As you practice oneness, you begin to realize we’re connected not only to each other but also to God (Divine Love). Suddenly, it makes perfect sense that we’re here to learn about love and to experience love. However, you can only experience love when you’re connected. Why? Because love is an active process: you’re either giving love or receiving love or both.
Child abuse disconnects you from love. You were hurt by those who claimed to love you. You were hurt by those you loved. Because love hurt, we distanced ourselves from love to survive the abuse.
The healing journey is all about learning how to reconnect with love. We do that by reconnecting with ourselves, others, and God.
But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Disconnecting from love makes you feel unlovable, and this toxic thought cripples your adult relationships. For example, I was married for 12 years before I could trust my husband enough to believe he wasn’t going to leave me. Sad, but true.
Before I could learn how to trust and connect with him in a loving way, I had to trust and connect with myself. The only way to do that was to connect with my inner child.
Yikes! Not an easy task for me. I didn’t like her. I didn’t know what to do with her. How was I supposed to love this needy, angry, hurt child? I was clueless.
But I kept working on it, practicing self-love and self-compassion. Slowly, I began to accept the parts of myself I felt were unlovable. This helped me connect with other people. I could see we’re all struggling in one way or another. I’d never realized that before. I thought I was the only one. Now I know I’m not.
Safe relationships in support groups or with loved ones help us practice these new oneness skills. They teach us to take responsibility for ourselves in our relationships.
And that’s one of the big surprises on the healing journey. Think about it. When we were children, abusive relationships hurt us. As adults, safe relationships heal us. Wow. Who knew, right? Surprise!
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