Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse - Educate4Change

Healing is Not Linear

5/3/2018

Let this truth bring you some peace today, my friends.

On your healing journey, you will have easy days, when the loving words come easily, when you look in the mirror and love what you see, when you feel the strength to silence your inner critic, when you feel powerful, loving, and calm enough to comfort your inner child and put him/her at ease.

But, as life goes, there will be bad days. There might be bad weeks. Life, that happens all around you, doesn't grow in straight lines and neither will you. But that doesn't mean you should stop moving forward, that doesn't mean you should give up.

Because it is after those hardest of days, those hardest of times, that you will hear the message you needed to, clearer and louder than ever, that you will have conquered something powerful which makes you MORE powerful than it, and you will learn each and every time, that you. are. still. here. You made it. You did it. And you can keep going.

Learn to love the ups and downs of your journey, my friends, accept the fact that it will keep surprising you. And don't feel ashamed if you are in your "down" period, if you feel like you are taking two steps back. Look around you, because everyone else is taking the same uneven, undecided, and unsure journey.

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Feeling stuck on the healing journey? Don’t worry. Just follow (this link) to book on my calendar or feel free to call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you reclaim your power and move forward again. You go this! Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

How Being Grateful All Year Long Will Make You a Happier Person

11/22/2017

I have been slowing down a bit this week in preparation for Thanksgiving. I have family visiting and my son is out on school break. This last weekend I got out some decorations and put out some nice linen on our dining room table. I love the holiday season.

The upcoming holidays made me reflect on an interesting shift that happened a few years ago, when I realized that when I was in my control mode and things had to be just so, I put my traditions above connection and fun. I was terribly stressed out and making everyone miserable. The truth is - I was exhausted through most of the season.

Isn't it interesting that during the time of year that is dedicated to love, peace, and the harmony of family gatherings, that most of us feel more stressed out, chasing a long list of expectations with a never ending "to do" list before the holidays.

Once I changed this mindset and brought peace and calm into how I handled the holiday season, I felt happier and I know my family is just as happy.

Another thing that I am putting more time and effort into is being grateful, not just around the holidays, but counting my blessings, each and every day.

In the car yesterday, I was reminded by how mainstream the idea of learning to be grateful has become. There was a whole hour on the radio where the host asked expert researchers about the importance of gratitude and what it does for people and callers shared the one thing they were grateful for from 2017.

So as this year is coming to a close, keep this question in mind: What is the number one thing that you are grateful for from this past year? I would love to hear your answer!

The practice of gratitude forces us to be more aware and mindful of the moment. It requires us to reflect and recall something positive and bring your awareness into your body, how you thought and felt about it in the moment. How did you feel about a hug from a loved one, the beautiful sunset, the warm water on your skin in the shower, the chocolate cake your partner made for you, the smile on your childs face when you took an extra moment to encourage him, the purring cat on your lap...All of these are examples of things are only felt and acknowledged in the moment.

Because of our hardwiring, it is easier to be negative than positive. It takes time and effort to shift our mindset and we do that by focusing and starting to look for the good things in our life. I know there have been times where that was hard but, no matter what, most of us can find something good, no matter how small or insignificant it might seem at first. This is a very powerful practice and over time is how you create new positive feelings and healthy habits.

Something especially helpful if you are going through a hard time is to write a list every day, of 5 things you are grateful for in you life and spend the day reflecting on it.

Right now, I am feeling grateful for my family, the season, the colorful leaves on the trees, my friends, and the trips I have taken this year, and you, my friend. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I appreciate you - more than you will ever know.

But the one thing I am most grateful for this year is the time I have spent in nature. I rediscovered that nature was and has always been my sanctuary. I feel so blessed by the strong connection I feel that helps to ground me in my body and gives me access to something much greater than myself.

I would love to hear from you all, whether it's about practices of gratitude or mindfulness that you use or the thing you are most grateful for over the last year. Don't be afraid to reach out and start a conversation with me about your answer!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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Do you struggle with mindfulness? Not sure how to start a mindfulness practice? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

Self-Care Is a Vital Part of the Healing Journey

11/6/2017

Focusing on your health is important as you heal after trauma.

I had learned a lot about trauma. I understood the impact but having been fortunate with a healthy body, the long term impact had not showed up in my biology except for very painful migraine headaches and depression. But the toxic level of stress I had lived with my whole life had not registered yet.

Back then, my self-care mostly consisted of numbing the pain. It just hurt too much to think about it. I was in too much pain and too ashamed of what had happened to me. In the process, I had completely disconnected from myself and my needs. This strategy worked, and it worked for a while.

Adding self-care to my life was difficult because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted and needed. I was really hard on myself about this, too. It was embarrassing. I was a grown woman, but I didn’t know how to care for myself in a loving way. I did not know what it looked and felt like to kindly take care of Svava. Does this sound like you?

However, I was very skilled at taking care of family and friends. I knew what they needed and I would go out of my way to make sure those needs were met. I always put them first, often at the expense of my own self-care. It was much easier to focus on other people.

Do you ignore your own needs and focus only on the needs of others? I’ve been there, I understand, and I’m here to tell you that you can start to change that.

Any change begins with awareness. Pay attention to what works, what doesn’t work, and what needs to be tweaked in your life.

The best way to do this is to make a list:

Are you even on your list?
What healthy foods did you eat this week?
Did you exercise or go for a walk?
How much water did you drink?
Did you do something today that gave you joy, something just for you, like reading a good book or getting a manicure or window shopping?
How many times did you meditate?

Seems like a tall order, doesn’t it? It did to me. With a busy work life and a family of five, I had no time in my day for taking care of “me.”

But I was determined to do this, so I kept trying. I knew I had to take daily loving action to changing my lifestyle, to make my self-care a priority, or I would never fully heal.

Then an amazing thing happened. I began to feel better about myself. I was shocked to discover self-care was helping me heal and it was making me healthier than I had ever been. I was probably even reversing some of the long term impact the abuse had on my body.

Slowly, I started to treat myself with the respect and love I deserved. The more self care I practiced, the stronger and more resilient I felt. It felt so good to finally know how to make myself healthy again. I was healing from the inside out.

You can do this too! Make today the day you take those first steps toward your own self-care. It won’t feel comfortable at first, but keep trying. You’ll be glad you did!

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Is it hard for you to take time for yourself? Do you struggle with the concept of loving self-care? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in Paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

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How Can TRE® Help You?

10/30/2017

Being in Iceland this month, teaching TRE®, has been such a rewarding experience. What a blessing to be able to witness the immediate benefits of TRE® on the two groups I’m leading!

If you’re a survivor of child abuse or trauma, there are many immediate and long-term benefits to TRE®, like:

Less Worry & Anxiety
Reduces Symptoms of PTSD
More Energy & Endurance
Improved Marital Relationships
Less Workplace Stress
Better Sleep
Less Relationship Conflict
Increased Flexibility
Greater Emotional Resiliency
Decreases Symptoms of Vicarious Trauma
Healing of Old Injuries
Lessens the Anxiety of a Serious Illness
Relief from Chronic Medical Conditions

But there are also long-term benefits for those who aren’t survivors of abuse or trauma. One of those benefits is a reduction in muscle and back pain.

Unfortunately, I know this type of chronic pain well. I was an athlete in high school and sustained a painful neck injury, which continues to plague me. I was delighted to discover the shaking of my spine during a TRE® session has increased the flexibility of the muscles in my neck and shoulders. It does this by stimulating the flow of blood to the muscles surrounding the bones in my neck. Wow!

Several of the people in my TRE® groups in Iceland are athletes or those who work out regularly. They’re noticing the tremors created by TRE® have improved the flexibility of those extra tight muscles in the legs and pelvis, like the psoas muscles (hip flexors) and hamstrings.

All humans are born with the ability to shake out stress and tension. But this isn’t something we’re taught in our modern society. Instead, the body’s natural shaking (healing response) to trauma is seen as a weakness in our culture. We learn from an early age to suppress it.

The biology of the human body contains all the wisdom and knowledge it needs to heal itself. TRE® restores this natural healing ability by helping your body remember how to eliminate trauma naturally. How cool is that?

Is TRE® a healing tool you’d like to try? If so, contact me for more information. I’m always happy to help!
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Are you struggling with chronic pain or stubborn healing issues, and you’d like to try TRE®? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

Do You Know How to Love Yourself?

10/15/2017

That’s a good question, isn’t it? Many of my clients struggle with this concept. They honestly don’t know how to love themselves, or what it feels like.

I understand completely. I had the same problem for decades. I didn’t know how to love myself either. But now I do, and teaching my clients this important skill is one of the things I love most about my work.

Why is self-love so confusing for child abuse survivors? Loving yourself is a skill every child is born with. So it should be easy, right?

Not for us. Our survival as children depended upon our parents or caregivers. Because we weren’t adults, we couldn’t walk away from this abusive relationship. Instead, in order to maintain it, someone had to be the bad guy. It couldn’t be our caregivers, so it had to be us.

Don’t worry if this is the story you created to survive the abuse. It’s a normal coping mechanism. Almost all children in abusive homes create this story.

However, this toxic story is what shaped your view of yourself and the world. If we think we’re bad, then all we see is bad, and all we feel is bad. This is our basic core belief.

How do you change that? The solution is simpler than you think. You just focus on the good every day.

Here are some statements of truth to help you change your focus. I’ve listed several suggestions in parenthesis.

I am grateful for ______ (my health, my willingness to heal, my children, my pets, etc.).
I am good at ______ (surviving, helping others, listening, folding laundry, my job, etc.).
What makes me feel good is ______ (a hot bath, reading, playing with my pet, etc.).
I know I am loved by ______ (my children, my pets, my partner, my adult self, etc.)

Practice these statements of truth every day. Eventually, if you’re persistent with them, you’ll slowly begin to feel more positive about yourself and your life. Why? Because YOU are the creator of your life. YOU are responsible for your happiness.

Can you feel the freedom, peace, and power in that? Wow, what a blessing!

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Is it so difficult for you to love yourself that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t do it? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

How to Become a Compassionate Parent

10/10/2017

There are many benefits to learning how to feel your emotions. One is it helps you become a more compassionate, empathetic parent.

The weekend before I flew to Iceland, I pulled my luggage out of our storage room and came across the boxes I’m saving for my girls. These boxes contain all of my daughters’ art, birthday decorations, cards, diaries, etc., from the time they were little girls.

It was a family weekend, so we all decided to go through these mementoes together. It was a sweet experience, but also a sad one when my daughter, Sabrina, found a journal she’d written in elementary school. While reading a few pages out loud, she was flooded with painful memories. She had written this journal during a time when I was so busy with my life that she had felt invisible.

Sabrina was triggered by this painful memory and expressed it. As you can imagine, it was hard for me to hear. But rather than reacting defensively, I sat with her and let her cry it out.

Parenting isn’t easy for survivors of child abuse. When my girls were in elementary school, I hadn’t started my healing journey. I was still trapped in my trauma. Back then, I couldn’t allow them to express their painful feelings of emotional abandonment. But now I can.

This is what compassionate parenting looks like. You can help your children feel and release their painful memories, too. Here are some suggestions:

Don’t react defensively, flinch, or dismiss their pain.
Sit with your children and allow them to feel their emotions and express them.
Allow yourself to feel your children’s painful emotions, too.
Tell your children you feel their pain, hear them, and see them.
Tell your children you know the past hurt them, and you’re sorry.
Tell your children you’ll never shame them for expressing their feelings.
Tell your children it’s okay to express painful feelings about their past.
Listen to your children with all your heart.
Give them your total attention, support, and love.

Like me, I’m sure you wish you could have been a more compassionate parent in the past. But the past is gone, and things have changed. Now you have the opportunity to create new, healthy, happy memories as a family. Today is a great day to start!

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Is compassionate parenting difficult for you? Would you like to learn more about how to do this? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

The Healing Power of Happy Memories

10/2/2017

How do I start each day? By putting myself at the top of my To-Do List!

Selfish? Not at all. A big part of my healing journey has been learning how to take responsibility for my own happiness and wellbeing. Making healthy choices for my body, mind, and spirit is my job. No one else’s.

That means I’m no longer waiting for someone to come along and rescue me, make me happy, or make my life better. I know the truth. I know no one is coming, because I’m the only one who can rescue me. I’m the ‘rescuer” I’ve been waiting for all my life.

How cool is that?!

My daily self-care regime is a gift I give to myself. It’s one of the many ways in which I honor my authentic self. A good self-care regime nurtures your mind, body, and spirit. When I make daily self-care a top priority, I’m putting myself at the top of my To-Do List.

One of my favorite forms of self-care is the practice of recalling happy memories to tap into their incredible healing power. Dwelling on happy memories releases chemicals and hormones that create new pathways in the brain for healing.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Recalling happy memories is easier said than done for child abuse survivors like us, right? Exactly! The first time I tried to do this I wasn’t in a very good place in my life, so I drew a total blank. I couldn’t think of a single happy memory. Yikes!

You may be having that problem now, too. Don’t worry. Here’s a trick to stimulate your memory. Just answer these questions:

What are a few good times you’ve had with your pet?
What are you grateful for? Each of these things will trigger a happy memory.
What is your favorite “happy” song? Why does it always make you happy?

The answer to these questions will give you a good start on a list of happy memories. Keep this list handy on your phone or someplace where you’ll see it every day. That way you can tap into the healing power of this list at any time.

Enjoy your happy memories, my friends. Choose the good ones and let the others go!

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Does your mind draw a blank every time you try to create a list of happy memories? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

Why Am I Afraid to Feel?

9/25/2017

All survivors of child abuse and trauma are afraid to feel, accept, trust, and appreciate their uncomfortable or negative emotions.

Why are we like that?

We fear and avoid these emotions, because we never had a positive role model to teach us how to express sadness, grief, overwhelm, anger, pain, and anxiety in a healthy way. Instead, we got hurt when the adults in our life felt these challenging emotions.

However, developing the ability to feel, accept, trust, and appreciate all your emotions (the good, the bad, and the ugly) is a vital step on the healing journey. It’s impossible to heal if you skip it.

So where do you start?

Feeling begins with awareness. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Not for us. The human brain is programmed to avoid pain at all costs. Child abuse taught us to equate pain with emotion, especially uncomfortable emotions. Because of that, we usually need support to help us identify those risky emotions. We simply can’t “see” them in ourselves.

Willingness unlocks the door to awareness. If you’re willing, answer these questions the next time you feel uncomfortable. They’ll help you identify the emotion you’re feeling.

Where in my body am I feeling discomfort?
What is this feeling trying to tell me?
Can I name it?
Am I willing to take responsibility for it?
Was it triggered by something in the present?
Was it triggered by a memory from the past?
Is it true or false?
If it’s true, what can I learn from it?
If it’s false, what can I learn from it?
How can I express and release this emotion in a positive, healthy way?

The process of feeling, accepting, trusting, and appreciating your emotions helps you connect to your own wants and needs in a way you’ve never experienced before. Best of all, it creates a sense of inner peace.

And inner peace is the primary goal of the healing journey. We want to feel at peace in our bodies. We want peace of mind. Inner peace is something we’ve always craved.

Well, this is how you achieve it!
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Are you afraid to feel? When you feel uncomfortable, does your brain suddenly go numb? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

Living Out of Your Truth

9/18/2017

The trauma from child abuse disconnects us from the truth we feel in our hearts. The healing journey is about finding your way back to your truth. Being able to feel again is how you do that. It's one of the incredible blessings of the healing journey.

We spend a lot of time learning how to safely feel and release our negative emotions like fear, shame, pain, and loneliness. But there comes a time when we need to learn how to feel positive emotions, too. Why? Because these emotions are our truth.

What is your truth? It’s the same as mine:

Love
Kindness
Peace
Joy
Compassion
Goodness
Patience
Gratitude

Slowly work your way down this list and practice “feeling” each of these truths. Allow them to saturate your heart, soul, body, and spirit until they become a part of you.

Actually, these truths have always been a part of you. The trauma of child abuse simply disconnected you from them. When I began to feel these truths, I could finally feel grounded. I knew for the first time I am loved, I am kind, I am safe, and I can live in peace.

Eventually, these statements of my truth became my new core beliefs. When that happened, I was ready to practice living out of my truth. I did that by allowing these core beliefs to guide all of my thoughts, words, and actions.

You can do this, too! Think about it. In what way do you plan to live out of your truth today?

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Is it difficult for you to feel positive emotions? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!

Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/

How to Give Your Kids What You Never Had

9/11/2017

As child abuse survivors, we work really hard to do the best we can with our children. We want them to have what we didn’t. So we try to create a healthy, nourishing environment to help our kids grow and thrive in the best way possible.

But after working all day, sometimes there isn’t much left of us for our children. That used to bother me a lot. I felt like I wasn’t giving my kids 100% of what they needed from me.

Finally, I realized I was trying to give them what “I” felt they needed, not what “they” feel they needed. They didn’t need a mother who ran herself ragged every day, trying to be a supermom. All they wanted was what I needed when I was a child: to be seen, heard, understood, and validated.

How do you make this happen for your children?

You simply do less and listen more. In fact, the less you say the better. Instead, listen intently to whatever your kids want to tell you. Ask questions when appropriate and make encouraging, supportive comments like:

I hear you.
That sounds interesting.
What a great idea!
I would love to see you do that.
How can I support you?

When I was certified in Positive Discipline Parenting, I learned two more important parenting skills.

The Iceberg.

A child’s behavior is just the tip of the iceberg. The rest of the iceberg is underwater and represents an unmet need that child’s behavior is trying to meet. A parent’s job is to create a supportive environment in which all your children’s needs can be met in empowering, healthy ways.

Connect Before You Correct.

Your first response to any troubling situation shouldn’t be to correct, advise, or suggest. Instead, create a calm atmosphere in which your child feels safe to communicate his or her needs to you. Then you can solve the problem together.

When you say less and listen more, your children open up and connect with you in amazing ways. Best of all, when you honor them as unique and valuable individuals, you’re truly giving them what you never had.

Mission accomplished!
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Are you having trouble communicating with your children? If so, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100 per hour). Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot TODAY!
Have you read my bestselling book, “Journey to the Heart”? If you’re ready to heal from the effects of abuse or trauma (depression, anxiety, PTSD, allergies, chronic pain, etc.), this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you on my email list? Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers. If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/