Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

How Can TRE® Help You?

10/30/2017

Being in Iceland this month, teaching TRE®, has been such a rewarding experience. What a blessing to be able to witness the immediate benefits of TRE® on the two groups I’m leading!

If you’re a survivor of child abuse or trauma, there are many immediate and long-term benefits to TRE®, like:

Less Worry & Anxiety
Reduces Symptoms of PTSD
More Energy & Endurance
Improved Marital Relationships
Less Workplace Stress
Better Sleep
Less Relationship Conflict
Increased Flexibility
Greater Emotional Resiliency
Decreases Symptoms of Vicarious Trauma
Healing of Old Injuries
Lessens the Anxiety of a Serious Illness
Relief from Chronic Medical Conditions

But there are also long-term benefits for those who aren’t survivors of abuse or trauma. One of those benefits is a reduction in muscle and back pain.

Unfortunately, I know this type of chronic pain well. I was an athlete in high school and sustained a painful neck injury, which continues to plague me. I was delighted to discover the shaking of my spine during a TRE® session has increased the flexibility of the muscles in my neck and shoulders. It does this by stimulating the flow of blood to the muscles surrounding the bones in my neck. Wow!

Several of the people in my TRE® groups in Iceland are athletes or those who work out regularly. They’re noticing the tremors created by TRE® have improved the flexibility of those extra tight muscles in the legs and pelvis, like the psoas muscles (hip flexors) and hamstrings.

All humans are born with the ability to shake out stress and tension. But this isn’t something we’re taught in our modern society. Instead, the body’s natural shaking (healing response) to trauma is seen as a weakness in our culture. We learn from an early age to suppress it.

The biology of the human body contains all the wisdom and knowledge it needs to heal itself. TRE® restores this natural healing ability by helping your body remember how to eliminate trauma naturally. How cool is that?

Is TRE® a healing tool you’d like to try? If so, contact me for more information. I’m always happy to help!
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Are you struggling with chronic pain or stubborn healing issues, and you’d like to try TRE®? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Living Out of Your Truth

9/18/2017

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The trauma from child abuse disconnects us from the truth we feel in our hearts. The healing journey is about finding your way back to your truth. Being able to feel again is how you do that. It's one of the incredible blessings of the healing journey.

We spend a lot of time learning how to safely feel and release our negative emotions like fear, shame, pain, and loneliness. But there comes a time when we need to learn how to feel positive emotions, too. Why? Because these emotions are our truth.

What is your truth? It’s the same as mine:

Love
Kindness
Peace
Joy
Compassion
Goodness
Patience
Gratitude

Slowly work your way down this list and practice “feeling” each of these truths. Allow them to saturate your heart, soul, body, and spirit until they become a part of you.

Actually, these truths have always been a part of you. The trauma of child abuse simply disconnected you from them. When I began to feel these truths, I could finally feel grounded. I knew for the first time I am loved, I am kind, I am safe, and I can live in peace.

Eventually, these statements of my truth became my new core beliefs. When that happened, I was ready to practice living out of my truth. I did that by allowing these core beliefs to guide all of my thoughts, words, and actions.

You can do this, too! Think about it. In what way do you plan to live out of your truth today?

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Is it difficult for you to feel positive emotions? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Do You Resist Healthy Change?

8/28/2017

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As you can tell from my blog post topics this summer, I’m on a mission to help you dig deep enough to uncover hidden toxic coping skills and patterns. These are what fuel your triggers and create major stumbling blocks on your healing journey.

Thanks so much for all your emails and comments about this series of blog posts. I’m thrilled to hear I’m giving you the kind of information you want and need!

Today, I’d like to tackle the frustrating issue of “resistance.” Why do we resist healthy change? Why does resistance rear its stubborn head every time we decide to do something good for ourselves? It makes no sense!

Or does it?

Actually, it makes perfect sense. Every scary door you open on your healing journey contains an important message. Resistance is no exception.

The purpose of resistance is to protect you. Once again, this is a biological brain issue. Your brain keeps you safe. That’s one of its many skills. However, change involves stepping outside your comfort zone. Change is risky, and risk can be dangerous. This is why any kind of change flips the switch that sends your brain into “Protection Mode.” The end result is resistance.

Fortunately, you can dissolve resistance. The first step is to identify it. Resistance takes many forms: foggy brain, discouragement, overwhelm, panic attacks, anxiety, a brick wall, a swamp, quicksand, or your inner critic.

The second step is to sit patiently with resistance. Let it know you’re grateful for the way it has always kept you safe. Tell it you appreciate how it has never allowed you to deal with more than you can emotionally or psychologically handle. By doing this, you build trust.

Now resistance can loosen its iron grip on your mind, emotions, and body. Only then will it reveal its message.

Today, make the decision to work with resistance rather than against it. When you do, you’ll find it much easier to make those healthy changes!
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Has resistance turned your healing journey into an uphill climb? Is your brain so foggy you have no idea what to do next? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

8/14/2017

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Every time you make a decision to change a toxic behavior pattern, your wounded inner child will appear. It’s what makes healthy change hard for us.

And that’s why inner child work is so important. You can’t recover from child abuse and trauma without doing this deep, messy work.

Your wounded inner child is that very young part of yourself, who was hurt by the abuse and is still in pain. In my case, it was my 6-year old self. She was angry for never being seen, heard, or valued. She believed the only way she could ever be worthy was by overachieving and taking care of everyone else’s needs, while ignoring hers.

Because I could feel her anger, resentment, and pain, I was terrified of her. So I rejected her for decades. Of course, that just added to her painful burden.

Inner child work is the practice of building a loving relationship with your abused inner child and becoming the loving parent that child never had. Easier said than done, right? I mean, how do you do that when you never had a loving parent? Here’s how to start!

Whenever you feel unrest inside you, stop, and listen to it.
Sit with this unrest until you can name it (anxiety, depression, sadness, overwhelm, grief, fear, loneliness, etc.).
Place your hand on your heart, so your wounded inner child can feel you.
Close your eyes and visualize a safe place for your inner child to feel comfortable talking to you.
Ask your inner child what it’s trying to tell you.
Listen to whatever this child says with an open mind, whether you agree with it or not. That’s what a loving parent does.
Cuddle this precious child in your arms and take loving action by letting it know you hear it, see it, acknowledge it, and value it.

Basically, all your inner child wants is to be loved by YOU. That’s it. You do this by making your inner child a top priority, creating a sense of safety for it, and giving it all the love and care it craved but never received.

Few things are more rewarding in life than building a peaceful, loving relationship with your wounded inner child. It’s not an easy process, and it won’t happen overnight. But it’s well worth the effort, because it always leads to major breakthroughs.

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Are you struggling to build a relationship with your wounded inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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WHY Do We Do What We Do?

7/17/2017

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This is such an important question. In fact, it’s an integral part of your healing journey. As survivors of child abuse and trauma, we must always ask “Why?”

Why did I do that?
Why did I say that?
Why did I think that?
Why am I feeling this particular emotion right now?
Why is feeling this way important to me?

I help my clients answer these questions by teaching them how to feel their emotions and how to fall in love with themselves. Nothing gives me more joy or satisfaction than showing them how to achieve this goal as quickly as possible. The tools I give them are the same ones I use when faced with a challenge. These are invaluable, timeless tools that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.

I often cry tears of happiness when my clients reach this point. For example, most are awestruck at their ability to “feel” again. After being numb for so long, they can finally feel good emotions. They never thought they’d be able to do that again. They thought they were too broken. They weren’t.

And neither are you.

I can totally relate to this. When I began to feel again, it was a shocking moment for me. I had no idea I could feel so much joy. I never imagined I could feel so happy. It was an overwhelming, awe-inspiring experience. I thought I was incapable of feeling good emotions. I wasn’t.

So keep asking yourself “Why?” My relentless pursuit of the answer to this question in every area of my life is what led to my healing. It took me to places deep inside me, dark places that needed to be healed.

It’ll be the same for you. Pray about it. Get God involved. Question everything you think, feel, say, and do. The path from Survivor to Thriver begins with one simple word: “Why?”
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Would you like to know how to feel your good emotions again? Would you like to learn how to fall in love with yourself? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Believe You Can Heal?

6/6/2017

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Recently, I heard there are 42 million child sexual abuse survivors in the U.S. That number is probably much higher, because some survivors never tell anyone about their abusive past.

Most survivors spend years (maybe decades) thinking about the past before we find the courage to tell someone about it. When the brain continually focuses on the trauma from an abusive past, it just makes the pain worse. It’s the major cause of our suffering.

That’s why to heal from the past you have to believe you can heal.

Yes, feeling the pain, sitting with it, acknowledging it, allowing it to express itself in a healthy way, and releasing it from your body is one of the first steps on the healing journey. Until you do that, you’ll never completely heal.

However, you can’t remain in this step forever. At some point, your heart will let you know it’s time to move forward to the next step on your healing journey. If you don’t, fear will take over and try to convince you that you’ll never heal. To conquer this fear, you must believe healing is possible.

And that’s my question for you today. Do you really, honestly believe you can heal?

We can never go back and undo the trauma from our abusive past. The damage is done. But you can move forward to the next step on your healing journey. You do that by choosing to heal.

Everyone’s healing journey is unique. We all move forward at a different pace. Some steps on your healing journey will come easily for you, and you’ll accomplish them quickly. Others will take weeks or months to work through. Everyone is different.

The best way to defeat your fears and continue moving forward is to use your own life as proof. Look back to where you were a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago. You’ve come a long way, haven’t you?

Yes, you can heal! Just look at your life. That’s all the proof you’ll need.
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Are you stuck on your healing journey? Do you feel like you’ve plateaued out, and you’re not moving forward anymore? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Discover Your Unique Gifts

5/30/2017

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As many of you know, for almost the entire month of May, I’ve been in Iceland. This year, it’s not only my 35-year high school reunion but also my 30-year junior college reunion. Since I missed my other reunions, I felt I needed to go to these.

And I was right! I had a wonderful time, reconnecting with old friends and reliving good memories from our school days. I even discovered a few of my classmates are child abuse survivors. I was thrilled to learn they’ve been following me online and are empowered by my work.

It was a business trip, too, because I was introducing TRE to Iceland. I offered TRE classes every week for the three weeks I was there, and they filled up quickly. I also gave presentations on my healing journey, TRE, and my book at several events across the country.

The reason I mention this is because I want you to realize the story of your healing journey is a blessing. That’s probably the last thing you’re thinking, right? I know how you feel! This journey rarely seems like a blessing when you’re clawing your way through another layer of buried emotional pain. Healing from trauma or child abuse is messy. There’s no way around that. But, trust me, it’s also a blessing.

Here’s what I mean. Each one of us is a perfectly imperfect, vulnerable human being with an immense capacity to love ourselves and others. The healing journey is all about rediscovering that.

So don’t give up on yourself, okay? There are people who are waiting for you to realize you’re a blessing. Your life will become the example that shows them healing is possible. Your life is the one that will encourage them to move from surviving to thriving. That’s how powerful you are.

What’s the source of your power? It comes from falling in love with yourself and honoring the unique gifts you were born with. If you’re not certain about your gifts, ask yourself this question: What makes your heart sing and gives you JOY?

The answer to that question is the first step toward discovering your incredible gifts. Yes, it’s that simple!
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Are you stuck on your healing journey? Do you feel like you’ve plateaued out, and you’re not moving forward anymore? If so, I can help. JJust follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Which Story Are You Telling?

5/22/2017

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Child abuse survivors don’t have just one story. We have three.

The first story is the one that takes the most courage to tell. It’s the one about what happened to us. It’s a story of trauma, abuse, and victimization. We all have to start there. This is your “Trauma Story.” It’s important to realize this is actually a story about the abuser, the person who hurt you and betrayed your innocence, heart, and trust.

You can’t move forward with your healing until you acknowledge the impact of this traumatic experience. And that includes allowing yourself to feel the emotional pain. Telling this story is part of that.

The second story we tell is our “Healing Story.” It charts our path of survival. This is a story about how we chose to rise above the abuse, trauma, shame, and betrayal of our dark past. How we chose to claim our truth and lovingly care for ourselves. How we chose to be safe in our bodies and set healthy personal boundaries with other people. And how we chose to rescue, soothe, and validate ourselves.

If you’re not sure which story you’re telling, ask yourself these questions:

Do I fear being alone?
Do I need others to make me feel safe?
Do I often feel sad, depressed, or guilty?
Do I get angry with myself and others?

A survivor of child abuse is a work-in-progress. The learning never stops. If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you’re telling your “Healing Story.” You’re in the process of solving your major issues. You’re taking responsibility for the things you can change, and you’re learning how to let go of the things you can’t change.

Next, how would you answer these questions?

Do I trust my feelings?
Do I feel loveable and worthy of support?
Do I feel safe?

When you can answer “No” to the first set of questions and “Yes” to the second set, you’ve begun to tell your “Survivor to Thriver Story.” You’re living your authentic self every day. You’re writing your hero’s journey. You’re intentionally creating the happy, healthy, joyous life of your dreams. Wow, right?!

So think about it. Which story are you telling today?
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Are you having a difficult time figuring out which story you’re telling and what step you should take next on your healing journey? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Healing From Child Abuse is Like Peeling an Onion

3/27/2017

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Healing from child abuse or chronic trauma doesn’t happen step-by-step, as if you were climbing a staircase. The healing process is more like peeling an onion.

Child abuse is sustained trauma that happens day after day. It forces you to disconnect from your mind, body, and heart. This helps you survive the abuse, but it also hides your authentic self.

Every day for years you disconnected from reality and from your true identity, while enduring the abuse. Every year added a new layer of repression, inner tension, and toxic beliefs.

Your brain helped you do this when you were a child in order to protect you. But now you’re an adult, and this repressed trauma is manifesting as toxic relationships, addiction, codependency, destructive behavior patterns, illness, or chronic pain. You’d love to fix this, and you’ve tried. But nothing seems to work. Instead, you’re stuck, reliving the same problems over and over again. Ugh!

To move forward in a meaningful way, change your focus. Begin to see yourself as an onion. Then ask yourself these deep questions:

What negative themes are repeated in your life?
What are your challenges?
What do your relationships look like?
Do your friends treat you with respect and kindness?
Do you schedule daily self-care?
What are your healing goals?
What gives you joy?
What makes you feel fulfilled?

Each question you answer brings awareness with it. And this awareness peels away another layer of repressed trauma, just like you were peeling an onion.

However, peeling an onion always makes you cry, right? Awareness does the same thing. When awareness appears, it immediately peels away a layer of repressed trauma. That releases a flood of emotion, like sadness, grief, anger, or rage.

You have to grab a tissue to blot your eyes when peeling an onion, right? Do the same with awareness. Use kindness and compassion, like a soothing tissue, until those emotions flow through you and out.

Keep answering these deep questions, gaining awareness, and peeling away each layer of repressed trauma. Now you’re no longer stuck, and your life has become brighter, more joyous, and filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come. This is the healing journey!
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Are you stuck on your healing journey and can’t seem to move forward again? Do you need help asking and answering those deep questions? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Become a Connection Magnet!

3/20/2017

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I often mention in my blog posts how we had to disconnect from our body when we were children in order to survive the abuse we endured. This is how our nervous system protected us. It knew the abuse was too much for our tender young mind, spirit, and soul to handle.

However, when you grow up, this coping skill turns toxic and works against you. To fix that, you must learn how to reconnect with your body. Why? Because you can’t connect with others in a meaningful way until you connect with your body. You might think when you become an adult your body will reconnect automatically. But it can’t. It still doesn’t feel safe.

So we sabotage our relationships. We crave connection with other people and pull them to us. But when they get too close, we freak and push them away. We use lots of excuses to justify our toxic behavior. We say we can’t meet the right people. Or no one cares about us. Or no one has anything in common with us. Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, we don’t push the abusive people away. Instead, we let them get too close. We end up doing all the giving in those toxic relationships. The abuser just takes and takes and takes and then abandons us in a heartless manner. Is it any wonder your body never feels safe?

To build healthy, positive relationships, you must learn how to reconnect with your body. It’s the only way your body will ever feel safe. You can start by not giving so much to others. Develop the habit of giving the same amount of time, love, care, and compassion to yourself. Be as good to yourself as you are to others.

When you do, an incredible thing happens. Only emotionally healthy relationships will flow into your life. In fact, I’m still in awe of this. I no longer attract abusers. Now I only attract joyous, nurturing people, who value me as much as I value myself. Wow, right?

As you connect with your body in a loving way, it will finally feel safe, and you’ll become a “connection magnet.” Then watch how God brings the most incredible people and relationships into your life. I guarantee you’ll be as awestruck as I am!

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Are you trapped in that frustrating pull/push pattern? Is it hard for you to reconnect with your body? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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<<Previous

How Can TRE® Help You?

Living Out of Your Truth

Why Do You Resist Healthy Change?

How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

WHY Do We Do What We Do?

Do You Believe You Can Heal?

How to Discover Your Unique Gifts

Which Story Are You Telling?

Healing From Child Abuse is Like Peeling an Onion

Become a Connection Magnet!

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