In honor of April, which is Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month, and to answer a common question, I decided I'd share this information that has appeared in numerous blog posts of mine. And that question is, "How do I talk to my kids about sexual abuse?" As a survivor, I had to figure out the best way to teach them in order to keep them safe. But I had to teach them differently then I would adults.
I began my healing journey years ago for my kids, not for myself. They didn’t need to be burdened with the emotional pain from my abusive past. They deserved to have a happy childhood and grow up to be confident, empowered adults.
My girls were little then, so I began by reading picture books to them about the body, what it looks like inside and out, and how it functions. I would add to that information by telling them no one is allowed to touch them beneath their bathing suits. It was only okay if I was with them or if we were at the doctor’s office.
When they were old enough for sleepovers with friends, they knew they didn’t have my permission until I was given the chance to get to know the parents first. I needed important information from those parents including:
To that last point, I would actually tell the adults that they could not say no to my child if she wanted to use their phone to call home and that my girls did not need to explain why! I would say this in front of my child and the adult, so everyone was on the same page.
When my girls were teens, they knew they didn’t have my permission to hang out with their friends until they could tell me who they would be with, when they would be home, and if any adults would be present. If they couldn’t answer some of those questions, it made them wonder whether or not this would be a safe situation. In that case, they usually decided to pass on that particular activity.
My girls, and then eventually my son, all came to learn that politeness was NEVER a priority over safety. If they feel uncomfortable at all, even if they can't explain it, I have always given them permission to speak up, walk away, and a safe space to tell me and their father so that the situation can be prevented from happening again.
Today, there is nothing my kids and I can't talk about. My eldest daughter even went on to write an blog post for me a few years ago, explaining why she is so appreciative of being raised with the truth of CSA, however sad or scary that facts may be. And the facts are that if 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before they turn 18, we have a lot of work to do as parents and adults to save future children from going through what happened to us or to loved ones. You can read her blog here: https://www.educate4change.com/blog1/child-sexual-abuse-right-under-our-noses
Even though it might make you uncomfortable to talk about, educating your children could literally save them from abuse, even when they are adults. Your child's safety is more important than the shyness or discomfort you may feel around the topic of sex, abuse, and the body. Trust me, it was worth it every time my child came to me with questions, concerns, or fear, because that kept them from taking a step towards the danger, instead of turning around and choosing safety.
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Ready to educate your kids? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the information you need to be comfortable with educating your kids, no matter how old they are! Reserve your spot NOW!
Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!
Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
I began my healing journey years ago for my kids, not for myself. They didn’t need to be burdened with the emotional pain from my abusive past. They deserved to have a happy childhood and grow up to be confident, empowered adults.
My girls were little then, so I began by reading picture books to them about the body, what it looks like inside and out, and how it functions. I would add to that information by telling them no one is allowed to touch them beneath their bathing suits. It was only okay if I was with them or if we were at the doctor’s office.
When they were old enough for sleepovers with friends, they knew they didn’t have my permission until I was given the chance to get to know the parents first. I needed important information from those parents including:
- Where are the girls going to sleep?
- Are there older kids in the house?
- Are the parents planning to leave at any point?
- What time is bedtime?
- What movies are they watching?
- What foods are they eating?
- What games are they going to play?
- If there are guns in the house, are they locked up?
- What drugs are in the medicine cabinets?
- Can my child use the house phone if she wants to come home?
To that last point, I would actually tell the adults that they could not say no to my child if she wanted to use their phone to call home and that my girls did not need to explain why! I would say this in front of my child and the adult, so everyone was on the same page.
When my girls were teens, they knew they didn’t have my permission to hang out with their friends until they could tell me who they would be with, when they would be home, and if any adults would be present. If they couldn’t answer some of those questions, it made them wonder whether or not this would be a safe situation. In that case, they usually decided to pass on that particular activity.
My girls, and then eventually my son, all came to learn that politeness was NEVER a priority over safety. If they feel uncomfortable at all, even if they can't explain it, I have always given them permission to speak up, walk away, and a safe space to tell me and their father so that the situation can be prevented from happening again.
Today, there is nothing my kids and I can't talk about. My eldest daughter even went on to write an blog post for me a few years ago, explaining why she is so appreciative of being raised with the truth of CSA, however sad or scary that facts may be. And the facts are that if 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before they turn 18, we have a lot of work to do as parents and adults to save future children from going through what happened to us or to loved ones. You can read her blog here: https://www.educate4change.com/blog1/child-sexual-abuse-right-under-our-noses
Even though it might make you uncomfortable to talk about, educating your children could literally save them from abuse, even when they are adults. Your child's safety is more important than the shyness or discomfort you may feel around the topic of sex, abuse, and the body. Trust me, it was worth it every time my child came to me with questions, concerns, or fear, because that kept them from taking a step towards the danger, instead of turning around and choosing safety.
********
Ready to educate your kids? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the information you need to be comfortable with educating your kids, no matter how old they are! Reserve your spot NOW!
Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”? If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!
Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self” If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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