Attachment is a tricky concept for the survivors of child abuse. There are three kinds of attachment: healthy attachment, toxic attachment, and non-attachment. All can be very confusing for us!
Connection is a basic emotional need. We connect through healthy attachments. For example, if you grew up in a loving, supportive family, you were respected for your unique individuality. This taught you to form healthy attachments (relationships) with others when you became an adult.
But we didn’t have that. We grew up in toxic, dysfunctional, abusive families, where we were punished or hurt for our individuality. This trained us to put up with abuse and to deny our individuality to satisfy others. It taught us to form toxic attachments as adults.
Yikes!!
Part of the healing journey is learning how to form healthy attachments, a skill we were never taught as children. The first step is to accept the reality of your current relationships. Do these people treat you poorly? Do you hope they’ll see the light one day and decide to be nicer to you, to recognize your value and worth, to celebrate your individuality, and to be more loving to you? If so, this is a toxic attachment.
The second step is to pull back from all the toxic attachments in your life. You must deal with your inner child before you can set healthier ground rules with toxic people. Take the time to gently help your inner child understand you’re not here to parent or protect them.
The third step is to practice non-attachment with toxic people. Set firm, healthy boundaries with no emotional attachment to how they choose to react or what they do.
You can’t change other people. That’s not your responsibility. Your job is to become the awesome individual you were born to be. Some of the people you’re attached to right now will value that.
Others won’t. Toxic attachments hinder your healing journey. Sometimes the best course of action is to leave these relationships. Don’t feel bad about that. We all have to do it eventually.
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Are you struggling with toxic relationships? I can help. Just send me an email to svava@educate4change.com to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!
Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
Connection is a basic emotional need. We connect through healthy attachments. For example, if you grew up in a loving, supportive family, you were respected for your unique individuality. This taught you to form healthy attachments (relationships) with others when you became an adult.
But we didn’t have that. We grew up in toxic, dysfunctional, abusive families, where we were punished or hurt for our individuality. This trained us to put up with abuse and to deny our individuality to satisfy others. It taught us to form toxic attachments as adults.
Yikes!!
Part of the healing journey is learning how to form healthy attachments, a skill we were never taught as children. The first step is to accept the reality of your current relationships. Do these people treat you poorly? Do you hope they’ll see the light one day and decide to be nicer to you, to recognize your value and worth, to celebrate your individuality, and to be more loving to you? If so, this is a toxic attachment.
The second step is to pull back from all the toxic attachments in your life. You must deal with your inner child before you can set healthier ground rules with toxic people. Take the time to gently help your inner child understand you’re not here to parent or protect them.
The third step is to practice non-attachment with toxic people. Set firm, healthy boundaries with no emotional attachment to how they choose to react or what they do.
You can’t change other people. That’s not your responsibility. Your job is to become the awesome individual you were born to be. Some of the people you’re attached to right now will value that.
Others won’t. Toxic attachments hinder your healing journey. Sometimes the best course of action is to leave these relationships. Don’t feel bad about that. We all have to do it eventually.
********
Are you struggling with toxic relationships? I can help. Just send me an email to svava@educate4change.com to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!
Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/
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