Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Giving Your Inner Child the Love & Protection He/She Was Missing

1/16/2018

Abuse took away your identity. It took away your birthright coming into this world needing to feel loved, adored, and nurtured. This sets survivors up for confusion later in life.

I did a small group presentation last year with a group of survivors and when I mentioned this birthright, a young woman in the group started to cry and asked, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

I could feel her pain. My words had stirred her heart. Her sadness, her aching heart and loneliness. With my hand on my heart, and as present and in my heart as I know how to be, I told her, "unfortunately, they don't know it either."

Humans learn the good and the bad from their caregivers. Kids watch their parents interactions, relationships, and how they are treated by others, especially from childhood. We watch how people take care of themselves. Then we take all this information and translate it into how we fit into this word and the family we grow up in. And for most children growing up, there was something missing. We know it, and because we don't know how to ask for it and no one is talking about it, we assume there is something wrong with us.

The sad part is that children that grow up with basic needs going unmet grow up with this constant nagging feeling that there is something missing but they don't know how to fix it, make it better, or make the hurt go away. We can't because we need to connect and it does not go away until we learn to connect with ourselves and the unmet needs that live inside of us. As we learn to meet those needs we are becoming the parent and the protectors that we needed when we were children.

Here is the thing to remember. Childhood is meant to be a safe place for children to navigate the truth of who they are and what important skills they need to master given the age and development to begin to build self-esteem and a sense of belonging. Most adults today did not get this from their parents. Their parents just did the best they could. Most of them did, I do believe that, but just did not know how to meet the deep needs of their children. This is not something people talked about or even understood.

The good news is that it is not too late. If you are reading this and feeling the nudge to learn how to nurture, accept, and validate your inner child, you can. I am re-playing a webinar on inner child work if you would like to learn more. Here is the (link) I also love to teach inner child work to my clients and am happy to show you if you need some guidance.

It is wonderful to see people slowly put together the pieces and learn the truth of who they are. You are not your hurt. To finally realize their true identity and who they are meant to be. That is when we find fulfillment in our relationships and in our work as we dare to go after our dreams, explore our passions and share our gifts with the world.

Are you ready to learn who you are? I would love to help. If you would like to learn how inner child work can help you, I am offering a free 30 min session to anyone that has not talked to me before and wants to explore how I work. Here is the link to my calendar. Don't wait, book it now!! Can't wait to hear from you.

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Ready to tackle the impact of your trauma? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Why Do You Resist Healthy Change?

8/28/2017

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As you can tell from my blog post topics this summer, I’m on a mission to help you dig deep enough to uncover hidden toxic coping skills and patterns. These are what fuel your triggers and create major stumbling blocks on your healing journey.

Thanks so much for all your emails and comments about this series of blog posts. I’m thrilled to hear I’m giving you the kind of information you want and need!

Today, I’d like to tackle the frustrating issue of “resistance.” Why do we resist healthy change? Why does resistance rear its stubborn head every time we decide to do something good for ourselves? It makes no sense!

Or does it?

Actually, it makes perfect sense. Every scary door you open on your healing journey contains an important message. Resistance is no exception.

The purpose of resistance is to protect you. Once again, this is a biological brain issue. Your brain keeps you safe. That’s one of its many skills. However, change involves stepping outside your comfort zone. Change is risky, and risk can be dangerous. This is why any kind of change flips the switch that sends your brain into “Protection Mode.” The end result is resistance.

Fortunately, you can dissolve resistance. The first step is to identify it. Resistance takes many forms: foggy brain, discouragement, overwhelm, panic attacks, anxiety, a brick wall, a swamp, quicksand, or your inner critic.

The second step is to sit patiently with resistance. Let it know you’re grateful for the way it has always kept you safe. Tell it you appreciate how it has never allowed you to deal with more than you can emotionally or psychologically handle. By doing this, you build trust.

Now resistance can loosen its iron grip on your mind, emotions, and body. Only then will it reveal its message.

Today, make the decision to work with resistance rather than against it. When you do, you’ll find it much easier to make those healthy changes!
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Has resistance turned your healing journey into an uphill climb? Is your brain so foggy you have no idea what to do next? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

8/14/2017

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Every time you make a decision to change a toxic behavior pattern, your wounded inner child will appear. It’s what makes healthy change hard for us.

And that’s why inner child work is so important. You can’t recover from child abuse and trauma without doing this deep, messy work.

Your wounded inner child is that very young part of yourself, who was hurt by the abuse and is still in pain. In my case, it was my 6-year old self. She was angry for never being seen, heard, or valued. She believed the only way she could ever be worthy was by overachieving and taking care of everyone else’s needs, while ignoring hers.

Because I could feel her anger, resentment, and pain, I was terrified of her. So I rejected her for decades. Of course, that just added to her painful burden.

Inner child work is the practice of building a loving relationship with your abused inner child and becoming the loving parent that child never had. Easier said than done, right? I mean, how do you do that when you never had a loving parent? Here’s how to start!

Whenever you feel unrest inside you, stop, and listen to it.
Sit with this unrest until you can name it (anxiety, depression, sadness, overwhelm, grief, fear, loneliness, etc.).
Place your hand on your heart, so your wounded inner child can feel you.
Close your eyes and visualize a safe place for your inner child to feel comfortable talking to you.
Ask your inner child what it’s trying to tell you.
Listen to whatever this child says with an open mind, whether you agree with it or not. That’s what a loving parent does.
Cuddle this precious child in your arms and take loving action by letting it know you hear it, see it, acknowledge it, and value it.

Basically, all your inner child wants is to be loved by YOU. That’s it. You do this by making your inner child a top priority, creating a sense of safety for it, and giving it all the love and care it craved but never received.

Few things are more rewarding in life than building a peaceful, loving relationship with your wounded inner child. It’s not an easy process, and it won’t happen overnight. But it’s well worth the effort, because it always leads to major breakthroughs.

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Are you struggling to build a relationship with your wounded inner child? Is healthy change difficult for you? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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You Can Heal If You Believe It

8/7/2017

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When I began my healing journey, I didn’t know if I could heal. But I was hopeful.

Back then, there were plenty of people who could tell me what was wrong with me and why. They could diagnose me with depression. They could tell me the depression was caused by the trauma I had suffered as an abused child. But few could give me what I needed most at that time: someone who believed I could heal.

And that’s my message for you today. If there’s one belief you need to cultivate after child abuse or trauma, it’s the belief that you can heal.

How do you do it? The same way I did!

I searched until I found survivors who inspired me. These people were able to show me what it looked like to heal after child abuse and trauma. They showed me how to move from barely surviving to gloriously thriving. Their lives had become their healing testimony.

From these courageous survivors, I learned healing from child abuse and trauma is a lifelong process. Even though I’m thriving today as my authentic self and loving every minute of it, I’m still growing and changing. Every week I learn new ways to heal, and every week I heal a little bit more.

All of this began with a decision to surround myself with survivors who inspired me. They believed they could heal, and that’s exactly what they did. Their belief in healing became my belief. And soon I began to heal.

It will be the same for you, too. Surround yourself with survivors you admire. Make these people your role models. They’re the ones who will help you believe you can heal.

Hey, I’m happy to be one of them. I know you can heal, because I healed. And if I can do it, you can, too!
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Is it hard for you to believe you can heal? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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It’s Time to Reclaim Your Power!

5/1/2017

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You’re not powerless. You might think you are, but you’re not. In fact, you’re actually quite powerful.

Yes, the person who abused you was probably someone you knew and trusted. But that doesn’t make the abuse your fault. You’re not what happened to you. You’re the same wonderful, awesome, powerful person you were before the abuse. And you always have been.

But if that’s the truth (and it is), then why have you always felt powerless?

Because child sexual abuse is one of those topics our society prefers not to talk about. And not talking about it is the problem. It makes CSA much worse for everyone. The victims feel powerless, because they don’t know what to do about the horrible thing that happened to them. The safe adults around them could have helped. But they didn’t, because they never received CSA prevention education. When no one talks about CSA, everyone loses.

During my keynote speech this month at ABC House, a children’s advocacy center in Oregon, I said I only began to live a powerful life when I discovered how powerful it felt to tell my story. This is the kind of information children, parents, and CSA survivors in our communities are missing. When no one talks about CSA, no one learns how to prevent or heal from it.

Change has to start with us. Survivors are the ones who must begin the dialogue about CSA and how to prevent it. No one else is going to do it.

A few weeks ago, I was interviewed by Matt at “Surviving My Past” (Link). In this interview, we discussed Darkness to Light, the five steps to protecting kids, and the importance of talking about CSA.

It’s time to reclaim your power, my friends. And you do that by telling your story.

When you do, the kids, parents, and CSA survivors in your community will thank you for it. They need what you have to offer. They need to see your power. They need to know they have the power to prevent CSA or to heal from it.

They need you and your story. Are you ready to reclaim your power?

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Are you struggling to recover from child abuse or trauma in your past? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Think You’re Beautiful?

11/14/2016

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You are! And that’s the truth.

How do I know? Because when I look in the mirror I finally see a beautiful person. And it only took me 49 years to realize that. Ha!

I can laugh now, but it’s sad when you think about it. Growing up, I never looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful little girl, a passionate teenager, a powerful athlete, a blossoming young adult, or the stunning woman I have become.

Lately, I’ve held all those girls in my arms and apologized to them for not being able to see their beauty. No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to do that.

But at the same time it was important for me to allow myself to feel the grief from being emotionally abandoned. For decades, my preciousness was never validated. My beauty was never seen. My uniqueness was never honored.

You’re just as beautiful as I am. What makes you beautiful? Your heart!

Like many of you, I used to chase perfection, trying so hard to look beautiful on the outside, while never feeling that way on the inside. Now I know why. True beauty is the inner beauty of your heart. Not the outer beauty of your appearance.

Your heart is where this healthy sense of love and appreciation for yourself comes from. That’s why I always encourage you to listen to your heart. It knows the truth about you. It knows you’re beautiful.

The beauty of my heart saturates every area of my life, including my relationships with family and friends. Now I see beauty in each person I meet. And I’ve made it my mission to let everyone know how much I appreciate their inner beauty, too.

Take a good look at yourself in the mirror today. Can you see the beauty of your heart? Can you honor and validate your amazing uniqueness?

If not, today is a good day to start!
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Is it difficult for you to see your inner beauty? Is this a daily struggle for you? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

10/30/2016

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Survivors of child abuse grow up talking to themselves in the same harsh, critical manner in which they were spoken to as children. When I grew up, I realized what was going on, and I felt really stupid for thinking this way. How could I do such a terrible thing to myself, right? Yikes!

But, like most abuse survivors, I couldn’t stop doing it. Over time, it developed into a painful source of shame and self-hatred.

Years later, I learned how to meditate. I began to use meditation to quiet my mind, so I could observe the horrible way I talked to myself. At first, I was shocked at the endless stream of abusive thoughts flowing through my mind. Harsh judgements, relentless criticism, vile self-loathing, blatant hate, you name it.

In order to silence this inner critic, I not only had to become aware of these thoughts but I also had to feel each one. This helped me make contact with the sad, helpless little girl inside me. She had been traumatized by the abuse from the past, and now she was being viciously attacked by me. Ouch!

The next step was to realize all these sabotaging thoughts were lies. Our abusers were lying when they said these horrid things to us in the past. Now we’re lying to ourselves every time we repeat them.

Slowly, I replaced each lie with the truth: I’m a good person, I’m caring, I’m kind, I’m loving and lovable, I’m compassionate, I’m smart, I’m courageous, I’m sane!

You can do this, too. Turn these truths into affirmations and say them all day long. Gradually, you’ll begin to believe them. When that happens, everything in your life will start to change in a positive way.

Remember, if you can’t seem to love yourself, you’re still being manipulated by those old, sabotaging thoughts. Use mindfulness to silence your inner critic. It worked for me, and it’ll work for you.

As a child, you were powerless. But you’re not a child anymore. Now you hold all the power. Use it. Make today the day you grab your freedom and NEVER let go!!

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Are you tired of being terrorized by your inner critic? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How to Heal Your Emotional Pain

10/22/2016

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Are you hurting today? If so, I know how you feel. I used to carry an unbearably heavy load of emotional pain.

It’s important for survivors of child abuse and trauma to find a productive way to validate and express emotional pain. All of it. You can’t heal completely until you acknowledge how devastating it is to be abandoned, neglected, and ignored as a child.

When I began this validation process, I decided to become an advocate and speaker. I gave lots of talks about child sexual abuse, my past, and how to keep kids safe from predators.

This was the platform I had chosen to tell my story, and it was an important step in my healing process. However, I wasn’t aware I was still looking for someone to appear out of nowhere and fix the chaos I felt inside. Because of that, I had a tendency to overwhelm people with my message.

Even so, that was a very healing time for me, and I learned a lot from the experience. I felt vindicated by all the people listening to my story. Especially those who expressed sadness in response to what had happened to me. I also learned how to take responsibility for the impact of my words.

I’m incredibly grateful for all the people who heard me speak back then. They helped me heal. They listened and validated my pain. They kept open hearts and showered me with empathy and compassion.

Your pain will help you heal, too. Every time you tell your story to a safe friend you’ll learn how to connect with others and yourself.

Today, when I’m invited to speak I mention the pain from my past, but I focus most of my message on hope, healing, and the love I carry in my heart for myself and others.

There’s no room for pain in my life anymore. One day there won’t be room for pain in your life, too. Keep telling your story, and that day will arrive sooner than you think!
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Are you tired of being battered by a heavy load of emotional pain from the past? I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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The Connection Between Your Hand and Your Heart

7/25/2016

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Most of you are familiar with my personal journey from being a sexually abused child to an adult who lives wholeheartedly. Today, when I look back, the pain and despair I used to feel is only a distant memory.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not still learning and growing. I am. And any change still brings discomfort. But I’m no longer terrified of total disaster.

Would you like to know about the last big hurdle to my healing? It was “love.” Not only did I resist allowing people to love me, but I also resisted being kind and loving to myself. Like many child abuse survivors, I felt I had no value or worth.

Through the use of several healing practices I eventually learned how to love myself. My favorite is to place my hand over my heart. It’s a way of gently reminding myself that I’m loved, and I’m here for myself. It allows my heart to feel warmth from the hand of someone I’ve learned to trust completely. Me.

Placing your hand over your heart validates your existence. It demonstrates in the physical realm that you’re giving yourself the love and kindness you needed but never received as an abused child.

This simple practice is also quite scientific. It activates your body’s “happiness” hormone (Oxytocin). This is the hormone responsible for evoking feelings of contentment, calmness, and security. It reduces stress and anxiety by increasing trust and empathy. It’s also an anti-inflammatory hormone that speeds wound healing.

Wow!

Now you know why at some point every day you’ll find me with my right hand on my heart. I’m taking a few moments to feel its loving warmth, notice my breath, express gratitude to my body, and whisper assurance to my inner child.

Love is the key to your healing, too. I know it is, because I’ve been there. So give this a try. Feel the warmth and love you can give to yourself with this simple practice. It works!

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Is love a big hurdle for you, too? Do you struggle to feel you have worth or value? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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How Do You Talk To Yourself?

6/25/2016

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I’ll never forget the day I became aware of this. It was a major revelation for me. Definitely, one of those “aha” moments!

That was the day I realized I talked to myself in the same abusive manner in which I had been treated as a child. Yikes! I was unkind, harsh, and super critical of myself in every way.

It’s true. I never talked to myself like I talk to the people I love. With those people, my words were kind, compassionate, gentle, empathetic, and loving. But that’s not the way I talked to myself. Not even close. I was incredibly hard on myself. I was an abusive perfectionist, constantly beating myself up for the lack of perfection in my life.

Discovering this was like opening the door to a cage I’d been imprisoned in my entire life. It was exhilarating to realize I could finally break free from this horrible inner critic.

Yet it was also frightening. I’d never been taught how to be good to myself. How do you do that? Where should I start?

After years of trial and error, I learned to become my own cheerleader. If you’re like me and your own worst inner critic, begin today to change that. Start by choosing a kind word for yourself. It should be something you've been longing to hear whispered in your ear while you're being gently hugged. Then choose another kind word. Then another.

When you’re comfortable with this, make a list of all your good qualities. Maybe you have a big, compassionate heart. Maybe you’re a giving, helpful person. All those qualities should be on your list. Review this list every day until the revelation of your wonderfulness sinks deeply into your soul. Then you, too, will become your own cheerleader!

Soon it’ll be impossible for you to say anything abusive to yourself. You’ll simply love yourself too much. And that’s the way it should be!
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Are you your own worst critic? Does your mind go blank when you try to think of a kind word to say to yourself? If so, don’t worry. I can help you with that. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Giving Your Inner Child the Love & Protection He/She Was Missing

Why Do You Resist Healthy Change?

How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

You Can Heal If You Believe It

It’s Time to Reclaim Your Power!

Do You Think You’re Beautiful?

Is Your Inner Critic Terrorizing You?

How to Heal Your Emotional Pain

The Connection Between Your Hand and Your Heart

How Do You Talk To Yourself?

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