Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

What If I Don’t Know What I Want?

4/17/2017

If 2017 has been an unusually busy year for you, I can totally relate! But for survivors of abuse, a hectic schedule isn’t something out of the ordinary. Too often it’s the norm.

An important milestone on your healing journey will be the realization that you’re ready to step off this hectic hamster wheel. If you’re tired of living in reaction mode, dashing from sunrise to sunset each day, trying to catch up but never achieving that goal, good for you! The desire to end your frantic pace is a major accomplishment.

But how do you stop this toxic merry-go-round? You simply change direction. Instead of trying to satisfy the wants and needs of everyone else in your life, you concentrate on satisfying your own.

Easier said than done for abuse survivors like us, right? We’re pros at knowing what we don’t want. But we’re clueless about what we do want. In fact, most of us have never considered asking ourselves important questions like:

What do I want?
What do I need?
What do I want my life to be about?

The abuse we suffered battered us with the false belief that we aren’t as valuable as everyone else. At our core, we feel we don’t deserve to relax, to do what brings us joy, or to make our needs a top priority.

Of course, none of this is true. Abuse is built on lies, and this is a big one. Every human being on the planet is valuable, regardless of what they’ve survived. And that includes YOU!

To determine what you want and need in life, the first step is gratitude. Think about everything you’re grateful for. When we appreciate all the good things in life, we appreciate the good things about ourselves.

Begin every morning with gratitude. This practice will help you gain more clarity about what you truly want and need. Then create a list of those things.

Here’s my challenge to you. Now that you have a list of your wants and needs, schedule at least one thing from this list every day.

When you’re ready to accept my challenge, you’ve reached another major milestone on your healing journey. Congratulations!
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Does your mind go blank every time someone asks you what YOU want in life? That’s not uncommon for survivors of abuse. But don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Does a Children’s Advocacy Center Do?

4/10/2017

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As you know, April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. On April 6, I was a keynote speaker at a fundraiser for a Children’s Advocacy Center in Oregon.

This was the second time I‘d been asked to speak at a fundraiser for a Children’s Advocacy Center, and I was truly honored to help in this way. They expected 400 people, and I talked about my sexually abusive childhood and the evolution of my healing journey.

I never appreciated the role of a Children’s Advocacy Center, until I worked as an advocate in Iceland years ago. That’s when I learned about the important services it provides to children in need and their families.

This is crucial for children, who have been sexually abused. When someone suspects child sexual abuse and files a report, the child is brought to a Children’s Advocacy Center for child-friendly interviewing by a specialist. Afterwards, a copy of the child’s recorded interview is given to every professional who needs to hear it.

This greatly minimizes the stressful impact an investigation has on the child. Before Children’s Advocacy Centers, the child had to testify over and over again to every person involved in the investigation. It was a very traumatic experience.

When I was a child, there were no Children’s Advocacy Centers to go to for help. Now they’re in almost every community. The last time I checked, there were 822 of these centers across the country. You can find your local Children’s Advocacy Center at the national website: http://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org

A Children’s Advocacy Center is important for you, too. Here’s the reason:

If you suspect child abuse, your first step should be to contact your local Children’s Advocacy Center.
These professionals will help you determine if your suspicion is correct or just normal childhood behavior.
If it is abuse, the center will assist you in taking the next step, which will be to call the police or protective services.

The work of your local Children’s Advocacy Center is invaluable. They not only educate your community about child abuse prevention but also offer services to help children and their families recover from abuse.

If what I’ve said in this blog post inspires you to join the prevention movement, consider donating or volunteering at your local center. They need all the help they can get, and they need it now!
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Are you a survivor of child abuse? Are you struggling with the effects of this kind of trauma? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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We Are All Perfectly Imperfect!

2/20/2017

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I’d like to thank all the readers of my new book, “Journey to the Heart,” who have sent messages and emails. I’m thrilled you’re enjoying it so much, and it has helped you move forward on your healing journey. That was my intent!

After reading it, several have asked wonderful questions. Some I have responded to privately. Others I have posted as discussions in my closed Facebook group. But I felt this question should be the subject of a blog post. It’s an important issue for us.

What do I mean when I say we’re all “perfectly imperfect”?

To survive childhood abuse or trauma, we bend ourselves into pretzels, becoming someone we’re not. It’s how we stay safe. Children are incredibly resilient. They’ll instinctively do whatever is necessary to get their needs met.

The “new identity” we create is the story we tell ourselves that keeps us safe and helps us survive. This toxic coping strategy is a trap, but it’s all we’ve got.

Abused children become adults with no idea who we are or what we need. All we know is how to make other people happy, while we pretend to be perfect. Abuse turns us into codependent caretakers. We secretly resent this people-pleasing behavior pattern, but we don’t know how to escape it.

Guess what? You don’t need to pretend to be perfect anymore to stay safe. No one is perfect. You don’t need to spend all your time people-pleasing, caretaking, and bending over backwards to make sure everyone in your life is happy. That’s not your responsibility.

Instead, learn how to be “imperfect.” Embrace your wonderful, beautiful imperfections. This is how you discover your authentic self.

Everyone on earth is perfectly imperfect. We’re all uniquely beautiful individuals. To heal, you must find the courage to show your perfectly imperfect self to the world. Not everyone will accept your perfectly imperfect authentic self. And that’s okay. Life is a journey. People move in and out of our lives, depending on where we are on our path.

Your responsibility is to be authentic, to be the person you were born to be. That’s the only way to find lasting peace, happiness, and joy.

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Are you a people-pleaser? Do you spend all day every day taking care of the needs of others, while ignoring your own needs? I can help you escape this toxic behavior pattern. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in Paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email to my weekly blog post, go to http://www.educate4change.com and register on the homepage or in the popup box.

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Why You Will Love TRE®!

1/31/2017

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I had a tremendous amount of response from many of you to my blog post last week about TRE® (Tension, Stress & Trauma Release Exercise). So I’ve decided to continue with that theme this week!

There are lots of benefits to TRE®, but the main reason I love it is because it helped me realize the complex relationship between my muscles, brain, and nervous system. These three kept me safe as a child, and they have continued to protect me during the dark, messy parts of my healing journey.

TRE® is the practice of self-regulation. It guides me deeper and deeper into my body that has held tension, trapped toxic beliefs and emotions for decades. It also protects me from overwhelm, which is when I’m most likely to experience the symptoms of PTSD.

TRE® has given me the strength to welcome these feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, frustration, sadness, grief, and depression. I no longer see them as a threat. They appear to let me know something inside me needs to be addressed. When that happens, TRE® provides a pathway for me to manage and process these overwhelming emotions.

TRE® has taught me to trust my body and trust the healing process. I can even listen to music and distract my mind, while TRE® helps my body release tension and stress naturally. No need to supervise the process. No need to control it. Wow, right?

As a Certified TRE® Provider, I teach my clients this incredible trauma-releasing tool. If you’d like to communicate your feelings more effectively, to understand why certain situations are upsetting, and to release deep tension patterns in your muscles that are sabotaging your healing, consider TRE®.

Chronic tension and toxic beliefs trapped in the body are the cause of our emotional and physical pain. TRE® gives us a way to easily find and release them. It’s no wonder I love it so much. And you will, too!

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Is TRE® a healing tool you’d like to explore? Do you have questions about TRE® or the TRE® sessions I offer? If so, send me an email at svava@educate4change.com. I’m always happy to talk about TRE®!

Are you an abuse or trauma survivor? Are you struggling with depression or anxiety, and you can’t seem to move forward? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Accelerate Your Healing With TRE®!

1/23/2017

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We all know your mind will eventually forget some of the details of the abuse or trauma you’ve survived. But your body never forgets.

Like I’ve mentioned in other blog posts, trapped trauma must be released. It’s nothing more than emotional pain. If allowed to fester in the body for weeks, years, or decades it will eventually manifest as physical pain in the form of illness, allergies, chronic pain, etc.

TRE® (Trauma Release Exercises) created a major shift in my healing from trauma, and the results were truly surprising. I knew I could heal my body, mind, and spirit. I just didn’t know how. TRE® was the tool that gave me access to the trauma buried so deep inside me I couldn’t reach it any other way.

I’ve been using TRE® on a regular basis for two years now. The experience has been both humbling and powerful. It has strengthened my faith in the fact that abuse and trauma survivors like you and I can overcome. Yes, we can heal and restore!

As many of you know, I was so impressed with the results from TRE® that I decided to become a Certified TRE® Provider. I’ve recently completed my TRE® certification. It was a long and arduous training process, but I did it. Yay!

Now I’m looking forward to helping my coaching clients use TRE® as a self-care tool. If you’re interested in experiencing the amazing healing benefits of TRE®, send me an email at svava@educate4change.com. Tell me about the trauma or abuse you survived and describe your trauma symptoms. I am happy to guide you to an appropriate provider.

After using TRE® for over two years, I believe it’s one of the best investments you’ll ever make in your healing. Just 3 or 4 sessions with a Certified TRE® Provider are all you’ll need. Then you can use this valuable self-care tool to rid your body of tension, stress or trapped trauma.

Best of all, TRE® will help you keep your mind, body, and soul healthy for the rest of your life. The more you use it the better it works. Wow. How cool is that?!
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Are you an abuse or trauma survivor? Are you struggling with depression or anxiety, and you can’t seem to move forward? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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I Just Made Your Healing Journey Easier!

12/19/2016

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Now that my first book, Journey to the Heart, is published and on sale, I’ve been asked to talk a little about why I wrote it. Actually, I had three reasons for writing this book, and YOU were the inspiration for each one!

First, many of my coaching clients have asked me what I would do or have done when I faced the really hard parts of my healing journey. Healing from trauma and abuse is always messy. We often wish we had someone to hold our hand, tell us what to do, and guide us through the tough stuff. Now you do. That’s what Journey to the Heart is about.

Second, thriving is an important part of healing. But when I got to that point, I didn’t know what to do. Thrive? What’s that? Thriving is a lifestyle. Like all abused children, I’d never been taught this valuable skill. Journey to the Heart shows you all the steps I took to teach myself how to thrive. Now you have the roadmap that I never had.

Finally, healing from trauma and abuse isn’t a straight line. It’s a circular, organic process. It’s made up of hundreds of little truths we must absorb to continue to move forward on our healing journey. This doesn’t happen overnight. You have to keep coming back to those truths and absorbing their message, until they sink deeply into your heart and soul. This is how you transform your life. Journey to the Heart gathers all those truths together for you in one, handy, convenient place.

And that’s why I wrote this book: I wrote it for YOU! When I found a way to heal from trauma and abuse, I vowed I would show other survivors how to heal, too. There’s no need for you to spend years searching for answers like I did. Now the answers are in one place, and it’s called Journey to the Heart.

If you don’t have a copy yet, here’s where you’ll find it!

Kindle ebook: (link)
Paperback: (link)

By the way, I’ve been hearing from people around the world, who have bought the book (US, UK, Iceland, Denmark, New Zealand, Australia, etc.). I’m charting its worldwide path on a map. What fun, right? If you buy the book, send me an email or a Facebook message and tell me which state and/or country you live in, and I’ll add you to the map!

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Are you a survivor of abuse or trauma? Are you tired of struggling alone on your healing journey? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Find Your Purpose on Earth

11/28/2016

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What’s the thing that makes you the happiest in life? What makes your heart sing? What makes you come alive?

Whatever it is, that’s your true purpose on earth!!

The healing journey is all about rediscovering and embracing your authentic self, which is the real YOU. But reconnecting with your authentic self isn’t easy for us. That’s because the most damaging aspect of child abuse is the way it distorts reality.

Here’s what I mean. Infants spend nine months in the womb, intimately connected in every way to their mothers. When we’re born, we learn how to trust our caregivers to nurture, love, and protect us.

Abused children don’t receive that from their caregivers. This lack of nurturing creates unnecessary struggle in our lives. We begin to think we’re the problem. I mean, this must be true, or it wouldn’t be so hard to get our basic needs met by our caregivers, right?

Wrong.

Struggle keeps us trapped in “Survival Mode.” Life becomes all about obtaining the basics: safety, food, and sleep. It prevents us from progressing to the next stage in our emotional development. We never move beyond the basics of survival to explore who we are and our unique purpose in life.

That’s why the healing journey is so important. It gives us the chance to grow up naturally and normally. As adults, we become our own caregivers, nurturing and supporting ourselves through the next stage in our emotional development.

To do this, listen to your heart. Then act on its response to these questions:

Who am I?
What makes me feel alive?
What do I love to do?
What makes my heart sing?

The answer to these questions is your gift to the world. It’s your true purpose for being here.

The world needs more people courageous enough to honor their authentic self. These people show us how to “live” our unique purpose on earth, because that’s exactly what they’re doing every day.

Now you can, too. How exciting!!
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Is it difficult for you to hear what your heart is telling you? Are you having a hard time making the transition from Survival Mode to exploring who you truly are and your unique purpose on earth? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Does A Healthy Love Relationship Look Like?

11/21/2016

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Lately, my husband and I have been discussing peace and what it feels like to be at peace.

This is a major topic for us. Peace is something we struggled with in the past. Fortunately, we’ve come a long way since then. Now I’m grateful to be able to talk like this with a man who loves me, thinks I’m beautiful, and tells me how much peace and joy I bring into his life.

I think that’s everyone’s deepest desire in a marriage. We all want to be seen, heard, understood, and valued by our spouse.

I have to say I’m in awe of this place we’ve come to in our love relationship. It wasn’t always this way. We used to wound each other a lot. We were childish and said hurtful things. Our marriage was filled with drama, crisis, judgement, and emotional abuse. As you can imagine, we were both miserable.

But we learned. We held each other accountable and tried to do it with kindness. To accomplish this, we had to take risks. We had to become vulnerable, which is really scary for trauma and abuse survivors.

Even so, our marriage will always be a work-in-progress. There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. We both continue to grow and learn. As a result, we’ve become allies in our quest to be the very best version of ourselves we can be.

This is what a healthy love relationship looks like, and I feel blessed we can model this for our children. It has brought a tremendous sense of peace into our family and home. We deserve that. And our kids deserve parents who are willing to take responsibility for their lives.

But in order to do that, we had to reach out and seek help. We had to learn how to communicate in a positive way. We had to give each other the benefit of the doubt. We couldn’t automatically assume the worst. Instead, we had to ask for an explanation, allow for mistakes, and lovingly accept apologies.

This is how you move forward to build a love relationship that works for your family, rather than against it. Not easy, but totally worth it!
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Are you struggling to communicate in your marriage? Do you feel like you and your spouse are on competing teams rather than the same team? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your marriage. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Think You’re Beautiful?

11/14/2016

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You are! And that’s the truth.

How do I know? Because when I look in the mirror I finally see a beautiful person. And it only took me 49 years to realize that. Ha!

I can laugh now, but it’s sad when you think about it. Growing up, I never looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful little girl, a passionate teenager, a powerful athlete, a blossoming young adult, or the stunning woman I have become.

Lately, I’ve held all those girls in my arms and apologized to them for not being able to see their beauty. No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to do that.

But at the same time it was important for me to allow myself to feel the grief from being emotionally abandoned. For decades, my preciousness was never validated. My beauty was never seen. My uniqueness was never honored.

You’re just as beautiful as I am. What makes you beautiful? Your heart!

Like many of you, I used to chase perfection, trying so hard to look beautiful on the outside, while never feeling that way on the inside. Now I know why. True beauty is the inner beauty of your heart. Not the outer beauty of your appearance.

Your heart is where this healthy sense of love and appreciation for yourself comes from. That’s why I always encourage you to listen to your heart. It knows the truth about you. It knows you’re beautiful.

The beauty of my heart saturates every area of my life, including my relationships with family and friends. Now I see beauty in each person I meet. And I’ve made it my mission to let everyone know how much I appreciate their inner beauty, too.

Take a good look at yourself in the mirror today. Can you see the beauty of your heart? Can you honor and validate your amazing uniqueness?

If not, today is a good day to start!
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Is it difficult for you to see your inner beauty? Is this a daily struggle for you? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

10/30/2016

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Survivors of child abuse grow up talking to themselves in the same harsh, critical manner in which they were spoken to as children. When I grew up, I realized what was going on, and I felt really stupid for thinking this way. How could I do such a terrible thing to myself, right? Yikes!

But, like most abuse survivors, I couldn’t stop doing it. Over time, it developed into a painful source of shame and self-hatred.

Years later, I learned how to meditate. I began to use meditation to quiet my mind, so I could observe the horrible way I talked to myself. At first, I was shocked at the endless stream of abusive thoughts flowing through my mind. Harsh judgements, relentless criticism, vile self-loathing, blatant hate, you name it.

In order to silence this inner critic, I not only had to become aware of these thoughts but I also had to feel each one. This helped me make contact with the sad, helpless little girl inside me. She had been traumatized by the abuse from the past, and now she was being viciously attacked by me. Ouch!

The next step was to realize all these sabotaging thoughts were lies. Our abusers were lying when they said these horrid things to us in the past. Now we’re lying to ourselves every time we repeat them.

Slowly, I replaced each lie with the truth: I’m a good person, I’m caring, I’m kind, I’m loving and lovable, I’m compassionate, I’m smart, I’m courageous, I’m sane!

You can do this, too. Turn these truths into affirmations and say them all day long. Gradually, you’ll begin to believe them. When that happens, everything in your life will start to change in a positive way.

Remember, if you can’t seem to love yourself, you’re still being manipulated by those old, sabotaging thoughts. Use mindfulness to silence your inner critic. It worked for me, and it’ll work for you.

As a child, you were powerless. But you’re not a child anymore. Now you hold all the power. Use it. Make today the day you grab your freedom and NEVER let go!!

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Are you tired of being terrorized by your inner critic? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Forward>>

What If I Don’t Know What I Want?

What Does a Children’s Advocacy Center Do?

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect!

Why You Will Love TRE®!

Accelerate Your Healing With TRE®!

I Just Made Your Healing Journey Easier!

How to Find Your Purpose on Earth

What Does A Healthy Love Relationship Look Like?

Do You Think You’re Beautiful?

Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

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