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Finding Happiness in the Little Things in Life

5/14/2018

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Today, I wanted to do something different. I found this photo and it struck me. At first glance, it doesn't seem that extraordinary, like other photos of nature that circle the web. There isn't some breathtaking waterfall, huge mountains, glaciers, or an obvious beach shot. It's just a photo taken out in a field, with small flowers and a bit of sunshine. And yet it is beautiful.

My reminder to you today is go find beauty and happiness in the little things. You don't need to live near a tropical beach or beautiful countryside to be able to go outside and have a wonderful day. If you need to see some beauty, if you are in desperate need to connect with some nature, go out in your backyard and find a single flower. Walk down the street to find your favorite tree. Or even find a random park around the corner and let your toes feel the grass for a bit. It all makes a difference, it is all beautiful even if you don't notice it at first.

Why is this an important habit? It teaches your brain to appreciate the little things. It teaches your brain that even the smallest bits of happiness are all you need to have a wonderful day. That you don't need EVERYTHING to go right in your day to make it a good one. Because you won't let the seemingly larger amount of bad things bring you down. You will push the negative thoughts away with the thought of the beautiful wildflower. You won't think today is a bad day because you got to feel grass beneath your feet. And tomorrow can't be bad either because you get to walk up to your favorite tree and give it a hug and let its ancient wisdom banish all your fears, guilt, and shame. Because there ARE more important things to worry about.

Choose to see the beauty today, my friends. Choose to see it every day. And by doing so, the world will become the most beautiful place in your eyes. Your world will exist only to show you and bring you the best of things because you are telling the universe that is all you care to see.  I invite you to try it!

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Are you struggling with finding beauty in your life? I know it feels put of reach at first. I would like to help! Just follow (this link) to book on my calendar or feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125).  Let me help you with the steps to a simple mindfulness practice.  You deserve it!  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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Using the Power of Your Breath to Stay in the Present

2/21/2018

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The power of your breath is that it is always in the moment. 

Self awareness is key to starting a successful trauma healing journey. It can feel a bit overwhelming in the beginning, as you are literally choosing to counter your biology in choosing discomfort, learning how to navigate stepping outside your comfort zone and taking a hard look at your helpful but toxic coping strategies. 

I do a lot of trauma education with my clients. I know it provided me with the comfort to know that there was nothing wrong with me in how I had responded to and lived through my trauma. In fact, I was in many ways a textbook example of a child that grew up in a household with domestic violence, and was being abused emotionally, physically, and sexually. The outcome was that I lived with toxic stress as a child and as an adult, that toxic stress was still living inside of me as if it was still happening and all my systems were on high alert, all the time!

As I started to understand the impact of trauma and learning that I was not alone, I slowly became aware of how big a part my biology played in how I would be able to heal from the past. It became easier and easier and I was open to learning new things, actually willing to explore anything if it helped me find peace in my mental, emotional, and physical state and better able to connect with people. 

Learning about the power of my breath was an important piece of the puzzle. As survivors of trauma, we hardly notice our breath (or our shallow breathing), we hardly notice our tight sholders and the weight on our hearts or the knot in the pit of our stomach. It has been such a big part of your life, you assume it is what all people feel and experience. 

When I started to get into meditation about 20 years ago, I was fascinated by how the simple act of taking a deep breath could shift how I felt and it gave me the space to think about how I wanted to respond to my thoughts. I did practice meditation and some form of breathwork of and on during my healing journey, but it was not until a few of years ago that meditation becaume a regular self care practice and then again when I received my TRE certification. I reconnected with the power of my breath, the awareness it brings to your body, inside and out, and the power it has to shift from a place of tension to relexation, one breath at the time. 

Our breath is one of the systems of our body that can override our subconscious automatic systems. We only have to become aware and start to take the breaths we need to make the shift from how we usually feel to how we want to choose to feel now. 

If you are new to mindfulness or meditation, here are some simple steps for you to try:

1. Find a comfortable seat, keeping your eyes open or closed.
2. Begin by taking 3 full slow deep breaths, inhale and exhale fully.
3. Allow your breath to come back to normal.
4. To start, just sit and notice your breath coming in and going out. What do you notice?
5. Any thoughts that come to mind, just notice them and let them go.
6. The more you practice, start to notice how your body responds to the inhale and the exhale. Your lungs, the warmth of the breath, and the thoughts that might be distracting. 
7. No need to control or judge. You can't do this wrong. Just accept and allow. And give yourself this moment of being aware of your breath, being fully in the present moment with yourself. 
8. As you slowly come back from this breathing meditaion, just take a minute to scan your body and notice how you feel before you head out to your day.
9. In the beginning, it might be helpful to set an alarm and just start with 1 minute or 5 if you can and start to notice over time as you start to feel more comfortable sitting for longer periods of time.  

The long term benefits of mindful breathing include stress relief, better control over difficult emotions, increased positive thinking, and more self awareness, just to name a few. What is powerful about starting a simple breath meditation is that you can do it anywhere, it can always help you to come back to the present moment, where we want to be for connecting with other people. So much of our worry or anxiety about life is about the future or rumination about the past that we can't change. Start with just one minute a few times per week and notice how you feel. 

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Ready to start reconnecting with your body through mindfulness, meditation or TRE? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group. 
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Connecting to Your Body By Practicing Mindfulness

11/27/2017

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The practice of mindfulness, such as meditation, can be a challenge for trauma survivors.   Trauma disconnects you from your body in the moment to survive a perceived threat. Most survivors do not get the support they need to heal and process the abuse they suffered, which leads to chronic inner tension and toxic negative believes that feed unhealthy behaviors and feelings about themselves. We think we are bad, we feel bad, and believe the abuse was our fault. 

The thought of reconnecting with their bodies, where all the bad lives, feels very overwhelming in the beginning. Active mindfulness, of the body and mind, is a very helpful practice because it teaches us to become aware of body sensations, thoughts, and emotions and to relate to them with an open, nonjudgmental attitude. 

I remember feeling overwhelmed when I began to connect to the place where all the bad was hiding. The shame that lived inside my body was toxic. I had mastered denial about my past and was hiding behind the "little miss perfect" act, and working three jobs as a young woman. I have memories waking up in the middle of the night and feeling the terror and worry creep into my mind, my body slowly tensing up until I disconnected from it completely, not thinking about or feeling any of it. But eventually I could not pretend any longer. I was struggling with growing depression and physical pain that showed up in regular painful migraines and stomach cramps. 

Then I started my healing journey.  I was fortunate that I found a support group early on in my healing. Within this group, I learned about the impact of my past and how important it was to feel my feelings. I learned from watching other participants. I slowly connected to my feelings about what had been done to me. It took time and eventually, mindfulness and meditation became important tools that I utilized on my journey, for over 20 years. Now it is a part of my daily self-care practice. 

If you are new to mindfulness, it is defined as “the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment” (Kabat-Zinn, 2003 p. 145).

Research has consistently shown that mindfulness is an important predictor of well-being. People that meditate are more positive, feel more independent, and have higher self esteem and vitality. 

The other wonderful thing about mindfulness, is that it is already part of what being human is, a tool available to all humans. Anyone can practice mindfulness and you don't need anything outside of yourself to do it, even though it is helpful to follow a guide in the beginning in form of a book, course, or a coach. 

For some, mindfulness is easier to practice than meditation because you don't have to sit in silence in order to practice mindfulness. There are a range of different practices that I want to share with you in a future blog post but I also wanted to let you know that I am working on a 8 week mindfulness course that I will be offering in the new year. It will include a weekly webinar, a daily journal, and self guided mindfulness and meditation practices. This program is based on positive psychology and I know many of my clients will benefit from it.  

You can benefit from it as well. I lead my clients through body awareness exercises that help trauma survivors to learn to trust themselves and their bodies and gives them a practice that helps with self regulation and resilience during the healing journey. 
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If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness, my upcoming group program, or have a question, please let me know. You can reply or comment below.

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Do you struggle with body awareness? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Being Grateful All Year Long Will Make You a Happier Person

11/22/2017

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I have been slowing down a bit this week in preparation for Thanksgiving. I have family visiting and my son is out on school break. This last weekend I got out some decorations and put out some nice linen on our dining room table. I love the holiday season.

The upcoming holidays made me reflect on an interesting shift that happened a few years ago, when I realized that when I was in my control mode and things had to be just so, I put my traditions above connection and fun. I was terribly stressed out and making everyone miserable. The truth is - I was exhausted through most of the season. 

Isn't it interesting that during the time of year that is dedicated to love, peace, and the harmony of family gatherings, that most of us feel more stressed out, chasing a long list of expectations with a never ending "to do" list before the holidays. 

Once I changed this mindset and brought peace and calm into how I handled the holiday season, I felt happier and I know my family is just as happy. 

Another thing that I am putting more time and effort into is being grateful, not just around the holidays, but counting my blessings, each and every day. 

In the car yesterday, I was reminded by how mainstream the idea of learning to be grateful has become. There was a whole hour on the radio where the host asked expert researchers about the importance of gratitude and what it does for people and callers shared the one thing they were grateful for from 2017. 

So as this year is coming to a close, keep this question in mind: What is the number one thing that you are grateful for from this past year? I would love to hear your answer!

The practice of gratitude forces us to be more aware and mindful of the moment. It requires us to reflect and recall something positive and bring your awareness into your body, how you thought and felt about it in the moment. How did you feel about a hug from a loved one, the beautiful sunset, the warm water on your skin in the shower, the chocolate cake your partner made for you, the smile on your childs face when you took an extra moment to encourage him, the purring cat on your lap...All of these are examples of things are only felt and acknowledged in the moment.

Because of our hardwiring, it is easier to be negative than positive. It takes time and effort to shift our mindset and we do that by focusing and starting to look for the good things in our life. I know there have been times where that was hard but, no matter what, most of us can find something good, no matter how small or insignificant it might seem at first. This is a very powerful practice and over time is how you create new positive feelings and healthy habits. 

Something especially helpful if you are going through a hard time is to write a list every day, of 5 things you are grateful for in you life and spend the day reflecting on it.

Right now, I am feeling grateful for my family, the season, the colorful leaves on the trees, my friends, and the trips I have taken this year, and you, my friend. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I appreciate you - more than you will ever know.  

But the one thing I am most grateful for this year is the time I have spent in nature. I rediscovered that nature was and has always been my sanctuary. I feel so blessed by the strong connection I feel that helps to ground me in my body and gives me access to something much greater than myself. 

I would love to hear from you all, whether it's about practices of gratitude or mindfulness that you use or the thing you are most grateful for over the last year. Don't be afraid to reach out and start a conversation with me about your answer!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!


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Do you struggle with mindfulness? Not sure how to start a mindfulness practice?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Can’t I Heal?

7/10/2017

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This is a question I asked myself for a long time.  So many people could diagnose me.  So many people could tell me what was wrong with me.  But few could actually help me heal.  

Why?  Because my healing wasn’t the task of these other people.  It was my job.  I had to take all the information I had gathered about recovering from child abuse and trauma and move that knowledge from my head to my heart.  In other words, I had to do the tough, messy work of applying it to my own life.  

Today, I’m going to make this task easier for you.  Here are the seven steps child abuse and trauma survivors need to take in order to heal.  Apply them every day.

  1. Establish Safety.  Figure out what makes you feel safe.  This is your first priority.
  2. Develop Courage.  Eventually, your willingness to heal will develop into courage, as you take more and more healthy risks.
  3. Create a Mindfulness Practice.  Connecting with your body is essential for healing.  As abused children, we learned the toxic skill of disconnection.  Mindfulness will help you reconnect.
  4. Express Your Emotions.  Learn how to identify, listen to, feel, and express your emotions in a healthy way.  All of them: the good, the bad, and the ugly!
  5. Change Your Negative Beliefs.  You created these toxic beliefs as a way to survive an abusive childhood.  But you’re an adult now.  Change your story (beliefs) to what benefits your adult life.
  6. Practice Self-Care, Self-Love, and Self-Compassion.  Put yourself first on your To-Do list.  Every day find a way to lovingly care for and celebrate yourself.
  7. Build a Support System.  You can’t do this alone.  Healing doesn’t work that way.  Surround yourself with nourishing friends who support your healing goals.

Just the act of implementing these seven steps is a major move forward on your healing journey.  Stick with it, and you’ll experience a positive shift sooner than you think.  Why?  Because these steps are more than a decision.  They’re a lifestyle change.  

And that’s how you heal.  Finally!

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If you’re having trouble with any of these steps, I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Does Mindfulness Really Mean?

7/3/2017

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Mindfulness is about living in the moment and being present for the NOW.  We all know that.  But what you might not realize is “being present” doesn’t mean being present in your head.  Mindfulness really means being present in your body.


A big part of the healing journey is learning how to connect with your body again.  Self-compassion is a good example.  It’s the practice of becoming aware of what’s going on in your body, so you can experience what it feels like to be loving and kind to yourself.


Mindfulness is not a head thing.  You feel what’s happening in the present moment in your body and in your heart.  Not in your head.


Here’s what I mean.  You feel worries about the future and bad memories from the past in your body first.  Being connected to your body through mindfulness instantly alerts you that this is happening.  That gives you the opportunity to remind yourself the past is over, and no one has any control over the future.  Through mindfulness you can let go of these negative emotions and worries rather than repress them.


Your body’s awareness is actually faster than your mind.  For example, you feel the energy shift in a room, situation, or conversation in your body first.  Then your mind becomes aware of it.  This is also true of good and bad thoughts, memories, and every emotion.  


When you reconnect with your body through mindfulness, you’re no longer at the mercy of every stray thought, memory, or emotion.  You’ll know the instant your body senses something, which gives you the opportunity to choose what you want to think and feel at that moment.  


Reconnecting to your body through mindfulness expands every area of your awareness.  Suddenly, you can see how your life experiences made you the awesome, compassionate person that you are today.  You can see how all of this, the good and the bad, brought you to this present moment in time.  


When you see the “big picture” through the peace and calm of mindfulness, you can’t help feeling grateful for the gift you’ve become.  And that’s exactly what you are.  A precious gift!

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Are you having trouble reconnecting to your body through mindfulness?  Is the practice of mindfulness difficult for you?  If so, I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!


Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Healing From Child Abuse is Like Peeling an Onion

3/27/2017

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Healing from child abuse or chronic trauma doesn’t happen step-by-step, as if you were climbing a staircase.  The healing process is more like peeling an onion.

Child abuse is sustained trauma that happens day after day.  It forces you to disconnect from your mind, body, and heart.  This helps you survive the abuse, but it also hides your authentic self.

Every day for years you disconnected from reality and from your true identity, while enduring the abuse.  Every year added a new layer of repression, inner tension, and toxic beliefs.  

Your brain helped you do this when you were a child in order to protect you.  But now you’re an adult, and this repressed trauma is manifesting as toxic relationships, addiction, codependency, destructive behavior patterns, illness, or chronic pain.  You’d love to fix this, and you’ve tried.  But nothing seems to work.  Instead, you’re stuck, reliving the same problems over and over again.  Ugh!

To move forward in a meaningful way, change your focus.  Begin to see yourself as an onion.  Then ask yourself these deep questions:  

  • What negative themes are repeated in your life?  
  • What are your challenges?  
  • What do your relationships look like?  
  • Do your friends treat you with respect and kindness?   
  • Do you schedule daily self-care?  
  • What are your healing goals?  
  • What gives you joy?  
  • What makes you feel fulfilled?

Each question you answer brings awareness with it.  And this awareness peels away another layer of repressed trauma, just like you were peeling an onion.

However, peeling an onion always makes you cry, right?  Awareness does the same thing.  When awareness appears, it immediately peels away a layer of repressed trauma.  That releases a flood of emotion, like sadness, grief, anger, or rage.    

You have to grab a tissue to blot your eyes when peeling an onion, right?  Do the same with awareness.  Use kindness and compassion, like a soothing tissue, until those emotions flow through you and out.  

Keep answering these deep questions, gaining awareness, and peeling away each layer of repressed trauma.  Now you’re no longer stuck, and your life has become brighter, more joyous, and filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come.  This is the healing journey!
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Are you stuck on your healing journey and can’t seem to move forward again?  Do you need help asking and answering those deep questions? If so, I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Think You’re Beautiful?

11/14/2016

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You are!  And that’s the truth.  

How do I know?  Because when I look in the mirror I finally see a beautiful person.  And it only took me 49 years to realize that.  Ha!

I can laugh now, but it’s sad when you think about it.  Growing up, I never looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful little girl, a passionate teenager, a powerful athlete, a blossoming young adult, or the stunning woman I have become.

Lately, I’ve held all those girls in my arms and apologized to them for not being able to see their beauty.  No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to do that.  

But at the same time it was important for me to allow myself to feel the grief from being emotionally abandoned.  For decades, my preciousness was never validated.  My beauty was never seen.  My uniqueness was never honored.

You’re just as beautiful as I am.  What makes you beautiful?  Your heart!  

Like many of you, I used to chase perfection, trying so hard to look beautiful on the outside, while never feeling that way on the inside.  Now I know why.  True beauty is the inner beauty of your heart.  Not the outer beauty of your appearance.

Your heart is where this healthy sense of love and appreciation for yourself comes from.  That’s why I always encourage you to listen to your heart.  It knows the truth about you.  It knows you’re beautiful.

The beauty of my heart saturates every area of my life, including my relationships with family and friends.  Now I see beauty in each person I meet.  And I’ve made it my mission to let everyone know how much I appreciate their inner beauty, too.  

Take a good look at yourself in the mirror today.  Can you see the beauty of your heart?  Can you honor and validate your amazing uniqueness?

If not, today is a good day to start!
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Is it difficult for you to see your inner beauty?  Is this a daily struggle for you?  If so, I can help.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

10/30/2016

4 Comments

 
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Survivors of child abuse grow up talking to themselves in the same harsh, critical manner in which they were spoken to as children.  When I grew up, I realized what was going on, and I felt really stupid for thinking this way.  How could I do such a terrible thing to myself, right?  Yikes!    

But, like most abuse survivors, I couldn’t stop doing it.  Over time, it developed into a painful source of shame and self-hatred.  

Years later, I learned how to meditate.  I began to use meditation to quiet my mind, so I could observe the horrible way I talked to myself.  At first, I was shocked at the endless stream of abusive thoughts flowing through my mind.  Harsh judgements, relentless criticism, vile self-loathing, blatant hate, you name it.

In order to silence this inner critic, I not only had to become aware of these thoughts but I also had to feel each one.  This helped me make contact with the sad, helpless little girl inside me.  She had been traumatized by the abuse from the past, and now she was being viciously attacked by me.  Ouch!

The next step was to realize all these sabotaging thoughts were lies.  Our abusers were lying when they said these horrid things to us in the past.  Now we’re lying to ourselves every time we repeat them.

Slowly, I replaced each lie with the truth: I’m a good person, I’m caring, I’m kind, I’m loving and lovable, I’m compassionate, I’m smart, I’m courageous, I’m sane!

You can do this, too.  Turn these truths into affirmations and say them all day long.  Gradually, you’ll begin to believe them.  When that happens, everything in your life will start to change in a positive way.

Remember, if you can’t seem to love yourself, you’re still being manipulated by those old, sabotaging thoughts.  Use mindfulness to silence your inner critic.  It worked for me, and it’ll work for you.  

As a child, you were powerless.  But you’re not a child anymore.  Now you hold all the power.  Use it.  Make today the day you grab your freedom and NEVER let go!!

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Are you tired of being terrorized by your inner critic? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366
 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Is It Taking So Long To Heal? Ugh!!

6/5/2016

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Survivors often ask me if there’s a way to speed up the healing process.  The fact that the healing journey takes so long can be frustrating, I know.  Especially when you’re exhausted from struggling with the aftereffects of child sexual abuse.  You’re ready to change.  You’re ready to heal.  And you want it NOW!!

I’ve been there.  Trust me.  I used to feel the same way, and I still get impatient from time to time.  However, it’s important to understand the need for “speed” is part of your trauma pattern.  It’s a coping skill you know all too well as a result of the abuse.  

A sense of urgency is part of the “fight or flight” survival response.  It’s how your brain responds to change or a threat.  This is a normal, healthy response.  But, in your case, it became chronic and toxic due to the abuse you endured as a child.  Because of that, when something is uncomfortable (even a good change), you want to push through it quickly.

What I have learned over the years is the good stuff, like incorporating a healthy habit, develops slowly over time.  That’s because good changes occur in stages.

Here’s what I mean.  Change is initially a mental exercise, so the first stage is governed by willpower and excitement.  In the second stage, you create a routine to support this new change, which helps you deal with emotional resistance.

By the time you progress to the third stage, this new change has become a lifestyle.  But that only happens after you confront and resolve each area of resistance you encounter in the second stage.  You must look those fears in the eye, assure your inner child he/she is safe, and convince this child the new change is good.  Only then can you make peace with the resistance and work through it.

See?  There’s no way around it.  This entire process takes time.  You can’t fast-forward through the second stage by leaping from the first stage to the third.  That’s not how it works.  Yes, big changes take months or years.  But that’s the beauty of living in the moment.  Practice mindfulness during this process.  Celebrate each healing stage.  It’s worth it, and so are you!!
                                                               ********
Are you struggling with a sense of urgency and impatience on your healing journey?  I can help you resolve these issues and take the next step.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
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