The hardest work of healing is correcting the story that we lived with for so long, that you did not matter, that no one cared, and there was no one coming to the rescue. If you are one of the few lucky ones, you may have had a few helpful relationships along the way, even just one person that you can look back on and see that it was because of him/her that you hung onto hope and kept going. Even just one person that you had in your life that cared enough to ask you how you were doing, and was kind, encouraging, and supportive when no one else was, can make all the difference.
Did you have one person like that? Then you are lucky. I did too. For me, it was my grandmother. No matter what was happening or how I was feeling, being around her or at her house, I felt safe. She was the only person I remember in my teen years that would sit with me at her kitchen table while I had my meal and talked to me about my life and when she looked at me, I could see and feel the warmth from her love for me. I knew she loved me, no matter what.
This past Sunday, Oprah did a segment for 60 Minutes on the long term impact of trauma and how people are finally realizing both how trauma is showing up all around us and how we go about helping children and adults that have had a rough start in life. It was a powerful segment and I am including a link to it for you here. It includes the 15 minute segment and Oprah's response to it. She shares how this is the most impactful interview she has done of all the thousands of interviews she has done in her career. That is powerful. You don't want to miss it.
I also want to include here for you a link to the ACE study questionnaire that she talks about and the research that she refers to. It is good for all survivors to understand the impact of our lived experiences. (Link to ACE study questionnaire)
I have written a few blog posts about the ACE study and how important it is. The good news along with Oprah bringing awareness to it, so is the path towards healing.
One of the people she interviews is Dr. Bruce Perry, who has spent years working with children and adults and seeing the difference childhood trauma makes between someone that makes it in life or someone that will struggle for the rest of their lives. He said something very eye-opening in the episode that I wanted to share: "That very same sensitivity that makes you able to learn language just like that as a little infant makes you highly vulnerable to chaos, threat, inconsistency, unpredictability, violence....so children are much more sensitive to developmental trauma than adults."
I love how in under 20 minutes, she manages to highlight what we know about trauma and summarize what helps us all to heal. We heal in relationships, and it only takes one person to make that difference in a persons life.
What communities and organizations that provide services to children and adults are beginning to realize is that we no longer can be asking, "What is wrong with you?" Because there is nothing wrong with any human being. We are all a product of our environments. What we need is to provide trauma informed care and and instead, start asking people that are struggling, "What happened to you?" and offer them a safe place to share.
If you are interested in learning more about Trauma Informed Care, then please Google what organizations in your state are already implementing procedures centered around this important concept and way of helping.
And, lastly, if there is a person in your life that is being challenged by their life circumstances, stop judging, offering advice, or trying to fix them. Be a safe person that understands the importance of caring, kind, and compassionate presence while your friend is navigating life the best they can. We can all offer helpful advice but someone that offers a kind, calm, understanding heart, is priceless.
I am so grateful that this important information is reaching more people and more importantly, reaching the people that need it most, people like you and me. People that have been hurt and are in need of helpful information that gives us the language to better understand ourselves and how to ask for help.
After trauma, we need help and a lot of it. Now more people are bringing help to the places where traumatized children and adults live and work. And that is the change we need, finally to look past troubled behaviors (coping), recognizing the person hurting, ask what happened and offer caring support.
Got your ACE score? Now what? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you understand the impact, and how to start your healing journey. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW!
Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!
Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.