I understand because I used to do that too. When I started my healing journey and started to understand how my shame and low self esteem kept me running in circles trying to hide all the ways I felt imperfect, I was flooded by sadness.
For most of my life, I had spent so much energy keeping the feelings at bay by working myself into the ground trying to be perfect, or just good enough it seemed. This negative energy kept feeding on itself, that no matter how hard I worked and how much better I tried to perform, it never felt good enough.
This fear of being found out can also get in the way of us having close meaningful relationships. You'll waste so much time and energy in relationships always performing a task, trying to be good enough/helpful enough, or hoping for some shred of validation from others that your life looks okay.
This is truly a vicious cycle that feeds your anxiety, fear, guilt, shame, and distrust towards yourself and others, that in turn you try to protect yourself from, by blaming, judging, care-taking, withdrawing, or explaining. Then in turn, this protective behavior creates problems in your relationships, makes you feel exhausted and you're stuck, not knowing how to make a change or to stop this cycle.
So how do you stop this cycle?
The first step is to becoming aware if it. After that, there are some steps you can take:
1. Whenever you feel anything other than peace or joy in your body, get curious.
2. Put your hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths to locate the feeling.
3. Ask this feeling what it is you're doing/saying to yourself that makes you feel this way.
4. Listen to your body. Your body is incredibly wise and is on your side.
5. Validate your body/feelings. "I hear you, I see you, I feel you. Thank you for telling me the truth."
6. Take loving action. Give yourself the grace of time to work on this tension/feeling/fear in your body. Commit to checking in regularly.
These simple steps can make such a big difference over time. You are demonstrating value and your worth by starting to listen to your body and creating a deeper connection with yourself through self-compassion.
The truth is no one can define your worth but you. The truth is you are inherently valuable and worthy of love. You are a good, compassionate human being capable of caring, empathy, and joy.
When we start to recognize and embrace this simple truth, we let go of needing other's approval because in your heart of hearts you know who you are, what you are, how you serve, and you know why!
Ready to start to feel your feelings? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!
Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!
Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.