Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

You Have To Educate Yourself If You Really Want to Help Children

4/10/2018

Let me ask you a question.

How would you react if you discovered a trusted relative was sexually abusing a child in your family? Or maybe the abuser is a highly respected, influential person in an organization you support. Would you be outraged? Or would you worry about what people think about your family or that organization?

Unfortunately, when most people have the opportunity to protect a child’s wellbeing in a sexually abusive situation, they choose to preserve the reputation of the family or organization rather than coming to the aid of the child. They choose to do nothing.

I’ve been teaching about Child Sexual Abuse Prevention for over a decade, and I’ve seen this response too often. Just look at the media. The Penn State, Catholic Church, Larry Nasser along with the Olympic Committee, MeToo movement etc. All of these incidents are perfect examples. This is happening all around us. Sad, but true.

And I know what you’re thinking now, that you would be the exception, right? That you’d react differently by speaking up for the child.

But what you don’t realize is you can’t do that effectively until you’ve been educated about child sexual abuse. You’d need to know the facts, as well as the warning signs and how to prevent CSA from happening in the first place.

You may think you already know enough. But you don’t. Unless you’ve attended a CSA seminar or presentation, you don’t have the skills necessary to help a child in a sexually abusive situation.

Concerned adults need to be educated about CSA. It’s important to learn how offenders groom parents before they go after their kids. That’s the only way you’ll know how to act in the best interests of the child. You may never actually see someone abuse a child but I can guarantee you may run into a situation where there is something going on that makes you feel uncomfortable. Without the proper training, you may not feel confident enough to speak up, ask questions, talk to other adult to get the support you need to intervene.

Fortunately, there are caring people like you, who recognize the need for education and preparation. You realize it’s more important to protect the child than the reputation of the family or organization. When you learn how often CSA occurs, you’ll create a safety plan to protect your kids as well.

Once people are educated about CSA and how it fuels a toxic cycle of abuse generation after generation, they’ll understand there aren’t several choices in this kind of situation. There’s only one. And doing nothing is no longer the answer.

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Ready to get educated about Child Sexual Abuse and how to keep kids safe? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. Just follow (this link) to Darkness to Light. Also feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the information you need to be comfortable with educating your kids, and the adults in your community! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Educating Your Children Could Save Them

4/2/2018

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In honor of April, which is Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month, and to answer a common question, I decided I'd share this information that has appeared in numerous blog posts of mine. And that question is, "How do I talk to my kids about sexual abuse?" As a survivor, I had to figure out the best way to teach them in order to keep them safe. But I had to teach them differently then I would adults.

I began my healing journey years ago for my kids, not for myself. They didn’t need to be burdened with the emotional pain from my abusive past. They deserved to have a happy childhood and grow up to be confident, empowered adults.

My girls were little then, so I began by reading picture books to them about the body, what it looks like inside and out, and how it functions. I would add to that information by telling them no one is allowed to touch them beneath their bathing suits. It was only okay if I was with them or if we were at the doctor’s office.

When they were old enough for sleepovers with friends, they knew they didn’t have my permission until I was given the chance to get to know the parents first. I needed important information from those parents including:

Where are the girls going to sleep?
Are there older kids in the house?
Are the parents planning to leave at any point?
What time is bedtime?
What movies are they watching?
What foods are they eating?
What games are they going to play?
If there are guns in the house, are they locked up?
What drugs are in the medicine cabinets?
Can my child use the house phone if she wants to come home?

To that last point, I would actually tell the adults that they could not say no to my child if she wanted to use their phone to call home and that my girls did not need to explain why! I would say this in front of my child and the adult, so everyone was on the same page.

When my girls were teens, they knew they didn’t have my permission to hang out with their friends until they could tell me who they would be with, when they would be home, and if any adults would be present. If they couldn’t answer some of those questions, it made them wonder whether or not this would be a safe situation. In that case, they usually decided to pass on that particular activity.

My girls, and then eventually my son, all came to learn that politeness was NEVER a priority over safety. If they feel uncomfortable at all, even if they can't explain it, I have always given them permission to speak up, walk away, and a safe space to tell me and their father so that the situation can be prevented from happening again.

Today, there is nothing my kids and I can't talk about. My eldest daughter even went on to write an blog post for me a few years ago, explaining why she is so appreciative of being raised with the truth of CSA, however sad or scary that facts may be. And the facts are that if 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before they turn 18, we have a lot of work to do as parents and adults to save future children from going through what happened to us or to loved ones. You can read her blog here: https://www.educate4change.com/blog1/child-sexual-abuse-right-under-our-noses

Even though it might make you uncomfortable to talk about, educating your children could literally save them from abuse, even when they are adults. Your child's safety is more important than the shyness or discomfort you may feel around the topic of sex, abuse, and the body. Trust me, it was worth it every time my child came to me with questions, concerns, or fear, because that kept them from taking a step towards the danger, instead of turning around and choosing safety.

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Ready to educate your kids? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the information you need to be comfortable with educating your kids, no matter how old they are! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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What The Case of Larry Nassar Should Teach Us About Preventing CSA

1/31/2018

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Photo Credit: Anthony Lanzilote/Getty Images

Let's talk about what happened last week, with the case of Larry Nassar. What can we take away from this experience? What did you learn? What can you do to ensure something like this does not happen in your community?

The sad part about Larry Nassar is that this is not an isolated event. The circumstance and the people that played a role in the abuse over such a long period of time shows that where there are children, where there is prestige, and where someone is placed in authority over children and their success, there is abuse. There are people in power all over our country and even your community that are abusing children at the rate that he did. How do we know? The statistics tell us this. https://www.d2l.org/the-issue/statistics/

Let's sum up the events.

After one week of deliberation and hearing survivor testimonies, Larry Nassar, the former USA sports physician treating America's top female Olympic gymnasts, was sentenced to 175 years in prison for over two decades of sexually abusing over 150 women and girls.

The highlight of the week was the powerful support the judge Rosemarie Aquilina showed to each of the victims that chose to step forward and share their story in a public way. The judge has received criticism from the legal community for stepping in the role of an advocate when her role is a judge, but as a survivor I can only imagine the powerful impact her voice and actions had on the victims. After each of them spoke, she thanked them for their courage and strength and invited them to see that this was just the beginning of them living a strong empowered life, that their past does not have to define them, and that their story is just beginning. They are not victims but survivors. The person that hurt them is going to remain locked behind bars for the rest of his life but that their life was just starting and full of possibility and hope.

I have heard outrage and confusion in the media and from my community. How could this possibly have happened? Someone must have known! Why did these girls not tell anyone?

This case is not an isolated event. If you have looked at the statistics then you can see that 90% of children are abused by someone they know and trust, and most victims never tell anyone. This puts the responsibility of keeping kids safe on adults. On all of us. As responsible caring parents and adults, we need to understand and actively practice the steps we can to minimize the risk and educate other adults in our community to join us to create a safer and more aware community for all children and the loving adults that care and work with our kids.

Most parents don't want to consider the possibility that something like this could happen to their child. But only by talking to our children age appropriately about private parts, safe touch, secrets, and boundaries, do we give our kids the knowledge and the practice to communicate in a direct way to safe people if someone does something to them that is outside of what you have taught and modeled to them.

Open conversation does not scare your child. It actually gives you child comfort, safety and they feel closer to you. When you show them how to talk openly about anything or anyone that makes them feel uncomfortable, you are helping them to learn to trust themselves, better navigate boundaries, and speak up and ask for help if they need it.

Children struggle because they are getting bombarded with very confusing messages from the media and sometimes their peers. You, as their caregiver, need to be their go-to person. But they might think you are uncomfortable talking about it if you don't start the conversation first.

So how can this happen? How can we step up and do our part to ensure the safety of our children and our communities? I would like to offer the 5 steps that I have been teaching on behalf of Darkness to Light for almost 15 years now. https://www.d2l.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/5-Steps-to-Protecting-Our-Kids-2017.pdf

Steps to Protecting Our Kids -
Step 1: Learn the Facts
Step 2: Minimize Opportunity
Step 3:Talk About It
Step 4: Recognize the Signs
Step 5: React Responsibly

If, after reading through the steps, you are still uncomfortable or uncertain about how you would start to talk about this with others, you can take the Darkness to Light Steward of Children Child Sexual Abuse Prevention training. It is a 2 hour class, either online or in person. https://www.d2l.org/education/stewards-of-children/ What this class will do is teach you the steps and give you the language and questions that you can use as you start to talk to others in your community about children's safety. It also gives you suggestions that you can take to your school or youth serving organization to better protect the kids there.

The last piece of advice I want to offer and suggest to you is to remember that how we respond to these cases in the media is important. Chances are that there are adults or children around you that have not disclosed abuse. Your disbelief and doubt that this could happen can further silence people around you, even children, that perhaps are waiting for the right time to ask for help.

I want to encourage all of us to use this opportunity to educate ourselves and others. We do that by becoming informed and learn what steps we can take and at the same time, we are opening the door for victims to feel safe to come forward to ask for help if they have doubt of not being believed.

Surviving abuse is not the hardest part. Not being able to talk about it and get the help we need to start our healing journey after the abuse is the hardest part. That is the deepest source of pain for most survivors. To not to be believed, not feel heard, and not have a safe place to tell the truth.

So as hard as these news have been on all of us, and I know many survivors that are feeling very overwhelmed by all of it, we can and I hope that we each choose to do something that creates movement and change in our lives. Something that gives us power. Education, knowledge, and support is what brings us together and we are then more likely to take courageous action.

Child sexual abuse thrives in silence and secrecy. It also thrives in fear. We don't have to live in fear anymore. We can learn. We can change. We can choose what gives us the courage to change.

Please use your power to create change. For you. For the survivors. For all of us. Together we can stop the cycle of abuse in our communities.

If you want to read more about the Larry Nassar story, use the links below:

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-heffernan-larry-nassar-20180126-story.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/24/sports/rachael-denhollander-nassar-gymnastics.html
http://time.com/5020885/aly-raisman-sexual-abuse-usa-gymnastics-doctor-larry-nassar/
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/jan/24/victim-impact-statements-against-larry-nassar-i-thought-i-was-going-to-die
https://www.npr.org/2018/01/28/581397061/how-larry-nassars-abuse-went-on-for-so-long
https://www.usnews.com/opinion/thomas-jefferson-street/articles/2018-01-25/how-did-larry-nassar-get-away-with-molesting-girls-in-gymnastics-for-years
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/25/sports/larry-nassar-gymnastics-abuse.html

Want to make sure your kids are safe? Want to educate your community about child sexual abuse prevention? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour session with me ($100). Let me help you with the next step to increase safety for your family & make a difference in your community now. Reserve your spot NOW!

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How to Become a Compassionate Parent

10/10/2017

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There are many benefits to learning how to feel your emotions. One is it helps you become a more compassionate, empathetic parent.

The weekend before I flew to Iceland, I pulled my luggage out of our storage room and came across the boxes I’m saving for my girls. These boxes contain all of my daughters’ art, birthday decorations, cards, diaries, etc., from the time they were little girls.

It was a family weekend, so we all decided to go through these mementoes together. It was a sweet experience, but also a sad one when my daughter, Sabrina, found a journal she’d written in elementary school. While reading a few pages out loud, she was flooded with painful memories. She had written this journal during a time when I was so busy with my life that she had felt invisible.

Sabrina was triggered by this painful memory and expressed it. As you can imagine, it was hard for me to hear. But rather than reacting defensively, I sat with her and let her cry it out.

Parenting isn’t easy for survivors of child abuse. When my girls were in elementary school, I hadn’t started my healing journey. I was still trapped in my trauma. Back then, I couldn’t allow them to express their painful feelings of emotional abandonment. But now I can.

This is what compassionate parenting looks like. You can help your children feel and release their painful memories, too. Here are some suggestions:

Don’t react defensively, flinch, or dismiss their pain.
Sit with your children and allow them to feel their emotions and express them.
Allow yourself to feel your children’s painful emotions, too.
Tell your children you feel their pain, hear them, and see them.
Tell your children you know the past hurt them, and you’re sorry.
Tell your children you’ll never shame them for expressing their feelings.
Tell your children it’s okay to express painful feelings about their past.
Listen to your children with all your heart.
Give them your total attention, support, and love.

Like me, I’m sure you wish you could have been a more compassionate parent in the past. But the past is gone, and things have changed. Now you have the opportunity to create new, healthy, happy memories as a family. Today is a great day to start!

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Is compassionate parenting difficult for you? Would you like to learn more about how to do this? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Give Your Kids What You Never Had

9/11/2017

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As child abuse survivors, we work really hard to do the best we can with our children. We want them to have what we didn’t. So we try to create a healthy, nourishing environment to help our kids grow and thrive in the best way possible.

But after working all day, sometimes there isn’t much left of us for our children. That used to bother me a lot. I felt like I wasn’t giving my kids 100% of what they needed from me.

Finally, I realized I was trying to give them what “I” felt they needed, not what “they” feel they needed. They didn’t need a mother who ran herself ragged every day, trying to be a supermom. All they wanted was what I needed when I was a child: to be seen, heard, understood, and validated.

How do you make this happen for your children?

You simply do less and listen more. In fact, the less you say the better. Instead, listen intently to whatever your kids want to tell you. Ask questions when appropriate and make encouraging, supportive comments like:

I hear you.
That sounds interesting.
What a great idea!
I would love to see you do that.
How can I support you?

When I was certified in Positive Discipline Parenting, I learned two more important parenting skills.

The Iceberg.

A child’s behavior is just the tip of the iceberg. The rest of the iceberg is underwater and represents an unmet need that child’s behavior is trying to meet. A parent’s job is to create a supportive environment in which all your children’s needs can be met in empowering, healthy ways.

Connect Before You Correct.

Your first response to any troubling situation shouldn’t be to correct, advise, or suggest. Instead, create a calm atmosphere in which your child feels safe to communicate his or her needs to you. Then you can solve the problem together.

When you say less and listen more, your children open up and connect with you in amazing ways. Best of all, when you honor them as unique and valuable individuals, you’re truly giving them what you never had.

Mission accomplished!
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Are you having trouble communicating with your children? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Parenting Your Inner Child

8/21/2017

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Becoming a loving, caring, nurturing parent to your inner child can be scary at first. This child remembers every minute of the child abuse you survived, even if you’ve blocked out the worst of it. Ouch!

But don’t worry. Your inner child isn’t going to unleash all those horrible memories on you. Instead, it will only be the parts of you that need healing, the parts you have rejected or ignored.

Yes, your inner child is angry. That’s scary, too. Mine was furious. She wasn’t as upset about the abuse from the past as she was the fact that I had rejected her for decades. I kept giving her to other people to love. She didn’t want their love. She wanted mine.

The wonderful thing about making the commitment to do inner child work is you discover just how loving you can be as an adult. In my case, I discovered I was capable of creating safety for this little girl. I could make her a top priority in my life. I could protect her. I could even help her express her negative emotions without allowing her to wallow in self-pity and blame. I had no idea I could do any of this until I tried.

I keep a photo of myself as a child on my nightstand. Seeing her every day helps me stay connected to her. When I look at it, I feel her presence, and she feels mine. That’s usually all she needs to feel safe.

Whenever fear or anxiety appears in my body I know it’s her. All I have to do is ask her what she needs from me. It’s usually a safety issue. I may have taken a big step in my career, or a troublesome situation may have triggered her. She just needs to know I’m there for her and will protect her. I’m her loving parent and always will be.

What I love most about my inner child is that she’s also the part of me connected to God. By loving myself in this way, I’m opening the door to God’s unconditional love. I may be parenting her, but she is teaching me how to love everyone and everything.

Wow. It doesn’t get any better than that, my friends!

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Do you need help connecting with and learning how to parent your inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

8/14/2017

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Every time you make a decision to change a toxic behavior pattern, your wounded inner child will appear. It’s what makes healthy change hard for us.

And that’s why inner child work is so important. You can’t recover from child abuse and trauma without doing this deep, messy work.

Your wounded inner child is that very young part of yourself, who was hurt by the abuse and is still in pain. In my case, it was my 6-year old self. She was angry for never being seen, heard, or valued. She believed the only way she could ever be worthy was by overachieving and taking care of everyone else’s needs, while ignoring hers.

Because I could feel her anger, resentment, and pain, I was terrified of her. So I rejected her for decades. Of course, that just added to her painful burden.

Inner child work is the practice of building a loving relationship with your abused inner child and becoming the loving parent that child never had. Easier said than done, right? I mean, how do you do that when you never had a loving parent? Here’s how to start!

Whenever you feel unrest inside you, stop, and listen to it.
Sit with this unrest until you can name it (anxiety, depression, sadness, overwhelm, grief, fear, loneliness, etc.).
Place your hand on your heart, so your wounded inner child can feel you.
Close your eyes and visualize a safe place for your inner child to feel comfortable talking to you.
Ask your inner child what it’s trying to tell you.
Listen to whatever this child says with an open mind, whether you agree with it or not. That’s what a loving parent does.
Cuddle this precious child in your arms and take loving action by letting it know you hear it, see it, acknowledge it, and value it.

Basically, all your inner child wants is to be loved by YOU. That’s it. You do this by making your inner child a top priority, creating a sense of safety for it, and giving it all the love and care it craved but never received.

Few things are more rewarding in life than building a peaceful, loving relationship with your wounded inner child. It’s not an easy process, and it won’t happen overnight. But it’s well worth the effort, because it always leads to major breakthroughs.

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Are you struggling to build a relationship with your wounded inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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The Best Gift You Can Give Your Children

2/6/2017

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Good parenting isn’t easy! As you can imagine, it was really hard for me in the beginning. To be honest, I was terrified. I had no idea what good parenting looked like. I just knew I wanted my kids to have a healthier, happier, safer childhood than mine. But I didn’t know how to make that happen.

So I did the best I could. I wasn’t abusive to them, but I struggled in the emotional areas. I didn’t know how important it was to be present for them. Giving a child your total and complete attention is how you demonstrate a child’s worth. This is the kind of love I had always craved as a child but never received, so I didn’t know how to do this for my kids.

Now I’m making up for lost time. I want my kids to feel heard. I do this by demonstrating full body listening and eye contact, while I lovingly hear every word they say to me.

It’s never too late to start. Begin today. It doesn’t matter how old your kids are now or where they live. We all need parents who are connected to their hearts and not afraid to validate our worth by hearing what we have to say.

This week I told each of my children what I love most about them. They responded by telling me that I’m their role model. What they love most about me is all the love coming out of me. They can actually feel that love energy whenever I’m near. Even their friends talk about it!

That makes my heart sing, because I want my kids to see what it feels like to be a wholehearted, loving, compassionate adult. It’s an honor to be able to demonstrate this for them.

No family is perfect. But we try to understand each other. Kindness is a top priority. No ridiculing or judgment is allowed. Consequently, we live in a peaceful home.

This would have made all the difference to me when I was growing up. You can give the gift of a peaceful home to your children, too. Start today. Your kids will thank you!
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Are you a parent, as well as a survivor of child abuse? Would you like to be able to create a peaceful, loving home for your kids, but you don’t know where to start? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Find Your Purpose on Earth

11/28/2016

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What’s the thing that makes you the happiest in life? What makes your heart sing? What makes you come alive?

Whatever it is, that’s your true purpose on earth!!

The healing journey is all about rediscovering and embracing your authentic self, which is the real YOU. But reconnecting with your authentic self isn’t easy for us. That’s because the most damaging aspect of child abuse is the way it distorts reality.

Here’s what I mean. Infants spend nine months in the womb, intimately connected in every way to their mothers. When we’re born, we learn how to trust our caregivers to nurture, love, and protect us.

Abused children don’t receive that from their caregivers. This lack of nurturing creates unnecessary struggle in our lives. We begin to think we’re the problem. I mean, this must be true, or it wouldn’t be so hard to get our basic needs met by our caregivers, right?

Wrong.

Struggle keeps us trapped in “Survival Mode.” Life becomes all about obtaining the basics: safety, food, and sleep. It prevents us from progressing to the next stage in our emotional development. We never move beyond the basics of survival to explore who we are and our unique purpose in life.

That’s why the healing journey is so important. It gives us the chance to grow up naturally and normally. As adults, we become our own caregivers, nurturing and supporting ourselves through the next stage in our emotional development.

To do this, listen to your heart. Then act on its response to these questions:

Who am I?
What makes me feel alive?
What do I love to do?
What makes my heart sing?

The answer to these questions is your gift to the world. It’s your true purpose for being here.

The world needs more people courageous enough to honor their authentic self. These people show us how to “live” our unique purpose on earth, because that’s exactly what they’re doing every day.

Now you can, too. How exciting!!
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Is it difficult for you to hear what your heart is telling you? Are you having a hard time making the transition from Survival Mode to exploring who you truly are and your unique purpose on earth? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Does A Healthy Love Relationship Look Like?

11/21/2016

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Lately, my husband and I have been discussing peace and what it feels like to be at peace.

This is a major topic for us. Peace is something we struggled with in the past. Fortunately, we’ve come a long way since then. Now I’m grateful to be able to talk like this with a man who loves me, thinks I’m beautiful, and tells me how much peace and joy I bring into his life.

I think that’s everyone’s deepest desire in a marriage. We all want to be seen, heard, understood, and valued by our spouse.

I have to say I’m in awe of this place we’ve come to in our love relationship. It wasn’t always this way. We used to wound each other a lot. We were childish and said hurtful things. Our marriage was filled with drama, crisis, judgement, and emotional abuse. As you can imagine, we were both miserable.

But we learned. We held each other accountable and tried to do it with kindness. To accomplish this, we had to take risks. We had to become vulnerable, which is really scary for trauma and abuse survivors.

Even so, our marriage will always be a work-in-progress. There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. We both continue to grow and learn. As a result, we’ve become allies in our quest to be the very best version of ourselves we can be.

This is what a healthy love relationship looks like, and I feel blessed we can model this for our children. It has brought a tremendous sense of peace into our family and home. We deserve that. And our kids deserve parents who are willing to take responsibility for their lives.

But in order to do that, we had to reach out and seek help. We had to learn how to communicate in a positive way. We had to give each other the benefit of the doubt. We couldn’t automatically assume the worst. Instead, we had to ask for an explanation, allow for mistakes, and lovingly accept apologies.

This is how you move forward to build a love relationship that works for your family, rather than against it. Not easy, but totally worth it!
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Are you struggling to communicate in your marriage? Do you feel like you and your spouse are on competing teams rather than the same team? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your marriage. Reserve your spot NOW!

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