Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Do You Know How Courageous You Are?!

4/23/2017

Abuse and trauma survivors are incredibly strong people. We know our strength is what helped us survive, and it’s what keeps us going now. Yet we know something is missing.

This missing link is courage. We know we’re strong. But we’ve never allowed ourselves to realize that we’re also courageous people. And we always have been.

That’s because courage is risky. The only thing we’ve ever wanted is what we never had as abused children: safety. Risk makes you vulnerable. No thanks, right?

Hey, I can relate. I knew I was a strong person to have survived over a decade of child sexual abuse. But courageous? Me? Nah, no way. I was willing to work hard on my healing journey, but courage felt too risky and vulnerable. Nope, that’s not me.

Somehow we can’t see courage in ourselves. But it’s easy to see it in others. And that’s where you need to start. Think of someone you believe is not only strong but also courageous. Adopt this person as your role model.

Next, think about what makes this person courageous? It might be her fearless personal authenticity or her honesty. Maybe he’s taken a stand against injustice by his actions or words. Maybe she’s simply chosen the road less travelled. What is it about this person that touches your heart and earns your admiration?

Guess what? Whatever it is that makes this person courageous is a quality you also possess. It’s true. When you choose to heal from abuse and trauma, reach out for support, open yourself to others in an online group for survivors, talk about your past, or receive comfort from other survivors, that’s an act of courage.

Allow the revelation of your courageousness to sink in. When you do, you’ll discover courage is actually a source of safety. Now it’s okay to let your guard down a little, ask for more support, love more, have more fun, and feel more gratitude for everything you’ve accomplished. Why? Because now you know you’re safe.

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Is it impossible for you to believe you’re a courageous person? Is courage a difficult concept for you to comprehend? If so, I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Pay Attention to Your Red Flags!

5/30/2016

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Last week, I not only talked about how to love yourself but also how to love others. Love and trust go hand in hand, especially for survivors of child sexual abuse.

Trust is all about recognizing and paying attention to your inner warning system: red flags. In order to survive your abusive past you had to disconnect from the truth. You didn’t feel safe. You didn’t trust the adults around you. This was your truth. But, even though you were up to your eyeballs in red flags, you had to ignore them to survive that abusive situation. Eventually, this became one of your toxic coping skills.

However, now that you’re an adult, it’s time to “reactivate” your internal warning system. Red flags are there for your protection. Yes, it’s important to learn how to truly love yourself and others. But that doesn’t mean everyone you meet is safe and worthy of your trust.

How do you learn to pay attention again? What can you do if you’ve ignored your red flags for so long you don’t notice them?

Don’t worry. You may not notice all your red flags, but you do notice some. Unfortunately, you’re in the toxic habit of reasoning them away. When a red flag pops up you say, “Oh, I just imagined that” or “Oh, he/she isn’t THAT scary” or “I’m not happy about how he just hurt me, but he probably won’t do it again.”

No, you didn’t just imagine that. Yes, he/she is that scary. Yes, he probably will hurt you again. Stop ignoring those warnings. The minute a red flag appears over someone’s behavior, pay careful attention to it. Your internal warning system is built on discernment (noticing red flags) and setting firm, healthy boundaries with the people in your life.

Boundaries define the difference between your responsibilities as an adult and other people’s responsibilities as adults. Everyone is supposed to do their part. If someone crosses one of your boundaries or pressures you to cross a boundary, that’s a red flag.

You can learn this. It just takes time. A good place to start is in an abuse survivor group, where you can practice reactivating your internal warning system. Or if you have questions about red flags or setting healthy boundaries, let me know. I’m here for you. Always!
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Are you struggling with setting boundaries or noticing “red flags”? I can help. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Are You Stuck on Your Healing Journey?

2/15/2016

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Who would you be without the pain from your past? Recently, Eckhart Tolle asked this question, and it made me think back to a time years ago when all I knew was pain and hurt. My only desire was to feel safe, something I had never experienced as a sexually abused child.

When we grow up, what do abuse survivors do? We find a tiny, little safe place. But I got trapped in mine. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape this small, restricted world I had built for myself.

You might be there now, too. You may have found a safe place for yourself, but now you’re stuck in it. Every step on the healing journey requires risk. Every step challenges you to change, to move out of your comfort zone. And that can be terrifying.

So how do you do it? How do you embrace the changes you need to make in order to heal? How do you find the courage to escape that safe place?

Reaching out for support made all the difference for me. It will for you, too. Surround yourself with a support system of likeminded peers. People who truly get you. People who know how it feels to be stuck. These are the ones, who are willing to do whatever it takes to break free and change.

If you’re ready to reach out, consider joining my 10-month peer support group. It’s called Living From the Heart, Not the Hurt. This group is for survivors of child sexual abuse and trauma just like you. I only have a few spots left, so contact me ASAP if you’re interested: link

Being stuck is not fun. I know. I’ve been there. Break free today. Reach out for support. If I can do it, so can you, right?!
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Are you stuck on your healing journey? I can help you take that next step. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Support is the Fast Track to Success!

2/1/2016

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Hard to believe it’s already the second month in a new year, isn’t it? By now, you’ve probably taken the time to determine the goals you’d like to achieve in 2016.

If so, it’s time to move on to the next step. What kind of support have you put in place to help you manifest your goals?

Maybe you think you can do this alone. I understand completely. I tried the same thing. It didn’t work. I just kept spinning my wheels, going nowhere. Frustrating!

Finally, I joined a few support groups and surrounded myself with other child sexual abuse survivors. We were determined to heal, no matter how far we had to step out of our comfort zones. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

And I still do that. I still surround myself with positive, nourishing people for support. Never again will I try to go it alone. I also value my connection to God. I meditate, journal, and pray every day. Whatever I need, God always finds a way to send it to me in the form of a teacher, coach, book, or helpful friend.

Because support has been such an important part of my healing journey, I’ve decided to start a closed, 10-month trauma support group in March. If you’re ready to heal after trauma and create lasting change in 2016, this is your chance. The group is called Living From the Heart, Not the Hurt. Here’s what you’ll receive each month:

Two 90-minute online group meetings (one every other week)
Five 15-minute phone session with me (as needed)
Ongoing support in this closed, secret, online group.
Peer to Peer support in-between meetings.
Instruction in various healing techniques (mindfulness, meditation, inner child work, journaling, and many more!)

Can you imagine healing support every day for 10 months? Wow! Because of this, I’m purposely keeping the group small (only 10 members). It’s important to me for group members to receive all the personal attention they need to heal.

“Living From the Heart, Not the Hurt”

Limited to only 10 people
10-month commitment required
Cost: $327 per month ($300 nonrefundable deposit)
Starts: March 3, 2016. (4pm pst,7pm est)

I am in!

If it’s time for you to heal from trauma, consider joining this group. Like I said, I can only accept the first 10 people who sign up. If you want to talk with me to see if this group is the right fit for you, please book a FREE 30-minute session with me HERE.

My private coaching schedule is pretty full right now, so this closed group is your best opportunity to work with me in a personal way. Now you can see why I’m so excited about this very special group. Contact me ASAP if you’re interested!

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Are you stuck on your healing journey? I can help you take that next step. Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Is Trauma Isolating You?

11/23/2015

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Did you know humans have at least 60,000 thoughts each day, and 90% of those thoughts are about separation? Wow!

Trauma from child sexual abuse isolates you. 90% of your thoughts add to that separation. However, you can't heal in isolation. These thoughts will continue to make you feel disconnected until you’re mindful of them and seek human connections.

But how do you do that? You take a chance and reach out. Peer support groups, coaching, or therapy help you reconnect with others.

As you know, I’m a huge fan of peer support groups. I’ve seen how much good they can do for members. In fact, I just started a new peer support group for survivors of trauma and child sexual abuse called Stronger Together!

Groups can be a powerful healing tool. You learn how others are struggling and healing, and how to apply that to your own life. You’ll also learn:

You're not alone
There’s nothing wrong with you
The abuse wasn’t your fault
How others are healing
What works and what doesn't
How to ask for support
How to feel believed, validated, and heard

My colleague and friend, Missy Morcom, who used to moderate meetings for me at OneHealth, Inc., will be joining me for this new peer support group. If you’d like to attend Stronger Together!, here’s what you’ll need to know:

DATES AND TIMES:
December 5 (5:00-6:00pm, PST)
December 17 (5:00-6:00pm, PST)
FEE: $25 per meeting

REGISTRATION:
Follow this link to register for the support group meeting on December 5:
http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=EC52DA83894830

After registration and payment, you will receive a confirmation email with the log in link and/or a phone number for you to use when you join us in the meeting.

If you’d like more information, email svava@educate4change.com. Our goal for each meeting is to come together in healing, learning, and support. We’ll focus on a specific topic during the first part of each meeting. Then spend the rest of the time sharing and answering any questions you might have about the trauma you experienced.

Come join us. We’re stronger together. We truly are!!
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Would you like to learn how to stop isolating yourself and reach out for support? Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Why Aren’t You Asking for the Support You Need?

11/15/2015

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Many of you feel alone, disconnected, and misunderstood. You think no one cares or wants to support you. How do I know? Because this is what I hear from almost every new coaching client who comes to me.

True, there may not be any compassionate, supportive people in your life. But you and I both know you probably aren’t asking for support either.

How is that possible? How can you desperately need support and not ask for it?

Easy. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, you don’t know what you “need.” Before you can ask for support, you have to know what you need, right? In order to do that, you must not only be aware of your feelings but also comfortable expressing them. Not an easy task for a trauma survivor like you. The brain tends to disconnect from the body during trauma.

Here’s some good news. You can manually override this brain response. You do that by admitting this is a new skill for you. It’s going to take practice, so you give yourself permission to go slowly. You take baby steps. You’re compassionate with yourself during this learning process.

For those of you who are ready to ask for support, you’re going to love my new, online, biweekly support group!

The members of my group are survivors just like you. Compassionate, supportive, good people. We meet every two weeks and address a specific topic in each meeting. Then the floor is opened to the members. Pre-registration is required, and there’s a $25 fee for each meeting.

When you’re ready, come join us online. Survivors are stronger together. They truly are. You’ll see!

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Would you like to learn how to ask for support? Are you having trouble identifying your needs? Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

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Do You Know How Courageous You Are?!

Pay Attention to Your Red Flags!

Are You Stuck on Your Healing Journey?

Support is the Fast Track to Success!

Is Trauma Isolating You?

Why Aren’t You Asking for the Support You Need?

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