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From the Child of a Survivor: How CSA Awareness Will Save My Life

4/24/2018

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A blog post by a very special guest, in honor of National Child Abuse Prevention Month!

One of the worst misconceptions of child sexual abuse stems from a line that we all tell ourselves about one issue or another: “It will never happen to me. It will never happen in my own family.” Many believe that since the issue of child sexual abuse isn’t talked about as much as political, religious, or international issues that it isn’t as prevalent. The truth is precisely the opposite. According to Darkness to Light, an organization dedicated to the prevention of child sexual abuse, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will experience sexual abuse before they turn 18. That means in a kindergarten class of 20 children, at least four are likely to be sexually abused before they graduate from high school. (www.stopitnow.org) 

If that seems scary to you, it gets worse. A majority of these events are occurring in our friend’s homes and even our own. As reported by Darkness to Light, 30 to 40% of children are abused by family members. And as many as 60% are abused by people the family trusts. Add all that up and you see that only about 10% of abusers are strangers. Do you have goose bumps yet?

So why isn’t this more common knowledge? The answer: It’s because of lines we tell ourselves like the one stated above. “I’m too smart to let it happen to me or my family.” These are lines we tell ourselves about rape, about drunk driving, about drug use, and yes, even about child sexual abuse.

Child sexual abuse is not only closer to home than we think, it can take place IN our homes, sometimes under our very noses.

So how do we keep child sexual abuse out of our homes, out of our own families, and out of our communities altogether?

We ALL need to learn about CSA prevention. It isn’t enough to stop what is currently going on, we have to prevent it from happening in the first place. And when it comes to child sexual abuse, many turn their heads and look the other way. Many people don’t know anything about child sexual abuse, especially young adults. Being a young adult myself, I can tell you that ignorance amongst people my age is scary. And it needs to change.

At this point, you may be thinking, who is this person to be telling me that I am not seeing reality or making bold claims that the world needs to change?

I have never been a victim of child sexual abuse. But I am the 24 year old daughter of someone who was. And through my mother’s healing, prevention work, and being raised to be aware of this issue, I know more on the subject than most adults and parents do. Because of my mother, I can see the signs of abuse in the young adults I come in contact with in my daily life. I look out for the signs in my own friends. I can spot grooming signs a mile away. I am very good at not getting myself into bad situations, especially with men in unfamiliar places. 


I once came in contact with the uncle of a friend who raised all of my red flags and when I approached my friend about it, I was told that I was paranoid. I get this a lot. Because it is such a hush-hush topic, and not many 20+ year olds know about the issue as much as I do, I am often met with rolling eyes and responses about being too paranoid or too quick to judge. But it is exactly this response that lets so many get away with abusing others. In our society, especially with women, it is considered impolite to suggest that a person is creepy or to ask them to not be around our children. It is impolite for a woman to say that she doesn’t feel comfortable with a man and often is told by her “girlfriends” that she is crazy and being unreasonable (Yes, this happened to me as well.) But I think we can agree that being “impolite” is worth saving yourself or your children from abuse of any kind. No one should ever be shamed for standing up for themselves or for trusting their gut.

I am here to tell you, the reader, that knowledge of this issue, all the facts and statistics that I know, have helped me to live a more aware and safer life. I see the world for what it truly is. Life is beautiful and filled with love and happiness and good people. But I am also aware of the bad that comes with humanity and because of my mother, I know how to keep that bad out of my life and out of the lives of any future children I may have.

I hope that I persuaded you in some way, to look around you and maybe look inside your own family. Prevention is all about opening your eyes to the truth. Child sexual abuse can happen anywhere, to anyone. You know that cheesy Amazing Grace song, “I once was blind, but now I see?” It may be cliché, but it’s the truth. You can choose to be blind to the reality of this issue, or choose to open your eyes and see the truth. The choice is up to you.

By Elisa Brooks
                                                                          ********
Ready to get educated about Child Sexual Abuse and how to keep kids safe? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry. Just follow (this link) to Darkness to Light.  Also feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125).  Let me help you with the information you need to be comfortable with educating your kids, and the adults in your community! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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How to Give Your Kids What You Never Had

9/11/2017

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As child abuse survivors, we work really hard to do the best we can with our children.  We want them to have what we didn’t.  So we try to create a healthy, nourishing environment to help our kids grow and thrive in the best way possible.  

But after working all day, sometimes there isn’t much left of us for our children.  That used to bother me a lot.  I felt like I wasn’t giving my kids 100% of what they needed from me.  

Finally, I realized I was trying to give them what “I” felt they needed, not what “they” feel they needed.  They didn’t need a mother who ran herself ragged every day, trying to be a supermom.  All they wanted was what I needed when I was a child: to be seen, heard, understood, and validated.  

How do you make this happen for your children?  

You simply do less and listen more.  In fact, the less you say the better.  Instead, listen intently to whatever your kids want to tell you.  Ask questions when appropriate and make encouraging, supportive comments like:

  • I hear you.
  • That sounds interesting.
  • What a great idea!
  • I would love to see you do that.
  • How can I support you?

When I was certified in Positive Discipline Parenting, I learned two more important parenting skills.

  1. The Iceberg.  
A child’s behavior is just the tip of the iceberg.  The rest of the iceberg is underwater and represents an unmet need that child’s behavior is trying to meet.  A parent’s job is to create a supportive environment in which all your children’s needs can be met in empowering, healthy ways.  

  1. Connect Before You Correct.  
Your first response to any troubling situation shouldn’t be to correct, advise, or suggest.  Instead, create a calm atmosphere in which your child feels safe to communicate his or her needs to you.  Then you can solve the problem together.

When you say less and listen more, your children open up and connect with you in amazing ways.  Best of all, when you honor them as unique and valuable individuals, you’re truly giving them what you never had.  

Mission accomplished!  
                                                        ********
Are you having trouble communicating with your children?  If so, I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


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It’s Time to Walk Away From Your Past

8/22/2016

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Healing from trauma isn’t a quick fix.  It won’t happen overnight or in just a few days, weeks, or months.  That’s not how it works.

Believe me, when I was ready to heal years ago I wasn’t happy about this either.  In fact, I shed many tears over it.  But I also knew I couldn’t continue to suffer from the awful emotional, physical, and mental effects of trauma.  No, I certainly didn’t want that.  I’d had enough!

If you’re ready to heal from trauma, here’s how to begin.  Create a vision for yourself.  We’ll call this your “Happy Vision List.”  On paper, write the answers to these questions:

What would your life look like without the burden of your past that you’ve been hauling around on your back like a heavy bag of rocks?  How amazing would your life be?  What would your health be like?  Where would you live?  What kind of career success would you have?  How happy would you be?

Feel the emotion of your answers deep in your soul.  Invest lots of energy into it.  Feel the joy of it all the way down to your toes.

Now create another list.  We’ll call this the “Struggles List.”  On it, list everything you’re tired of struggling with: the pain, the grief, the sadness, the hopelessness, the fear (all your fears), the anger, the frustration, the anxiety, etc.  Also include everything you want to release.  

When you’re finished, place these two lists side-by-side.  The Happy Vision List is the vision of your healing.  The Struggles List is everything that stands in the way of your healing.  It’s the burden of your past.  

When you look at these two lists, it’s easy to see you’ve been investing the majority of your time, energy, and emotion in the Struggles List and little or none in the Happy Vision list.  Change that today.  Make the decision to center your life on the Happy Vision List and wave goodbye to the Struggles List (the past).

Yes, it takes courage to walk away from your past.  But you’ve carried that heavy bag of rocks on your back long enough, don’t you think?  

Survivors of abuse and trauma are some of the most courageous people I know.  Choose freedom today.  Choose healing.  If I can do it, so can you!

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Are you struggling with the burden of your past?  Is it hard for you to let go?  If so, I can help.  Just email svava@educate4change.com to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Your Brain Sabotaging You?

8/14/2016

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The brain is an incredible organ.  But sometimes it can block your healing.  That’s because what helps us survive chronic abuse and trauma is not what heals us.

Here’s what I mean.  Your brain is hardwired to protect you.  The part of the brain that takes over when you’re scared is the part that wants to keep you safe.  At the same time, the parts of the brain you use the most are the ones you tend to rely on.     

In the case of chronic abuse and trauma, the safety response is the part of the brain we use the most.  It becomes our “default” setting.  Unfortunately, the part of the brain that keeps you safe from abuse (survival mode) is not the part of the brain that helps you overcome the effects of trauma and abuse (healing mode).

You can see where I’m going with this, right?  

You want to change.  You want to heal.  You’re more than ready.  But your brain isn’t.  It’s been in survival mode for years, and now it’s stuck.

What can you do?  First, gather as much information as you can about healing and the healing journey.  Next, put a strong support system in place.  

Now every time you move out of your comfort zone on your healing journey, you’ll be well-prepared for the resistance you’re sure to encounter from your brain.  It’ll freak every time.  Count on it.  Your brain will sound the alarm and try to convince you things aren’t that bad (yes, they are!), you don’t need to heal (yes, you do!), and you’re doing fine (no, you’re not!).  

Information is vital during this phase.  So is a strong support network.  You need human validation.  You need someone to tell you what to expect and how to break free when your brain panics and holds you hostage with old, toxic coping patterns.

Don’t give up on yourself, okay?  Don’t allow your brain to talk you into backtracking or sabotaging your progress.  Keep moving forward.  Keep gathering information.  Keep reaching out for support.  It’s the only way to heal.

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Do you feel stuck because your brain is sabotaging your healing?  Don’t worry.  I can help you move forward again.  Just email svava@educate4change.com to reserve a 1 hr. coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
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