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The Messy Middle Part of Your Healing Journey

3/5/2018

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Going through the hard part of healing, the messy middle, is demonstrated in what we see in nature as the winter turning to spring. At first, it looks muddy, gray, or lifeless. The frost, the layers of snow, the piles of dead leafs, the smell of decay and dirt is not always pleasant. You may even find yourself wading through the puddles of muddy water, muddy paths on your favorite hike, and slippery river banks as the water is running into the rivers and the river water is all cloudy and gray. 

How can you take solace in watching nature this season while you perhaps are going through your deep healing or the messy middle?

We have learned to trust the process and the season of change in nature, haven't we?  We know what happens and we know why. 

The same is happening on your healing journey. You have been courageously digging deep, gaining awareness that gave you clarity of what issues you are addressing or healing. You have planted a seed of new possibility for yourself. Whether it is your thinking or feeling that you are working to shift and change, if it is a deep core belief, a personal truth, or a boundary that you are establishing with yourself or others, the process is always the same and it takes time.   

After a dark, cold winder, we go into a soggy, messy spring that eventually leads to longer days, greener pastures, and blooming trees and flowers. The cycle is the same, every time. 

To support yourself through this process of healing, in times when you have forgotten that you are going through a cycle of change and that things do get better, make sure you have good support.Stay close and connected to others that are going through the same process, that can encourage you when things get hard. Don't go through healing alone. It is harder and more painful to do it alone. 

It takes courage to choose healing. Most of that courage is going to be needed to trust yourself, trust the process, to stay out of the way of what your body, mind, and spirit can and will do to heal itself. Because, just like in nature, a season of change is always right around the corner for you. The night is always darkest just before the dawn!

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Going through the messy middle? Feel stuck or alone?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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Becoming the Parent Your Inner Child Needed

2/27/2018

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What does becoming the change you want to see in the world look like?

So many victims of child abuse and trauma are stuck because they don't know that things can be different. Their inner world of tension, fear, and distrust has become their outer world. They have been living this way for so long that they don't know that things can shift and they don't know how or where to start. 

Then one day, they realize they are stuck and they want change but how to get unstuck is unclear, since this is brand new territory. Not only do survivors not know how to change, they don't know what that change looks, feels, or sounds like. Who do they turn to, what do they do next?

This was how I felt. The first 10 years or so of the healing journey was all about talking about and having my feelings about the past. I understood trauma and because of the unprocessed feelings and energy in my body, I needed to reconnect with my body, learn to care for it, appreciate it, be kind to it. That practice has taken a long time. 

What I learned from others only worked to a certain point. What I spent a long time searching for was someone outside of me to fix it, to show me, make me better. It was not until I started the daily practice of being kind to myself, practicing self-care, and really learning to listen to myself and what I needed, that things started to shift and I started to feel better about myself and hopeful about the future. 

Part of becoming the change I wanted to see in the world brought me to how I had wanted to be treated as a little girl. What kind of mother and father did I wish I had had? Someone that kept me safe. That loved and adored me for who I was, supported my talents and curiosity, helped me develop trust in myself and other people as I mastered the developmental stages of growing up through adolescence and into adulthood. I wanted someone that could have guided me through the challenges of becoming a partner and a mom. 

That's what I wanted to become. That was the change I wanted to see, not only in my mirror but to finally believe it about myself and embody and live out of these truths: I am a good person. I am a valuable person. I am a lovable person. I am a kind, compassionate person.  

So where did I start? With daily practice of self-care. With regularly checking in and practicing feeling my feelings and asking for support when I needed it. With making time to connect with my wounded inner child that felt abandoned, lonely and unlovable and by practice kindness, care, and love everday in my life, starting with myself. 

I am still a work in progress but I know I have navigated the challenging inner world of trauma healing. It is from this challenging journey that I can hold a safe place for my clients and show them the babysteps to learning how to be kind and gentle with ourselves as we learn what it looks and feels like to become the parent we needed and the courageus person we can be today. As we choose to love wholeheartedly, to live from our hearts, not our hurts, that will create the change the world needs now more than ever.
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Ready to become the parent and the protector that you needed? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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Using the Power of Your Breath to Stay in the Present

2/21/2018

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The power of your breath is that it is always in the moment. 

Self awareness is key to starting a successful trauma healing journey. It can feel a bit overwhelming in the beginning, as you are literally choosing to counter your biology in choosing discomfort, learning how to navigate stepping outside your comfort zone and taking a hard look at your helpful but toxic coping strategies. 

I do a lot of trauma education with my clients. I know it provided me with the comfort to know that there was nothing wrong with me in how I had responded to and lived through my trauma. In fact, I was in many ways a textbook example of a child that grew up in a household with domestic violence, and was being abused emotionally, physically, and sexually. The outcome was that I lived with toxic stress as a child and as an adult, that toxic stress was still living inside of me as if it was still happening and all my systems were on high alert, all the time!

As I started to understand the impact of trauma and learning that I was not alone, I slowly became aware of how big a part my biology played in how I would be able to heal from the past. It became easier and easier and I was open to learning new things, actually willing to explore anything if it helped me find peace in my mental, emotional, and physical state and better able to connect with people. 

Learning about the power of my breath was an important piece of the puzzle. As survivors of trauma, we hardly notice our breath (or our shallow breathing), we hardly notice our tight sholders and the weight on our hearts or the knot in the pit of our stomach. It has been such a big part of your life, you assume it is what all people feel and experience. 

When I started to get into meditation about 20 years ago, I was fascinated by how the simple act of taking a deep breath could shift how I felt and it gave me the space to think about how I wanted to respond to my thoughts. I did practice meditation and some form of breathwork of and on during my healing journey, but it was not until a few of years ago that meditation becaume a regular self care practice and then again when I received my TRE certification. I reconnected with the power of my breath, the awareness it brings to your body, inside and out, and the power it has to shift from a place of tension to relexation, one breath at the time. 

Our breath is one of the systems of our body that can override our subconscious automatic systems. We only have to become aware and start to take the breaths we need to make the shift from how we usually feel to how we want to choose to feel now. 

If you are new to mindfulness or meditation, here are some simple steps for you to try:

1. Find a comfortable seat, keeping your eyes open or closed.
2. Begin by taking 3 full slow deep breaths, inhale and exhale fully.
3. Allow your breath to come back to normal.
4. To start, just sit and notice your breath coming in and going out. What do you notice?
5. Any thoughts that come to mind, just notice them and let them go.
6. The more you practice, start to notice how your body responds to the inhale and the exhale. Your lungs, the warmth of the breath, and the thoughts that might be distracting. 
7. No need to control or judge. You can't do this wrong. Just accept and allow. And give yourself this moment of being aware of your breath, being fully in the present moment with yourself. 
8. As you slowly come back from this breathing meditaion, just take a minute to scan your body and notice how you feel before you head out to your day.
9. In the beginning, it might be helpful to set an alarm and just start with 1 minute or 5 if you can and start to notice over time as you start to feel more comfortable sitting for longer periods of time.  

The long term benefits of mindful breathing include stress relief, better control over difficult emotions, increased positive thinking, and more self awareness, just to name a few. What is powerful about starting a simple breath meditation is that you can do it anywhere, it can always help you to come back to the present moment, where we want to be for connecting with other people. So much of our worry or anxiety about life is about the future or rumination about the past that we can't change. Start with just one minute a few times per week and notice how you feel. 

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Ready to start reconnecting with your body through mindfulness, meditation or TRE? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group. 
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Accepting and Asking for Love and Affirmation in Order to Heal

2/12/2018

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One of the hardest parts about being a survivor is being able to believe people when they tell you good things about yourself, something you've done or created. The abuse took away our ability to believe in ourselves, it taught us that we must be bad because only bad people are abused. We must have deserved it. I remember thinking to myself when people would say nice things to me, "If they only new the truth about me" or "Yeah right, if you knew my secret, you would take it all back.”

So when we get older, that little voice in our head stays with us, criticizing everything we say or do, not allowing our true voice to say the things we want to say, out of shame and fear, and pushing away any positivity that people might bring our way.

"Dare to believe," my friends. It isn't easy but every time you are given loving words of affirmation, instead of brushing them away, retaliating with disbelief, or reacting with embarrassment, simply thank the person for their words and store them away for later.

You will tell that little voice in your head that nothing bad happens when you stop doubting and criticizing yourself and that you, the adult, are in charge of how you feel about yourself now. And remember those kind words that were said, think of them often, say them out loud to yourself, and soon you'll have the strength to hear more and love it when you hear them. The good news is that I did learn to receive and accept the kind words and like most things on the healing journey, I had to be intentional and mindful of how I wanted to respond and actually practice. And it worked! 

And when it feels good enough, don't be afraid to go to those you love and ASK for words of affirmation if you need it. Going to my friends and my husband for this greatly helped me with releasing shame and feeling so bad about myself. You can ask to be told you are loved, that you are special, that you are meaningful. The right people will have no problem saying it to you as many times as you need to hear it.

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Ready to start to work on receiving kind words? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.


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Creating a Deeper Connection With Yourself By Facing Your Feelings

2/5/2018

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Do you hide behind perfectionism or by micromanaging everything and everyone?  

I understand because I used to do that too. When I started my healing journey and started to understand how my shame and low self esteem kept me running in circles trying to hide all the ways I felt imperfect, I was flooded by sadness. 

For most of my life, I had spent so much energy keeping the feelings at bay by working myself into the ground trying to be perfect, or just good enough it seemed. This negative energy kept feeding on itself, that no matter how hard I worked and how much better I tried to perform, it never felt good enough.  

This fear of being found out can also get in the way of us having close meaningful relationships. You'll waste so much time and energy in relationships always performing a task, trying to be good enough/helpful enough, or hoping for some shred of validation from others that your life looks okay.

This is truly a vicious cycle that feeds your anxiety, fear, guilt, shame, and distrust towards yourself and others, that in turn you try to protect yourself from, by blaming, judging, care-taking, withdrawing, or explaining. Then in turn, this protective behavior creates problems in your relationships, makes you feel exhausted and you're stuck, not knowing how to make a change or to stop this cycle. 

So how do you stop this cycle?  

The first step is to becoming aware if it. After that, there are some steps you can take:

1. Whenever you feel anything other than peace or joy in your body, get curious. 

2. Put your hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths to locate the feeling.

3. Ask this feeling what it is you're doing/saying to yourself that makes you feel this way.

4. Listen to your body. Your body is incredibly wise and is on your side. 

5. Validate your body/feelings. "I hear you, I see you, I feel you. Thank you for telling me the truth."

6. Take loving action. Give yourself the grace of time to work on this tension/feeling/fear in your body. Commit to checking in regularly. 

These simple steps can make such a big difference over time. You are demonstrating value and your worth by starting to listen to your body and creating a deeper connection with yourself through self-compassion.  

The truth is no one can define your worth but you. The truth is you are inherently valuable and worthy of love. You are a good, compassionate human being capable of caring, empathy, and joy. 

When we start to recognize and embrace this simple truth, we let go of needing other's approval because in your heart of hearts you know who you are, what you are, how you serve, and you know why!

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Ready to start to feel your feelings? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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What The Case of Larry Nassar Should Teach Us About Preventing CSA

1/31/2018

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Photo Credit: Anthony Lanzilote/Getty Images

Let's talk about what happened last week, with the case of Larry Nassar. What can we take away from this experience? What did you learn? What can you do to ensure something like this does not happen in your community?

The sad part about Larry Nassar is that this is not an isolated event. The circumstance and the people that played a role in the abuse over such a long period of time shows that where there are children, where there is prestige, and where someone is placed in authority over children and their success, there is abuse. There are people in power all over our country and even your community that are abusing children at the rate that he did. How do we know? The statistics tell us this. https://www.d2l.org/the-issue/statistics/

Let's sum up the events. 

After one week of deliberation and hearing survivor testimonies, Larry Nassar, the former USA sports physician treating America's top female Olympic gymnasts, was sentenced to 175 years in prison for over two decades of sexually abusing over 150 women and girls.

The highlight of the week was the powerful support the judge Rosemarie Aquilina showed to each of the victims that chose to step forward and share their story in a public way. The judge has received criticism from the legal community for stepping in the role of an advocate when her role is a judge, but as a survivor I can only imagine the powerful impact her voice and actions had on the victims. After each of them spoke, she thanked them for their courage and strength and invited them to see that this was just the beginning of them living a strong empowered life, that their past does not have to define them, and that their story is just beginning. They are not victims but survivors. The person that hurt them is going to remain locked behind bars for the rest of his life but that their life was just starting and full of possibility and hope. 

I have heard outrage and confusion in the media and from my community. How could this possibly have happened? Someone must have known! Why did these girls not tell anyone?

This case is not an isolated event. If you have looked at the statistics then you can see that 90% of children are abused by someone they know and trust, and most victims never tell anyone. This puts the responsibility of keeping kids safe on adults. On all of us. As responsible caring parents and adults, we need to understand and actively practice the steps we can to minimize the risk and educate other adults in our community to join us to create a safer and more aware community for all children and the loving adults that care and work with our kids. 

Most parents don't want to consider the possibility that something like this could happen to their child. But only by talking to our children age appropriately about private parts, safe touch, secrets, and boundaries, do we give our kids the knowledge and the practice to communicate in a direct way to safe people if someone does something to them that is outside of what you have taught and modeled to them.

Open conversation does not scare your child. It actually gives you child comfort, safety and they feel closer to you. When you show them how to talk openly about anything or anyone that makes them feel uncomfortable, you are helping them to learn to trust themselves, better navigate boundaries, and speak up and ask for help if they need it. 

Children struggle because they are getting bombarded with very confusing messages from the media and sometimes their peers. You, as their caregiver, need to be their go-to person. But they might think you are uncomfortable talking about it if you don't start the conversation first. 

So how can this happen? How can we step up and do our part to ensure the safety of our children and our communities? I would like to offer the 5 steps that I have been teaching on behalf of Darkness to Light for almost 15 years now.  https://www.d2l.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/5-Steps-to-Protecting-Our-Kids-2017.pdf

Steps to Protecting Our Kids - 
Step 1: Learn the Facts
Step 2: Minimize Opportunity
Step 3:Talk About It
Step 4: Recognize the Signs
Step 5: React Responsibly

If, after reading through the steps, you are still uncomfortable or uncertain about how you would start to talk about this with others, you can take the Darkness to Light Steward of Children Child Sexual Abuse Prevention training. It is a 2 hour class, either online or in person. https://www.d2l.org/education/stewards-of-children/  What this class will do is teach you the steps and give you the language and questions that you can use as you start to talk to others in your community about children's safety. It also gives you suggestions that you can take to your school or youth serving organization to better protect the kids there. 

The last piece of advice I want to offer and suggest to you is to remember that how we respond to these cases in the media is important. Chances are that there are adults or children around you that have not disclosed abuse. Your disbelief and doubt that this could happen can further silence people around you, even children, that perhaps are waiting for the right time to ask for help. 

I want to encourage all of us to use this opportunity to educate ourselves and others. We do that by becoming informed and learn what steps we can take and at the same time, we are opening the door for victims to feel safe to come forward to ask for help if they have doubt of not being believed.

Surviving abuse is not the hardest part. Not being able to talk about it and get the help we need to start our healing journey after the abuse is the hardest part. That is the deepest source of pain for most survivors. To not to be believed, not feel heard, and not have a safe place to tell the truth. 

So as hard as these news have been on all of us, and I know many survivors that are feeling very overwhelmed by all of it, we can and I hope that we each choose to do something that creates movement and change in our lives. Something that gives us power.  Education, knowledge, and support is what brings us together and we are then more likely to take courageous action. 

Child sexual abuse thrives in silence and secrecy. It also thrives in fear. We don't have to live in fear anymore. We can learn. We can change. We can choose what gives us the courage to change. 

Please use your power to create change. For you. For the survivors. For all of us. Together we can stop the cycle of abuse in our communities.

If you want to read more about the Larry Nassar story, use the links below: 

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-heffernan-larry-nassar-20180126-story.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/24/sports/rachael-denhollander-nassar-gymnastics.html
http://time.com/5020885/aly-raisman-sexual-abuse-usa-gymnastics-doctor-larry-nassar/
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/jan/24/victim-impact-statements-against-larry-nassar-i-thought-i-was-going-to-die
https://www.npr.org/2018/01/28/581397061/how-larry-nassars-abuse-went-on-for-so-long
https://www.usnews.com/opinion/thomas-jefferson-street/articles/2018-01-25/how-did-larry-nassar-get-away-with-molesting-girls-in-gymnastics-for-years
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/25/sports/larry-nassar-gymnastics-abuse.html

Want to make sure your kids are safe? Want to educate your community about child sexual abuse prevention? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to increase safety for your family & make a difference in your community now.  Reserve your spot NOW!
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Why Having Your Feelings is Necessary for Healing

1/22/2018

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There is always a theme in my work with my clients. Lately, we have been talking a bit about feeling our feelings. 

How do you feel about having your feelings? Does the thought of it make you feel uneasy, even scared? You are not alone. 

For most survivors of child abuse, the thought of expressing or allowing ourselves to feel what we have been hiding for so long is terrifying. Victims of abuse saw all kinds of violence and abuse take place around them and they knew instinctively that it was not safe to feel any of it, so victims shut it down and push it away.

It was not safe to talk about or to feel. Period. When children don't have the safety they need to talk about what happened, they turn it onto themselves. The repressed anger and fear turns into shame that feeds the part of you that feels responsible for what happened and that you caused it to happen.  

And though the repression might have kept you safe at the time, it is now the thing that is preventing your healing. In order to heal from our childhood, we have to learn to feel our feelings. There is just no way around it. Shame can hold survivors hostage for a long time. It is also the part of you that will come up to stop you when you feel ready to make some changes in your life, talk about what happened, and perhaps learn how to feel your feelings.

So where do we start? We start with learning where we have stored the feelings and the energy that we felt along with them. It is in our bodies. With a safe person, you learn to scan your body for where you are holding this feeling. Once you find it, you can gently let it know you are here to acknowledge the feeling, helping it to be seen and heard. It may be scared but it does want to be seen by you. Take as long as you need to sit with this feeling. Let the feeling and your body know that you are not going to rush it and no matter what the feeling is, it is not wrong or bad for feeling that.  

I invite my clients to put a hand on their hearts to support their body and their heart and feel the support for themselves. If that feels like too much, just talk gently in a soft voice to your feeling, let it feel your presence and kindness. Then as you feel it, intentionally let it go in a way that feels meaningful to you. Imagine driving it out through your feet into the earth. Or perhaps sending it away with the wind, giving it to God, writing it on piece of paper, and burning it in the fire.  

There are so many ways we can explore feeling and honoring our feelings. It is important. It is your truth. And the more you say your truth, the more it sets you free. 

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Ready to tackle the impact of your trauma? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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Giving Your Inner Child the Love & Protection He/She Was Missing

1/16/2018

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Abuse took away your identity. It took away your birthright coming into this world  needing to feel loved, adored, and nurtured. This sets survivors up for confusion later in life. 

I did a small group presentation last year with a group of survivors and when I mentioned this birthright, a young woman in the group started to cry and asked, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

I could feel her pain. My words had stirred her heart. Her sadness, her aching heart and loneliness. With my hand on my heart, and as present and in my heart as I know how to be, I told her, "unfortunately, they don't know it either."

Humans learn the good and the bad from their caregivers. Kids watch their parents interactions, relationships, and how they are treated by others, especially from childhood. We watch how people take care of themselves. Then we take all this information and translate it into how we fit into this word and the family we grow up in. And for most children growing up, there was something missing. We know it, and because we don't know how to ask for it and no one is talking about it, we assume there is something wrong with us.

The sad part is that children that grow up with basic needs going unmet grow up with this constant nagging feeling that there is something missing but they don't know how to fix it, make it better, or make the hurt go away. We can't because we need to connect and it does not go away until we learn to connect with ourselves and the unmet needs that live inside of us. As we learn to meet those needs we are becoming the parent and the protectors that we needed when we were children. 

Here is the thing to remember. Childhood is meant to be a safe place for children to navigate the truth of who they are and what important skills they need to master given the age and development to begin to build self-esteem and a sense of belonging. Most adults today did not get this from their parents. Their parents just did the best they could. Most of them did, I do believe that, but just did not know how to meet the deep needs of their children. This is not something people talked about or even understood.

The good news is that it is not too late. If you are reading this and feeling the nudge to learn how to nurture, accept, and validate your inner child, you can. I am re-playing a webinar on inner child work if you would like to learn more. Here is the (link) I also love to teach inner child work to my clients and am happy to show you if you need some guidance. 

It is wonderful to see people slowly put together the pieces and learn the truth of who they are. You are not your hurt.  To finally realize their true identity and who they are meant to be. That is when we find fulfillment in our relationships and in our work as we dare to go after our dreams, explore our passions and share our gifts with the world. 

Are you ready to learn who you are? I would love to help. If you would like to learn how inner child work can help you, I am offering a free 30 min session to anyone that has not talked to me before and wants to explore how I work. Here is the link to my calendar. Don't wait, book it now!! Can't wait to hear from you. 

                                                                          ********

Ready to tackle the impact of your trauma? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.


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Why Getting Educated about Trauma Was the Turning Point in My Healing Journey

1/8/2018

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Something that helped me immensely on the healing journey was to get educated about the manifestation of trauma and the impact that abuse has on survivors and their well being. It was especially helpful in the beginning of my journey, when I was still in denial about the abuse I suffered and how it impacted me. I thought because I was out of the house and away from the person that was abusive that I was fine. I did not understand that I had spent my life in fight/flight/freeze mode and that because of it, I had developed behaviors and habits that had served well to protect me from the fear and pain, but that those habits were no longer helpful but toxic to my body and soul. 

It was in support groups that I slowly identified what my coping behaviors were. That I was not my coping behaviors and that many of my core beliefs were false. When I realized this hard truth, I was devastated. If I am not who I think I am, who I have been for the last 20 years of my life? Who am I??

After letting the sadness and grief come up and working through it over a few years, I realized that no matter what I had been through, I was still here. And deep in my heart of hearts, I was committed to uncovering the truth and to learning what I had found to be a truth that I was starting to believe in: that every single one of us is here to learn about love. That we are all unique and important and have gifts to share with the world. It just took a few more years until I discovered what mine were. 

As I read countless books on trauma and attended many conference on trauma, I heard all about the impact the trauma had on my mental, emotional, physical, and social well being. It was hard at times and I would feel triggered and have flashbacks. But I kept going. 

It was when I heard about the ACE study (link to the ace study) that it all came together for me. I heard the scientific proof that the toxic stress of my childhood had set me up for a long list of physical, emotional, and mental health issues that would manifest in my life sooner than later. It was brutal. I can still remember holding onto the chair I was sitting in, to not run out of the room, but I am grateful today for the truth I heard then. 

It pushed me to really focus on my health and wellness and now, 10 years later, I know that I have reversed some of the impacts by relentless self-care, mindfulness, and a balanced life style. Though I am always a work in progress, I became determined to life fully. To claim my birthright to thrive and live wholeheartedly. It became my new lifestyle and each year, I set a goal for myself that helps me grow, learn, and thrive as a human being in a healthy body. 

So what I want to encourage you, my reader, to take away from this blog post is to start to focus more on your balanced and healthy life style. It truly is the path for healing your body/mind/spirit and creating more meaningful and connected relationships with yourself and others. It is the path to what we all want, to feel connected and feel that we belong and are loved. You can have that and feel that. Just start today and start small. Slowly create new healthy habits that phase out the old habits/behaviors that you learned when you did not have a choice. Now you can choose you!

You will wake up one day and recognize that you have the power to change how you feel, that you can choose peace and joy, no matter the circumstance and start to feel grateful for the body you have been given to experience love, gratitude, and connection to those you love and care about. 

So make this year count with a small beginning or a new step towards your fulfilled and healthy life. It is worth, it. You are worth it! 

I believe in you...always.   
                                                                        ********
Ready to tackle the impact of your trauma? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you looking for more support?  I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of “Releasing Your Authentic Self”  If you are ready to dig deep, and want to experience the daily support, encouragement from others like you. Follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.
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Manifesting Your Healing Goals for 2018

1/2/2018

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Happy New Year!   

Now that January is here, you’ve probably had a chance to review your progress in 2017. I want to celebrate you for your commitment to your healing. I know it can feel like two steps forward and one step back sometimes. So don’t just focus on what you didn't accomplish. That's not important. The only thing that matters is what you did accomplish. I know you had several victories in 2017 and I hope you celebrated them. If not, do that now. You deserve it!

Did you set a healing goal for 2018? 

It’s easy for abuse survivors to forget change is a growth process and part of healing is to learn to trust the process. 

Survivors often ask me if there’s a way to speed up the healing process. The fact that the healing journey takes so long can be frustrating, I know. Especially when you’re exhausted from struggling with the aftereffects of child sexual abuse, it can feel hard to believe sometimes that you too can reach those goals. You’re ready to change. You’re ready to heal. And you want it NOW! But ups and downs are a part of it. Learn to appreciate the yearly goals you reach, as well as the bumps in the road along the way. Each one appeared to teach you an important lesson that will lead you to future success.

If you haven't had a chance to write down your goals for 2018, I encourage you to do that today. Asking and intending for good things to happen is the quickest way for them to manifest.  

If there are too many and you feel overwhelmed, focus on just one thing. What is the most important goal you want to accomplish in 2018?  

It can be anything. What I have learned over the years is that the good stuff, like incorporating a healthy habit or learning a new skill, develops slowly over time. That’s because good changes occur in stages.
​
Here’s what I mean. Change is initially a mental exercise, so the first stage is governed by willpower and excitement. In the second stage, you create a routine to support this new change, which helps you deal with emotional resistance. By the time you progress to the third stage, this new change has become a lifestyle or a new area of skill or strength. But that only happens after you confront and resolve each area of resistance you encounter in the second stage. You must look those fears in the eye, assure your inner child he/she is safe, and convince this child the new change is good, that he/she is is worthy of reaching that goal. Each one of us faces doubt and uncertainty on the way.  Only then can you make peace with the resistance and work through it each time you set a new goal or are making changes.

There’s no way around it. This entire process takes time. I suggest to my clients to create a long term plan and focus on one thing for the year. It may not take you a whole year to reach the goal, but if you’ve decided to do something kind for yourself every day for self-care, it helps to create a plan to manifest it. Then it’s just a matter of working on your plan until it becomes a new habit. 

You deserve everything GOOD in life. But it all starts with a goal, then a step by step plan, and then finding someone to support you along the way. Let 2018 be the year you manifest your most important goal. You can do this. Go for it! I hope you share it with us in the comments below. I believe in you.

                                                                             ********
Confused about setting a healing goal for 2018? Not sure where to start?  Don’t worry.  I can help!  Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($100).  Let me help you with the next step to heal your life.  Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, “Releasing Your Authentic Self”?  If you’re ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU!!  You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link).  Enjoy and happy reading!


Are you on my email list?  Email list subscribers receive an email with a link to my weekly blog post and occasional special offers.  If you’d like to subscribe, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
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Svava Brooks
Educate4Change
Dedicated to Ending the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse
Ph: 619-889-6366  
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