Educate4Change
Link to Svava
  • Home
  • For Parents & Caregivers
  • Adult Survivors Support Groups
  • Testimonies
  • Services
    • TRE® Iceland
    • TRE®
    • Products
    • Journey to the Heart Summit
    • Summit
  • Blog

How Do I Connect With My Wounded Inner Child?

8/14/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
Every time you make a decision to change a toxic behavior pattern, your wounded inner child will appear.  It’s what makes healthy change hard for us.

And that’s why inner child work is so important.  You can’t recover from child abuse and trauma without doing this deep, messy work.

Your wounded inner child is that very young part of yourself, who was hurt by the abuse and is still in pain.  In my case, it was my 6-year old self.  She was angry for never being seen, heard, or valued.  She believed the only way she could ever be worthy was by overachieving and taking care of everyone else’s needs, while ignoring hers.

Because I could feel her anger, resentment, and pain, I was terrified of her.  So I rejected her for decades.  Of course, that just added to her painful burden.

Inner child work is the practice of building a loving relationship with your abused inner child and becoming the loving parent that child never had.  Easier said than done, right?  I mean, how do you do that when you never had a loving parent?  Here’s how to start!

  • Whenever you feel unrest inside you, stop, and listen to it.
  • Sit with this unrest until you can name it (anxiety, depression, sadness, overwhelm, grief, fear, loneliness, etc.).
  • Place your hand on your heart, so your wounded inner child can feel you.
  • Close your eyes and visualize a safe place for your inner child to feel comfortable talking to you.
  • Ask your inner child what it’s trying to tell you.
  • Listen to whatever this child says with an open mind, whether you agree with it or not.  That’s what a loving parent does.
  • Cuddle this precious child in your arms and take loving action by letting it know you hear it, see it, acknowledge it, and value it.  

Basically, all your inner child wants is to be loved by YOU.  That’s it.  You do this by making your inner child a top priority, creating a sense of safety for it, and giving it all the love and care it craved but never received.  

Few things are more rewarding in life than building a peaceful, loving relationship with your wounded inner child.  It’s not an easy process, and it won’t happen overnight.  But it’s well worth the effort, because it always leads to major breakthroughs.

                                                          ********

Are you struggling to build a relationship with your wounded inner child?  Is healthy change difficult for you?  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

0 Comments

Why Can’t I Heal?

7/10/2017

5 Comments

 
Picture
This is a question I asked myself for a long time.  So many people could diagnose me.  So many people could tell me what was wrong with me.  But few could actually help me heal.  

Why?  Because my healing wasn’t the task of these other people.  It was my job.  I had to take all the information I had gathered about recovering from child abuse and trauma and move that knowledge from my head to my heart.  In other words, I had to do the tough, messy work of applying it to my own life.  

Today, I’m going to make this task easier for you.  Here are the seven steps child abuse and trauma survivors need to take in order to heal.  Apply them every day.

  1. Establish Safety.  Figure out what makes you feel safe.  This is your first priority.
  2. Develop Courage.  Eventually, your willingness to heal will develop into courage, as you take more and more healthy risks.
  3. Create a Mindfulness Practice.  Connecting with your body is essential for healing.  As abused children, we learned the toxic skill of disconnection.  Mindfulness will help you reconnect.
  4. Express Your Emotions.  Learn how to identify, listen to, feel, and express your emotions in a healthy way.  All of them: the good, the bad, and the ugly!
  5. Change Your Negative Beliefs.  You created these toxic beliefs as a way to survive an abusive childhood.  But you’re an adult now.  Change your story (beliefs) to what benefits your adult life.
  6. Practice Self-Care, Self-Love, and Self-Compassion.  Put yourself first on your To-Do list.  Every day find a way to lovingly care for and celebrate yourself.
  7. Build a Support System.  You can’t do this alone.  Healing doesn’t work that way.  Surround yourself with nourishing friends who support your healing goals.

Just the act of implementing these seven steps is a major move forward on your healing journey.  Stick with it, and you’ll experience a positive shift sooner than you think.  Why?  Because these steps are more than a decision.  They’re a lifestyle change.  

And that’s how you heal.  Finally!

                                                        ********

If you’re having trouble with any of these steps, I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

5 Comments

The Toxic Power of Shame

6/11/2017

4 Comments

 
Picture
Shame always appears on the healing journey when you begin to:

  • Reconnect with your body to feel safe
  • Reconnect with your emotions to express them in a healthy way
  • Isolate and correct distorted core beliefs
  • Practice being kinder to yourself
  • Believe you’re worthy
  • Believe you’re lovable
  • Believe you can change

​That’s quite a list, isn’t it?  But shame is often the primary cause of the mental and emotional blocks that arise when you tackle these areas of healing from abuse.  Shame tries to keep you feeling powerless, disconnected, and unworthy of love.



I don’t think I’ll ever forget how thoroughly shame terrorized my life.  I remember the feeling well.  Shame is what I thought every time I considered telling my husband about my abusive past.  Shame had convinced me, if he knew the truth about me and what I’d survived, he would leave me.  None of this was true.  Shame is a liar.


Understanding the way shame operates and its toxic power is an important part of healing.  Fortunately, shame is like fear.  Once you recognize it, shame loses its power to hold you hostage.  Yay!  


When shame comes up with my clients, we begin with the thing that gives them the most intense feelings of shame.  Then we take baby steps to dissect that feeling, so they can take back their power in this area.


If you’re looking for more information about dealing with shame, I recommend the books by Brené Brown, especially Daring Greatly.


Don’t let shame sabotage your healing journey.  Don’t allow it to hold you hostage.  Shame is nothing more than a bully.  Every toxic thing it tells you is a lie.  Take back your power and end its reign of terror TODAY!!

                                                           ********


Are you struggling with shame?  Do you often feel overwhelmed by its power and the effect it has on you?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour).  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot TODAY!


Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”?  If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!
 
Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
4 Comments

How to Make Peace with Your Emotions

1/8/2017

4 Comments

 
Picture
You can’t heal from abuse or trauma without learning how to feel your emotions.  For someone who has never experienced abuse, what I just said must sound weird.  Doesn’t everyone know how to feel their feelings?  No, they don’t.  Not us.

This is especially true for child abuse survivors.  We grew up unprotected, watching violence, listening to violence, and experiencing violence.  The only way to survive this type of toxic environment was to shut down any awareness of the raging emotions inside us.  It wasn’t safe to express our emotions.  It wasn’t safe to talk about our emotions.  It wasn’t safe.

When I began my healing journey, I had no idea how deeply I had suppressed all my emotions.  I was completely unaware of the repressed sadness, grief, outrage, and anger festering inside me.  

As my awareness grew, I could see how shame had crippled almost every area of my life.  For example, I’ll never forget the time I was arguing with my husband.  At one point I was no longer making sense.  All I cared about was being right.  Suddenly, I realized this was shame rearing its ugly head.  I stopped arguing and told my husband he was right.  And he was.  

Practice feeling your emotions by becoming aware of your body.  That’s the best place to start.

Scan your body.  Do you feel discomfort, tightness, or stress anywhere?  Where is it in your body?  Focus on the emotion in that area until you can name it.  Then feel it.  

Is this emotion a response to something that just happened?  Or is it a response to a situation from the past?  Emotions from the past are stored as trapped energy in the body.  They need to be acknowledged and released by gently allowing them to move through you.  Let them go.    

Make peace with your emotions.  Practice finding, feeling, and releasing them in a healthy way.  Soon you’ll discover a wonderful truth: your emotions are your friends.  
********

Is it difficult for you to feel all of your emotions?  Is the thought of doing this just too overwhelming to consider?  If so, I can help!  Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you heal your life.   

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
4 Comments

Little Miss Perfect Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

11/30/2015

4 Comments

 
Picture
Perfectionism is exhausting, isn’t it?  When you were a kid, you thought the sexual abuse was your fault.  You thought it was because there was something wrong with you.  You thought you weren’t perfect enough, so you tried to be perfect.  But it didn’t work.  The abuse continued.  

When you grew up, the shame of what happened to you as a kid was overwhelming.  You couldn’t accept yourself because of it.  So you continued trying to be perfect.  Maybe if you were perfect and pleased others, they might accept you anyway, right?  But that didn’t work either.

Here’s the truth about acceptance.  No one can accept you but YOU.  Perfectionism has nothing to do with acceptance.  That’s why it never worked for you.

Most of your pain comes from not accepting yourself.  Self-acceptance is a vital skill I help all my clients learn.  It’s important for you to realize there’s nothing wrong with you.  And there never was.  

Think about this.  What would you be doing if you felt completely accepted, loved, and adored right now?  

See that vision in your mind.  Live that life and be that person.  Do it today.  Begin by taking small steps.  But keep moving forward.  That's how self-acceptance sinks deep into your soul and stays there.

Remember, you're already the person in that vision.  Start living it today.  It’s the real YOU!
********

Would you like to learn the skill of self-acceptance and move forward with your healing?  If so, follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

4 Comments

The Most Damaging Aspect of Abuse

10/5/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
It isn’t what you think.  The most damaging aspect of child sexual abuse isn’t the abuse.  It’s what the abuse does to you emotionally and psychologically.  It’s the hidden burden you had to carry for too long.  It’s that shameful secret.  

Here’s how it works.  My stepfather was a great guy.  He was nice to me and to other people.  He was charismatic and outgoing.  Everyone enjoyed hanging out with him.  I did, too.  But I didn’t like what he was doing to me.  I didn’t understand why it kept happening or what it meant.  None of it made sense.  It left me feeling alone, disconnected, and confused.

Finally, I decided I must be the cause.  Somehow, some way, this horrible thing he was doing to me had to be my fault.  I must be a bad kid.  I thought this was the truth.  It wasn’t.

As an adult, this negative belief held me hostage.  It filled me with shame.  It made me relive the abuse over and over again, and it kept me isolated.  However, through therapy and support I was able to walk away from this negative belief and become the “safe” adult I needed in my life when I was a child.

Maybe that time has arrived for you.  Maybe it’s time for you to walk away from the damaging belief that’s holding you hostage and preventing you from living your true destiny.  We’re all destined to do great things.  What is your heart telling you about your destiny?  Whatever it is, listen to it.  Your heart knows the truth.

********

If you’re ready to walk away from the damaging belief that’s holding you hostage and reach for your true destiny, I’d be happy to show you how to do that.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a FREE 30-minute session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast with these sessions, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/


1 Comment

My First Therapy Experience

9/27/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
It all started with the first “safe person” I’d ever met.  After many years of isolation and depression, I finally had a friend who saw through my “I’m-Perfect-Everything-is-Just-Fine” facade.  He knew something was wrong and offered to listen.

I shared a little bit with him about my struggle.  But I still didn’t think I needed professional help.  I mean, the sexual abuse happened when I was a kid.  It was over.  It was in the past.  I’m fine now, right?

Wrong.

This friend surprised me by insisting I talk to a therapist.  I trusted his advice, so I did.  And I’ll never forget that first therapy session.  I couldn’t look the therapist in the eye.  I cried so hard I thought my heart would burst.  Afterwards, she told me there was help available for people like me.  There was hope.  Wow!


Over the next five years, through therapy and support, I began to heal.  I learned I’m not alone.  I could tell my story, and people would listen.  I no longer needed to feel ashamed.  Finally, I could work through my conflicting feelings about this stepfather who was so “nice” to me, yet sexually abused me.  Best of all, I learned none of what happened to me in the past was my fault.  None of it.


Be good to yourself.  Seek therapy, counseling, or coaching.  Do something!  Why do I say this?  Because I know.  

********

Pretending you’re “okay” when you’re not is hard work, isn’t it?  If you’re tired of pretending and ready to take that first step toward healing, I’d be happy to show you how to do that.  Just follow (this link) or email svava@educate4change.com to reserve a FREE 30-minute session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast with these sessions, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!


Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/


0 Comments

Why It’s Important to be Perfectly Imperfect

5/31/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
I think of perfectionism and shame as the “terrible twins.”  You won’t find one without the other.  All perfectionists are hiding something.  If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be so hard on themselves and everyone else.  They could chill and realize no one is perfect.  Being perfectly imperfect is a good thing.  It’s normal.  It’s real life.

But perfectionists can’t see this.  They’re trapped on the hamster wheel of perfectionism.  It’s an endless cycle as exhausting for everyone in their lives as it is for them.

The victims of child sexual abuse work really hard to be perfect.  When you’re abused as a child, you blame yourself for what happened and sell your soul to keep that shameful secret. 

Eventually, it becomes a deep, core belief.  It pushes you to do better, to be better, to be perfect.  It tells you this is the only way you’ll ever be loved and protected.  It’s the only way to stop the abuse.

But it’s not.  Instead, you forget who you are.  You forget who you used to be before the abuse.  You forget what you used to like and what you used to want for yourself.

Still, that doesn’t stop you.  It just makes you try harder to be perfect enough to gain the approval and acceptance you crave.  You become the perfect student, the perfect athlete, the perfect kid.  You do all of this just to hide the shame of what your abuser is doing to you every week. 

But that’s not how the healing journey works.  There’s so much more to you than how well you can perform to please others.  There’s a valuable, creative, loving person inside you who longs to be genuine.

Let that person out.  It’s the real you.  Risk being vulnerable, sharing your struggles, and asking for support when you need it.  When you make the decision to create a life of your own choosing, you have to accept the fact you’re perfectly imperfect.  We all are.  And that’s okay.

Drop the heavy burden of perfectionism, spread your wings, and fly free.  Do it today.  It’s time.

********

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  Svava Brooks is a child sexual abuse survivor, as well as a certified CSA instructor and an Abuse Survivor Coach.  She offers private coaching sessions by phone or skype for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  For more information, email svava@educate4change.com or call 619-889-6366.  Let Svava help you move forward again on your healing journey!

Are you on Svava’s email list?  If you’d like to receive her empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to her weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

 

0 Comments

The Shame That Isn’t Yours

3/29/2015

6 Comments

 
Picture
Twenty years ago, when I began my healing journey, I only knew one thing about shame: I would do whatever it took to protect myself from the shame of being sexually abused as a child.  Since then, I’ve eliminated that shame and dedicated my life to helping other abuse survivors do the same.

The first question most sexual abuse survivors ask me is this: How can I stop feeling bad about myself and what happened to me when I was a child?

Well, the first step is to stop hiding your shame.  That’s a surprise, isn’t it?  But you must give shame a voice.  As long as you keep it hidden, you won’t be able to heal. 

I’m not going to sugarcoat this process for you.  Embracing your shame is painful.  And that’s why many are tempted to give up.  They resist the pain rather than move through it, or they look for a quick fix.   Both are natural human responses.  Both are toxic for sexual abuse survivors.

I was the same way.  I tried to protect the shame and my wounds by telling myself I’m flawed, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  However, when I finally found the support I needed to work through the pain, it saved my life.

Living with shame is more painful than sharing it.  Hard to believe, but true.  That’s because an amazing thing happens when you share and externalize shame.  It loses its power over you.

Almost all of your shame came from your parents or the abuser.  It’s not yours, and it never was.  But internalized shame feeds a crippling belief.  It tells us that we are hopeless, broken, flawed, a mistake, and the cause of what happened.  It tells us this is the way we are, and there’s nothing we can do about it. 

That’s a lie.  There is something you can do about it.  You can find a safe place to release the shame.  Like I said, I’m not going to minimize the process.  It’s hard work, and it takes time.  Turning yourself inside out in order to heal isn’t easy.  

But I’m here to tell you it’s possible and worth every minute of the struggle.  You’re stronger and more courageous than you think.  Why not make today the day you take that first step toward creating the peaceful life you deserve?

********

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com today.  Take the time to invest in yourself.  You’re worth it!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

6 Comments

    Archives

    June 2019
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014

    Categories

    All
    365 Day Guide To Thriving
    365-Day Guide To Thriving
    60 Minutes
    Abuse Survivor
    Abuse Survivor Coach
    ACE Study
    Anxiety
    Attachment
    Believe
    Betrayal Trauma
    Body Healing
    Boundaries
    Change
    Child Abuse
    Child Abuse Prevention Month
    Child Sexual Abuse
    Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
    Child Sexual Abuse Survivor
    Coaching
    Compassion
    Coping
    Courage
    Creativity
    Darkness To Light
    Depression
    Domestic Violence
    Doubt
    Eduction
    Emotional Abuse
    Emotional Healing
    Emotional Wellness
    Emotions
    Empowerment
    Evidence Based Prevention Programs
    Fear
    Feelings
    Goals
    God
    Gratitude
    Happy
    Healing
    Healing Guide
    Healthy Habits
    Healthy Lifestyle
    Hope
    Inner Child
    Inner Critic
    JourneytotheHeart
    Journey To The Heart
    Keynote Speaker
    Kindness
    Love
    Marriage Support
    Meditation
    #MeToo
    Mindfulness
    Narcissists
    Online Group
    Online Summit
    Oprah
    Overwhelm
    Parenting
    Peace
    Peer Support
    Perfectionism
    Personal Power
    Prevention Programs
    Programs For Adults
    PTSD
    Relationships
    Releasing Your Authentic Self
    Sabotage
    Safety
    Self Acceptance
    Self-acceptance
    Self Care
    Self Compassion
    Self-Compassion
    Self Help
    Self Love
    Self-love
    Self Regulation
    Self-regulation
    Sexual Assault
    Shame
    Social Activism
    Spirituality
    Stages Of Change
    Stress
    Superpower
    Support
    Support Group
    Survivor
    Tension Patterns
    Thriving
    Trauma
    Trauma Informed
    Trauma Informed Care
    Trauma Survivors
    TRE® (Trauma Release Exercises)
    Triggers
    Trust

    RSS Feed

Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
email: svava@educate4change.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/educate4change
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/svavas
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/svavabrooks