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How Do You Talk To Yourself?

6/25/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
I’ll never forget the day I became aware of this.  It was a major revelation for me.  Definitely, one of those “aha” moments!

That was the day I realized I talked to myself in the same abusive manner in which I had been treated as a child.  Yikes!  I was unkind, harsh, and super critical of myself in every way.  

It’s true.  I never talked to myself like I talk to the people I love.  With those people, my words were kind, compassionate, gentle, empathetic, and loving.  But that’s not the way I talked to myself.  Not even close.  I was incredibly hard on myself.  I was an abusive perfectionist, constantly beating myself up for the lack of perfection in my life.

Discovering this was like opening the door to a cage I’d been imprisoned in my entire life.  It was exhilarating to realize I could finally break free from this horrible inner critic.  

Yet it was also frightening.  I’d never been taught how to be good to myself.  How do you do that?  Where should I start?  

After years of trial and error, I learned to become my own cheerleader.  If you’re like me and your own worst inner critic, begin today to change that.  Start by choosing a kind word for yourself.  It should be something you've been longing to hear whispered in your ear while you're being gently hugged.  Then choose another kind word.  Then another.

When you’re comfortable with this, make a list of all your good qualities.  Maybe you have a big, compassionate heart.  Maybe you’re a giving, helpful person.  All those qualities should be on your list.  Review this list every day until the revelation of your wonderfulness sinks deeply into your soul.  Then you, too, will become your own cheerleader!

Soon it’ll be impossible for you to say anything abusive to yourself.  You’ll simply love yourself too much.  And that’s the way it should be!
********
Are you your own worst critic?  Does your mind go blank when you try to think of a kind word to say to yourself?  If so, don’t worry.  I can help you with that.  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me.  My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait.  Let me help you heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW!

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2 Comments
Kristina
7/4/2016 07:32:27 am

Very kind message. Thank you, Svava !
It is difficult for me to know what I am telling to myself. I am not aware of it, unless when I blame myself (the words of blame) and when I force myself to do, do more, do perfect (also the "abusive perfectionist"). Currently, I blame myself for being angry at my mother. Especially for my thoughts on her as a narcisstic abuser anytime I get triggered by her (I put also the past into the current situation of anger ). When the anger passes, I start to blame myself for being too harsh at her in my mind, to think those not nice things, not to cope with her, not to give her what she wants to).
I blame myself that I am not that perfect in my behavior, that I overexaggarate.
I could tell me the words of kindness that my anger is righteous and that I a kind, compassionate, giving person, I am not an abuser, I don´t harm people, it is not my nature. I can sometimes think bad things of my abusors, I can overdo it (which is not overdoing at all for healthy, non-PTDS people). It is all right. I still stay the kind, helpful, compassionate, non-violent person.
There is no need to feel guilty. I must think of myself and take care for myself, first.

Reply
Svava
7/22/2016 08:23:41 am

You are welcome Kristina! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and process with us. You have some awesome awareness and clarity. You are doing great. Over time I was able to separate the person from the behavior. Because the offender was family member it was harder to allow the feelings and anger come up. When I was able to focus on what he did to me, the behavior, his actions, it got easier. And to gently remind myself that no matter what, abuse is never the victims fault, not even when it was me. It is easier to see that for other victims in the beginning but slowly I bought it into my reality too. Not my fault, not then, not now, not ever. The guilt goes away over time. You are doing great Kristina! <3

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