Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Accepting and Asking for Love and Affirmation in Order to Heal

2/12/2018

One of the hardest parts about being a survivor is being able to believe people when they tell you good things about yourself, something you've done or created. The abuse took away our ability to believe in ourselves, it taught us that we must be bad because only bad people are abused. We must have deserved it. I remember thinking to myself when people would say nice things to me, "If they only new the truth about me" or "Yeah right, if you knew my secret, you would take it all back.”

So when we get older, that little voice in our head stays with us, criticizing everything we say or do, not allowing our true voice to say the things we want to say, out of shame and fear, and pushing away any positivity that people might bring our way.

"Dare to believe," my friends. It isn't easy but every time you are given loving words of affirmation, instead of brushing them away, retaliating with disbelief, or reacting with embarrassment, simply thank the person for their words and store them away for later.

You will tell that little voice in your head that nothing bad happens when you stop doubting and criticizing yourself and that you, the adult, are in charge of how you feel about yourself now. And remember those kind words that were said, think of them often, say them out loud to yourself, and soon you'll have the strength to hear more and love it when you hear them. The good news is that I did learn to receive and accept the kind words and like most things on the healing journey, I had to be intentional and mindful of how I wanted to respond and actually practice. And it worked!

And when it feels good enough, don't be afraid to go to those you love and ASK for words of affirmation if you need it. Going to my friends and my husband for this greatly helped me with releasing shame and feeling so bad about myself. You can ask to be told you are loved, that you are special, that you are meaningful. The right people will have no problem saying it to you as many times as you need to hear it.

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Ready to start to work on receiving kind words? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Living Out of Your Truth

9/18/2017

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The trauma from child abuse disconnects us from the truth we feel in our hearts. The healing journey is about finding your way back to your truth. Being able to feel again is how you do that. It's one of the incredible blessings of the healing journey.

We spend a lot of time learning how to safely feel and release our negative emotions like fear, shame, pain, and loneliness. But there comes a time when we need to learn how to feel positive emotions, too. Why? Because these emotions are our truth.

What is your truth? It’s the same as mine:

Love
Kindness
Peace
Joy
Compassion
Goodness
Patience
Gratitude

Slowly work your way down this list and practice “feeling” each of these truths. Allow them to saturate your heart, soul, body, and spirit until they become a part of you.

Actually, these truths have always been a part of you. The trauma of child abuse simply disconnected you from them. When I began to feel these truths, I could finally feel grounded. I knew for the first time I am loved, I am kind, I am safe, and I can live in peace.

Eventually, these statements of my truth became my new core beliefs. When that happened, I was ready to practice living out of my truth. I did that by allowing these core beliefs to guide all of my thoughts, words, and actions.

You can do this, too! Think about it. In what way do you plan to live out of your truth today?

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Is it difficult for you to feel positive emotions? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

8/14/2017

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Every time you make a decision to change a toxic behavior pattern, your wounded inner child will appear. It’s what makes healthy change hard for us.

And that’s why inner child work is so important. You can’t recover from child abuse and trauma without doing this deep, messy work.

Your wounded inner child is that very young part of yourself, who was hurt by the abuse and is still in pain. In my case, it was my 6-year old self. She was angry for never being seen, heard, or valued. She believed the only way she could ever be worthy was by overachieving and taking care of everyone else’s needs, while ignoring hers.

Because I could feel her anger, resentment, and pain, I was terrified of her. So I rejected her for decades. Of course, that just added to her painful burden.

Inner child work is the practice of building a loving relationship with your abused inner child and becoming the loving parent that child never had. Easier said than done, right? I mean, how do you do that when you never had a loving parent? Here’s how to start!

Whenever you feel unrest inside you, stop, and listen to it.
Sit with this unrest until you can name it (anxiety, depression, sadness, overwhelm, grief, fear, loneliness, etc.).
Place your hand on your heart, so your wounded inner child can feel you.
Close your eyes and visualize a safe place for your inner child to feel comfortable talking to you.
Ask your inner child what it’s trying to tell you.
Listen to whatever this child says with an open mind, whether you agree with it or not. That’s what a loving parent does.
Cuddle this precious child in your arms and take loving action by letting it know you hear it, see it, acknowledge it, and value it.

Basically, all your inner child wants is to be loved by YOU. That’s it. You do this by making your inner child a top priority, creating a sense of safety for it, and giving it all the love and care it craved but never received.

Few things are more rewarding in life than building a peaceful, loving relationship with your wounded inner child. It’s not an easy process, and it won’t happen overnight. But it’s well worth the effort, because it always leads to major breakthroughs.

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Are you struggling to build a relationship with your wounded inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Reach Any Goal You Set!

6/26/2017

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In January, I told you about my healing goals for 2017. Well, it’s June, and we’re six months into the year. Time to assess my progress!

This has been a very busy year for my Abuse Survivor Coaching business, as well as my TRE sessions. Lots of new clients for both. However, even though I’ve made progress with my 2017 goals, life has a way of interrupting. Tweaks are definitely necessary.

One of my goals was to meditate every day. I’ve been meditating for years, but not on a daily basis. I wanted to change that in order to reap the full benefits of meditation: a calm mind, a peaceful body, and a joyous presence.

To help me achieve this goal, I joined a 21-day meditation challenge with a friend. It worked! Since January, I’ve meditated every day of the week, and I love the benefits.

Another goal included a more intense workout plan. This one has been harder to achieve. To help me reach this goal, I joined my girls in January for a 12-week workout challenge. It went really well at first. We made measurable progress and had lots of fun.

But then I was sidelined with unexpected obstacles and setbacks. For example, I pulled a muscle. Then I was sick a few times. I also travelled more than usual. Now it’s June, and I obviously need to reassess my 2017 workout plan.

So that’s what I did. This time I’m being kinder to myself and my body. I’ve set smaller, more realistic monthly goals, which are divided into manageable weekly steps. I’m still committed to my 2017 workout goal. But I realize I’m not 20 years old anymore (lol), and I run a busy business. These tweaks will help me reach my goal one day, one week, and one month at a time.

How about you? How are your 2017 goals coming along? Have you done a 6-month assessment yet?

If you’ve also encountered setbacks this year, reach out for support. Don’t give up on your goals. Change is really hard sometimes. But with consistent, small steps you’ll reach your goals.

Hey, if I can do it, so can you, right? Go for it!
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Are you and your spouse struggling with your relationship? Does peace in your family seem like an impossible goal? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Discover Your Unique Gifts

5/30/2017

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As many of you know, for almost the entire month of May, I’ve been in Iceland. This year, it’s not only my 35-year high school reunion but also my 30-year junior college reunion. Since I missed my other reunions, I felt I needed to go to these.

And I was right! I had a wonderful time, reconnecting with old friends and reliving good memories from our school days. I even discovered a few of my classmates are child abuse survivors. I was thrilled to learn they’ve been following me online and are empowered by my work.

It was a business trip, too, because I was introducing TRE to Iceland. I offered TRE classes every week for the three weeks I was there, and they filled up quickly. I also gave presentations on my healing journey, TRE, and my book at several events across the country.

The reason I mention this is because I want you to realize the story of your healing journey is a blessing. That’s probably the last thing you’re thinking, right? I know how you feel! This journey rarely seems like a blessing when you’re clawing your way through another layer of buried emotional pain. Healing from trauma or child abuse is messy. There’s no way around that. But, trust me, it’s also a blessing.

Here’s what I mean. Each one of us is a perfectly imperfect, vulnerable human being with an immense capacity to love ourselves and others. The healing journey is all about rediscovering that.

So don’t give up on yourself, okay? There are people who are waiting for you to realize you’re a blessing. Your life will become the example that shows them healing is possible. Your life is the one that will encourage them to move from surviving to thriving. That’s how powerful you are.

What’s the source of your power? It comes from falling in love with yourself and honoring the unique gifts you were born with. If you’re not certain about your gifts, ask yourself this question: What makes your heart sing and gives you JOY?

The answer to that question is the first step toward discovering your incredible gifts. Yes, it’s that simple!
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Are you stuck on your healing journey? Do you feel like you’ve plateaued out, and you’re not moving forward anymore? If so, I can help. JJust follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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The Best Gift You Can Give Your Children

2/6/2017

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Good parenting isn’t easy! As you can imagine, it was really hard for me in the beginning. To be honest, I was terrified. I had no idea what good parenting looked like. I just knew I wanted my kids to have a healthier, happier, safer childhood than mine. But I didn’t know how to make that happen.

So I did the best I could. I wasn’t abusive to them, but I struggled in the emotional areas. I didn’t know how important it was to be present for them. Giving a child your total and complete attention is how you demonstrate a child’s worth. This is the kind of love I had always craved as a child but never received, so I didn’t know how to do this for my kids.

Now I’m making up for lost time. I want my kids to feel heard. I do this by demonstrating full body listening and eye contact, while I lovingly hear every word they say to me.

It’s never too late to start. Begin today. It doesn’t matter how old your kids are now or where they live. We all need parents who are connected to their hearts and not afraid to validate our worth by hearing what we have to say.

This week I told each of my children what I love most about them. They responded by telling me that I’m their role model. What they love most about me is all the love coming out of me. They can actually feel that love energy whenever I’m near. Even their friends talk about it!

That makes my heart sing, because I want my kids to see what it feels like to be a wholehearted, loving, compassionate adult. It’s an honor to be able to demonstrate this for them.

No family is perfect. But we try to understand each other. Kindness is a top priority. No ridiculing or judgment is allowed. Consequently, we live in a peaceful home.

This would have made all the difference to me when I was growing up. You can give the gift of a peaceful home to your children, too. Start today. Your kids will thank you!
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Are you a parent, as well as a survivor of child abuse? Would you like to be able to create a peaceful, loving home for your kids, but you don’t know where to start? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Does A Healthy Love Relationship Look Like?

11/21/2016

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Lately, my husband and I have been discussing peace and what it feels like to be at peace.

This is a major topic for us. Peace is something we struggled with in the past. Fortunately, we’ve come a long way since then. Now I’m grateful to be able to talk like this with a man who loves me, thinks I’m beautiful, and tells me how much peace and joy I bring into his life.

I think that’s everyone’s deepest desire in a marriage. We all want to be seen, heard, understood, and valued by our spouse.

I have to say I’m in awe of this place we’ve come to in our love relationship. It wasn’t always this way. We used to wound each other a lot. We were childish and said hurtful things. Our marriage was filled with drama, crisis, judgement, and emotional abuse. As you can imagine, we were both miserable.

But we learned. We held each other accountable and tried to do it with kindness. To accomplish this, we had to take risks. We had to become vulnerable, which is really scary for trauma and abuse survivors.

Even so, our marriage will always be a work-in-progress. There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. We both continue to grow and learn. As a result, we’ve become allies in our quest to be the very best version of ourselves we can be.

This is what a healthy love relationship looks like, and I feel blessed we can model this for our children. It has brought a tremendous sense of peace into our family and home. We deserve that. And our kids deserve parents who are willing to take responsibility for their lives.

But in order to do that, we had to reach out and seek help. We had to learn how to communicate in a positive way. We had to give each other the benefit of the doubt. We couldn’t automatically assume the worst. Instead, we had to ask for an explanation, allow for mistakes, and lovingly accept apologies.

This is how you move forward to build a love relationship that works for your family, rather than against it. Not easy, but totally worth it!
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Are you struggling to communicate in your marriage? Do you feel like you and your spouse are on competing teams rather than the same team? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your marriage. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Heal Your Emotional Pain

10/22/2016

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Are you hurting today? If so, I know how you feel. I used to carry an unbearably heavy load of emotional pain.

It’s important for survivors of child abuse and trauma to find a productive way to validate and express emotional pain. All of it. You can’t heal completely until you acknowledge how devastating it is to be abandoned, neglected, and ignored as a child.

When I began this validation process, I decided to become an advocate and speaker. I gave lots of talks about child sexual abuse, my past, and how to keep kids safe from predators.

This was the platform I had chosen to tell my story, and it was an important step in my healing process. However, I wasn’t aware I was still looking for someone to appear out of nowhere and fix the chaos I felt inside. Because of that, I had a tendency to overwhelm people with my message.

Even so, that was a very healing time for me, and I learned a lot from the experience. I felt vindicated by all the people listening to my story. Especially those who expressed sadness in response to what had happened to me. I also learned how to take responsibility for the impact of my words.

I’m incredibly grateful for all the people who heard me speak back then. They helped me heal. They listened and validated my pain. They kept open hearts and showered me with empathy and compassion.

Your pain will help you heal, too. Every time you tell your story to a safe friend you’ll learn how to connect with others and yourself.

Today, when I’m invited to speak I mention the pain from my past, but I focus most of my message on hope, healing, and the love I carry in my heart for myself and others.

There’s no room for pain in my life anymore. One day there won’t be room for pain in your life, too. Keep telling your story, and that day will arrive sooner than you think!
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Are you tired of being battered by a heavy load of emotional pain from the past? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What’s Your Passion in Life?

8/7/2016

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Our passion is our fuel. It’s what keeps us going no matter how many challenges come our way. Our passion also protects us. As long as we’re pursuing it, we don’t care what other people think about it, or if we’re doing it perfectly.

Why? Because what we’re passionate about gives us joy.

I’ve been thinking about this lately. Regardless of how my passion evolves from year to year, “hope” has always been the common thread. That’s because I’m a survivor of child sexual abuse.

Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Think about it. When a child is abused by someone that child loves and depends on, the child will create a story in which the abuse is really the child’s fault, not the fault of the parent or guardian.

We know all about that, don’t we? It’s the only way we could survive the horrors of abuse. That story gave us hope. It promised us if we could just be better and do better the abuse would stop. Of course, that never worked. It’s not reality.

Still, that story trained me to hope. It drove me to do whatever I could to improve myself and my situation. As an adult, I applied that same strategy to my healing journey. It became my passion. I kept pushing forward, confident the next book, support group, speaker, video, or webinar would be the key to a big breakthrough. And it was. Every single breakthrough on my healing journey happened exactly that way.

As I changed, my passion changed. I became passionate about helping others as an Advocate, Speaker, and Coach. I want to teach everyone how to heal and how to keep kids safe from child sexual abuse.

Now “love” is my passion. We can never stop the violence in our society until we learn how to truly love ourselves. Only then can we love others in a healthy way.

What’s your passion? If you’re on a mission to seek your truth, you’re on the right path. You’ll never go wrong if you follow your heart. Every step of the way will be a joy. You’ll see!!

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Are you struggling to find your passion? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Need To Be Rescued?

7/30/2016

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All survivors of child abuse want to heal. We really do. But when given the chance, we rarely leap at it. Instead, we hesitate and hold back.

Why? Because healing requires stepping out of our comfort zone, and this terrifies the subconscious. Yes, we know we’re stuck and miserable. But it’s familiar territory. We can manage it. If we venture out and move beyond this dysfunctional safety zone, we’ll no longer have complete control.

Eeeek!!! Scary stuff.

Healing began for me on the day I realized there was a “civil war” going on inside me. One part of me (fear) demanded to be rescued. It lived in a fantasy world and truly believed someone would appear out of nowhere to save me. This toxic belief was holding me hostage.

The other part of me (my heart) was trying to set me free. It was grounded in reality, not fantasy. My heart knew no one was coming to rescue me. It told me I didn’t need to be rescued, because I already had everything I needed to heal and restore.

My heart wanted to be my personal cheerleader. However, it was up to me to take action. So I did. I tuned out fear, tuned into my heart, and took that first step.

I made myself a top priority, and I did this every day. It was the only way to create the necessary internal shift from living in fear to living in hope.

Every day I put self-care at the top of my list. One day I would reach out for support. The next day I would do something good for my body, like making healthy changes in my diet or signing up for an exercise class. The next day I would read an inspiring book. And so on. I took action like this every single day to prove to myself I was serious about healing.

That’s how you walk the healing journey: one self-loving day at a time. No mysterious rescuer is coming to save you. But there’s no need. You can rescue yourself. Just listen to your heart. It knows!

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Are you stuck, believing you need to be rescued? I can help you move forward again. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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<<Previous

Accepting and Asking for Love and Affirmation in Order to Heal

Living Out of Your Truth

How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

How to Reach Any Goal You Set!

How to Discover Your Unique Gifts

The Best Gift You Can Give Your Children

What Does A Healthy Love Relationship Look Like?

How to Heal Your Emotional Pain

What’s Your Passion in Life?

Do You Need To Be Rescued?

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