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Why Am I Not Moving Forward in My Healing?

3/28/2018

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I wrote this blog post a few months ago and quite a few people responded to it, thanking me for sharing these steps. I am glad I did because I struggled with understanding why I was stuck for a long time. This is a question I asked myself for a long time. Why was I stuck, why did I always fall back to my old destructive ways?

So many people could diagnose me. So many people could tell me what was wrong with me. But few could actually help me heal. It got to be very frustrating and I was discouraged.

Now I know why. Because my healing wasn’t the task of these other people. It was my job. I had to take all the information I had gathered about recovering from child abuse and trauma and move that knowledge from my head to my heart.

In other words, I had to do the tough, messy work of applying it to my own life. But what I was still searching for, even after I gathered the steps, was finding someone to some
how model these steps for me. To engage with me in a way that demonstrated these steps in action. 

Here are the seven steps child abuse and trauma survivors need to take in order to heal. If you want to start to feel a shift in your healing, start to apply them every day. 


  1. Establish Safety.  Figure out what makes you feel safe. This is your first priority.
  2. Develop Courage. Eventually, your willingness to heal will develop into courage, as you take more and more healthy risks.
  3. Create a Mindfulness Practice. Connecting with your body is essential for healing. As abused children, we learned the toxic skill of disconnection.  Mindfulness will help you reconnect.
  4. Express Your Emotions.  Learn how to identify, listen to, feel, and express your emotions in a healthy way. All of them: the good, the bad, and the ugly!
  5. Change Your Negative Beliefs. You created these toxic beliefs as a way to survive an abusive childhood. But you’re an adult now. Change your story (beliefs) to what benefits your adult life.
  6. Practice Self-Care, Self-Love, and Self-Compassion. Put yourself first on your To-Do list.  Every day, find a way to lovingly care for and celebrate yourself. 
  7. Build a Support System. You can’t do this alone. Healing doesn’t work that way. Surround yourself with nourishing friends who support your healing goals, and a safe place to practice your new way of thinking/feeling/being. (This is the part I was missing for a long time.)

Just the act of implementing these seven steps is a major move forward on your healing journey. And even better is joining a group of people that are also making the shift, that are focusing and intending on daily action to heal their lives, to motivate you. Stick with it, stay connected to survivors that are doing the same thing, and you’ll experience a positive shift sooner than you think.

Why? Because healing is hard. Survivors doubt they can heal, wondering if they are worth it. We feel alone with these hard feelings, as if no one can understand. But you are not alone. Because these steps are more than a decision, it is a willingness and a commitment. A commitment to yourself that requires a lifestyle change, a change in your thoughts, feelings, and habits. We can not do that without constant support and accountability.

And that’s how you heal. Finally! And you will have a whole community of people to celebrate you, support you, and encourage you along the way. 

I would not suggest this support if I did not offer it. If you are ready to dig deep and heal this year and looking for the right support for you, please send me a note and book a free 30 min. session with me. (Limited time offer. Offer ends 4/6/18)
 Just follow (this link) 

I offer a few options and groups for you to choose from. Don't struggle alone. You are worthy of support and healing. I believe in you!

                                                                        ********

Ready to move forward? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125).  Let me help you get moving forward. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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Why Learning Self-Care Is One of the Most Rewarding Lessons

3/21/2018

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I struggled with self-care for a long time. It wasn’t an easy task for me. Back then, my self-care mostly consisted of numbing the pain. I was in too much pain and too ashamed of what had happened to me. It hurt too much to think about it. In the process, I had completely disconnected from myself and my needs.


What helped was when I learned about the long term impact of trauma or rather the long term impact of toxic stress on my body. I could easily see how the abuse I suffered made me not want to talk about the past, feel my feelings, or want to take care of my body. But what was invisible to me and my awareness was how the toxic stress from my childhood was still fueling the high level of cortisol in my body. The high levels of stress hormones in the body can create and contribute to long term problems with our heart and for our blood vessels. This information became a game changer for me.


I had to start to practice good self-care to help my body counter the years of living with toxic levels of stress in my body. My body was my vehicle to living a good life. I needed a healthy body if I was going to heal and restore, I was not sure how but I knew I wanted to experience feeling good about myself after all the healing.

Adding self-care to my life was difficult because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted and needed. I was really hard on myself about this, too. It was embarrassing. I was a grown woman but I didn’t know how to care for myself in a loving way.

However, I was very skilled at taking care of family and friends. I knew what they needed and I would go out of my way to make sure those needs were met. I always put them first, often at the expense of my own self-care.

Does this sound like you? If so, here’s how to stop neglecting yourself.

Self-care begins with awareness. Pay attention to what works, what doesn’t work, and what needs to be tweaked in your life.  

The best way to do this is to make a list:

  • What healthy foods did you eat today?
  • Did you exercise today?
  • How much water did you drink today?
    How much sleep did you get?
  • Did you do something today that gave you joy, something just for you?

Seems like a tall order, doesn’t it?  It did to me at first. With a busy work life and a family of five, I had no time in my day for taking care of “me.”   

But I was determined to do this, so I kept trying. I was especially motivated to not let the past take any more from my present life. It is my life now. My future that I was investing in. I knew it was my responsibility now to choose things that were good for me.

Then an amazing thing happened. I began to feel better about myself. I was shocked to discover self-care was helping me heal.  

Slowly, I started to treat myself with the respect and love I deserved. And it felt good. Really good. After a few ups and downs with my self-care, I learned what worked for me. I gave myself 12 months, a whole year to implement a new healthy habit. It has taken a few years but now I do some form of exercise 5 time per week. I drink plenty of water every day. I keep track of my sleep and I get 3 healthy meals every single day. My self-care journey was just as challenging as my emotional and mental health journey but I have to say it was the most rewarding. I know I have helped reverse some of the long term health affects my trauma caused and I get to feel good in my body and feel good about taking care of it.


You can do this, too. Make today the day you take those first steps toward your own self-care.  It won’t feel comfortable at first, but keep trying. You’ll be glad you did!
   
                                                                        ********


Ready to tackle self care? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125).  Let me help you understand the impact, and how to start your healing journey. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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How Being Grateful All Year Long Will Make You a Happier Person

11/22/2017

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I have been slowing down a bit this week in preparation for Thanksgiving. I have family visiting and my son is out on school break. This last weekend I got out some decorations and put out some nice linen on our dining room table. I love the holiday season.

The upcoming holidays made me reflect on an interesting shift that happened a few years ago, when I realized that when I was in my control mode and things had to be just so, I put my traditions above connection and fun. I was terribly stressed out and making everyone miserable. The truth is - I was exhausted through most of the season. 

Isn't it interesting that during the time of year that is dedicated to love, peace, and the harmony of family gatherings, that most of us feel more stressed out, chasing a long list of expectations with a never ending "to do" list before the holidays. 

Once I changed this mindset and brought peace and calm into how I handled the holiday season, I felt happier and I know my family is just as happy. 

Another thing that I am putting more time and effort into is being grateful, not just around the holidays, but counting my blessings, each and every day. 

In the car yesterday, I was reminded by how mainstream the idea of learning to be grateful has become. There was a whole hour on the radio where the host asked expert researchers about the importance of gratitude and what it does for people and callers shared the one thing they were grateful for from 2017. 

So as this year is coming to a close, keep this question in mind: What is the number one thing that you are grateful for from this past year? I would love to hear your answer!

The practice of gratitude forces us to be more aware and mindful of the moment. It requires us to reflect and recall something positive and bring your awareness into your body, how you thought and felt about it in the moment. How did you feel about a hug from a loved one, the beautiful sunset, the warm water on your skin in the shower, the chocolate cake your partner made for you, the smile on your childs face when you took an extra moment to encourage him, the purring cat on your lap...All of these are examples of things are only felt and acknowledged in the moment.

Because of our hardwiring, it is easier to be negative than positive. It takes time and effort to shift our mindset and we do that by focusing and starting to look for the good things in our life. I know there have been times where that was hard but, no matter what, most of us can find something good, no matter how small or insignificant it might seem at first. This is a very powerful practice and over time is how you create new positive feelings and healthy habits. 

Something especially helpful if you are going through a hard time is to write a list every day, of 5 things you are grateful for in you life and spend the day reflecting on it.

Right now, I am feeling grateful for my family, the season, the colorful leaves on the trees, my friends, and the trips I have taken this year, and you, my friend. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I appreciate you - more than you will ever know.  

But the one thing I am most grateful for this year is the time I have spent in nature. I rediscovered that nature was and has always been my sanctuary. I feel so blessed by the strong connection I feel that helps to ground me in my body and gives me access to something much greater than myself. 

I would love to hear from you all, whether it's about practices of gratitude or mindfulness that you use or the thing you are most grateful for over the last year. Don't be afraid to reach out and start a conversation with me about your answer!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!


                                                                             ********

Do you struggle with mindfulness? Not sure how to start a mindfulness practice?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Self-Care Is a Vital Part of the Healing Journey

11/6/2017

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Focusing on your health is important as you heal after trauma.

I had learned a lot about trauma. I understood the impact but having been fortunate with a healthy body, the long term impact had not showed up in my biology except for very painful migraine headaches and depression. But the toxic level of stress I had lived with my whole life had not registered yet.

Back then, my self-care mostly consisted of numbing the pain. It just hurt too much to think about it. I was in too much pain and too ashamed of what had happened to me. In the process, I had completely disconnected from myself and my needs. This strategy worked, and it worked for a while.

Adding self-care to my life was difficult because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted and needed. I was really hard on myself about this, too. It was embarrassing. I was a grown woman, but I didn’t know how to care for myself in a loving way. I did not know what it looked and felt like to kindly take care of Svava. Does this sound like you?

However, I was very skilled at taking care of family and friends. I knew what they needed and I would go out of my way to make sure those needs were met. I always put them first, often at the expense of my own self-care. It was much easier to focus on other people.

Do you ignore your own needs and focus only on the needs of others? I’ve been there, I understand, and I’m here to tell you that you can start to change that.

Any change begins with awareness. Pay attention to what works, what doesn’t work, and what needs to be tweaked in your life. 

The best way to do this is to make a list:
  • Are you even on your list?
  • What healthy foods did you eat this week?
  • Did you exercise or go for a walk?
  • How much water did you drink?
  • Did you do something today that gave you joy, something just for you, like reading a good book or getting a manicure or window shopping?
  • How many times did you meditate?

Seems like a tall order, doesn’t it? It did to me. With a busy work life and a family of five, I had no time in my day for taking care of “me.”

But I was determined to do this, so I kept trying. I knew I had to take daily loving action to changing my lifestyle, to make my self-care a priority, or I would never fully heal.

Then an amazing thing happened. I began to feel better about myself. I was shocked to discover self-care was helping me heal and it was making me healthier than I had ever been. I was probably even reversing some of the long term impact the abuse had on my body.

Slowly, I started to treat myself with the respect and love I deserved. The more self care I practiced, the stronger and more resilient I felt. It felt so good to finally know how to make myself healthy again. I was healing from the inside out.

You can do this too! Make today the day you take those first steps toward your own self-care. It won’t feel comfortable at first, but keep trying. You’ll be glad you did!

                                                                            ********

Is it hard for you to take time for yourself?  Do you struggle with the concept of loving self-care?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in Paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email to my weekly blog post, go here: http://www.educate4change.com and register on the homepage or in the popup box.

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
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