Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Do You Need To Be Rescued?

7/30/2016

All survivors of child abuse want to heal. We really do. But when given the chance, we rarely leap at it. Instead, we hesitate and hold back.

Why? Because healing requires stepping out of our comfort zone, and this terrifies the subconscious. Yes, we know we’re stuck and miserable. But it’s familiar territory. We can manage it. If we venture out and move beyond this dysfunctional safety zone, we’ll no longer have complete control.

Eeeek!!! Scary stuff.

Healing began for me on the day I realized there was a “civil war” going on inside me. One part of me (fear) demanded to be rescued. It lived in a fantasy world and truly believed someone would appear out of nowhere to save me. This toxic belief was holding me hostage.

The other part of me (my heart) was trying to set me free. It was grounded in reality, not fantasy. My heart knew no one was coming to rescue me. It told me I didn’t need to be rescued, because I already had everything I needed to heal and restore.

My heart wanted to be my personal cheerleader. However, it was up to me to take action. So I did. I tuned out fear, tuned into my heart, and took that first step.

I made myself a top priority, and I did this every day. It was the only way to create the necessary internal shift from living in fear to living in hope.

Every day I put self-care at the top of my list. One day I would reach out for support. The next day I would do something good for my body, like making healthy changes in my diet or signing up for an exercise class. The next day I would read an inspiring book. And so on. I took action like this every single day to prove to myself I was serious about healing.

That’s how you walk the healing journey: one self-loving day at a time. No mysterious rescuer is coming to save you. But there’s no need. You can rescue yourself. Just listen to your heart. It knows!

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Are you stuck, believing you need to be rescued? I can help you move forward again. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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The Connection Between Your Hand and Your Heart

7/25/2016

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Most of you are familiar with my personal journey from being a sexually abused child to an adult who lives wholeheartedly. Today, when I look back, the pain and despair I used to feel is only a distant memory.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not still learning and growing. I am. And any change still brings discomfort. But I’m no longer terrified of total disaster.

Would you like to know about the last big hurdle to my healing? It was “love.” Not only did I resist allowing people to love me, but I also resisted being kind and loving to myself. Like many child abuse survivors, I felt I had no value or worth.

Through the use of several healing practices I eventually learned how to love myself. My favorite is to place my hand over my heart. It’s a way of gently reminding myself that I’m loved, and I’m here for myself. It allows my heart to feel warmth from the hand of someone I’ve learned to trust completely. Me.

Placing your hand over your heart validates your existence. It demonstrates in the physical realm that you’re giving yourself the love and kindness you needed but never received as an abused child.

This simple practice is also quite scientific. It activates your body’s “happiness” hormone (Oxytocin). This is the hormone responsible for evoking feelings of contentment, calmness, and security. It reduces stress and anxiety by increasing trust and empathy. It’s also an anti-inflammatory hormone that speeds wound healing.

Wow!

Now you know why at some point every day you’ll find me with my right hand on my heart. I’m taking a few moments to feel its loving warmth, notice my breath, express gratitude to my body, and whisper assurance to my inner child.

Love is the key to your healing, too. I know it is, because I’ve been there. So give this a try. Feel the warmth and love you can give to yourself with this simple practice. It works!

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Is love a big hurdle for you, too? Do you struggle to feel you have worth or value? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Love a Stranger

7/16/2016

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Last week Oprah interviewed a comedian, Tracy Morgan, on her “Super Soul Sunday” show. Tracy is a NDE (near death experience) survivor. In 2014, Tracy and several other comedians were in a limo van on a New Jersey turnpike when their vehicle was hit by a truck. They weren’t wearing seatbelts.

Tracy suffered a broken leg, broken ribs, and almost every bone in his face was broken. Five months later, his attorney announced the traumatic brain injury Tracy had sustained was so serious he might never fully recover.

And yet he did. Two years after the accident, Tracy is back to work, planning his next comedy tour, making movies, and doing interviews like this one. Tracy Morgan is truly a miracle.

However, like all NDE survivors, Tracy will never be the same. Getting a glimpse of the other side completely changed his life. He’s now on a mission to make the world a better place through love and laughter. Many NDE survivors come back devoted to divine Love. Tracy is no exception.

I was deeply touched by the entire interview, but especially by Tracy’s commitment to love everyone. “I don’t have to know you to love you,” he said.

I think we all would agree the world could use an extra dose of love. There’s too much violence, fear, sadness, and frustration out there right now. We need to choose love. We need to love everyone.

But if you haven’t had a near death experience how can you possibly love everyone, even strangers?

You can’t. You can’t do this on your own. Trust and feeling safe isn’t easy you, as a abuse and trauma survivor. The minute someone activates one of your triggers, love goes out the window, right? The truth is it’s impossible to love everyone, especially strangers.

And that’s the key. We aren’t supposed to do this on our own. We are the vessels divine Love flows through. Don’t try to love everyone by your own effort. You can’t. Instead, relax and allow the Love of God to flow through you to everyone you meet. That’s how it works.

Today, take a few minutes to send divine Love energy out to the person standing next to you, to your neighborhood, your state, and your country. The world needs more lovers and peacemakers. The world needs you!

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Would you like to learn how to love everyone, even strangers? Is it hard for you to allow yourself to become a vessel of divine Love? Don’t worry. I can help you do this. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why It’s Important to Set Emotional Boundaries

7/3/2016

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We all know we need firm emotional boundaries with the people in our lives. But we’re survivors of child sexual abuse. We were never taught how to create healthy emotional boundaries.

Instead, we grew up to be adults with no firm boundaries in place, making it too easy for abusive people to hurt us. And they have.

But that’s about to change. Today, I’m going to tell you how to set healthy emotional boundaries and how to defend them.

Let’s start with what’s true about you. This is your truth: You are a precious spirit of Divine Love, who deserves to be treated with love and respect. No exceptions.

Your truth defines your emotional boundaries. Unfortunately, abusers have extremely low self-esteem and enjoy violating emotional boundaries. Here’s how they do it. This is what emotional abuse looks like:

Challenging: Someone who says “No” to or argues with everything you say.
Interrupting: Someone who constantly interrupts everything you say by changing the subject.
Gaslighting: Someone who twists reality. The abuser denies his/her actions, hurtful words, promises, etc. The goal is to make you doubt your sanity.
Belittling: Someone who criticizes or makes fun of everything about you (how you look, dress, talk, your decisions, your intelligence, etc.).

The emotional abusers in your life may be family, friends, coworkers, or your spouse. Don’t allow these people to violate your emotional boundaries. Remember, your truth defines your boundaries. Your boundaries say you deserve to be treated with love and respect. No exceptions.

Once you set emotional boundaries, you’ll have to defend them. That’s a must. To do this, use the abuser’s favorite word: No. When an emotional boundary is crossed, calmly say: “No, I don’t agree with that” or “No, that’s not true about me” or “No, that’s not what I think.”

Then walk away. Cut all emotional abusers out of your life. You don’t need them. If some are family members, limit your time with them.

Be patient with yourself. It can take up to six months to feel comfortable defending your emotional boundaries. But practice makes perfect. And it will get easier. I promise!
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Do you need to set emotional boundaries in your life, but you don’t know where to start? If so, don’t worry. I can help you with that. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do You Talk To Yourself?

6/25/2016

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I’ll never forget the day I became aware of this. It was a major revelation for me. Definitely, one of those “aha” moments!

That was the day I realized I talked to myself in the same abusive manner in which I had been treated as a child. Yikes! I was unkind, harsh, and super critical of myself in every way.

It’s true. I never talked to myself like I talk to the people I love. With those people, my words were kind, compassionate, gentle, empathetic, and loving. But that’s not the way I talked to myself. Not even close. I was incredibly hard on myself. I was an abusive perfectionist, constantly beating myself up for the lack of perfection in my life.

Discovering this was like opening the door to a cage I’d been imprisoned in my entire life. It was exhilarating to realize I could finally break free from this horrible inner critic.

Yet it was also frightening. I’d never been taught how to be good to myself. How do you do that? Where should I start?

After years of trial and error, I learned to become my own cheerleader. If you’re like me and your own worst inner critic, begin today to change that. Start by choosing a kind word for yourself. It should be something you've been longing to hear whispered in your ear while you're being gently hugged. Then choose another kind word. Then another.

When you’re comfortable with this, make a list of all your good qualities. Maybe you have a big, compassionate heart. Maybe you’re a giving, helpful person. All those qualities should be on your list. Review this list every day until the revelation of your wonderfulness sinks deeply into your soul. Then you, too, will become your own cheerleader!

Soon it’ll be impossible for you to say anything abusive to yourself. You’ll simply love yourself too much. And that’s the way it should be!
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Are you your own worst critic? Does your mind go blank when you try to think of a kind word to say to yourself? If so, don’t worry. I can help you with that. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do You Learn to Love Yourself?

5/23/2016

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If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know my favorite subject is “love.” Most of you are here because of the abuse and trauma you suffered as a child.

Maybe you were hurt by someone you loved and trusted. Maybe you were hurt by someone who claimed to love you. Since you were only a child at the time you became very confused about love and how normal loving behavior is supposed to look and feel.

I totally understand. The issue of love was a struggle for me, too. I felt terribly broken when I realized I didn’t know how to love myself. Even so, loving myself was the thing I resisted the most, and this is true in the beginning for all my clients.

Why are we like that? It’s because love is a two-fold problem for us. First, we don’t know how to love ourselves, so we believe we are unlovable. Our entire past acts as proof to support this toxic belief. Second, because we don’t know how to love ourselves, we make others responsible for loving us. But that never works, because we don’t know how to accept their love.

Ugh! How frustrating, right?

For many of my clients, I model how to be loving. To love themselves more, I help them learn how to be kind to all the different parts of themselves, especially those they reject or abandon.

To be more loving to others, I help them develop an inner awareness of their energy when they interact with people. Are you automatically defensive, because you’re afraid you’ll be hurt? Or do you remain calm, open, and trusting? To figure this out, don’t retreat to your mind. Slow down and focus on your body. It will let you know if you’re defensive or calm.

For survivors like us, this is hard in the beginning. As abused children, we learned to stay safe by disconnecting from the truth about ourselves and others. But it’s never too late to learn how to love yourself. You can’t heal completely until you do. Best of all, the more you love yourself, the more love you will feel toward others, and the more love you’ll receive.

Wow. It doesn’t get any better than that!

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If you’re ready to learn how to truly love yourself, I can help. I’ll walk you through it, model it for you, and show you the steps. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Another Way to Help Others

4/3/2016

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Last week I said one way you can tell you’re healing is by the sudden desire to reach out and help others in need. Then I mentioned several ways in which you can help survivors like yourself.

But what if you don’t feel led to help other survivors of trauma or child abuse? What if the desire of your heart is to help in another way?

Not a problem! You’re an incredibly special person. Survivors of trauma and child abuse are much needed by their local communities.

Why? Because the healing journey awakens within you a deep sense of love, compassion, and empathy. You’re no longer afraid to feel those emotions for yourself or others. The world needs more people like you with big, loving hearts and the courage to extend deep compassion to those who need a helping hand.

Here are some additional ways to contribute your time and talents in your local community:

Volunteer at animal rescue agencies
Foster rescued dogs, puppies, cats, or kittens
Help with activities at your church
Create or join an intercessory prayer group
Teach a Bible study at a senior center
Volunteer at the local food bank
Distribute hot meals to the elderly or shut-ins
Serve at your local homeless shelter
Deliver hygiene or food packets to the homeless
Teach others to read at the community center
Volunteer at the hospital or elementary school
Help out at the Red Cross or Salvation Army
Do yardwork or housework for the elderly or shut-ins

There is so much you can do to help. Pick something from this list or follow the desire of your heart. If you need help determining the best match for your unique talents, contact me. I’m always happy to help you help others!

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Are you struggling with your healing journey? I can help you take that next step. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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My Personal Story: Why I’m Devoted to Love

3/21/2016

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Years ago, when David and I lived on the east coast, our marriage was in shambles. It was plagued with constant disagreements and misunderstandings, which usually ended in standoffs that lasted for days. Ugh!

Back then, I’d been on my healing journey for eight years and had made great progress. But I hadn’t realized how the trauma in my abusive childhood was sabotaging my marriage. I was still defensive, disconnected, and afraid. Our arguments made me feel like we were toddlers kicking sand at each other in a sandbox. It was awful!

One day, after another long standoff, David said he wanted a divorce. I can still remember where I was standing in the kitchen when he made that announcement. I froze. My entire body went numb, and I could barely breathe. I was in shock.

Even though he’d triggered a flood of panic responses from my childhood, a strange sense of peace came over me. It was one of those profound revelation moments. I realized I was here on earth to learn about Love. Suddenly, deep in my spirit, I knew this was my purpose in life.

That was a huge turning point for me. I decided if my marriage was supposed to end, so be it. But I wanted it to end in peace and with David knowing how much I loved him.

When I could breathe again, I told him I understood. He deserved to be with someone who made him feel loved. I suggested we get professional help. After that, if he still felt he would be happier with someone else, I would let him go. That was really hard for me to say, but it’s how much I loved him.

Things turned around quickly after that. David didn’t leave. Instead, we went to couples therapy to learn about healthy communication and how to love ourselves.

It worked! Today, we’re best friends, and he’s my greatest supporter. We still practice those important communication skills we learned years ago. And I’m still devoted to Love. After all, it’s my reason for being here.

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Are you struggling with your healing journey? I can help you take that next step. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Forward>>

Do You Need To Be Rescued?

The Connection Between Your Hand and Your Heart

How to Love a Stranger

Why It’s Important to Set Emotional Boundaries

How Do You Talk To Yourself?

How Do You Learn to Love Yourself?

Another Way to Help Others

My Personal Story: Why I’m Devoted to Love

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