Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Giving Your Inner Child the Love & Protection He/She Was Missing

1/16/2018

Abuse took away your identity. It took away your birthright coming into this world needing to feel loved, adored, and nurtured. This sets survivors up for confusion later in life.

I did a small group presentation last year with a group of survivors and when I mentioned this birthright, a young woman in the group started to cry and asked, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

I could feel her pain. My words had stirred her heart. Her sadness, her aching heart and loneliness. With my hand on my heart, and as present and in my heart as I know how to be, I told her, "unfortunately, they don't know it either."

Humans learn the good and the bad from their caregivers. Kids watch their parents interactions, relationships, and how they are treated by others, especially from childhood. We watch how people take care of themselves. Then we take all this information and translate it into how we fit into this word and the family we grow up in. And for most children growing up, there was something missing. We know it, and because we don't know how to ask for it and no one is talking about it, we assume there is something wrong with us.

The sad part is that children that grow up with basic needs going unmet grow up with this constant nagging feeling that there is something missing but they don't know how to fix it, make it better, or make the hurt go away. We can't because we need to connect and it does not go away until we learn to connect with ourselves and the unmet needs that live inside of us. As we learn to meet those needs we are becoming the parent and the protectors that we needed when we were children.

Here is the thing to remember. Childhood is meant to be a safe place for children to navigate the truth of who they are and what important skills they need to master given the age and development to begin to build self-esteem and a sense of belonging. Most adults today did not get this from their parents. Their parents just did the best they could. Most of them did, I do believe that, but just did not know how to meet the deep needs of their children. This is not something people talked about or even understood.

The good news is that it is not too late. If you are reading this and feeling the nudge to learn how to nurture, accept, and validate your inner child, you can. I am re-playing a webinar on inner child work if you would like to learn more. Here is the (link) I also love to teach inner child work to my clients and am happy to show you if you need some guidance.

It is wonderful to see people slowly put together the pieces and learn the truth of who they are. You are not your hurt. To finally realize their true identity and who they are meant to be. That is when we find fulfillment in our relationships and in our work as we dare to go after our dreams, explore our passions and share our gifts with the world.

Are you ready to learn who you are? I would love to help. If you would like to learn how inner child work can help you, I am offering a free 30 min session to anyone that has not talked to me before and wants to explore how I work. Here is the link to my calendar. Don't wait, book it now!! Can't wait to hear from you.

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Ready to tackle the impact of your trauma? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Connecting With Your Creative Inner Self Can Help You Heal

12/5/2017

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Healing after abuse or trauma is a very creative process. I didn't used to think so but the truth is, survivors have found very creative ways to cope after the trauma, to stay ahead of the memories, whether it was because they simply did not have the support they needed or to stay busy enough to avoid feeling the the pain. But it does catch up with us eventually.

In order to survive, we create stories about ourselves, our childhood, our families, and the past. We creatively numb, distract, or disassociate from the truth because we have not felt safe to acknowledge the truth, not inside our bodies or in our families or communities. But we don’t see that we are being creative, very resourceful, and resilient.

Recognizing that you are creative opens up the possibility for you to see things differently and my favorite part about creative thinking is that it creates space for authenticity. You can do it your way, not like anyone else. Because “art” is anything the creator wants it to be, a form of self expression. You also don’t have to share with anyone for it to be creative. And when it comes to sharing your story, I encourage you to not share it until you are sure that the person hearing it will celebrate you and honor your courage and your work. People have to earn our trust for us to choose to share our heartbreaking stories of trauma and the creative stories of our healing.

I know I am not the first person to shudder in a workshop or a class when the teacher announced that we were going to create art to help us with the next part of healing. I have learned to recognize where this comes from in me. It is the "little miss perfect" in me that did not dare create anything unless it was perfect. I now scoop her up into my arms and let her know that this is actually where we get to paint outside the lines and scribble in any color if that is what feels right in the moment. I am not going to compare her creativity to someone else’s like I used to. No more.

The healing journey is about finding our way back to our truth, our authentic selves, and along the way we do get to reconnect with our inner child that did like arts and crafts. Do you remember?

I would love to hear how you are using your creativity on your healing journey and how it is helping you. Whether you are writing new stories, acknowledging the hurt, the truth, stories, creating poems, sharing your feelings.Or maybe playing or listening to music that moves your heart, or gets you dancing, going to the gym, getting out into nature, creating a vision board or collage where you paste images, magazine clippings, adding color and glitter, images that move you, inspire you and empower you, speaking, singing, instruments, chanting, movement, dancing, skipping...to stay true to the truth of who you are, your authentic creative self!

The options are endless and amazing. I can’t wait to hear from you if you are willing to share, either here on the blog or just hit reply to my email and tell me how you have connected your creativity and healing. If you have created an identity like I did, that I am NOT an artist, be gentle with yourself. Put your hand on your heart and find where that resistance lives in your body. Get to know it like an old friend. Take lots of time and go slow. Let your inner child know you are not here to make him or her do anything they are not willing to do. You just want them to play with you a little when they are ready. And keep showing up. Slowly find the ways to remind you and your parts where you are already creative. Help them shift in perception of what is allowed and acceptable.

And fall in love with your creativity!

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Do you struggle with finding your way back to your truth? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Parenting Your Inner Child

8/21/2017

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Becoming a loving, caring, nurturing parent to your inner child can be scary at first. This child remembers every minute of the child abuse you survived, even if you’ve blocked out the worst of it. Ouch!

But don’t worry. Your inner child isn’t going to unleash all those horrible memories on you. Instead, it will only be the parts of you that need healing, the parts you have rejected or ignored.

Yes, your inner child is angry. That’s scary, too. Mine was furious. She wasn’t as upset about the abuse from the past as she was the fact that I had rejected her for decades. I kept giving her to other people to love. She didn’t want their love. She wanted mine.

The wonderful thing about making the commitment to do inner child work is you discover just how loving you can be as an adult. In my case, I discovered I was capable of creating safety for this little girl. I could make her a top priority in my life. I could protect her. I could even help her express her negative emotions without allowing her to wallow in self-pity and blame. I had no idea I could do any of this until I tried.

I keep a photo of myself as a child on my nightstand. Seeing her every day helps me stay connected to her. When I look at it, I feel her presence, and she feels mine. That’s usually all she needs to feel safe.

Whenever fear or anxiety appears in my body I know it’s her. All I have to do is ask her what she needs from me. It’s usually a safety issue. I may have taken a big step in my career, or a troublesome situation may have triggered her. She just needs to know I’m there for her and will protect her. I’m her loving parent and always will be.

What I love most about my inner child is that she’s also the part of me connected to God. By loving myself in this way, I’m opening the door to God’s unconditional love. I may be parenting her, but she is teaching me how to love everyone and everything.

Wow. It doesn’t get any better than that, my friends!

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Do you need help connecting with and learning how to parent your inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

8/14/2017

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Every time you make a decision to change a toxic behavior pattern, your wounded inner child will appear. It’s what makes healthy change hard for us.

And that’s why inner child work is so important. You can’t recover from child abuse and trauma without doing this deep, messy work.

Your wounded inner child is that very young part of yourself, who was hurt by the abuse and is still in pain. In my case, it was my 6-year old self. She was angry for never being seen, heard, or valued. She believed the only way she could ever be worthy was by overachieving and taking care of everyone else’s needs, while ignoring hers.

Because I could feel her anger, resentment, and pain, I was terrified of her. So I rejected her for decades. Of course, that just added to her painful burden.

Inner child work is the practice of building a loving relationship with your abused inner child and becoming the loving parent that child never had. Easier said than done, right? I mean, how do you do that when you never had a loving parent? Here’s how to start!

Whenever you feel unrest inside you, stop, and listen to it.
Sit with this unrest until you can name it (anxiety, depression, sadness, overwhelm, grief, fear, loneliness, etc.).
Place your hand on your heart, so your wounded inner child can feel you.
Close your eyes and visualize a safe place for your inner child to feel comfortable talking to you.
Ask your inner child what it’s trying to tell you.
Listen to whatever this child says with an open mind, whether you agree with it or not. That’s what a loving parent does.
Cuddle this precious child in your arms and take loving action by letting it know you hear it, see it, acknowledge it, and value it.

Basically, all your inner child wants is to be loved by YOU. That’s it. You do this by making your inner child a top priority, creating a sense of safety for it, and giving it all the love and care it craved but never received.

Few things are more rewarding in life than building a peaceful, loving relationship with your wounded inner child. It’s not an easy process, and it won’t happen overnight. But it’s well worth the effort, because it always leads to major breakthroughs.

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Are you struggling to build a relationship with your wounded inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What’s the Big Surprise on the Healing Journey?

1/2/2017

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Last week’s blog post about “oneness” touched many of you, so I wanted to continue this week by exploring another aspect of that theme.

As you practice oneness, you begin to realize we’re connected not only to each other but also to God (Divine Love). Suddenly, it makes perfect sense that we’re here to learn about love and to experience love. However, you can only experience love when you’re connected. Why? Because love is an active process: you’re either giving love or receiving love or both.

Child abuse disconnects you from love. You were hurt by those who claimed to love you. You were hurt by those you loved. Because love hurt, we distanced ourselves from love to survive the abuse.

The healing journey is all about learning how to reconnect with love. We do that by reconnecting with ourselves, others, and God.

But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Disconnecting from love makes you feel unlovable, and this toxic thought cripples your adult relationships. For example, I was married for 12 years before I could trust my husband enough to believe he wasn’t going to leave me. Sad, but true.

Before I could learn how to trust and connect with him in a loving way, I had to trust and connect with myself. The only way to do that was to connect with my inner child.

Yikes! Not an easy task for me. I didn’t like her. I didn’t know what to do with her. How was I supposed to love this needy, angry, hurt child? I was clueless.

But I kept working on it, practicing self-love and self-compassion. Slowly, I began to accept the parts of myself I felt were unlovable. This helped me connect with other people. I could see we’re all struggling in one way or another. I’d never realized that before. I thought I was the only one. Now I know I’m not.

Safe relationships in support groups or with loved ones help us practice these new oneness skills. They teach us to take responsibility for ourselves in our relationships.

And that’s one of the big surprises on the healing journey. Think about it. When we were children, abusive relationships hurt us. As adults, safe relationships heal us. Wow. Who knew, right? Surprise!

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Are your relationships driving you crazy? Are you having a difficult time applying the concept of oneness to your personal relationships? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Don’t have time for a coaching session? No problem! My book, JOURNEY TO THE HEART, was created to be a coaching session in book form. How cool is that?! You’ll find this Amazon #1 bestseller in paperback at: http://amzn.to/2gm7DSx or in Kindle at: http://tinyurl.com/jzuq5u7

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Do You Think You’re Beautiful?

11/14/2016

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You are! And that’s the truth.

How do I know? Because when I look in the mirror I finally see a beautiful person. And it only took me 49 years to realize that. Ha!

I can laugh now, but it’s sad when you think about it. Growing up, I never looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful little girl, a passionate teenager, a powerful athlete, a blossoming young adult, or the stunning woman I have become.

Lately, I’ve held all those girls in my arms and apologized to them for not being able to see their beauty. No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to do that.

But at the same time it was important for me to allow myself to feel the grief from being emotionally abandoned. For decades, my preciousness was never validated. My beauty was never seen. My uniqueness was never honored.

You’re just as beautiful as I am. What makes you beautiful? Your heart!

Like many of you, I used to chase perfection, trying so hard to look beautiful on the outside, while never feeling that way on the inside. Now I know why. True beauty is the inner beauty of your heart. Not the outer beauty of your appearance.

Your heart is where this healthy sense of love and appreciation for yourself comes from. That’s why I always encourage you to listen to your heart. It knows the truth about you. It knows you’re beautiful.

The beauty of my heart saturates every area of my life, including my relationships with family and friends. Now I see beauty in each person I meet. And I’ve made it my mission to let everyone know how much I appreciate their inner beauty, too.

Take a good look at yourself in the mirror today. Can you see the beauty of your heart? Can you honor and validate your amazing uniqueness?

If not, today is a good day to start!
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Is it difficult for you to see your inner beauty? Is this a daily struggle for you? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

10/30/2016

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Survivors of child abuse grow up talking to themselves in the same harsh, critical manner in which they were spoken to as children. When I grew up, I realized what was going on, and I felt really stupid for thinking this way. How could I do such a terrible thing to myself, right? Yikes!

But, like most abuse survivors, I couldn’t stop doing it. Over time, it developed into a painful source of shame and self-hatred.

Years later, I learned how to meditate. I began to use meditation to quiet my mind, so I could observe the horrible way I talked to myself. At first, I was shocked at the endless stream of abusive thoughts flowing through my mind. Harsh judgements, relentless criticism, vile self-loathing, blatant hate, you name it.

In order to silence this inner critic, I not only had to become aware of these thoughts but I also had to feel each one. This helped me make contact with the sad, helpless little girl inside me. She had been traumatized by the abuse from the past, and now she was being viciously attacked by me. Ouch!

The next step was to realize all these sabotaging thoughts were lies. Our abusers were lying when they said these horrid things to us in the past. Now we’re lying to ourselves every time we repeat them.

Slowly, I replaced each lie with the truth: I’m a good person, I’m caring, I’m kind, I’m loving and lovable, I’m compassionate, I’m smart, I’m courageous, I’m sane!

You can do this, too. Turn these truths into affirmations and say them all day long. Gradually, you’ll begin to believe them. When that happens, everything in your life will start to change in a positive way.

Remember, if you can’t seem to love yourself, you’re still being manipulated by those old, sabotaging thoughts. Use mindfulness to silence your inner critic. It worked for me, and it’ll work for you.

As a child, you were powerless. But you’re not a child anymore. Now you hold all the power. Use it. Make today the day you grab your freedom and NEVER let go!!

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Are you tired of being terrorized by your inner critic? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Giving Your Inner Child the Love & Protection He/She Was Missing

Connecting With Your Creative Inner Self Can Help You Heal

Parenting Your Inner Child

How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

What’s the Big Surprise on the Healing Journey?

Do You Think You’re Beautiful?

Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

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