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God, Why Didn’t You Rescue Me?

2/22/2016

14 Comments

 
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As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I struggled with my faith for years.  I was really mad at God.  I thought he had abandoned me.  I couldn’t understand why he had allowed an innocent child to suffer all those years.  I mean, no one intervened for me.  No one helped me.  I was never rescued.

Baptized and confirmed as a Christian in the Lutheran Church in Iceland, I was active in music and the youth ministry.  But when I grew up I wandered away from God.  Luckily, God didn’t give up on me.  He kept proving he was with me.  

One of those times involved my first husband, Andy.  That’s right.  Before I met my wonderful husband, David, I was married to another man.  Andy was funny and charming.  Eventually, he talked me into marrying him.  I liked him, but I knew I didn’t love him.  However, my self-esteem was so low I accepted his proposal anyway.

Soon after we married I realized Andy was deeply disturbed.  We had been married for only a year when I told him I wanted a divorce.  A few weeks later he committed suicide.   

One day I asked God about all the bad things in my life.  Why had they happened to me?  He answered immediately and said, “Svava, you’re here for a very important reason.”  

Today, I know the suffering I endured had nothing to do with God.  He’s always been there, looking out for me.  But why didn’t God rescue me?  

He did!  He helped me survive my abusive childhood.  He helped me survive my dangerous marriage to Andy.  He held my hand every step of the way as I healed from trauma and abuse.  He even helped me find my wonderful husband, David.  It’s true!  Andy’s friends were the ones who introduced me to David.  Amazing, huh?

Today, I’m a deeply spiritual person.  I realize God has been there all along, working his perfect plan for my life.  I want you to know he’s doing the same for you.  You’re not alone, and you never have been.  Pray to God about it.  He always answers!

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14 Comments
Terry
2/23/2016 09:21:47 am

Sounds very familiar. The reason for my suffering did not become apparent until way into adulthood, when I realized my story & healing could be used to help others.

Reply
Svava
2/23/2016 03:01:14 pm

I hear you Terry. That is the power from our healing, it restores our faith and wanting to help others.

Reply
maggie beckjord
2/23/2016 09:30:47 am

A wonderful God and a dangerous man..... hmmm life, the world, is full of people who make choices - often bad choices - but the choices indeed belong to the men and women who make them. That we are given a free will to choose is amazing... Sometimes discovering how to make a choice is the challenge and the victory. Thanks for sharing :)

Reply
Svava
2/23/2016 03:04:28 pm

Well put Maggie. How to make a choice is the great learning. Free will is a blessing that we struggle with. You are welcome. Thank you for your comment.

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Deborah Burton
2/23/2016 11:42:39 am

Beautiful example of how much God loves and takes care of us. Thanks for sharing!!

Reply
Svava
2/23/2016 03:05:03 pm

Yes he does! You are welcome. Much Love.

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Janine
2/23/2016 02:19:29 pm

Thank you Svava. I too have asked God the same question. And he showed me that Jesus was always there in every circumstance I had been through holding my hand and comforting me.

God gives each and every one of us free will to choose. Some people make very poor choices and we suffer at their hands. It doesn't mean God doesn't care or indeed isn't working to turn our ashes into something beautiful. I too believe God has me here for an important reason - to help others like me who have been abused to find life and love.

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Svava
2/23/2016 03:07:56 pm

I hear you my friend. We are not alone in asking this question and realizing we were never alone. Yes you are for a very important reason - You are helping others! Much Love.

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Anita
2/23/2016 03:48:45 pm

Therapy has helped me realize, that I was not abandoned, not alone during my abuse, but that God was there, helping me survive, keeping me alive, when I felt I couldn't breathe, he gave me ways to cope to survive back then, and the courage to work through those things that no longer serve

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Cynthia
2/24/2016 05:01:39 pm

I didn't wonder why God wasn't there because I was very numb. Being what,is called a Type A person I ran off nervous energy subconsciously thinking I was okay. As I think about what happened I know God protected me from death and has provided people and resources to keep me from going over the edge. Now, I'm beginning to sense that something is buried deep and needs to be released so I can have freedom.

Reply
Svava
2/25/2016 08:18:01 am

Cynthia, I understand. I was very numb and disconnected for a long time. Trust yourself and your process. Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes the thing that is buried is the energy or tension that you held on as you disconnected from yourself. We don't have to go digging for memories, just let the body, ever so gently release the energy around it. I know you will find your way. Sending you love and light. <3

Svava
2/25/2016 08:14:20 am

Awesome Anita. So happy you found that God was there all along. It does take a lot of courage to work through that. You are doing great. Thank you for sharing.

Reply
Elizabeth
2/24/2016 04:58:00 pm

Honestly it sounds so nice and yet I really do not feel the same. I am applying for Criminal Injuries compensation and at this time I feel deeply discouraged about not being Heard,validated and believed.I hear you story with the happy ending and I am already in my 60's ...E

Reply
Svava
2/25/2016 08:21:53 am

I hear you Elizabeth. I am glad you are doing that. I did not feel that way either when I was in the thick of it. Keep searching for people that will hear you, validate you and believe you. Most of us never got that from those that hurt us. There is help out there. I am happy to support you if you are looking for help. I believe in you and we can quickly turn things around when we find what we need. Blessings to you.

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Educate4Change
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