Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

How Survivors Can Reclaim Their Power

4/16/2018

You are not powerless. You might think you are, but I promise you, you’re not. In fact, you are actually quite powerful.

Yes, the person who abused you was probably someone you knew and trusted. But that doesn’t make the abuse your fault. You are not what happened to you. You are the same wonderful, awesome, powerful person you were before the abuse. And you always have been.

But if that’s the truth (and it is), then why have you always felt powerless?

Because child sexual abuse is one of those topics our society prefers not to talk about. And not talking about it IS the problem. It makes CSA much worse for everyone. The victims feel powerless because they don’t know what to do about the horrible thing that happened to them. The safe adults around them could have helped. But they didn’t, because they never received CSA prevention education. When no one talks about CSA, everyone loses.

During my keynote speech last April at ABC House, a children’s advocacy center in Oregon, I said I only began to live a powerful life when I discovered how powerful it felt to tell my story. This is the kind of information children, parents, and CSA survivors in our communities are missing. When no one talks about CSA, no one learns how to prevent or heal from it and survivors don't get to take their power back by stepping forward with their truth.

Change has to start with us. Survivors are the ones who must begin the dialogue about CSA and how to prevent it. Because no one else is going to do it.

I was interviewed by Matt at “Surviving My Past” in honor of National Child Abuse Prevention Month. In this interview, we discussed Darkness to Light, the five steps to protecting kids, and the importance of talking about CSA. I think you will really enjoy listening to it and come away having learned a lot. Check it out!

It’s time to reclaim your power, my friends. And you do that by telling your story.

When you do, the kids, parents, and CSA survivors in your community will thank you for it. They need what you have to offer. They need to see your power. They need to know they have the power to prevent CSA or to heal from it.

They need you and your story. Are you ready to reclaim your power?

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Ready to reclaim your power? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. Just follow (this link) to book on my calendar or feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you reclaim your power and start your healing journey. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Parenting Your Inner Child

8/21/2017

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Becoming a loving, caring, nurturing parent to your inner child can be scary at first. This child remembers every minute of the child abuse you survived, even if you’ve blocked out the worst of it. Ouch!

But don’t worry. Your inner child isn’t going to unleash all those horrible memories on you. Instead, it will only be the parts of you that need healing, the parts you have rejected or ignored.

Yes, your inner child is angry. That’s scary, too. Mine was furious. She wasn’t as upset about the abuse from the past as she was the fact that I had rejected her for decades. I kept giving her to other people to love. She didn’t want their love. She wanted mine.

The wonderful thing about making the commitment to do inner child work is you discover just how loving you can be as an adult. In my case, I discovered I was capable of creating safety for this little girl. I could make her a top priority in my life. I could protect her. I could even help her express her negative emotions without allowing her to wallow in self-pity and blame. I had no idea I could do any of this until I tried.

I keep a photo of myself as a child on my nightstand. Seeing her every day helps me stay connected to her. When I look at it, I feel her presence, and she feels mine. That’s usually all she needs to feel safe.

Whenever fear or anxiety appears in my body I know it’s her. All I have to do is ask her what she needs from me. It’s usually a safety issue. I may have taken a big step in my career, or a troublesome situation may have triggered her. She just needs to know I’m there for her and will protect her. I’m her loving parent and always will be.

What I love most about my inner child is that she’s also the part of me connected to God. By loving myself in this way, I’m opening the door to God’s unconditional love. I may be parenting her, but she is teaching me how to love everyone and everything.

Wow. It doesn’t get any better than that, my friends!

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Do you need help connecting with and learning how to parent your inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

8/14/2017

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Every time you make a decision to change a toxic behavior pattern, your wounded inner child will appear. It’s what makes healthy change hard for us.

And that’s why inner child work is so important. You can’t recover from child abuse and trauma without doing this deep, messy work.

Your wounded inner child is that very young part of yourself, who was hurt by the abuse and is still in pain. In my case, it was my 6-year old self. She was angry for never being seen, heard, or valued. She believed the only way she could ever be worthy was by overachieving and taking care of everyone else’s needs, while ignoring hers.

Because I could feel her anger, resentment, and pain, I was terrified of her. So I rejected her for decades. Of course, that just added to her painful burden.

Inner child work is the practice of building a loving relationship with your abused inner child and becoming the loving parent that child never had. Easier said than done, right? I mean, how do you do that when you never had a loving parent? Here’s how to start!

Whenever you feel unrest inside you, stop, and listen to it.
Sit with this unrest until you can name it (anxiety, depression, sadness, overwhelm, grief, fear, loneliness, etc.).
Place your hand on your heart, so your wounded inner child can feel you.
Close your eyes and visualize a safe place for your inner child to feel comfortable talking to you.
Ask your inner child what it’s trying to tell you.
Listen to whatever this child says with an open mind, whether you agree with it or not. That’s what a loving parent does.
Cuddle this precious child in your arms and take loving action by letting it know you hear it, see it, acknowledge it, and value it.

Basically, all your inner child wants is to be loved by YOU. That’s it. You do this by making your inner child a top priority, creating a sense of safety for it, and giving it all the love and care it craved but never received.

Few things are more rewarding in life than building a peaceful, loving relationship with your wounded inner child. It’s not an easy process, and it won’t happen overnight. But it’s well worth the effort, because it always leads to major breakthroughs.

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Are you struggling to build a relationship with your wounded inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do We Develop Courage?

7/23/2017

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If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you may remember I wrote a blog post a few weeks ago about the 7 steps most child abuse survivors must take in order to heal.

I received a wonderful response to it from several of you. Thanks! If you haven’t had a chance to read it yet, here’s the link:
link

In this blog post, I’d like to discuss the second of these 7 steps: Develop Courage. As you know, we don’t start out on our healing journey feeling courageous. In the beginning, courage is the last thing we feel. We’re uncertain of the path, the process, and the outcome.
That’s a completely normal response. Fortunately, your willingness to heal will eventually develop into courage with each healthy risk you take on your journey.

The reason we don’t feel courageous is because change is hard for survivors of child abuse. Thankfully, we’re not defenseless kids anymore. We’re adults. Now we’re the ones with all the power. We can make the choice to heal. We can be willing to change. We can take small steps forward every day on our healing journey. We can use purposeful intent to work each of these 7 steps.

Yes, we’ll probably have to remind ourselves every day of our commitment to heal. I know I did! But that daily reminder is what keeps us going.

Today, I want you to realize you’re already a courageous person. You may not feel that way, I know. But it takes tremendous courage to begin your healing journey. And you did that.

Now you need to wake up every morning, willing to do what it takes that day to heal. Do this every morning, and one day you’ll blossom into a capable, courageous, loving human being.

When it happens, that will be a very special day. It’ll be the day you rediscover your authentic self. How exciting!
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Are you having trouble with this second step? Is feeling courageous a stumbling block for you? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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WHY Do We Do What We Do?

7/17/2017

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This is such an important question. In fact, it’s an integral part of your healing journey. As survivors of child abuse and trauma, we must always ask “Why?”

Why did I do that?
Why did I say that?
Why did I think that?
Why am I feeling this particular emotion right now?
Why is feeling this way important to me?

I help my clients answer these questions by teaching them how to feel their emotions and how to fall in love with themselves. Nothing gives me more joy or satisfaction than showing them how to achieve this goal as quickly as possible. The tools I give them are the same ones I use when faced with a challenge. These are invaluable, timeless tools that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.

I often cry tears of happiness when my clients reach this point. For example, most are awestruck at their ability to “feel” again. After being numb for so long, they can finally feel good emotions. They never thought they’d be able to do that again. They thought they were too broken. They weren’t.

And neither are you.

I can totally relate to this. When I began to feel again, it was a shocking moment for me. I had no idea I could feel so much joy. I never imagined I could feel so happy. It was an overwhelming, awe-inspiring experience. I thought I was incapable of feeling good emotions. I wasn’t.

So keep asking yourself “Why?” My relentless pursuit of the answer to this question in every area of my life is what led to my healing. It took me to places deep inside me, dark places that needed to be healed.

It’ll be the same for you. Pray about it. Get God involved. Question everything you think, feel, say, and do. The path from Survivor to Thriver begins with one simple word: “Why?”
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Would you like to know how to feel your good emotions again? Would you like to learn how to fall in love with yourself? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Reach Any Goal You Set!

6/26/2017

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In January, I told you about my healing goals for 2017. Well, it’s June, and we’re six months into the year. Time to assess my progress!

This has been a very busy year for my Abuse Survivor Coaching business, as well as my TRE sessions. Lots of new clients for both. However, even though I’ve made progress with my 2017 goals, life has a way of interrupting. Tweaks are definitely necessary.

One of my goals was to meditate every day. I’ve been meditating for years, but not on a daily basis. I wanted to change that in order to reap the full benefits of meditation: a calm mind, a peaceful body, and a joyous presence.

To help me achieve this goal, I joined a 21-day meditation challenge with a friend. It worked! Since January, I’ve meditated every day of the week, and I love the benefits.

Another goal included a more intense workout plan. This one has been harder to achieve. To help me reach this goal, I joined my girls in January for a 12-week workout challenge. It went really well at first. We made measurable progress and had lots of fun.

But then I was sidelined with unexpected obstacles and setbacks. For example, I pulled a muscle. Then I was sick a few times. I also travelled more than usual. Now it’s June, and I obviously need to reassess my 2017 workout plan.

So that’s what I did. This time I’m being kinder to myself and my body. I’ve set smaller, more realistic monthly goals, which are divided into manageable weekly steps. I’m still committed to my 2017 workout goal. But I realize I’m not 20 years old anymore (lol), and I run a busy business. These tweaks will help me reach my goal one day, one week, and one month at a time.

How about you? How are your 2017 goals coming along? Have you done a 6-month assessment yet?

If you’ve also encountered setbacks this year, reach out for support. Don’t give up on your goals. Change is really hard sometimes. But with consistent, small steps you’ll reach your goals.

Hey, if I can do it, so can you, right? Go for it!
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Are you and your spouse struggling with your relationship? Does peace in your family seem like an impossible goal? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Discover Your Unique Gifts

5/30/2017

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As many of you know, for almost the entire month of May, I’ve been in Iceland. This year, it’s not only my 35-year high school reunion but also my 30-year junior college reunion. Since I missed my other reunions, I felt I needed to go to these.

And I was right! I had a wonderful time, reconnecting with old friends and reliving good memories from our school days. I even discovered a few of my classmates are child abuse survivors. I was thrilled to learn they’ve been following me online and are empowered by my work.

It was a business trip, too, because I was introducing TRE to Iceland. I offered TRE classes every week for the three weeks I was there, and they filled up quickly. I also gave presentations on my healing journey, TRE, and my book at several events across the country.

The reason I mention this is because I want you to realize the story of your healing journey is a blessing. That’s probably the last thing you’re thinking, right? I know how you feel! This journey rarely seems like a blessing when you’re clawing your way through another layer of buried emotional pain. Healing from trauma or child abuse is messy. There’s no way around that. But, trust me, it’s also a blessing.

Here’s what I mean. Each one of us is a perfectly imperfect, vulnerable human being with an immense capacity to love ourselves and others. The healing journey is all about rediscovering that.

So don’t give up on yourself, okay? There are people who are waiting for you to realize you’re a blessing. Your life will become the example that shows them healing is possible. Your life is the one that will encourage them to move from surviving to thriving. That’s how powerful you are.

What’s the source of your power? It comes from falling in love with yourself and honoring the unique gifts you were born with. If you’re not certain about your gifts, ask yourself this question: What makes your heart sing and gives you JOY?

The answer to that question is the first step toward discovering your incredible gifts. Yes, it’s that simple!
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Are you stuck on your healing journey? Do you feel like you’ve plateaued out, and you’re not moving forward anymore? If so, I can help. JJust follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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It’s Time to Reclaim Your Power!

5/1/2017

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You’re not powerless. You might think you are, but you’re not. In fact, you’re actually quite powerful.

Yes, the person who abused you was probably someone you knew and trusted. But that doesn’t make the abuse your fault. You’re not what happened to you. You’re the same wonderful, awesome, powerful person you were before the abuse. And you always have been.

But if that’s the truth (and it is), then why have you always felt powerless?

Because child sexual abuse is one of those topics our society prefers not to talk about. And not talking about it is the problem. It makes CSA much worse for everyone. The victims feel powerless, because they don’t know what to do about the horrible thing that happened to them. The safe adults around them could have helped. But they didn’t, because they never received CSA prevention education. When no one talks about CSA, everyone loses.

During my keynote speech this month at ABC House, a children’s advocacy center in Oregon, I said I only began to live a powerful life when I discovered how powerful it felt to tell my story. This is the kind of information children, parents, and CSA survivors in our communities are missing. When no one talks about CSA, no one learns how to prevent or heal from it.

Change has to start with us. Survivors are the ones who must begin the dialogue about CSA and how to prevent it. No one else is going to do it.

A few weeks ago, I was interviewed by Matt at “Surviving My Past” (Link). In this interview, we discussed Darkness to Light, the five steps to protecting kids, and the importance of talking about CSA.

It’s time to reclaim your power, my friends. And you do that by telling your story.

When you do, the kids, parents, and CSA survivors in your community will thank you for it. They need what you have to offer. They need to see your power. They need to know they have the power to prevent CSA or to heal from it.

They need you and your story. Are you ready to reclaim your power?

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Are you struggling to recover from child abuse or trauma in your past? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Become a Connection Magnet!

3/20/2017

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I often mention in my blog posts how we had to disconnect from our body when we were children in order to survive the abuse we endured. This is how our nervous system protected us. It knew the abuse was too much for our tender young mind, spirit, and soul to handle.

However, when you grow up, this coping skill turns toxic and works against you. To fix that, you must learn how to reconnect with your body. Why? Because you can’t connect with others in a meaningful way until you connect with your body. You might think when you become an adult your body will reconnect automatically. But it can’t. It still doesn’t feel safe.

So we sabotage our relationships. We crave connection with other people and pull them to us. But when they get too close, we freak and push them away. We use lots of excuses to justify our toxic behavior. We say we can’t meet the right people. Or no one cares about us. Or no one has anything in common with us. Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, we don’t push the abusive people away. Instead, we let them get too close. We end up doing all the giving in those toxic relationships. The abuser just takes and takes and takes and then abandons us in a heartless manner. Is it any wonder your body never feels safe?

To build healthy, positive relationships, you must learn how to reconnect with your body. It’s the only way your body will ever feel safe. You can start by not giving so much to others. Develop the habit of giving the same amount of time, love, care, and compassion to yourself. Be as good to yourself as you are to others.

When you do, an incredible thing happens. Only emotionally healthy relationships will flow into your life. In fact, I’m still in awe of this. I no longer attract abusers. Now I only attract joyous, nurturing people, who value me as much as I value myself. Wow, right?

As you connect with your body in a loving way, it will finally feel safe, and you’ll become a “connection magnet.” Then watch how God brings the most incredible people and relationships into your life. I guarantee you’ll be as awestruck as I am!

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Are you trapped in that frustrating pull/push pattern? Is it hard for you to reconnect with your body? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Make Peace with Your Emotions

1/8/2017

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You can’t heal from abuse or trauma without learning how to feel your emotions. For someone who has never experienced abuse, what I just said must sound weird. Doesn’t everyone know how to feel their feelings? No, they don’t. Not us.

This is especially true for child abuse survivors. We grew up unprotected, watching violence, listening to violence, and experiencing violence. The only way to survive this type of toxic environment was to shut down any awareness of the raging emotions inside us. It wasn’t safe to express our emotions. It wasn’t safe to talk about our emotions. It wasn’t safe.

When I began my healing journey, I had no idea how deeply I had suppressed all my emotions. I was completely unaware of the repressed sadness, grief, outrage, and anger festering inside me.

As my awareness grew, I could see how shame had crippled almost every area of my life. For example, I’ll never forget the time I was arguing with my husband. At one point I was no longer making sense. All I cared about was being right. Suddenly, I realized this was shame rearing its ugly head. I stopped arguing and told my husband he was right. And he was.

Practice feeling your emotions by becoming aware of your body. That’s the best place to start.

Scan your body. Do you feel discomfort, tightness, or stress anywhere? Where is it in your body? Focus on the emotion in that area until you can name it. Then feel it.

Is this emotion a response to something that just happened? Or is it a response to a situation from the past? Emotions from the past are stored as trapped energy in the body. They need to be acknowledged and released by gently allowing them to move through you. Let them go.

Make peace with your emotions. Practice finding, feeling, and releasing them in a healthy way. Soon you’ll discover a wonderful truth: your emotions are your friends.
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Is it difficult for you to feel all of your emotions? Is the thought of doing this just too overwhelming to consider? If so, I can help! Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life.

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Survivors Can Reclaim Their Power

Parenting Your Inner Child

How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

How Do We Develop Courage?

WHY Do We Do What We Do?

How to Reach Any Goal You Set!

How to Discover Your Unique Gifts

It’s Time to Reclaim Your Power!

Become a Connection Magnet!

How to Make Peace with Your Emotions

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