Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Why You Should Lead with Your Heart

5/11/2018

Most people that know me understand my love of heart-shaped things. I like to keep the kinds of hearts you see in the image below all over my house, out in plain site. Why?

Because after years of healing and much effort, I realized that life is best lived with your heart out in the open, exposed and not hidden away. Keeping these hearts around me serve as a constant reminder to keep mine out as well and not fall back into habits of guarding it from the people I love out of fear. I don't have to fear love anymore.

I'm in charge of heart and I get to protect it. No longer will I allow people to hurt it. And because I know that I am capable of keeping it safe, I have no more fear on giving it to as many people as I want. Friends, family, people I just met yesterday. They all get to see the real me at all times and feel my heart because I keep it at the forefront of my being. I let my heart lead. Because the heart wants to be used, wants to keep growing, it wants to be loved and love in return. So let it.

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Are you sharing your heart? I know it feels scary at first. I would like to help! Just follow (this link) to book on my calendar or feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the steps to start to live from your heart. I believe in you! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Healing is Not Linear

5/3/2018

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Let this truth bring you some peace today, my friends.

On your healing journey, you will have easy days, when the loving words come easily, when you look in the mirror and love what you see, when you feel the strength to silence your inner critic, when you feel powerful, loving, and calm enough to comfort your inner child and put him/her at ease.

But, as life goes, there will be bad days. There might be bad weeks. Life, that happens all around you, doesn't grow in straight lines and neither will you. But that doesn't mean you should stop moving forward, that doesn't mean you should give up.

Because it is after those hardest of days, those hardest of times, that you will hear the message you needed to, clearer and louder than ever, that you will have conquered something powerful which makes you MORE powerful than it, and you will learn each and every time, that you. are. still. here. You made it. You did it. And you can keep going.

Learn to love the ups and downs of your journey, my friends, accept the fact that it will keep surprising you. And don't feel ashamed if you are in your "down" period, if you feel like you are taking two steps back. Look around you, because everyone else is taking the same uneven, undecided, and unsure journey.

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Feeling stuck on the healing journey? Don’t worry. Just follow (this link) to book on my calendar or feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you reclaim your power and move forward again. You go this! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Why Learning Self-Care Is One of the Most Rewarding Lessons

3/21/2018

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I struggled with self-care for a long time. It wasn’t an easy task for me. Back then, my self-care mostly consisted of numbing the pain. I was in too much pain and too ashamed of what had happened to me. It hurt too much to think about it. In the process, I had completely disconnected from myself and my needs.

What helped was when I learned about the long term impact of trauma or rather the long term impact of toxic stress on my body. I could easily see how the abuse I suffered made me not want to talk about the past, feel my feelings, or want to take care of my body. But what was invisible to me and my awareness was how the toxic stress from my childhood was still fueling the high level of cortisol in my body. The high levels of stress hormones in the body can create and contribute to long term problems with our heart and for our blood vessels. This information became a game changer for me.

I had to start to practice good self-care to help my body counter the years of living with toxic levels of stress in my body. My body was my vehicle to living a good life. I needed a healthy body if I was going to heal and restore, I was not sure how but I knew I wanted to experience feeling good about myself after all the healing.

Adding self-care to my life was difficult because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted and needed. I was really hard on myself about this, too. It was embarrassing. I was a grown woman but I didn’t know how to care for myself in a loving way.

However, I was very skilled at taking care of family and friends. I knew what they needed and I would go out of my way to make sure those needs were met. I always put them first, often at the expense of my own self-care.

Does this sound like you? If so, here’s how to stop neglecting yourself.

Self-care begins with awareness. Pay attention to what works, what doesn’t work, and what needs to be tweaked in your life.

The best way to do this is to make a list:

What healthy foods did you eat today?
Did you exercise today?
How much water did you drink today?
How much sleep did you get?
Did you do something today that gave you joy, something just for you?

Seems like a tall order, doesn’t it? It did to me at first. With a busy work life and a family of five, I had no time in my day for taking care of “me.”

But I was determined to do this, so I kept trying. I was especially motivated to not let the past take any more from my present life. It is my life now. My future that I was investing in. I knew it was my responsibility now to choose things that were good for me.

Then an amazing thing happened. I began to feel better about myself. I was shocked to discover self-care was helping me heal.

Slowly, I started to treat myself with the respect and love I deserved. And it felt good. Really good. After a few ups and downs with my self-care, I learned what worked for me. I gave myself 12 months, a whole year to implement a new healthy habit. It has taken a few years but now I do some form of exercise 5 time per week. I drink plenty of water every day. I keep track of my sleep and I get 3 healthy meals every single day. My self-care journey was just as challenging as my emotional and mental health journey but I have to say it was the most rewarding. I know I have helped reverse some of the long term health affects my trauma caused and I get to feel good in my body and feel good about taking care of it.

You can do this, too. Make today the day you take those first steps toward your own self-care. It won’t feel comfortable at first, but keep trying. You’ll be glad you did!

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Ready to tackle self care? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you understand the impact, and how to start your healing journey. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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Becoming the Parent Your Inner Child Needed

2/27/2018

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What does becoming the change you want to see in the world look like?

So many victims of child abuse and trauma are stuck because they don't know that things can be different. Their inner world of tension, fear, and distrust has become their outer world. They have been living this way for so long that they don't know that things can shift and they don't know how or where to start.

Then one day, they realize they are stuck and they want change but how to get unstuck is unclear, since this is brand new territory. Not only do survivors not know how to change, they don't know what that change looks, feels, or sounds like. Who do they turn to, what do they do next?

This was how I felt. The first 10 years or so of the healing journey was all about talking about and having my feelings about the past. I understood trauma and because of the unprocessed feelings and energy in my body, I needed to reconnect with my body, learn to care for it, appreciate it, be kind to it. That practice has taken a long time.

What I learned from others only worked to a certain point. What I spent a long time searching for was someone outside of me to fix it, to show me, make me better. It was not until I started the daily practice of being kind to myself, practicing self-care, and really learning to listen to myself and what I needed, that things started to shift and I started to feel better about myself and hopeful about the future.

Part of becoming the change I wanted to see in the world brought me to how I had wanted to be treated as a little girl. What kind of mother and father did I wish I had had? Someone that kept me safe. That loved and adored me for who I was, supported my talents and curiosity, helped me develop trust in myself and other people as I mastered the developmental stages of growing up through adolescence and into adulthood. I wanted someone that could have guided me through the challenges of becoming a partner and a mom.

That's what I wanted to become. That was the change I wanted to see, not only in my mirror but to finally believe it about myself and embody and live out of these truths: I am a good person. I am a valuable person. I am a lovable person. I am a kind, compassionate person.

So where did I start? With daily practice of self-care. With regularly checking in and practicing feeling my feelings and asking for support when I needed it. With making time to connect with my wounded inner child that felt abandoned, lonely and unlovable and by practice kindness, care, and love everday in my life, starting with myself.

I am still a work in progress but I know I have navigated the challenging inner world of trauma healing. It is from this challenging journey that I can hold a safe place for my clients and show them the babysteps to learning how to be kind and gentle with ourselves as we learn what it looks and feels like to become the parent we needed and the courageus person we can be today. As we choose to love wholeheartedly, to live from our hearts, not our hurts, that will create the change the world needs now more than ever.
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Ready to become the parent and the protector that you needed? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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The 6 Stages of Starting Positive, Healthy Habits

11/13/2017

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One of my greatest passions is learning new things. I am always bookmarking pages, with a list of books I want to read and courses to explore. I know this passion has served me well and has been very helpful on the healing journey. But it can also be distracting or something we use to keep us distracted. Have you ever noticed that?

What I have learned from experience is to focus only on integrating or changing one habit at a time and only signing up for one program at a time. Humans have great intention but the truth is, we all struggle with change and find ourselves resisting it in the beginning.

I am attending a weekly class on resilience right now because I am interested in deepening my understanding, for myself and my clients, of how to better navigate how our bodies respond during stress and how to bring ourselves back to balance. It is such an important skill to learn, especially for survivors of trauma.

The interesting part of learning about change is that even when it is good for you and the thing you KNOW you want, you still have to go through the stages of behavior change. So I appreciated the reminder in my class and have the feeling that a few of you could use a reminder also.

There are six stages we all go through to change our behavior and to create new habits. They are:

1. Not ready. You may not even be aware that something needs changing or have any interest in making a change. This could also be because you don't have the information you need to feel safe about how to change.

2. Getting ready. You may have awareness around something needing changing and even feel that you are setting intention to change, or have been thinking about it, but still not sure exactly when to start.

3. Ready. Your intention is to make a change and you have taken some steps towards that change.

4. Action. You are actively working on this change and have been for about six months.

5. Maintenance. You have created a new habit and it has become part of your routine. You recognize the possibility of relapse and are actively aware to prevent it.

6. Relapse. Relapse happens. It is part of the process. The key is to not stop there. You make sure you go to the earlier stage and keep going.

It was great to have a dialog about these stages in my class and to also reflect on the fact that the things that I have changed took me about 12 months or more to change.

This year my goal was to meditate consistently. To help me with this goal, I signed up for a 30 day mediation challenge. It was a wonderful way to start. For about 5 months, I meditated every single day. Then I was traveling for a few weeks and I did miss a few days. I noticed that the days I did meditate, I felt more grounded and centered. When I got back, I found my way back to the routine that works very well for me, which includes my daily meditation practice. I missed my routine and felt happy to be in it once more.

The key was to not to be hard on myself. To notice my inner critic when I did not keep up with my goal, to stop the old critical voice of, "see you will never be able to change," and use my self compassion practice to talk to myself the same way that I support my friends and my clients.

Judging yourself does not help. Learn to understand the 6 stages and remember to practice self compassion. Make it a long term goal, a 1 or 2 year goal. Set yourself up for success but always keep in mind that we are more likely to relapse or stop doing the new behavior, no matter how good it it for us, if we are not actively being mindful about it.

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Do you struggle with change? Not sure how to create a long term plan for your healing? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Am I Afraid to Feel?

9/25/2017

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All survivors of child abuse and trauma are afraid to feel, accept, trust, and appreciate their uncomfortable or negative emotions.

Why are we like that?

We fear and avoid these emotions, because we never had a positive role model to teach us how to express sadness, grief, overwhelm, anger, pain, and anxiety in a healthy way. Instead, we got hurt when the adults in our life felt these challenging emotions.

However, developing the ability to feel, accept, trust, and appreciate all your emotions (the good, the bad, and the ugly) is a vital step on the healing journey. It’s impossible to heal if you skip it.

So where do you start?

Feeling begins with awareness. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Not for us. The human brain is programmed to avoid pain at all costs. Child abuse taught us to equate pain with emotion, especially uncomfortable emotions. Because of that, we usually need support to help us identify those risky emotions. We simply can’t “see” them in ourselves.

Willingness unlocks the door to awareness. If you’re willing, answer these questions the next time you feel uncomfortable. They’ll help you identify the emotion you’re feeling.

Where in my body am I feeling discomfort?
What is this feeling trying to tell me?
Can I name it?
Am I willing to take responsibility for it?
Was it triggered by something in the present?
Was it triggered by a memory from the past?
Is it true or false?
If it’s true, what can I learn from it?
If it’s false, what can I learn from it?
How can I express and release this emotion in a positive, healthy way?

The process of feeling, accepting, trusting, and appreciating your emotions helps you connect to your own wants and needs in a way you’ve never experienced before. Best of all, it creates a sense of inner peace.

And inner peace is the primary goal of the healing journey. We want to feel at peace in our bodies. We want peace of mind. Inner peace is something we’ve always craved.

Well, this is how you achieve it!
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Are you afraid to feel? When you feel uncomfortable, does your brain suddenly go numb? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Do You Believe, and Does It Serve You?

7/31/2017

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Have you noticed my recent blog posts have been building on a certain theme? Each one is written to take you deeper and deeper into your healing. My intent is to help you tackle your core issues and accelerate your healing. Sounds good, doesn’t it? I think so!

Today, let’s talk about what we believe. It’s more important than you might think.

Unfortunately, abused children are told many lies. Children are sponges, and they’re born into this world, trusting their parents and caretakers. It’s only natural for them to absorb and believe everything they’re taught. Even if what they’re taught isn’t true.

Every single thing we do is a direct response to what we believe. Everything we say and think is also based on these core beliefs. So my question to you is what do you believe?

Unless you’re consciously choosing healthy beliefs, creating new habits based on those beliefs, and changing your behavior to match those beliefs, you’re living your life on “autopilot.” Autopilot for a survivor of child abuse means you’ll continue to live according to the toxic lies and beliefs you were taught by your abuser. Ouch!

To change this toxic lifestyle pattern, I encourage you to question all your beliefs. Ask yourself: where did this belief come from? Is it authentic to who I am? Does it serve me? Does it serve others?

If you’re not sure what you believe, start here. I’ve taken six toxic core beliefs, and I’ve changed them into healthy core beliefs. You can do the same.

Change I am unworthy (the lie) into I am worthy (the truth).
Change I have no value (the lie) into I am valuable (the truth).
Change I’m not enough (the lie) into I am enough (the truth).
Change I am a burden (the lie) into I am a gift (the truth).
Change I am weak (the lie) into I am strong (the truth).
Change I am not lovable (the lie) into I am loved by God (the truth).

Cultivate the habit of questioning every old and new belief you hold. If a belief doesn’t serve your authentic self, it’s toxic. Dump it or change it into a healthy belief.

That’s how you live day by day as your authentic self!
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Is your brain too foggy from trauma to discover your core toxic beliefs? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Can’t I Heal?

7/10/2017

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This is a question I asked myself for a long time. So many people could diagnose me. So many people could tell me what was wrong with me. But few could actually help me heal.

Why? Because my healing wasn’t the task of these other people. It was my job. I had to take all the information I had gathered about recovering from child abuse and trauma and move that knowledge from my head to my heart. In other words, I had to do the tough, messy work of applying it to my own life.

Today, I’m going to make this task easier for you. Here are the seven steps child abuse and trauma survivors need to take in order to heal. Apply them every day.

Establish Safety. Figure out what makes you feel safe. This is your first priority.
Develop Courage. Eventually, your willingness to heal will develop into courage, as you take more and more healthy risks.
Create a Mindfulness Practice. Connecting with your body is essential for healing. As abused children, we learned the toxic skill of disconnection. Mindfulness will help you reconnect.
Express Your Emotions. Learn how to identify, listen to, feel, and express your emotions in a healthy way. All of them: the good, the bad, and the ugly!
Change Your Negative Beliefs. You created these toxic beliefs as a way to survive an abusive childhood. But you’re an adult now. Change your story (beliefs) to what benefits your adult life.
Practice Self-Care, Self-Love, and Self-Compassion. Put yourself first on your To-Do list. Every day find a way to lovingly care for and celebrate yourself.
Build a Support System. You can’t do this alone. Healing doesn’t work that way. Surround yourself with nourishing friends who support your healing goals.

Just the act of implementing these seven steps is a major move forward on your healing journey. Stick with it, and you’ll experience a positive shift sooner than you think. Why? Because these steps are more than a decision. They’re a lifestyle change.

And that’s how you heal. Finally!

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If you’re having trouble with any of these steps, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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What Does Mindfulness Really Mean?

7/3/2017

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Mindfulness is about living in the moment and being present for the NOW. We all know that. But what you might not realize is “being present” doesn’t mean being present in your head. Mindfulness really means being present in your body.

A big part of the healing journey is learning how to connect with your body again. Self-compassion is a good example. It’s the practice of becoming aware of what’s going on in your body, so you can experience what it feels like to be loving and kind to yourself.

Mindfulness is not a head thing. You feel what’s happening in the present moment in your body and in your heart. Not in your head.

Here’s what I mean. You feel worries about the future and bad memories from the past in your body first. Being connected to your body through mindfulness instantly alerts you that this is happening. That gives you the opportunity to remind yourself the past is over, and no one has any control over the future. Through mindfulness you can let go of these negative emotions and worries rather than repress them.

Your body’s awareness is actually faster than your mind. For example, you feel the energy shift in a room, situation, or conversation in your body first. Then your mind becomes aware of it. This is also true of good and bad thoughts, memories, and every emotion.

When you reconnect with your body through mindfulness, you’re no longer at the mercy of every stray thought, memory, or emotion. You’ll know the instant your body senses something, which gives you the opportunity to choose what you want to think and feel at that moment.

Reconnecting to your body through mindfulness expands every area of your awareness. Suddenly, you can see how your life experiences made you the awesome, compassionate person that you are today. You can see how all of this, the good and the bad, brought you to this present moment in time.

When you see the “big picture” through the peace and calm of mindfulness, you can’t help feeling grateful for the gift you’ve become. And that’s exactly what you are. A precious gift!

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Are you having trouble reconnecting to your body through mindfulness? Is the practice of mindfulness difficult for you? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Believe You Can Heal?

6/6/2017

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Recently, I heard there are 42 million child sexual abuse survivors in the U.S. That number is probably much higher, because some survivors never tell anyone about their abusive past.

Most survivors spend years (maybe decades) thinking about the past before we find the courage to tell someone about it. When the brain continually focuses on the trauma from an abusive past, it just makes the pain worse. It’s the major cause of our suffering.

That’s why to heal from the past you have to believe you can heal.

Yes, feeling the pain, sitting with it, acknowledging it, allowing it to express itself in a healthy way, and releasing it from your body is one of the first steps on the healing journey. Until you do that, you’ll never completely heal.

However, you can’t remain in this step forever. At some point, your heart will let you know it’s time to move forward to the next step on your healing journey. If you don’t, fear will take over and try to convince you that you’ll never heal. To conquer this fear, you must believe healing is possible.

And that’s my question for you today. Do you really, honestly believe you can heal?

We can never go back and undo the trauma from our abusive past. The damage is done. But you can move forward to the next step on your healing journey. You do that by choosing to heal.

Everyone’s healing journey is unique. We all move forward at a different pace. Some steps on your healing journey will come easily for you, and you’ll accomplish them quickly. Others will take weeks or months to work through. Everyone is different.

The best way to defeat your fears and continue moving forward is to use your own life as proof. Look back to where you were a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago. You’ve come a long way, haven’t you?

Yes, you can heal! Just look at your life. That’s all the proof you’ll need.
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Are you stuck on your healing journey? Do you feel like you’ve plateaued out, and you’re not moving forward anymore? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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<<Previous

Why You Should Lead with Your Heart

Healing is Not Linear

Why Learning Self-Care Is One of the Most Rewarding Lessons

Becoming the Parent Your Inner Child Needed

The 6 Stages of Starting Positive, Healthy Habits

Why Am I Afraid to Feel?

What Do You Believe, and Does It Serve You?

Why Can’t I Heal?

What Does Mindfulness Really Mean?

Do You Believe You Can Heal?

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