Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

How Do We Develop Courage?

7/23/2017

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you may remember I wrote a blog post a few weeks ago about the 7 steps most child abuse survivors must take in order to heal.

I received a wonderful response to it from several of you. Thanks! If you haven’t had a chance to read it yet, here’s the link:
link

In this blog post, I’d like to discuss the second of these 7 steps: Develop Courage. As you know, we don’t start out on our healing journey feeling courageous. In the beginning, courage is the last thing we feel. We’re uncertain of the path, the process, and the outcome.
That’s a completely normal response. Fortunately, your willingness to heal will eventually develop into courage with each healthy risk you take on your journey.

The reason we don’t feel courageous is because change is hard for survivors of child abuse. Thankfully, we’re not defenseless kids anymore. We’re adults. Now we’re the ones with all the power. We can make the choice to heal. We can be willing to change. We can take small steps forward every day on our healing journey. We can use purposeful intent to work each of these 7 steps.

Yes, we’ll probably have to remind ourselves every day of our commitment to heal. I know I did! But that daily reminder is what keeps us going.

Today, I want you to realize you’re already a courageous person. You may not feel that way, I know. But it takes tremendous courage to begin your healing journey. And you did that.

Now you need to wake up every morning, willing to do what it takes that day to heal. Do this every morning, and one day you’ll blossom into a capable, courageous, loving human being.

When it happens, that will be a very special day. It’ll be the day you rediscover your authentic self. How exciting!
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Are you having trouble with this second step? Is feeling courageous a stumbling block for you? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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WHY Do We Do What We Do?

7/17/2017

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This is such an important question. In fact, it’s an integral part of your healing journey. As survivors of child abuse and trauma, we must always ask “Why?”

Why did I do that?
Why did I say that?
Why did I think that?
Why am I feeling this particular emotion right now?
Why is feeling this way important to me?

I help my clients answer these questions by teaching them how to feel their emotions and how to fall in love with themselves. Nothing gives me more joy or satisfaction than showing them how to achieve this goal as quickly as possible. The tools I give them are the same ones I use when faced with a challenge. These are invaluable, timeless tools that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.

I often cry tears of happiness when my clients reach this point. For example, most are awestruck at their ability to “feel” again. After being numb for so long, they can finally feel good emotions. They never thought they’d be able to do that again. They thought they were too broken. They weren’t.

And neither are you.

I can totally relate to this. When I began to feel again, it was a shocking moment for me. I had no idea I could feel so much joy. I never imagined I could feel so happy. It was an overwhelming, awe-inspiring experience. I thought I was incapable of feeling good emotions. I wasn’t.

So keep asking yourself “Why?” My relentless pursuit of the answer to this question in every area of my life is what led to my healing. It took me to places deep inside me, dark places that needed to be healed.

It’ll be the same for you. Pray about it. Get God involved. Question everything you think, feel, say, and do. The path from Survivor to Thriver begins with one simple word: “Why?”
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Would you like to know how to feel your good emotions again? Would you like to learn how to fall in love with yourself? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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The Toxic Power of Shame

6/11/2017

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Shame always appears on the healing journey when you begin to:

Reconnect with your body to feel safe
Reconnect with your emotions to express them in a healthy way
Isolate and correct distorted core beliefs
Practice being kinder to yourself
Believe you’re worthy
Believe you’re lovable
Believe you can change

That’s quite a list, isn’t it? But shame is often the primary cause of the mental and emotional blocks that arise when you tackle these areas of healing from abuse. Shame tries to keep you feeling powerless, disconnected, and unworthy of love.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget how thoroughly shame terrorized my life. I remember the feeling well. Shame is what I thought every time I considered telling my husband about my abusive past. Shame had convinced me, if he knew the truth about me and what I’d survived, he would leave me. None of this was true. Shame is a liar.

Understanding the way shame operates and its toxic power is an important part of healing. Fortunately, shame is like fear. Once you recognize it, shame loses its power to hold you hostage. Yay!

When shame comes up with my clients, we begin with the thing that gives them the most intense feelings of shame. Then we take baby steps to dissect that feeling, so they can take back their power in this area.

If you’re looking for more information about dealing with shame, I recommend the books by Brené Brown, especially Daring Greatly.

Don’t let shame sabotage your healing journey. Don’t allow it to hold you hostage. Shame is nothing more than a bully. Every toxic thing it tells you is a lie. Take back your power and end its reign of terror TODAY!!

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Are you struggling with shame? Do you often feel overwhelmed by its power and the effect it has on you? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Believe You Can Heal?

6/6/2017

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Recently, I heard there are 42 million child sexual abuse survivors in the U.S. That number is probably much higher, because some survivors never tell anyone about their abusive past.

Most survivors spend years (maybe decades) thinking about the past before we find the courage to tell someone about it. When the brain continually focuses on the trauma from an abusive past, it just makes the pain worse. It’s the major cause of our suffering.

That’s why to heal from the past you have to believe you can heal.

Yes, feeling the pain, sitting with it, acknowledging it, allowing it to express itself in a healthy way, and releasing it from your body is one of the first steps on the healing journey. Until you do that, you’ll never completely heal.

However, you can’t remain in this step forever. At some point, your heart will let you know it’s time to move forward to the next step on your healing journey. If you don’t, fear will take over and try to convince you that you’ll never heal. To conquer this fear, you must believe healing is possible.

And that’s my question for you today. Do you really, honestly believe you can heal?

We can never go back and undo the trauma from our abusive past. The damage is done. But you can move forward to the next step on your healing journey. You do that by choosing to heal.

Everyone’s healing journey is unique. We all move forward at a different pace. Some steps on your healing journey will come easily for you, and you’ll accomplish them quickly. Others will take weeks or months to work through. Everyone is different.

The best way to defeat your fears and continue moving forward is to use your own life as proof. Look back to where you were a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago. You’ve come a long way, haven’t you?

Yes, you can heal! Just look at your life. That’s all the proof you’ll need.
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Are you stuck on your healing journey? Do you feel like you’ve plateaued out, and you’re not moving forward anymore? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What If I Don’t Know What I Want?

4/17/2017

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If 2017 has been an unusually busy year for you, I can totally relate! But for survivors of abuse, a hectic schedule isn’t something out of the ordinary. Too often it’s the norm.

An important milestone on your healing journey will be the realization that you’re ready to step off this hectic hamster wheel. If you’re tired of living in reaction mode, dashing from sunrise to sunset each day, trying to catch up but never achieving that goal, good for you! The desire to end your frantic pace is a major accomplishment.

But how do you stop this toxic merry-go-round? You simply change direction. Instead of trying to satisfy the wants and needs of everyone else in your life, you concentrate on satisfying your own.

Easier said than done for abuse survivors like us, right? We’re pros at knowing what we don’t want. But we’re clueless about what we do want. In fact, most of us have never considered asking ourselves important questions like:

What do I want?
What do I need?
What do I want my life to be about?

The abuse we suffered battered us with the false belief that we aren’t as valuable as everyone else. At our core, we feel we don’t deserve to relax, to do what brings us joy, or to make our needs a top priority.

Of course, none of this is true. Abuse is built on lies, and this is a big one. Every human being on the planet is valuable, regardless of what they’ve survived. And that includes YOU!

To determine what you want and need in life, the first step is gratitude. Think about everything you’re grateful for. When we appreciate all the good things in life, we appreciate the good things about ourselves.

Begin every morning with gratitude. This practice will help you gain more clarity about what you truly want and need. Then create a list of those things.

Here’s my challenge to you. Now that you have a list of your wants and needs, schedule at least one thing from this list every day.

When you’re ready to accept my challenge, you’ve reached another major milestone on your healing journey. Congratulations!
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Does your mind go blank every time someone asks you what YOU want in life? That’s not uncommon for survivors of abuse. But don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Healing From Child Abuse is Like Peeling an Onion

3/27/2017

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Healing from child abuse or chronic trauma doesn’t happen step-by-step, as if you were climbing a staircase. The healing process is more like peeling an onion.

Child abuse is sustained trauma that happens day after day. It forces you to disconnect from your mind, body, and heart. This helps you survive the abuse, but it also hides your authentic self.

Every day for years you disconnected from reality and from your true identity, while enduring the abuse. Every year added a new layer of repression, inner tension, and toxic beliefs.

Your brain helped you do this when you were a child in order to protect you. But now you’re an adult, and this repressed trauma is manifesting as toxic relationships, addiction, codependency, destructive behavior patterns, illness, or chronic pain. You’d love to fix this, and you’ve tried. But nothing seems to work. Instead, you’re stuck, reliving the same problems over and over again. Ugh!

To move forward in a meaningful way, change your focus. Begin to see yourself as an onion. Then ask yourself these deep questions:

What negative themes are repeated in your life?
What are your challenges?
What do your relationships look like?
Do your friends treat you with respect and kindness?
Do you schedule daily self-care?
What are your healing goals?
What gives you joy?
What makes you feel fulfilled?

Each question you answer brings awareness with it. And this awareness peels away another layer of repressed trauma, just like you were peeling an onion.

However, peeling an onion always makes you cry, right? Awareness does the same thing. When awareness appears, it immediately peels away a layer of repressed trauma. That releases a flood of emotion, like sadness, grief, anger, or rage.

You have to grab a tissue to blot your eyes when peeling an onion, right? Do the same with awareness. Use kindness and compassion, like a soothing tissue, until those emotions flow through you and out.

Keep answering these deep questions, gaining awareness, and peeling away each layer of repressed trauma. Now you’re no longer stuck, and your life has become brighter, more joyous, and filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come. This is the healing journey!
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Are you stuck on your healing journey and can’t seem to move forward again? Do you need help asking and answering those deep questions? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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We Are All Perfectly Imperfect!

2/20/2017

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I’d like to thank all the readers of my new book, “Journey to the Heart,” who have sent messages and emails. I’m thrilled you’re enjoying it so much, and it has helped you move forward on your healing journey. That was my intent!

After reading it, several have asked wonderful questions. Some I have responded to privately. Others I have posted as discussions in my closed Facebook group. But I felt this question should be the subject of a blog post. It’s an important issue for us.

What do I mean when I say we’re all “perfectly imperfect”?

To survive childhood abuse or trauma, we bend ourselves into pretzels, becoming someone we’re not. It’s how we stay safe. Children are incredibly resilient. They’ll instinctively do whatever is necessary to get their needs met.

The “new identity” we create is the story we tell ourselves that keeps us safe and helps us survive. This toxic coping strategy is a trap, but it’s all we’ve got.

Abused children become adults with no idea who we are or what we need. All we know is how to make other people happy, while we pretend to be perfect. Abuse turns us into codependent caretakers. We secretly resent this people-pleasing behavior pattern, but we don’t know how to escape it.

Guess what? You don’t need to pretend to be perfect anymore to stay safe. No one is perfect. You don’t need to spend all your time people-pleasing, caretaking, and bending over backwards to make sure everyone in your life is happy. That’s not your responsibility.

Instead, learn how to be “imperfect.” Embrace your wonderful, beautiful imperfections. This is how you discover your authentic self.

Everyone on earth is perfectly imperfect. We’re all uniquely beautiful individuals. To heal, you must find the courage to show your perfectly imperfect self to the world. Not everyone will accept your perfectly imperfect authentic self. And that’s okay. Life is a journey. People move in and out of our lives, depending on where we are on our path.

Your responsibility is to be authentic, to be the person you were born to be. That’s the only way to find lasting peace, happiness, and joy.

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Are you a people-pleaser? Do you spend all day every day taking care of the needs of others, while ignoring your own needs? I can help you escape this toxic behavior pattern. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in Paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email to my weekly blog post, go to http://www.educate4change.com and register on the homepage or in the popup box.

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Why You Will Love TRE®!

1/31/2017

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I had a tremendous amount of response from many of you to my blog post last week about TRE® (Tension, Stress & Trauma Release Exercise). So I’ve decided to continue with that theme this week!

There are lots of benefits to TRE®, but the main reason I love it is because it helped me realize the complex relationship between my muscles, brain, and nervous system. These three kept me safe as a child, and they have continued to protect me during the dark, messy parts of my healing journey.

TRE® is the practice of self-regulation. It guides me deeper and deeper into my body that has held tension, trapped toxic beliefs and emotions for decades. It also protects me from overwhelm, which is when I’m most likely to experience the symptoms of PTSD.

TRE® has given me the strength to welcome these feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, frustration, sadness, grief, and depression. I no longer see them as a threat. They appear to let me know something inside me needs to be addressed. When that happens, TRE® provides a pathway for me to manage and process these overwhelming emotions.

TRE® has taught me to trust my body and trust the healing process. I can even listen to music and distract my mind, while TRE® helps my body release tension and stress naturally. No need to supervise the process. No need to control it. Wow, right?

As a Certified TRE® Provider, I teach my clients this incredible trauma-releasing tool. If you’d like to communicate your feelings more effectively, to understand why certain situations are upsetting, and to release deep tension patterns in your muscles that are sabotaging your healing, consider TRE®.

Chronic tension and toxic beliefs trapped in the body are the cause of our emotional and physical pain. TRE® gives us a way to easily find and release them. It’s no wonder I love it so much. And you will, too!

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Is TRE® a healing tool you’d like to explore? Do you have questions about TRE® or the TRE® sessions I offer? If so, send me an email at svava@educate4change.com. I’m always happy to talk about TRE®!

Are you an abuse or trauma survivor? Are you struggling with depression or anxiety, and you can’t seem to move forward? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do We Develop Courage?

WHY Do We Do What We Do?

The Toxic Power of Shame

Do You Believe You Can Heal?

What If I Don’t Know What I Want?

Healing From Child Abuse is Like Peeling an Onion

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect!

Why You Will Love TRE®!

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