Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

What is “Soft Trauma”?

1/15/2017

There are two kinds of trauma. Both are devastating to your mind, body, and soul.

The trauma everyone is familiar with is “hard trauma.” That would be a natural disaster, war, or personal injury, like a car accident. This type of trauma is almost always physical.

“Soft trauma” is prolonged physiological or emotional abuse. All forms of abuse fall into this category (child abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, narcissistic relationships, domestic abuse, etc.).

The physical evidence of soft trauma is usually delayed. It can take weeks, months, or years to manifest in physical form. However, the effect of soft trauma on the body is just as devastating as hard trauma. It simply appears in a different form, like chronic pain, mental illness, allergies, cancer, and a host of serious or life-threatening illnesses.

Soft trauma is what you and I struggle with every day. To recover from soft trauma, you must restore peace to your mind, body, soul, and spirit. That’s why I talk so much about self-care, self-love, and self-compassion. Trauma and abuse devastate every part of you. Learning how to love and care for yourself through a daily self-care regime is how you begin the healing process.

We all know firsthand the power of soft trauma. It overwhelms you with its constant slam-dunk impact. You feel hopeless. You feel stuck. You think you have no options. Because you feel totally and completely powerless, you disconnect from your body and heart to survive it.

Healing from trauma forces you to connect again and feel all these emotions on a level that’s excruciatingly painful at times. Yes, healing can get very dark and messy.

But it was in this painful darkness where I found myself again. And you will, too. In the darkness you find your power, your strengths, and your authentic self. As you move through the darkness you’ll eventually find your heart, and that’s when you begin to fall in love with yourself.

Trauma may have knocked you down. But it can’t keep you down once you start your healing journey. Continue moving forward. The darkness won’t last forever. And the Light is more glorious than you could have ever imagined. You’re closer to it than you think!

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Are you struggling with soft trauma, and you can’t seem to move forward anymore? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

10/30/2016

4 Comments

Survivors of child abuse grow up talking to themselves in the same harsh, critical manner in which they were spoken to as children. When I grew up, I realized what was going on, and I felt really stupid for thinking this way. How could I do such a terrible thing to myself, right? Yikes!

But, like most abuse survivors, I couldn’t stop doing it. Over time, it developed into a painful source of shame and self-hatred.

Years later, I learned how to meditate. I began to use meditation to quiet my mind, so I could observe the horrible way I talked to myself. At first, I was shocked at the endless stream of abusive thoughts flowing through my mind. Harsh judgements, relentless criticism, vile self-loathing, blatant hate, you name it.

In order to silence this inner critic, I not only had to become aware of these thoughts but I also had to feel each one. This helped me make contact with the sad, helpless little girl inside me. She had been traumatized by the abuse from the past, and now she was being viciously attacked by me. Ouch!

The next step was to realize all these sabotaging thoughts were lies. Our abusers were lying when they said these horrid things to us in the past. Now we’re lying to ourselves every time we repeat them.

Slowly, I replaced each lie with the truth: I’m a good person, I’m caring, I’m kind, I’m loving and lovable, I’m compassionate, I’m smart, I’m courageous, I’m sane!

You can do this, too. Turn these truths into affirmations and say them all day long. Gradually, you’ll begin to believe them. When that happens, everything in your life will start to change in a positive way.

Remember, if you can’t seem to love yourself, you’re still being manipulated by those old, sabotaging thoughts. Use mindfulness to silence your inner critic. It worked for me, and it’ll work for you.

As a child, you were powerless. But you’re not a child anymore. Now you hold all the power. Use it. Make today the day you grab your freedom and NEVER let go!!

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Are you tired of being terrorized by your inner critic? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Do You Need to Hear the Most?

10/2/2016

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I don’t know about you, but after struggling for years with the devastating effects of abuse and trauma, this is what I needed to hear the most. And I needed to hear it over and over again until I believed it:

You can heal.
You can restore.

How about you? What do you need to hear the most?

It’s sad how desperately we struggle with the emotional pain caused by abuse. In fact, the emotional and psychological abuse from these people, whom I loved and trusted, did more damage to me than the physical abuse.

But I found a way to heal and restore, and so can you. It begins with surrounding yourself with people you trust. People who value you and your truth.

In the beginning, I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know who to trust, or what trust looked like. I kept thinking if I changed the abusive people around me they would eventually see my worth and apologize for what they had done to me. Then they would hold me, support me, and encourage me.

Of course, this never happened. Abusive people don’t suddenly wake up one day and see your value. It doesn’t work that way.

Instead, I had to do something that’s really hard for abuse survivors. I had to cut all the toxic people out of my life. Yikes! But it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your healing.

Toxic people may never change. It’s not your responsibility to heal them. And you can’t heal yourself when surrounded by toxic people. They’re incapable of supporting you or telling you the things you need to hear.

Your only responsibility is to do what’s healthy for YOU. That means surrounding yourself with good people who validate your worth, understand you, and support your healing journey. They’re the only ones who can cheer you on and say the things you need to hear the most, over and over again. Best of all, they mean those things. They truly care.

That’s how I healed myself. I didn’t need fixing, and neither do you. You just need validation and acceptance. Cut all the toxic people out of your life. Surround yourself with good, caring, supportive people. Then you can heal yourself.

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Are you struggling with how to cut toxic people out of your life? Don’t allow them to cause more emotional pain! I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Who Am I?

9/2/2016

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“If I’m not depressed, anxious, lonely, grieving, angry, frustrated, perfect, or taking care of someone else, who am I?”

I love it when my clients progress far enough on their healing journey to ask this question!

As you begin to feel better on the inside, your outside world will change. For example, you’re more mindful of how you feel in different situations and how people relate to you. Suddenly, this is the question you’re asking yourself. For the first time in your life you don’t know who you are, and that’s a very good sign!

Healing will change the dynamic of all your relationships. There will be those who applaud the progress you’re making on your healing journey. Others will feel threatened by it and attack.

Those are the people who were invested in your pain, because they benefited from it in some way. They remind you subconsciously of the emotional abusers from your past. The wounded soul inside you attracted these people into your life. It wanted them to love and understand you. It wanted them to make it all better.

This is how your traumatized subconscious is attempting to write a happy ending to the past. Unfortunately, it never works. Most emotional abusers have no desire to change.

Yet, these people are a gift and a blessing. It’s true! They come into your life for a certain amount of time to show you what you need to heal in yourself. Then they give you plenty of challenging opportunities to practice setting emotional boundaries, speaking your truth, and asking for what you need. They may not be in your life forever. But they always appear at the right time.

How can you tell you’re living your truth? When you’re the same person with everyone. No more people-pleasing. No more codependent behavior. No more masks to wear. There’s no need for these crutches. Your heart is free. You’ve reached the point where you know who you are, and you’re incredibly proud of it. Congratulations!
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Are you having trouble figuring out who you are becoming? Are you still dealing with some toxic relationships in your life? If so, I can help you work through this. Just email me at svava@educate4change.com to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How To Be Seen AND Heard

8/29/2016

3 Comments

Remember how it used to be? When you were an abused child, you learned the advantages of silence. In fact, you were so quiet, you hoped you would disappear.

The goal was to stay off the radar of the people who were hurting you. You learned how to creep down the stairs, quiet as a mouse. You could slip silently out of a room. You would stand in the shadows in a dark corner. You even hunched your shoulders to appear smaller.

If your abusers couldn’t see you, they couldn’t blast you with hurtful words or do painful things to you, right? It was a great survival strategy, and it worked really well. However, it’s a terrible behavior pattern for an adult, because silence makes a mess out of personal relationships.

The most important thing survivors of emotional abandonment, abuse, and trauma want is to be seen and heard. We all crave it. Nothing means more to us than someone who truly listens to us and gets us. It validates us as human beings.

That’s why one terribly damaging form of emotional abuse is constantly interrupting, changing the subject, or negating everything someone says. This kind of abuse invalidates that person’s existence and encourages the toxic strategy of silence.

Even so, it’s hard for child abuse survivors to learn how to be visible as adults. Believe me, I resisted for a long time. It felt like rocking the boat. We’re so used to abusers twisting everything we say to use it against us. It’s terrifying for us to ask for what we need or to enforce personal boundaries when we weren’t allowed to practice these vital human skills as children.

What can you do to change that? You can begin slowly by speaking up, one conversation, one thought, one opinion at a time. Do this with people you know are safe, like your peer support group.

Eventually, you’ll stop waiting for the other shoe to drop every time you say something. Speak a little more of your truth each time until you’re comfortable with it. In the process, you’ll learn how to listen to others and allow them to be who they are in a relationship.

You’re a valuable spirit of the Divine. You deserve to be seen AND heard. This is your chance. Go for it!!
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Are you having a hard time becoming visible again? Does it make you nervous to be seen and heard? If so, I can help you overcome this. Just email me at svava@educate4change.com to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

3 Comments

What is “Soft Trauma”?

Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

What Do You Need to Hear the Most?

Who Am I?

How To Be Seen AND Heard

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