we all tell ourselves about one issue or another: “It will never happen to me. It will never happen in my own family.” Many believe that since the issue of child sexual abuse isn’t talked about as much as political, religious, or international issues that it isn’t as prevalent. The truth is precisely the opposite. According to Darkness to Light, an organization dedicated to the prevention of child sexual abuse, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will experience sexual abuse before they turn 18. That means in a kindergarten class of 20 children, at least four are likely to be sexually abused before they graduate from high school. (www.stopitnow.org)

If that seems scary to you, it gets worse. A majority of these events are occurring in our friend’s homes and even our own. As reported by Darkness to Light, 30 to 40% of children are abused by family members. And as many as 60% are abused by people the family trusts. Add all that up and you see that only about 10% of abusers are strangers. Do you have goose bumps yet?

So why isn’t this more common knowledge? The answer: It’s because of lines we tell ourselves like the one stated above. “I’m too smart to let it happen to me or my family.” These are lines we tell ourselves about rape, about drunk driving, about drug use, and yes, even about child sexual abuse.

Child sexual abuse is not only closer to home than we think, it can take place IN our homes, sometimes under our very noses.

So how do we keep child sexual abuse out of our homes, out of our own families, and out of our communities altogether?

We ALL need to learn about CSA prevention. It isn’t enough to stop what is currently going on, we have to prevent it from happening in the first place. And when it comes to child sexual abuse, many turn their heads and look the other way. Many people don’t know anything about child sexual abuse, especially young adults. Being a young adult myself, I can tell you that ignorance amongst people my age is scary. And it needs to change.

At this point, you may be thinking, who is this person to be telling me that I am not seeing reality or making bold claims that the world needs to change?

I have never been a victim of child sexual abuse. But I am the 24 year old daughter of someone who was. And through my mother’s healing, prevention work, and being raised to be aware of this issue, I know more on the subject than most adults and parents do. Because of my mother, I can see the signs of abuse in the young adults I come in contact with in my daily life. I look out for the signs in my own friends. I can spot grooming signs a mile away. I am very good at not getting myself into bad situations, especially with men in unfamiliar places.

I once came in contact with the uncle of a friend who raised all of my red flags and when I approached my friend about it, I was told that I was paranoid. I get this a lot. Because it is such a hush-hush topic, and not many 20+ year olds know about the issue as much as I do, I am often met with rolling eyes and responses about being too paranoid or too quick to judge. But it is exactly this response that lets so many get away with abusing others. In our society, especially with women, it is considered impolite to suggest that a person is creepy or to ask them to not be around our children. It is impolite for a woman to say that she doesn’t feel comfortable with a man and often is told by her “girlfriends” that she is crazy and being unreasonable (Yes, this happened to me as well.) But I think we can agree that being “impolite” is worth saving yourself or your children from abuse of any kind. No one should ever be shamed for standing up for themselves or for trusting their gut.

I am here to tell you, the reader, that knowledge of this issue, all the facts and statistics that I know, have helped me to live a more aware and safer life. I see the world for what it truly is. Life is beautiful and filled with love and happiness and good people. But I am also aware of the bad that comes with humanity and because of my mother, I know how to keep that bad out of my life and out of the lives of any future children I may have.

I hope that I persuaded you in some way, to look around you and maybe look inside your own family. Prevention is all about opening your eyes to the truth. Child sexual abuse can happen anywhere, to anyone. You know that cheesy Amazing Grace song, “I once was blind, but now I see?” It may be cliché, but it’s the truth. You can choose to be blind to the reality of this issue, or choose to open your eyes and see the truth. The choice is up to you.

By Elisa Brooks
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Ready to get educated about Child Sexual Abuse and how to keep kids safe? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. Just follow (this link) to Darkness to Light. Also feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the information you need to be comfortable with educating your kids, and the adults in your community! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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How Survivors Can Reclaim Their Power

4/16/2018

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You are not powerless. You might think you are, but I promise you, you’re not. In fact, you are actually quite powerful.

Yes, the person who abused you was probably someone you knew and trusted. But that doesn’t make the abuse your fault. You are not what happened to you. You are the same wonderful, awesome, powerful person you were before the abuse. And you always have been.

But if that’s the truth (and it is), then why have you always felt powerless?

Because child sexual abuse is one of those topics our society prefers not to talk about. And not talking about it IS the problem. It makes CSA much worse for everyone. The victims feel powerless because they don’t know what to do about the horrible thing that happened to them. The safe adults around them could have helped. But they didn’t, because they never received CSA prevention education. When no one talks about CSA, everyone loses.

During my keynote speech last April at ABC House, a children’s advocacy center in Oregon, I said I only began to live a powerful life when I discovered how powerful it felt to tell my story. This is the kind of information children, parents, and CSA survivors in our communities are missing. When no one talks about CSA, no one learns how to prevent or heal from it and survivors don't get to take their power back by stepping forward with their truth.

Change has to start with us. Survivors are the ones who must begin the dialogue about CSA and how to prevent it. Because no one else is going to do it.

I was interviewed by Matt at “Surviving My Past” in honor of National Child Abuse Prevention Month. In this interview, we discussed Darkness to Light, the five steps to protecting kids, and the importance of talking about CSA. I think you will really enjoy listening to it and come away having learned a lot. Check it out!

It’s time to reclaim your power, my friends. And you do that by telling your story.

When you do, the kids, parents, and CSA survivors in your community will thank you for it. They need what you have to offer. They need to see your power. They need to know they have the power to prevent CSA or to heal from it.

They need you and your story. Are you ready to reclaim your power?

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Ready to reclaim your power? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. Just follow (this link) to book on my calendar or feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you reclaim your power and start your healing journey. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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You Have To Educate Yourself If You Really Want to Help Children

4/10/2018

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Let me ask you a question.

How would you react if you discovered a trusted relative was sexually abusing a child in your family? Or maybe the abuser is a highly respected, influential person in an organization you support. Would you be outraged? Or would you worry about what people think about your family or that organization?

Unfortunately, when most people have the opportunity to protect a child’s wellbeing in a sexually abusive situation, they choose to preserve the reputation of the family or organization rather than coming to the aid of the child. They choose to do nothing.

I’ve been teaching about Child Sexual Abuse Prevention for over a decade, and I’ve seen this response too often. Just look at the media. The Penn State, Catholic Church, Larry Nasser along with the Olympic Committee, MeToo movement etc. All of these incidents are perfect examples. This is happening all around us. Sad, but true.

And I know what you’re thinking now, that you would be the exception, right? That you’d react differently by speaking up for the child.

But what you don’t realize is you can’t do that effectively until you’ve been educated about child sexual abuse. You’d need to know the facts, as well as the warning signs and how to prevent CSA from happening in the first place.

You may think you already know enough. But you don’t. Unless you’ve attended a CSA seminar or presentation, you don’t have the skills necessary to help a child in a sexually abusive situation.

Concerned adults need to be educated about CSA. It’s important to learn how offenders groom parents before they go after their kids. That’s the only way you’ll know how to act in the best interests of the child. You may never actually see someone abuse a child but I can guarantee you may run into a situation where there is something going on that makes you feel uncomfortable. Without the proper training, you may not feel confident enough to speak up, ask questions, talk to other adult to get the support you need to intervene.

Fortunately, there are caring people like you, who recognize the need for education and preparation. You realize it’s more important to protect the child than the reputation of the family or organization. When you learn how often CSA occurs, you’ll create a safety plan to protect your kids as well.

Once people are educated about CSA and how it fuels a toxic cycle of abuse generation after generation, they’ll understand there aren’t several choices in this kind of situation. There’s only one. And doing nothing is no longer the answer.

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Ready to get educated about Child Sexual Abuse and how to keep kids safe? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. Just follow (this link) to Darkness to Light. Also feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the information you need to be comfortable with educating your kids, and the adults in your community! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Educating Your Children Could Save Them

4/2/2018

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In honor of April, which is Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month, and to answer a common question, I decided I'd share this information that has appeared in numerous blog posts of mine. And that question is, "How do I talk to my kids about sexual abuse?" As a survivor, I had to figure out the best way to teach them in order to keep them safe. But I had to teach them differently then I would adults.

I began my healing journey years ago for my kids, not for myself. They didn’t need to be burdened with the emotional pain from my abusive past. They deserved to have a happy childhood and grow up to be confident, empowered adults.

My girls were little then, so I began by reading picture books to them about the body, what it looks like inside and out, and how it functions. I would add to that information by telling them no one is allowed to touch them beneath their bathing suits. It was only okay if I was with them or if we were at the doctor’s office.

When they were old enough for sleepovers with friends, they knew they didn’t have my permission until I was given the chance to get to know the parents first. I needed important information from those parents including:

Where are the girls going to sleep?
Are there older kids in the house?
Are the parents planning to leave at any point?
What time is bedtime?
What movies are they watching?
What foods are they eating?
What games are they going to play?
If there are guns in the house, are they locked up?
What drugs are in the medicine cabinets?
Can my child use the house phone if she wants to come home?

To that last point, I would actually tell the adults that they could not say no to my child if she wanted to use their phone to call home and that my girls did not need to explain why! I would say this in front of my child and the adult, so everyone was on the same page.

When my girls were teens, they knew they didn’t have my permission to hang out with their friends until they could tell me who they would be with, when they would be home, and if any adults would be present. If they couldn’t answer some of those questions, it made them wonder whether or not this would be a safe situation. In that case, they usually decided to pass on that particular activity.

My girls, and then eventually my son, all came to learn that politeness was NEVER a priority over safety. If they feel uncomfortable at all, even if they can't explain it, I have always given them permission to speak up, walk away, and a safe space to tell me and their father so that the situation can be prevented from happening again.

Today, there is nothing my kids and I can't talk about. My eldest daughter even went on to write an blog post for me a few years ago, explaining why she is so appreciative of being raised with the truth of CSA, however sad or scary that facts may be. And the facts are that if 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before they turn 18, we have a lot of work to do as parents and adults to save future children from going through what happened to us or to loved ones. You can read her blog here: https://www.educate4change.com/blog1/child-sexual-abuse-right-under-our-noses

Even though it might make you uncomfortable to talk about, educating your children could literally save them from abuse, even when they are adults. Your child's safety is more important than the shyness or discomfort you may feel around the topic of sex, abuse, and the body. Trust me, it was worth it every time my child came to me with questions, concerns, or fear, because that kept them from taking a step towards the danger, instead of turning around and choosing safety.

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Ready to educate your kids? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the information you need to be comfortable with educating your kids, no matter how old they are! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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What Does a Children’s Advocacy Center Do?

4/10/2017

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As you know, April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. On April 6, I was a keynote speaker at a fundraiser for a Children’s Advocacy Center in Oregon.

This was the second time I‘d been asked to speak at a fundraiser for a Children’s Advocacy Center, and I was truly honored to help in this way. They expected 400 people, and I talked about my sexually abusive childhood and the evolution of my healing journey.

I never appreciated the role of a Children’s Advocacy Center, until I worked as an advocate in Iceland years ago. That’s when I learned about the important services it provides to children in need and their families.

This is crucial for children, who have been sexually abused. When someone suspects child sexual abuse and files a report, the child is brought to a Children’s Advocacy Center for child-friendly interviewing by a specialist. Afterwards, a copy of the child’s recorded interview is given to every professional who needs to hear it.

This greatly minimizes the stressful impact an investigation has on the child. Before Children’s Advocacy Centers, the child had to testify over and over again to every person involved in the investigation. It was a very traumatic experience.

When I was a child, there were no Children’s Advocacy Centers to go to for help. Now they’re in almost every community. The last time I checked, there were 822 of these centers across the country. You can find your local Children’s Advocacy Center at the national website: http://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org

A Children’s Advocacy Center is important for you, too. Here’s the reason:

If you suspect child abuse, your first step should be to contact your local Children’s Advocacy Center.
These professionals will help you determine if your suspicion is correct or just normal childhood behavior.
If it is abuse, the center will assist you in taking the next step, which will be to call the police or protective services.

The work of your local Children’s Advocacy Center is invaluable. They not only educate your community about child abuse prevention but also offer services to help children and their families recover from abuse.

If what I’ve said in this blog post inspires you to join the prevention movement, consider donating or volunteering at your local center. They need all the help they can get, and they need it now!
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Are you a survivor of child abuse? Are you struggling with the effects of this kind of trauma? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why It’s So Hard to Talk About Child Abuse

4/3/2017

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April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Every year at this time I’m reminded of when I began educating people about how to prevent child sexual abuse.

Adults have a hard time talking about child abuse, especially child sexual abuse. That’s because not only is CSA a horrific violation of an innocent child’s trust but it’s also about sex. In our society, sex is not a topic most adults feel comfortable talking about in public.

When I decided to educate adults about CSA twelve years ago, I had no idea how I was going to accomplish this task. I just knew I would not have suffered in silence for so long as a child if the adults in my life had known how to talk openly about CSA.

Eventually, I became involved with Darkness to Light, which gave me the tools I needed to pursue my goal. I received permission to translate the D2L information booklet into Icelandic, and I distributed a copy to every home in Iceland. This is why I cofounded NGO in Iceland and how my public speaking career began. That booklet generated lots of opportunities to speak about CSA to concerned adults.

Yet, like I said, CSA is an uncomfortable topic for most adults. So how do I teach them to overcome their discomfort? Here’s what I do:

I never present the grim statistics about CSA without giving them the tools they need to cope with this horrifying information.
I offer plenty of hope, because we can make a difference one person at a time.
I show them how to talk about CSA and give them age-appropriate language.
I stress the benefits of CSA education: 1.) the other parents in your community will know you’re watching out for their kids too; 2.) abused children will feel safe talking to you about it; 3.) adult survivors will be encouraged to seek healing.

If you’d like to offer this kind of hope to the adults and children in your community, please visit www.d2l.org for more information about a Darkness to Light Stewards of Children training session near you. Or you can take this evidence-based training online at the D2L website.

You’ll never regret becoming educated about CSA. It gives you the tools you’ll need to save a child from years of pain, isolation, and shame. And that alone is priceless!

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Are you a survivor of child abuse? Are you struggling with the effects of this kind of trauma? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Talking To Your Kids About Child Sexual Abuse

4/24/2016

2 Comments

As I’ve said before, I began my healing journey years ago for my kids, not for myself. They didn’t need to be burdened with the emotional pain from my abusive past. They deserved to have a happy childhood and grow up to be confident, empowered adults.

My girls were little then, so I began by reading picture books to them about the body, what it looks like inside and out, and how it functions. I would add to that information by telling them no one is allowed to touch them beneath their bathing suits. It was only okay if I were with them, and if we were at the doctor’s office.

When they were old enough for sleepovers with friends, they knew they didn’t have my permission until I was given the chance to get to know the parents first. I needed important information from those parents like:

Where are the girls going to sleep?
Are older kids in the house?
Are the parents planning to leave at any point?
What time is bedtime?
What movies are they watching?
What foods are they eating?
What games are they going to play?
If there are guns in the house, are they locked up?
What drugs are in their medicine cabinets?
Can my child use the house phone if she wants to come home?
Actually, I told the adults that they could not say no to my child if she wanted to use their phone to call home, and that they did not need to explain why! I would say this in front of my child and the adult, so everyone was on the same page.

When my girls were teens, they knew they didn’t have my permission to hang out with their friends until they could tell me who they would be with, when they would be home, and if any adults would be present. If they couldn’t answer some of those questions, it made them wonder whether or not this would be a safe situation. In that case, they usually decided to pass on that particular activity.

Today, my girls are out of high school, and my son is an adolescent. There isn’t anything we can't talk about. In fact, my daughter wrote an article a few years ago that shows you exactly what she thinks about the way I educated them on the subject of child sexual abuse and the effect it has had on her. Here’s the link:

http://www.educate4change.com/blog1/child-sexual-abuse-right-under-our-noses

I am so proud of her and grateful that I took the time to educate them. You can educate your kids like this, as well. It’s never too soon to start!

If you missed the FREE 90 min webinar on How to Keep your Kids Safe, here is the link:
Recording URL: http://www.anymeeting.com/SvavaBrooks/E952D680894D3E

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Are you struggling with your healing journey? I can help you take that next step. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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The Toxic Legacy of Self-Denial

4/13/2015

4 Comments

For this third week of National Child Abuse Prevention month, I’d like to talk about self-denial. Part of surviving child sexual abuse is learning to deny the reality of what’s happening to us.

To do that, we made up stories about our families and ourselves. It’s how we survive. We push away the reality that someone we love and trust would hurt us again and again in this horrible, painful way.

One of the stories we create is that the abuse is our fault. We must be bad kids, or we must have done something wrong to merit this kind of horrendous “punishment.” So we try harder to do better. Perfectionism becomes our goal. But that doesn’t work either. The abuse continues no matter what.

When you deny reality, you deny yourself. Unfortunately, this is a toxic legacy we carry from our traumatized childhood into adulthood. It warps our core beliefs about life, the world, and everyone around us. When we deny ourselves, we disconnect from our hearts and our needs. We deny who we truly are.

Yet it feels like such a risk to face reality. And it is. When we allow the truth about our past to unfold it changes everything. It changes what we’ve always believed about ourselves, our personal relationships, and the future.

But this is a risk we must take. No matter how much you’d like to resist, you must step outside your comfort zone. I know how that feels. It’s like someone pulled the rug out from under you. Yet you have to do it. It’s the only way to end the pain, fear, anxiety, and frustration that poison your life.

So keep moving forward. Trust the process. You are an amazing human being, and you have been gifted with the tools and talent to do this. You have!

One day you’ll look in the mirror, and you’ll realize you truly love who you’ve become. But to do that, you need to stop denying yourself. You need to ask yourself this question: “Who am I?” The answer is the place where your healing journey begins.

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Were you sexually abused as a child? Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward? I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you. To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com today. Take the time to invest in yourself. You’re worth it!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What is Darkness to Light?

4/6/2015

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Because April is National Child Abuse Prevention month, I thought I’d tell you a little about the work I do with Darkness to Light.

Darkness to Light Stewards of Children is an organization dedicated to empowering people to prevent child sexual abuse. Its programs raise awareness by educating adults about the steps they can take to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly when faced with the reality of child sexual abuse.

I’m a certified instructor for Darkness to Light, and I train facilitators. I love this work! Why? Because it allows me to teach people what they need to know, so they can return to their communities and educate others about how to keep kids safe. Darkness to Light is proven, evidence-based, and it works.

Here’s another reason why I’m such a big fan of this program.

Ten years ago it wasn’t easy for me to talk about myself and the painful abuse I suffered as a child. But I was deeply committed to this mission. It had become a goal of mine. I knew, without a doubt, this kind of training would have made all the difference in my childhood if the adults around me had known how to respond and keep me safe. Darkness to Light gave me the tools I needed to achieve this goal and become a confident public speaker.

But we all need to do our part. Join the movement, get educated, and share what you’ve learned. You could be saving a child’s life. Maybe a child in your family. If you’re interested in more information about Darkness to Light, you’ll find it here: http://www.d2l.org.

As long as children are being sexually abused in this country, I’ll continue to provide Darkness to Light training wherever I can. If you’re in San Diego, my next facilitator training session is April 11th. There’s still room if you’d like to join me. Just check out this page on my website for more details: http://www.educate4change.com/services.html

Remember, we are stronger together. We really are.

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Were you sexually abused as a child? Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward? I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you. To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com today. Take the time to invest in yourself. You’re worth it!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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From the Child of a Survivor: How CSA Awareness Will Save My Life

How Survivors Can Reclaim Their Power

You Have To Educate Yourself If You Really Want to Help Children

Educating Your Children Could Save Them

What Does a Children’s Advocacy Center Do?

Why It’s So Hard to Talk About Child Abuse

Talking To Your Kids About Child Sexual Abuse

The Toxic Legacy of Self-Denial

What is Darkness to Light?

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