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Empower Your Children: Connect Before You Correct!

5/6/2016

2 Comments

 
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When I began my healing journey, I realized I didn’t know much about parenting.  I could keep my two little girls fed, clean, and safe.  But I didn’t know how to interact with them, listen to them, play with them, direct them, or empower them.

Like most survivors of child sexual abuse, I had no role models when I was growing up.  My home was dangerous, and the adults around me couldn’t be trusted.  That’s not what I wanted for my kids.

In my quest to become a better parent, I began to read books on the subject of parenting.  One that affected me deeply was Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson.  They said our greatest challenges with our kids are in the areas where we weren’t supported as children.  Those areas are important stages of development that child abuse survivors missed.  Wow, right?

From other books I learned how to discipline in an empathetic, positive way.  How?  Rather than shame struggling children, you “connect” with them in their struggle, focusing on the real reason they felt disconnected enough to act out in a negative way.  When you do, it encourages and empowers them to ask for support in situations like this.  

Try it.  The next time your kids need to be disciplined, stop and connect before you correct.  In the process, you’ll be validating their worth by inviting them to concentrate on their strengths, not their weaknesses.  You’ll be raising empowered children, who trust you to have their best interests at heart.  

Sounds like a wonderful way to parent, doesn’t it?  It is, and it makes a big difference!  
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2 Comments
Deana Hill
5/11/2016 03:42:52 pm

Reply
Kristina
5/13/2016 06:04:18 am

I love the read about the connection to the heart.
Although I have no children, I inspire myself for connection to myself. I guess I must abandon and correct myself often (unconsciously even, as I was treated in childhood).
And I don´t know how to connect, interact or play, be compassionate with my little girl.
I watched the replay of the last webinar about emotional awareness. It was such a heart blessing for me, thank you very much, Svava !
You demonstrated how to connect with your little girl...it is very powerful and helpful for me to see how you model the connection.
I have done some work on the inner child since several months,
I studied the theory, but I did not see or heard anybody being so kind it its inner girl/child and modeling that well.
Since the webinar, I take my little stuffed animal and try to connect physically (as you did) and hold the animal, instead of forcing it, follow some steps in order the inner girl tells me what she is feeling and why. The simple, warm connection seems to bring my inner girl more comfort so far -I focus on her strenght, not the weakness what is wrong again (as I did).
I can confirm that when I meet harsh people (health care professionals now, parents, other adults in my childhood), I shut down and don´t ask for support.
Maybe I don´t need to be that hard and harsh and stop wanting to do it right and perfect, but actually connect.

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