Blog About Healing and Recovery after Child Sexual Abuse

Will I Ever Heal?!

11/2/2015

My clients often ask me this question: “Do you believe I can heal from child sexual abuse?”

Yes! But I understand your doubts and frustration. There are lots of books out there about abuse and trauma, yet few outline the entire path to recovery. It’s like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces missing. Sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever have a happy, normal life. Ugh!

Believe it or not, the healing process isn’t complicated. In fact, it’s relatively simple. However, healing can be blocked by one HUGE, very toxic belief.

When you were a child, you embraced the only explanation for the abuse that made sense. Because the adults you trusted were abusive, you believed there was something wrong with you. You thought it was your fault. So you tried as hard as you could to change, to become different, better, perfect.

But it didn’t work. Know why? Because there was never anything wrong with you! The abusive adults who seemed to have it all together were the ones who needed to change. Not you.

Wow. That’s a mind-blowing revelation, isn’t it?

I’ll say it again: there was never anything wrong with you. Yes, you can heal. You can create a normal, healthy life. Drop that toxic belief, begin to cherish that great kid you used to be, and then give me a call. We can take the next step together. I’m here for you. Always!
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I’d be happy to teach you how to drop that toxic belief and jumpstart your healing process. Follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one hour coaching session with me. My calendar is filling up fast, so don’t wait. Let me help you heal your life. Reserve your spot NOW!

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14 Comments

Alexandra Shipula

11/3/2015 08:06:50 am

Thanks when it seems abusive - wow. And the perpetrators of horrific violent - sick as it gets abuse - keep blaming u with a straight face... Its hard to pull back and see "it" clearly.

Svava

11/3/2015 09:34:37 am

I hear you Alexandra, it is almost impossible to pull back to "see it" when we are still interacting with those that hurt us. With support, if you can cut them out of your life, at least while you are healing and learning to set boundaries. Preferably cut them out of your life for good. You are not alone Alexandra with this challenge. I hope you find the support you need. Sending you much love.

Rob

11/3/2015 11:01:58 am

When the abusers are boys 4-years older than you, you determine that you are not a real boy. You feel that you are an exception to the norm. You know you are not a "real boy," because you are the only one they do that stuff with. It becomes the only acceptable reason to have you around. So you become better at it....good at it...and then you own it.

11/3/2015 11:04:18 am

...and then the leader, one day, yells in your face: "how do you let us keep doing this to you????"

I'm not sure of all things that can etch words into stone, but that question can.

11/5/2015 10:02:48 pm

I hear you Rob, I am sorry that was done to you. Thank you for your courage to share. You did what you had to, in order to make sense of it. That is the answer you can tell yourself now. Hope you are getting the support you need to change that story belief. I believe in you.

Leah

11/3/2015 11:40:50 am

WOW! THAT was POWERFUL!
It made me SOB & have a HUGE RELEASE!
THANK YOU!
I will tell myself that over & over!

11/5/2015 10:03:38 pm

You are welcome - awesome. Keep saying it, with lots of love and compassion to yourself. Hugs.

Raymond link

11/3/2015 12:33:57 pm

Alexandra, and Rob. WOW ! so tragic when your abusers go to these lengths. They will stop at nothing. There's no limit to their want of power and control over their victims. And there's a name for such people, psychopaths. Their technique was named in a famous film "Gas-lighting! Damned if I do Damned if I don't. If you can realize and understand that now, that's half the battle. Best wishes, you are in the right place.

Alisa

11/3/2015 01:04:17 pm

Me and my brother were sexually abused by my moms son (20 years older) from her first marriage. I was 4 and my brother was 5 when it started. She let him babysit. I always thought it was my fault. I pretended it was happening to someone else and didnt face it till I was 30. I told my half sister once and she said oh yeah he tried that with me(she was a year younger than the abuser, her brother and said I should just forgive and get on with my life. It was like she was saying it was ok. We dont speak anymore. My brother passed away 10 years ago at the age of 42 from drug abuse. His answer to the abuse. I regret so much not realizing he was in the same pain I was from the years of abuse. I was in the pretend Im ok mode which I am still working on. Never thought I was good enough for anyone except for sex. It was never my fault or his what happened. We were little kids who were easy to take advantage of. My mom knew and never stopped it either. She was verbally abusive along with that. We never got to be kids. It was taken from us

angela ward link

11/4/2015 12:07:48 am

Very heartfelt. I feel you and your brother's pain. It's not a coincidence that alot of abuser's are drug addicts and die at an young age. I relate to you. I was 21 when I told my mother that my dad had sexually abused me at age 4 and 5 years old. He died at 36yrs old with a failed liver from drugs and alcohol. My mother (may God bless her soul) said to me, "I thought something had happened but I didn't know what to do about it". At 21, I remember feeling like it happened all over again. My mom has now passed 67yrs in 2013. I remained close to her and was able to forgive her. For my dad died with it. I feel deep inside my heart & soul that my younger brother by 2 yrs, now 50 was also abused. It wasn't our fault. I was never told that. I struggle with the affects of it everyday. Every choice I made thus far has and is a direct result. Especially healthy relationship's. Like you Alisa, I also held it together and said to myself, I'm ok, I don't have to bring this up it didn't effect me..REALLY? My prayers are with you both.
Respectfully,
Angela

11/5/2015 10:14:19 pm

Thank you for sharing and reaching out to Alisa. This is what I love about survivors of CSA. We are here for each other - support one another until we are stronger. You are not alone and too many parents don't know what to do and so do nothing. I hope you have the support you need for healing - Keep going - Sending you love and light.

alisa

11/10/2015 03:16:32 pm

Thank you Angela. I felt so alone as a child and thought it was always something wrong with me. Im so sorry you went through what you did. I am so sad that any child goes through this as I know what a lifelong effect it has. You are not alone. I understand how you struggle as I do also. Its so hard. I wish you strength and the courage to get through and take one day at a time. Im very hard on myself. Iam trying to take one day at a time and thoughts that are unkind in my head I tell myself are not real and I need to be kind to my self. We are a work in progress. God bless you and be kind to yourself. You dont know how much your reaching out meant to me.
Sincerely, Alisa

11/5/2015 10:08:16 pm

Alisa, Thank you for sharing and I am sorry to hear about the abuse and your brother. Part of the healing is to grief and accept the regret. We can't go back but you can make the rest count - You were just a child, not your fault. Much Love!

11/10/2015 03:20:10 pm

Thank you for your website and insight. You dont know how much this means to me after all these years. Your articles are so true and healing.
Thank you
Alisa

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